So Ricky Martin is gay. Now we can all move on with our lives.
"I Am a Fortunate Homosexual Man"- Ricky Martin
Stop the presses! Let the milkman, the old cranky old dude from next door and your family all the way down from grandma to the 2 year old know what the world has already known for the past 10 years. Ricky Martin is gay. My most sincere sympathies go out the hormone-driven teenagers from the late 90's and the soccer moms of today. Ricky Martin has finally fessed up about his personal life, he is indeed a towel-wavin', bun-shaking sausage fanatic. But how did we arrive at this point? Let's strap on our goggles and and go back in time..
Does this look like a gay man to you?
The year: 1999 aka The Latin Explosion/Repulsion
As a Latino I had been exposed to Ricky Martin's music for years. From the time in Menudo to his early solo career. His turn in Mexican soaps, hit albums and overall sex appeal turned him into a superstar all across Latin America so when his crossover came it was a shock to no one below the Equator line that Ricky Martin was destined for global stardom. His first crossover song "The Cup Of Life" for the World Cup was a preview for things to come then came "Livin' La Vida Loca" the tune that blew up all over the place propelling Ricky to new highs and making him the most sought after and popular entertainer in the world. Many other acts followed in his steps including Julio Iglesias' son Enrique and Salsa Music King Marc Anthony. But none of them achieved quite the success Ricky Martin reached internationally. His infectious dance moves, bum shaking, good looks and charisma made him a household name all the way from Puerto Rico to the Philippines. Ricky Martin was on top of the world but he kept a secret his management warned him could ruin his career. He was a closet homosexual. He sang about women and shook his ass all the way to the bank but he couldn't share his secret with the world since at that point it would had been career suicide as he risked annihilating his fan base. The "Latin Explosion" was reduced to nothing but a firecracker by the end of 2001 along with Ricky's English-singing career.
Barbara Walters asks too many questions, that bitch.
In a 2000 interview Barbara Walters flat-out asked Ricky Martin is he was a homosexual. She asked him what did Gloria Estefan meant when she told him to "enjoy your sexuality" and how exactly is he "enjoying it". Ricky Martin, uncomfortably refused to discuss the subject and simply stated "I live la vida loca". Ricky's career wasn't the same stateside since. Rumors ran rampant more than ever. There had always been rumors of sexual abuse of Menudo members by their management over the years. The fact that Ricky Martin started a campaign against sexual abuse on children further fueled the suspicion that Ricky might had been abused as a child. But Ricky gay? NO EFFIN' WAY! His fans always defended him. His on again/off again relationship with Rebeca Del Alba a Mexican TV personality proves it. But maybe just, maybe, someone with that flair, that style, those highlights on his hair, that uncanny ability to make girls faint and women swoon with one shake of the hips has got to be at least a little bit homo. Now that we know what we know a question needs to be asked: Why now? Ricky Martin's star has fallen no doubt and he is in no one's radar, except for a few cynics like myself "Gaydar". So what better way to get back in the public eye after the years of being out of it? Come out of the closet and make official what everyone has suspected for years. Now we are all talking Ricky again. Don't be surprised to see a new Ricky Martin album by year's end. No longer with songs about girls named "Maria" but dudes named "Jose".
Setting my Gaydar on Fire.
Thank You Ricky, You bum-shaking bastard.
In 2008 Ricky Martin had a pair of twins via surrogate. He loves his kids and he is now a happy human being with nothing to hide, no secrets and living a full free life with no regrets. Something we all should aspire to achieve one day. That's why I say thank you Ricky. Thank you for years of good music. Thank you for all you have given us. I am pretty sure you were always disgusted when kissing girls in your music videos (Ewwww, cooties!). I am not your biggest fan but I enjoyed your MTV umplugged album and some of your early work before the crossover. Despite of everything Ricky Martin is a talented musician and a humanitarian with a big heart. Dude is a genuine good guy all jokes aside. Back in '99 you made Latinos the caramel of choice to white girls and other races all across the U.S. Being a latino was suddenly hip and the "Latin Lover" persona got me tons of ass and I got you to thank for that =). I just wish you would had come out earlier especially when I used to have arguments with my girlfriends about your sexuality. All in all, keep living your vida loca, your way now more than ever and God bless you.
Now it's Mexican Singer Cristian Castro's turn. Your music video for "Azul" is still the gayest thing I have ever seen. Just please don't make us wait 10 years.
In other unrelated news, True Blood's Anna Paquin is a Bisexual.
Epic win all around.