Absolutely Awful Hard Rock & Metal Album Covers

Yes, this album cover is bad...but is it HILARIOUSLY bad?
Yes, this album cover is bad...but is it HILARIOUSLY bad? | Source

A Gallery of the Grotesque!

An album's cover is its calling card to potential buyers. If you've got a cool image on the front of your LP, cassette, or CD, then you're grabbing the customer before they've even heard a note of the music contained inside. As we all know, however, occasionally the art of the album cover goes horribly wrong, as evidenced by the huge number of web sites and blogs devoted to displaying collections of the worst, the weirdest, the ugliest, the strangest, and all around most bizarre album covers ever conceived by the minds of the record industry's art departments. I love looking at "bad album cover" sites but as a long time headbanger, I'm often dismayed by the lack of metal albums in such lists. Lord knows there are more than enough bad heavy metal and hard rock covers out there to fill several web sites all by themselves!! Between the poofed-out group shots of the hair metal realm to the goofy 'n' gory nonsense peddled by death metal bands and the sword swinging, manly-man heroics of the power metal scene, metal album covers can provide an endless stream of hilarity if you know where to look. In this Hub I'm presenting a selection of some of my favorite "bad" hard rock/heavy metal album covers. This only scratches the surface, of course, there are far more out there! Please note that my criteria for a "bad" album cover excludes artwork that is meant to shock and offend (i.e. gory or gross stuff that's made "bad" on purpose), or covers that are technically well done, even if the subject looks ridiculous (i.e. the Cinderella cover shown to the right of this paragraph - yeah, the band looks silly, but isn't it a great looking photo?). I consider the covers shown below to be "bad" simply because they're amateurish, ugly, pretentious, or cause me to scratch my head and say "WTF were they thinking?" With that in mind, welcome to my gallery of Metal Art Gone Bad...

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Anthrax - FISTFUL OF METAL (1984)

The idea behind the cover of Anthrax's debut album is solid enough (if a bit juvenile) - it's the klutzy execution that kills it. The band is comparing the sound of their music to being hit in the face by a spiked fist. So far, so good. Unfortunately, somewhere between the idea stage and the design phase, somebody dropped the ball. I've owned this album since it was a new release and I swear that it was several years before I finally realized that the fist was punching the hapless poser on the cover, not erupting out of his face Alien-style. (it didn't dawn on me till I noticed the attacker's other hand is at the top of the picture, holding the poor guy in place by the hair.) Even Anthrax main man Scott Ian apparently hates this cover because in the liner notes of a 2004 Fistful reissue he comments, "Now if we could just re-do the cover art..."

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Metal Church - HANGING IN THE BALANCE (1993)

This one is widely considered to be the Big Kahuna of bad metal album covers. If you go to any internet forum that caters to metalheads and ask, "What's the worst metal album cover ever?" someone is virtually guaranteed to respond with this monstrosity. There's just so much wrong with Hanging In the Balance that I barely know where to begin. The hot pink background, the cartoon drawing of a Mohawked and armored fat woman about to step out onto a high wire, wearing fishnet stockings that are failing miserably to contain the cellulite within... all of it combines into one of the most WTF-worthy album covers in the history of metal, if not recorded music in general. Tragically, legend has it that the members of Metal Church had no idea what the album cover was going to look like until finished copies of the CDs were in their hands. Naturally, they were less than thrilled but by then, of course, it was too late to do anything about it. The band split up shortly after this album was released.

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Iced Earth - Self Titled (1990)

The debut album by U.S. power metal titans Iced Earth is another example of screamingly bad amateur-night artwork. In what I assume is supposed to be a dramatic scene, an angel falls from the skies towards a frozen wasteland, wrapped up in ... something pink and stringy. What is that stuff? The severed tentacles of a flying octopus? Intestines? Some sort of evil, carnivorous snake like creature? Or did the angel just have an accident while trying to tear off an extra long strip of Bubble Tape? Whatever it is, the angel doesn't look very happy about it, because he appears to be shaking his fist and yelling at it while he plummets towards certain doom. Thankfully, once Iced Earth started to gain some muscle in the worldwide power metal scene, this album was reissued with a much better piece of artwork on the front.

Helloween - PINK BUBBLES GO APE (1991)

Prior to the release of their fourth full length album, Pink Bubbles Go Ape, power metal stalwarts Helloween were recovering from some lineup changes and a nasty legal battle with their former record label that had tied them up in court for a couple of years. Some bands would get angry at their situation and channel that anger into a seriously heavy, intense album, but these Germans decided to get seriously weird instead. If the odd album title and songs like "Heavy Metal Hamsters" and "I'm Doin' Fine Crazy Man" weren't enough to warn record buyers that something was awry in the Helloween camp, the artsy album cover depicting a woman in a fancy dress preparing to deep-throat a fish (while a flamingo and a half naked guy in a hospital bed look on from down a long hallway) served to seal the deal. The strangeness continued onto the back cover, where a photo shows the band members with fried eggs over their eyes. Maybe this was some sort of weird German practical joke that didn't translate well to English? Whatever it is, record buyers didn't go "ape" for the band's new direction and the album tanked.

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Iron Maiden - VIRTUAL XI (1998)

Iron Maiden's mascot "Eddie" is one of the most beloved symbols in all of metaldom. He's appeared on every Maiden album cover, and nearly every single, tour program, t-shirt,and piece of merchandise the band has ever produced, in an ever-changing variety of situations. Eddie has been portrayed as a WWII fighter pilot ("Aces High"), an Egyptian god ("Powerslave"), a futuristic assassin ("Somewhere In Time") and countless other high-risk occupations. So it's truly a head-scratcher when you look at the surprisingly blah cover art for 1998's less than impressive Virtual XI (the second and last studio album to feature ill-fitting replacement vocalist Blaze Bayley) and see Eddie... sneaking up on a kid who's playing a virtual-reality soccer game. Um...what? It's well documented that the Maiden members are all rabid football fans, but this attempt to shoehorn the mighty Eddie the 'Ead into the sporting world simply feels forced.

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Kick Axe - VICES (1984)

Kick Axe was a Canadian hard-rock band who were discovered by then-hot Quiet Riot producer Spencer Proffer. He was probably hoping to cash in with another pop-metal hit, but the band never really caught on. Vices actually isn't a bad disc, so I wonder if the ridiculous album cover scared potential buyers away. Their "Vicehead" character (note the collared shirt, and the eyeballs at the ends of its turn handle!) was apparently intended to become the band's mascot ala Iron Maiden's "Eddie," but it failed miserably. Kick Axe even brought Vicehead to life in the hilariously cheesy video for their single "On the Road To Rock," in which he drops in on a bunch of classical musicians (frilly cuffs, powdered wigs and all) during a writing session, dismisses them all as "wimps" and then gets turned on to the power of Kick Axe via a passing janitor, who's listening to them on his Walkman while he sweeps up. Seriously! Look it up on YouTube. You can't make this stuff up.

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Dokken - SHADOWLIFE (1997)

'80s hair rockers Dokken seemed to be on their way towards a legitimate comeback in the mid 90s thanks to a solid reunion album, 1995's Dysfunctional. Unfortunately, that comeback crashed into a brick wall with 1997's follow up Shadowlife, a morose,down-tuned affair that found the band attempting (unsuccessfully) to jump on the Seattle grunge bandwagon. Fans were up in arms about the sudden directional shift, but you can't say that the godawful ugly album cover - a seemingly meaningless, dreary collage of people in 19th century dress surrounded by fog, with a hand holding a diagram of a human heart in the foreground - didn't give them fair warning that this was not the Dokken they remembered. Even the traditional "Dokken" logo was nowhere to be seen. Fortunately, the band realized they'd made a horrible mistake and quickly returned to their "old" style on their next album.

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Nuclear Assault - SOMETHING WICKED (1993)

New Jersey thrashers Nuclear Assault were a socially aware, politically minded band, so their previous album covers tended to show cities devastated by nuclear war, nuclear reactors going up in smoke, etc. Therefore it's a mystery where the inspiration for this mess came from. Something Wicked was Nuclear Assault's final album before their mid 90s breakup and from the looks of it, their fortunes had slipped so far that they couldn't even afford a cool font for their name at the top of the cover, settling for plain old Helvetica Black over an image that looks like it was made with an early version of Microsoft Paint. Memo to the band: Clowns don't thrash. Even evil clowns.

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Stryper - REBORN (2006)

Reborn was the first all-new studio album by Christian hard rockers Stryper in over fifteen years, and from the looks of this cover, the band must've celebrated this momentous reunion by bathing in French's yellow mustard and motor oil. Judging from the pained looks on their faces, some of that goop must've gotten into their eyes or somethin'. Seriously, this is one ugly looking cover. So ugly, in fact, that their record label provided Christian book and music stores with an alternate cover for fear that the more conservative members of their fan base would be offended by the yellow-and-black bukkake version. I'm a long time Stryper fan and I wish I could say that the music on Reborn was better than the cover suggests, but unfortunately, it wasn't.

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Raven - MAD (1986)

British power metal trio Raven tend to make a lot of "Worst Album Cover" lists thanks to the ridiculous cover to their The Pack Is Back album, an ill fated experiment in jock-themed pop metal in which the band were depicted crashing their way out of a locker room wearing football pads and other sports equipment. That cover is indeed terrible (so's the album!) but this EP, released mere months after The Pack Is Back crashed and burned in what I assume was intended to showcase the band's return to speed metal form, is no great shakes either. OK, so they've just released an album that alienated their entire fan base; what does Raven do for an encore? Slap a huge close-up picture of guitarist Mark Gallagher's grinning, sweaty mug on the follow up. Oy. Mark may be a great guitarist but he's not exactly Jon Bon Jovi in the looks department, so this EP didn't exactly scream "BUY ME!" from record store shelves.

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Sacred Warrior - WICKED GENERATION (1990)

Sacred Warrior was a Christian metal band from Chicago that peddled a powerful, progressive sound akin to Iron Maiden and Queensryche. They're widely considered to be one of the better bands to come out of the late '80s Christian metal scene and their third album, 1990's Wicked Generation, is a semi-conceptual piece that can best be described as a Christian answer to Queensryche's Operation: Mindcrime. The songs are great and the concept - abused kids and runaways find salvation from the streets through Christian heavy metal music - is fine by me, but the album cover has had me scratching my head for over 20 years now. Is this transvestite-lookin' person on the cover supposed to be the main character of the story? If so, is it a guy or a girl? Nobody seems to know! It's a mystery! Whoever it's supposed to be, those pursed lips and piercing eyes have been haunting my nightmares for two decades. The horror, the horror!

Well, that was awful...

Here ends the first installment of "Hilariously Bad Hard Rock/Heavy Metal Album Covers," I hope you've had as much fun gasping in horror at some of these monstrosities as I did compiling them. I'm sure I can come up with enough oldies but baddies for a Volume II to this Hub somewhere down the line, but in the meantime feel free to suggest your favorite bad metal album cover in the Comments section. Thanks for looking and till next time may all your generations be wicked, your Earth be Iced, your Maidens be Iron and your fists be full of Metal!!

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Comments 35 comments

galaxy1000 profile image

galaxy1000 4 years ago from Spokane, WA

Back in the day Nobody's Fool by Cinderella was one of my favorite songs.


Distant Mind profile image

Distant Mind 4 years ago

Funny stuff! Keep them coming, please.


FatFreddysCat profile image

FatFreddysCat 4 years ago from The Garden State Author

@ Galaxy1000 - Cinderella was a great band,. I still listen to their stuff to this very day.

@ Distant Mind - glad you had a laugh, I will indeed keep'em coming!

Thanks for commenting!


spartucusjones profile image

spartucusjones 4 years ago from Parts Unknown

Really fun list! These album covers are BAD!


FatFreddysCat profile image

FatFreddysCat 4 years ago from The Garden State Author

Thanx Spartacus... and believe me, there is enough material out there for an entire series of these Hubs!!


Rattrocker 4 years ago

That Raven art is pretty hilarious actually. Also apparently soccer is on the front of Virtual XI because of Maiden's love of football as well as because the world cup was the year it was released.

A few bad ones off the top of my head: Van Halen III - Van Halen (no clue what happened with the art), Cuatro - Flotsam and Jetsam (a helicopter? Seriously!), Impact is Imminent - Exodus (lets have a giant metal ball rolling towards the band members driving away in car! NOT!), Monster - KISS (yes, I am judging the art before the album is even out), and Dance of Death - Iron Maiden (incomplete artwork? really?).


FatFreddysCat profile image

FatFreddysCat 4 years ago from The Garden State Author

Hey Rattrocker -- great minds must think alike, cuz the Exodus album you mentioned was on the original list I drafted for this Hub; but the article was getting too long so I had to cut it down a bit. It'll definitely be in Part II whenever I get around to writing it!

Agreed with Maiden's Dance of Death too... that one almost made the list but Virtual XI just had that extra "WTF?" factor to it so it made the cut.

Thanx for stopping by!


Shawn Dudley profile image

Shawn Dudley 4 years ago from Los Angeles, California

I think there are far worse covers out there (no arguing with Hanging In The Balance that's for sure), like ANY cover of a Manowar album, ever. Chippendale wannabes in fur boots are so UN-METAL that they should have been stomped to death as faerie poseurs a couple decades ago.

One thing though, I think that Helloween cover is hilarious, taken together with the meaningless (yet very funny) album title, it reaches absurdist humor greatness. Their big mistake? Thinking metal fans were smart enough to actually understand absurdist humor.

Good work as always. Feel free to add Overkill's "Taking Over" to your next one.


FatFreddysCat profile image

FatFreddysCat 4 years ago from The Garden State Author

Thanx Shawn. Agreed, Manowar is a given.


markmic36 profile image

markmic36 4 years ago from Warwick, RI

Cool list, and yeah I agree there were some pretty bad metal album covers over the years. The Scorpions had a few bad album covers (If not disturbing). Lovedrive & Virgin Killer come to mind. These two covers had to be released with alternate covers in the U.S.

Great list, brings back memories, especially the Anthrax cover. Never realized that until you pointed it out.


FatFreddysCat profile image

FatFreddysCat 4 years ago from The Garden State Author

Thanx Marc - the Scorpions "Virgin Killer" came to mind when I was compiling this list but I figured posting a pic of it might violate the HubPages Terms of Service so I opted to leave that one out. Haha.


hecate-horus profile image

hecate-horus 4 years ago from Rowland Woods

Well, I cringed a lot. It makes you wonder what people are thinking. Maybe they owed their "artist" cousin a favor? Did they take a bad acid trip while they were chosing a cover? Did they blindfold themselves and throw a dart? Or are their tastes just that bad? I feel bad for Metal Church, if they truly had no say in that cover. WTF. Personally, I would be embarrassed to go up to the music store clerk and purchase something that bizarre looking. Anyway, really interesting hub! Voted up.


FatFreddysCat profile image

FatFreddysCat 4 years ago from The Garden State Author

Thanx Hecate! I also wonder what inspired some of these debacles. I find it hard to believe that in most of these cases the bands looked at these train wrecks and said "Oh,. yeah. THAT is EXACTLY what we want."


Chewie 4 years ago

Great list! I always thought the Dokken one looked liked it belonged on a prog metal concept album, which is the direction I thought they went in since it looked similar to Fates Warning - A Pleasant Shade Of Grey album.

Speaking of Fates Warning, the original Night on Bröcken cover should definitely be on the next list.


FatFreddysCat profile image

FatFreddysCat 4 years ago from The Garden State Author

Hey Chewie - you're right about that Dokken cover, it looks like it belongs on some pretentious prog metal record.

Good call on the Fates Warning record! Yeah, that's some crap. Haha


cryptid profile image

cryptid 4 years ago from Earth

Great Hub. As bad as the covers were, some of the videos from back then were even weirder. Ozzy, Dio, I'm looking at you. Glad someone mentioned Maiden's Dance of Death, because that's the first thing I thought of when I saw this title. I was also thinking of Poison's first album. It was like they were challenging people to decide if they were really men or women.


Georgie Lowery profile image

Georgie Lowery 4 years ago from Slaton, Texas USA

These are indeed truly awful. I've never seen any of them, some metal head I am!

My least favorite cover for a metal album is a little more recent. I absolutely HATED the cover for Sebastian Bach's Kicking and Screaming - I didn't like the record, either. I originally saw the cover before he put his girlfriend on it, so it was just him and the elephant. Yeek.

My favorite cover ever, though, is by my all-time favorite band. When I saw the Guns N Roses album Appetite for Destruction, I bought it just for the cover art and was instantly in love.

Great Hub, Mr Cat! :)


weestro profile image

weestro 4 years ago from Virginia

I had that Cinderella album, but in my defense I was only eleven. Great hub, fun read. Voted up!


FatFreddysCat profile image

FatFreddysCat 4 years ago from The Garden State Author

Thanks, all - and thanks for the many suggestions in your comments thus far, they're virtually guaranteeing further installments in the near future!!

@ Cryptid - I agree about rock videos back in the day, that could be a whole 'nother Hub right there. Hmm, food for thought.

@ Georgie - I'm not sure if I've seen the Sebastian Bach cover you speak of, will have to Google it.

@ weestro - There's no shame in owning that Cinderella album; I do too! In fact I just upgraded it to CD earlier this year!!


writerjj profile image

writerjj 4 years ago

Nice list, great hub, and funny pics. If you didn't put metal, readers who are not familiar with Raven and Cinderella might not think that they are heavy metal bands :)


Joe Cogan 3 years ago

Uriah Heep's "Abominog" is definitely a contender here...

http://www.amazon.com/Abominog-Uriah-Heep/dp/B0007...


FatFreddysCat profile image

FatFreddysCat 3 years ago from The Garden State Author

Hi Joe... Yea, that's pretty bad... I'll put it on the list for the next installment...haha!!


Resident Weevil profile image

Resident Weevil 3 years ago

Good grief, those are funny. Many of them give "Smell the Glove" a good run for the money.

Resident "What's Wrong With Being Sexy?" Weevil


FatFreddysCat profile image

FatFreddysCat 3 years ago from The Garden State Author

Hi Weevil - in the immortal words of David St. Hubbins of Spinal Tap, "there's such a fine line between stupid and clever."


Randy Duckworth 3 years ago

Yes, there have been some truly comical album covers in our music! That Dokken cover for "Shadowlife" was to me one of the worst of all time! And the album was also a steaming chunk of crap! Don hated it too...I met him on the tour for that album, and he was complaining CONSTANTLY about having to sing that stuff. They did it to keep George happy! I think he was going through a midlife crisis or something, because he lost his brain for a while there. He left them again after this album, and if you remember he released a Lynch Mob album that was HORRIBLE called "Smoke This!" He was trying his had at that awful rap/metal craze that was going on...it was so bad that people started calling the band Lynch Biscuit! LOL


FatFreddysCat profile image

FatFreddysCat 3 years ago from The Garden State Author

Legend had it at one time that if you met Don Dokken and told him that you had bought the "Shadowlife" CD he'd pay you back out of his own pocket...hahaha


Randy Duckworth 3 years ago

I don't doubt it! Years later, I also met Kelly Gray, who produced it...He was playing in Queensryche (Q2k had just come out)...I asked him what the hell was up with Shadowlife...and he started backing away from me going: "Don't hit me!!"


Magpieix 3 years ago

X Factor, with the cheesy latex Eddie was much worse than Virtual XI--really unusual for the hugely talented Hugh Syme.


FatFreddysCat profile image

FatFreddysCat 3 years ago from The Garden State Author

Yeah, Hugh was kinda slumming on that one, now that you mention it...haha


bethperry profile image

bethperry 3 years ago from Tennesee

Most of these are pretty bad, though to be truthful I like the Iced Earth cover. I can't explain why, but I find it interesting.

That last one, though, it has to be the worst. Just something about the expression on that person's face strikes me as depressing as heck.

Interesting Hub!


FatFreddysCat profile image

FatFreddysCat 3 years ago from The Garden State Author

Thanx bethperry... and your comment reminds me that I'm due for another installment in this series!! (Gotta get to work!)


bethperry profile image

bethperry 3 years ago from Tennesee

Cool!


J Golschneider profile image

J Golschneider 2 years ago from Vermont

You know, I had finally decided that the Anthrax cover might make sense because I thought it WAS exploding out of the guy's mouth. Maybe he's getting punched from the back of the head, and it's going straight through? That's gotta be it.


Fox Music profile image

Fox Music 19 months ago

Thanks for sharing this HubPage - I have to say I do not disagree with any of your choices in your article "Hilariously Bad Rock & Metal Album Covers"


FatFreddysCat profile image

FatFreddysCat 18 months ago from The Garden State Author

Thanx again, Fox Music... your comments have reminded me that I'm way overdue for a new installment in this series, I should get to work on that!

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