Reasons Why I Would Not Last One Day on the Show, "Naked and Afraid"

Just a regular walk in the woods is enough for me, thank you.
Just a regular walk in the woods is enough for me, thank you. | Source

Naked and Afraid

As you may or may not know, I have a love / hate relationship with reality shows. I like them, but usually as a guilty pleasure. Recently, I have been introduced to the show, "Naked and Afraid." I have determined, after some consideration, I would last roughly 6 hours on the show.

If you are not familiar with the show, the premise is 2 people are put in the middle of nowhere - naked... and well, usually "afraid" follows. They are often put in a swamp or a jungle. They have no shelter, food, water, etc. The participants of this show must find their own food and water, build the shelter with whatever they can find, and basically rely on each other. Each person is allowed to bring one tool, such as a knife or a lighter. That is it. No clothing, no nothing. They have to make it for 21 days and then hike (or swim) to wherever they are going to be picked up. For some reason, people actually audition for this kind of torture.

"Naked and Afraid" is interesting because it is a reminder on how far we've come as a society. This show focuses on the most primitive skills we have as humans. It also allows us to see how people react to each other when they are pushed to the limits. For me, I've decided I really don't want to be pushed to the limits. You can call me a wimp if you'd like; at least I will be wimp in the comfort of my own home. You could not get me to be on this show for a million dollars, and trust me, I would love a million dollars. Let me give you my reasons before you judge me too harshly.

I don't like bugs.

In most locations, the people on this show must endure bugs. There are lots and lots of bugs... and spiders, snakes, rodents, etc. No thank you! Do you know how much bugs like to bite me? I am like a delicious meal to many mosquitoes. I've seen this show. Some of these people are eaten alive.

I can sit out in the backyard and walk away with giant red bumps all over my body from mosquito bites. I don't need to go to another country to be eaten even worse. I would also prefer to not catch some horrifying disease, which is exactly what happens to some participants.

I sunburn easily.

You are not allowed to take sunscreen with you to the island, jungle, woods, desert, or whatever other miserable place you are sent to for this show. You are not wearing clothes, so it is likely you are going to get a burn in places you never imagined. Need I say more?

I want a stove... a microwave will do.

Yeah, so I am spoiled. These people have to build a fire and cook a snake most of the time just to stay alive. First of all, I am not even sure I will like the taste of snake. Second, I don't know how to build a fire. Some people don't bring a lighter with them. They just sit there rubbing sticks together. Ummm, no.

We did not work this hard as a society to have wonderful things like stoves, microwaves, and toaster ovens just to go to the middle of nowhere and rub sticks together... for a television show! It is bad enough if I have to eat a snake to survive... I at least require a toaster oven to cook it.

Now that I think about it, I don't want to eat a snake either.

If I could take some food to this uncharted location, I might be more likely to give it a shot. For instance, I would not mind making a fire so much if I could roast some marshmallows. What is the point in participating on this show if you can't have a little fun? Something tells me my partner would be very angry with me if I brought a giant bag of marshmallows on the show rather than a tool, such as a knife.

Marshmallows should be involved in any camping situation.
Marshmallows should be involved in any camping situation. | Source

I would wonder about cannibalism.

OK, I hate to bring this up, but when these people are starving out in the woods, don't tell me cannibalism does not cross their minds sometimes. I know I would be sitting there with my partner thinking about how tasty one of his arms might be roasted over the fire (that I would no doubt have been forced to start by rubbing two sticks together). I am not saying I would do it! I am just saying I would not rule it out.

I get grumpy, really grumpy.

Let me tell you a little something about myself. I can be really grumpy when I have been out in the sun for a while. The day can start out beautiful. Perhaps I am going to the beach with some friends. Give me about 2 hours of walking around on the boardwalk in the heat and I am about to smack someone. Someone had better let me get a root beer float and sit me in an air-conditioned arcade somewhere. Things are about to get really ugly if I continue to feel hot and dehydrated.

Can you imagine me being in the jungle with some naked dude I don't know walking around for hours in the heat? I would probably be stuck with some overly enthusiastic hunter that is trying to bite the head off a lizard. It would not take long for me to snap.

I require Gatorade.

Oh, I forgot to mention this, but along with food, water, and shelter, I also require Gatorade. OK, I will settle for Powerade, too. I sweat more than the average person. Sorry, I realize you probably did not want to know that, but it is true. I drink a lot of water, but I also need Gatorade. And trust me, if I go to the beach, an amusement park, or any other all day adventure in the heat, you'd better make sure I have Gatorade.

I don't like to be dirty.

Something tells me I am not going to be able to bring my Bath & Body Works products on this program. I can't imagine going one day without spritzing myself with some body spray (fun fact - this is why I can't work in an allergy office either), so imagine going 21 days without taking a shower with my beloved shower gels or using any of my lovely smelling lotion. Gasp! No, no, no!

My aunt told me when I was a little girl, I used to cry if I got dirty. It was so bad, I would get upset if I even got dirt on the bottom of my shoes. I preferred to be carried so that it would not be an issue. Sure, I've outgrown that, but I am still not going to get dirty in the middle of nowhere for TV.

Source

My ankle will hurt.

If you've been following me on HubPages for a while, you may remember I sprained my ankle last year. Due to crappy health insurance, I could not afford to receive excellent care, so I basically went to one of those emergency semi-doctor's office places. They told me I had a bad sprain, gave me an ankle boot, and I wobbled on home. My ankle has never been the same.

Don't get me wrong, I can walk, but it hurts sometimes. Something tells me I don't need to be out in the woods for too long on this ankle. If a tiger comes after me, there is no way I am outrunning him. Guess I will be a tiger meal for sure. At least if I get killed pretty early on in the show, I would not have to starve or complain about not having Gatorade for too long.

While we are on the subject, I don't feel like dying.

I can't even begin to tell you how many times the participants of "Naked and Afraid" don't make it to the end of the 21 days. They are either malnourished, dehydrated, or they catch an illness. Then they are sent to the hospital to recover. The real magic of the show are the horrifying diseases I've never even heard of that only a traveler in the middle of a jungle can experience.

Once again, let me stress people volunteer to do this show! Why?

I've heard of the producers also catching really disgusting illnesses or getting bitten by snakes. People have practically died filming this show or being a participant in this show. Some folks are STILL recovering and it has been months since they left the show.

Why, why, why are people doing this to themselves?

I am going to whine.

In case you have not gotten the right impression yet, I will specifically tell you - I am going to whine. I don't want bugs swarming around me. I don't want to be paired up with some primitive hunter that is leaping over streams to stab a mouse with a stick. I can't stand too much heat. I would prefer never to eat snake. I don't like being lost. I am going to whine if I am ever stuck in this situation.

Within about 1 hour, I am going to be thirsty. In about 2 hours, I am going to be hungry. After 3 hours, I will be swatting bugs, cursing, and crying. It would be a most undignified situation for me. Viewers would be talking about it for weeks. My family would make fun of me. My friends would never look me in the eye again. For all these reasons, I could never be on the show, "Naked and Afraid."

If I were ever forced to survive in the jungle, I would last a day or less. I would probably die while begging for someone... anyone... to bring me one last iced caramel coffee with whipped cream on top before dying. I am not sure what this says about me. I do know it means I will never be a "survivor" on any reality show like, "Naked and Afraid."


Copyright ©2014 Jeannieinabottle

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Comments 24 comments

Brie Hoffman profile image

Brie Hoffman 2 years ago from Manhattan

I have never seen this show but I watched the videos and I would NEVER do this in a million years.


billybuc profile image

billybuc 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

Just one more reason why I continue to boycott 99% of the television shows currently being shown. You said with humor what I would say in one word....YUCK!


spartucusjones profile image

spartucusjones 2 years ago from Parts Unknown

I might give this a try if I could at least wear my mask and $5 poncho! Enjoyable and humorous read, I got a kick out of it!


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 2 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Brie Hoffman, I am happy to know I am not the only one that feels this way.

Bill, you are not missing much by boycotting TV. I am OK since I like crappy, tacky stuff. Otherwise, I would have to give up on TV too.

spartucusjones, I think you would only be allowed a mask or poncho, not both. ;-) You would not be able to take a knife or anything though.

Thanks for your comments, everyone!


FlourishAnyway profile image

FlourishAnyway 2 years ago from USA

I've never seen this but now I want to. No way I'd make it. The deadly snakes, no cold Dr. Pepper, and lack of toilet paper would all be deal breakers, probably in that order. I'd lay on the beach and cry to go home.


Jodah profile image

Jodah 2 years ago from Queensland Australia

This was an interesting hub Jeannie. Once upon a time I may have actually given this a try if the prize money was enough. I used to dream of living on a deserted island. I have never had a problem with going naked outdoors and Being naked on a reality tv show wouldn't be a problem if all the rude bits were blanked out like on the clips here. I know from watching 'Survivor' that US tv shows do that. If it was made in Australia for Aussie tv, nothing would be blanked out it would just be shown after 9.30pm. Those insect bites looked nasty though and without any tools and equipment it would be quite a challenge. I haven't seen or heard of this show before but I'm sure it won't belong before it is shown here. There will always be people willing to partake in these challenges for whatever reason. Thanks for sharing. Voted up.


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 2 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

FlourishAnyway, I was not even thinking about the lack of toilet paper. That makes it even worse! There is just no way I could do this now.

Jodah, I am not even sure what the compensation is for being on this show. Everyone claims they are doing it for themselves or for their families, so the money amount is never brought up. Surely, they must be paid to do this show though. I would also assume the show pays for all their many medical bills. Uggg... the diseases! Thanks for the vote up and for your comment. It is nice to hear from someone that would have given this show a try, even if it was once upon a time.


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 2 years ago from Central Florida

I saw the commercial for this show and my first reaction was WTF? No way, no how, nor will I give them my viewership.


sheilamyers 2 years ago

I'm sure you could survive if you ended up in that situation by some weird accident. A lot of people would because the will to survive will take over. That said, I'm with you on a lot of what you said. I'd be hating every minute of life like that and I sure wouldn't volunteer to do it. My problem with the show is the "naked" part. What's up with that? I'll tell you. It attracts people because, even with the blurred out body parts, the people are naked. Give me a break! They could've done the show with the participants in loin cloths and the lady having something over her breasts and it would still work as a concept.


macteacher profile image

macteacher 2 years ago from New York

There's only a couple of activities I'll do nekkid, and it's definitely not in front of a camera. I'm with you on the bugs...no way! Great hub, thanks for the giggles. :-)


PegCole17 profile image

PegCole17 2 years ago from Dallas, Texas

This was just so funny I was laughing the whole time. No snakes, bug bites, marshmallows or lack of sunscreen could convince me to join in this dubious fun. I guess I'm just an old fuddy duddy, but I'd like to keep my clothes on, please, and everyone would probably agree at this point that it would be advisable to do so.


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 2 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

bravewarrior, I think reality TV keeps pushing and pushing. Someone will end up dying on one of these shows and then I guess they will tone it back. It is sad to say, but I am expecting it to happen one of these days.

sheilamyers, thank you for your faith in me. I suppose I would try harder if I were in this situation and it wasn't for TV. However, I am quite a wimp when it comes to this type of thing. I hope you are right about my survivor instincts. You are right about the naked aspect of the show too. I realize it makes it easier so the participants don't have to worry about bringing clothes, washing them, patching them, etc. However, I am pretty sure they at least deserve bikinis or bathing suits or something. The nakedness just brings in the ratings.

macteacher, I am glad you liked the hub. And you are so right... there are only a few things worth being naked for and this show is not one of them. ;-)

PegCole17, don't worry... I am keeping my clothes on too! I think I have gotten used to a comfortable lifestyle with clothes... and marshmallows and sunscreen. :-)

Thanks for the comments!


Pamela99 profile image

Pamela99 2 years ago from United States

I have watched a couple of the shows and one I liked as they worked together. The other one was tough, but they seemed to have a hate-hate relationship on top of all the horrible conditions. I didn't like that one much. I wouldn't even consider testing myself in that manner. I like lost of cool, fresh water for one thing. I don't typically watch any reality shows, but this one is sure different. A little goes a long way though in my book. Good topic for this interesting hub.


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 2 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Pamela99, I prefer when they work together, too. I hate it when the couple only argues the whole time they are there. Everything would obviously go a lot better if they worked together. Thanks for checking out my hub and thanks for the comment.


no body profile image

no body 2 years ago from Rochester, New York

Every aspect of this show is horrific to me. First of all I have to let people see me in the all-together. That is instant death for me in my "constantly-struggling-to-cope-with-my-body" mentality. Here comes some woman I don't know bouncing everywhere and I know in my heart-of-hearts is assessing my equipment. I handle married nakedness very well, but me having to see a stranger's hoo-hoo and knowing she is seeing Mr. Johnson, NOPE NOPE NOPE!!!!

I feel the blood draining out of my face even as I write this, I think... I... may faint...

Sorry for the faint...

Sorry for the second faint, just thought of bugs, snakes, sunburn....

I'm back. No Couldn't do it.


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 2 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Sorry about that. Try not to even think about the show anymore. It does sound like a terrible nightmare, doesn't it?


no body profile image

no body 2 years ago from Rochester, New York

hahaha...

I do watch it from time to time just to see the very brave people that risk so much just for my entertainment. Your article gave me an opportunity to be silly. Thank you for that JIAB. God bless you. Bob.


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 2 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Thanks, Bob. :-) It is good to be silly sometimes.


TIMETRAVELER2 profile image

TIMETRAVELER2 2 years ago

This is too funny...but so true. No naked in the woods stuff for me, either, girlfriend!


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 2 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Hahaha... I am amazed they can get anyone for this show. No one seems cool on the idea of getting naked and hanging out in the woods.


DeborahNeyens profile image

DeborahNeyens 2 years ago from Iowa

I've always been concerned about the lack of sunscreen when watching these kind of shows. I would last roughly 20 minutes and would be fried! Funny article.


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 2 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

And just think about some of the places that would get burned because there are just certain areas of the body that have never seen the sun before. Ugggg! I can feel the pain of the burn right now. I could not deal with that! Thanks for checking out my hub!


Country-Sunshine profile image

Country-Sunshine 2 years ago from Texas

I could eat a snake, stand the heat and/or rain, and even go naked if I had to. But putting up with the bugs is the worst part for me! There is no way I could last on this show, no matter how much they offered to pay me! Fun article!


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 2 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Country-Sunshine, you sound like you could last much longer than I could. The bugs are ridiculous on the show! What scares me most is the guy that got malaria from being on the show. No thanks!

Thanks for checking out my hub and thanks for the comment!

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