Sex life of Seahorses and serial killers

Mating dance of a seahorse

Sex serial killers seahorses

 

Sex life of Seahorses and serial killers

I was inspired to write this hub based on comments that have flying around various hub and in particular

http://hubpages.com/hub/Top-5-Worst-Species-in-Which-to-Be-a-Guy-a-humorous-look-at-sex-in-the-animal-world

Boredom

The sex life of a horse is boring to say the least. He simply releases sperm over eggs which have been deposited in his pouch by the female of the species. Then, worse still, the little fertilized sprogs (eggs actually) are kept in the pouch of the seahorse male to nurture until they are ready to be "born'. Talk about a dog's life. The sheer boredom and drudgery of this task (bearing in mind that we suspect that there was little or no pleasure in the act of conception) would drive a lesser man to drink at the least. But being permanently in the drink, this is not an option.

Pregnancy

During this pregnancy all the colour drains out of this little fellow as he uses his body's resources to fatten up the little guys. The silly sod , once he gives birth, that is after going through about 72 hours of labour and exhausting final contractions, releases up to 200 tykes, then runs off within a few hours trying to convince his spouse do the whole thing again. Yes the seahorses are monogamous for life - who knows why?

Seahorses evolved about 40 million years ago and have survived from ancient times with hardly any changes over that period. Is this the exception that proves the rule in Darwin's evolutionary selection theory?

Looks

Seahorses are fairly strange looking fish (apparently they are fish) they have a horses head, a monkey's tail used much like humans use a thumb, chameleon eyes and an insect's body armour, but this species of fish has a backbone, gills and fins. The scales meld together much like a cockroach. Some joke.

Serial Killer?

So if you were a seahorse living this kind of existence surely you could be psychologically predisposed to mayhem. And certainly in your next life you may wish to become the next Jeffrey Dahmer or the Green River Killer or perhaps in fiction Hannibal Lecter. This may even be truer when you consider the poor guy is anchored to a marine plant for he duration of the pregnancy only eating what floats by his not inconsiderable Scnozz.

Jeffrey Dahmer

How does Dahmer compare to a seahorse. Well not really for his dietary habits were much more eclectic than a seahorse. He kept heads and livers in his freezer to snack on. He was a (fairly) normal kid but grew up in an atmosphere of constant fighting between his mom and dad and was quoted as saying :" I decided I wasn't ever going to get married because I never wanted to go through anything like that"

He did not and it turns out he preferred men. All his victims were men, and he was accused of 17 murders. He enjoyed Porn videos as he invited most of his victims home to watch these before dispatching them. He slept with some of the corpses and apparently he had difficulty in finding a housekeeper as his home was not exactly pristine. He was a pretty good looking guy and that could have been his quid pro when being reincarnated. So could our seahorse have been reincarnated as Dahmer possibly. This is a tale from boredom to really living on edge. For the Record Dahmer was convicted, imprisoned and killed by a fellow inmate presumably because his taste in videos did not meet with his dispatchers approval.

The Green River Killer

Gary Ridgway was convicted as the Green River Killer for killing more than 40 woman. 48 is the exact number he confessed to. These were all said to be Prostitutes, as Ridgeway hated prostitutes and said he wanted to kill as many as possible as he did not like paying for sex. So his sexual habits were pretty weird. There is a theory that there was more than one killer possibly a group of them and that Gary saved his co-conspirators bacon by confessing to 48 murders. That would be a pretty good way of currying favour with his pals! Could he be a reincarnated seahorse? Yes I guess he could out of revenge for all that boredom when he was a seahorse. Could it have been a group of seahorse mails reincarnated together? Yes this theory holds up pretty well too. But as little is known of his dietary habits it would seem he retained the boring nondescript seahorse eating habits. He also pretty retained his seahorse looks.

Hannibal Lecter

Aah Hannibal my favorite, a brilliant psychiatrist and cannibalistic serial killer. He has great sartorial taste. A master of disguise and a chef of note "a nice Chianti, liver and Favva beans". As you know I strongly suspect that Paraglider is Hannibal's alter ego Hiding out in the middle east building up his cannibalistic taste. He (Hannibal) does not favor males or females. From a looks point of view he comes from a good family but has an extra middle finger which he later has removed. I guess the extra finger would be a dead giveaway or is he merely giving a finger in the cause of self cannibalization. Could he be a seahorse reincarnated - of course yes. He is also fictional and as we all know anything is possible in fiction.

So my hypothesis is that it is pretty dangerous to be any number of insects or male or female human beings. We can eat or be eaten by all sorts of things. It does not matter what you look like. You can be abused and man sex is a dangerous game.

Thank you Shadesbreath, BT Evilpants, Eric Graudins and Agrodonkey for your witty comments which spawned the ideas behind this hub.

Comments 37 comments

pahko profile image

pahko 8 years ago from The Voices In My Head

Dude I'm not letting my kids ride their bikes in your neighborhood.


B.T. Evilpants profile image

B.T. Evilpants 8 years ago from Hell, MI

Hey, I thought my comment on that hub went compleyely unnoticed. Thanks. Given the breeding habits of Jackalopes, I would LOVE to trad places with a seahorse for a while!


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA

Careful BT...if Sixty is right, you could be reincarnated as an Avon Lady *shudder*...I wouldn't wish that on anyone.


Just_Rodney profile image

Just_Rodney 8 years ago from Johannesberg South Africa, The Gold Mine City

Hey there Sixty are you being a bit psycho, you will really have people googling SA newspaper for any unsolved 'Seahorse killings" or maybe serial killer preying on one of the more obscure species that abound or planet.


sixtyorso profile image

sixtyorso 8 years ago from South Africa Author

Pahko I agree your kids wouldn't be safe unless they were seahorses!

BT With our connections with the universe and the new universe excrement inc. I am sure that trade can be arranged especially since Eric & I intend marketing Jackalope Lamps!

Spryte ( I finally got the spelling right) I like that! An Avon lady indeed OMG do you think that could be worse than being a seahorse?

Rodney Hah psycho indeed Norman Bates has nothing on me! Just you wait see! The clues are all there on the Excrement inc and the hub mentioned above. you have no idea! Not to mention the unsolved black widow spider killings on which Spryte is the legal council. And as for the powers of the universe just look at Pgrundy's hub on the Law of attraction or LOA. There are dark forces at work here.

Please note you too can get a Jackalope Lamp to light up your life in the dark hours of load shedding but I doubt you would have enough power to cook by unless you do a hub on sushi!

May the force be with you!

Also note the Wooki /Spryte breeding program may well go ahead!

Thanks all for stopping by and commenting. it as always much appreciated.

I remain yours faithfully the cross hubber!


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA

*reaches over and grabs BT by the antlers, snuggles it cloee and starts crooning...*

"Yooooooo light up my life! Yoooooo give me 'ope...to carry on!"

I think we should call it the Jack-a-Lamp though! :)

Whether it's worse to be a seahorse or an Avon Lady...I dunno. I just remember my mom had to carry around a lotta crap too...and when she'd finally got rid of it all...she was given still MORE crap to carry around...goin' door to door...ding dong, ding dong...ringing the door bell...sometimes people were home, sometimes they were home and just hiding...

*sniffle*

It wasn't easy being the Avon Lady.

(and I ain't breeding with no wookie!)


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California

Sixty, your mind goes places not even covered in the collective Star Trek stuff. Although, I can't help wonder if there isn't a psycho avon lady killer hub lingering in our future. I'll have to keep watching.

I bet male seahorses stay with their women because, I mean, why bother getting another woman if you still don't actually get to, you know, do anything. What's the point. ANd what did you say, 200 kids? I mean, F-that. I'm surprised all the seahorses didn't just turn gay after a few million years of that.

Way to work the imagination on this hub Sixty.


sixtyorso profile image

sixtyorso 8 years ago from South Africa Author

 Spryte, Wierdly enough my late dad used to be an "Avon lady" or Estee Lauder or Mary king person in his spare time. Imagine this skinny six footer who looked a bit like Gregory Peck walking around the high rise apartments in Hillbrow knocking on doors with a seven year old (me) in tow. I suspect my mom sent me along to keep dad out of trouble? He had this grey fake snakeskin vanity case filled with all the potion and lotion samples.

Shades

An Avon lady serial psycho killer, I like that. A Jackalamp with a starwars laser sword extension. That has possibilities. And as far as seahorses go you can see why they could be reincarnated as serial killlers. Maybe some could be just as boring as before and become cereal killers. Pass the Post toasties.

Thanks guys for stopping by and commenting. Comments always enhance a hub.


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA

Gregory Peck was a very handsome man...I bet your Dad sold a lot of lotions and potions :)


sixtyorso profile image

sixtyorso 8 years ago from South Africa Author

He did indeed. Unfortunately I look like donald sutherland and that does not help!


Just_Rodney profile image

Just_Rodney 8 years ago from Johannesberg South Africa, The Gold Mine City

Sixty now that you mention it the potential for evolved seahorses to really horse around in retaliation or vengance, for their past life. ;-0.

Well there was that time in my not so distant past, if you all read my chili relish hub, that I had within in my grasp. The potential to decimate, at least a third of a customer base. Imagine a dash of something added to that hot spicy relish, mild cramps that set in a few hours later, and then suddenly ..........

You never know a hub may just evolve.


Paraglider profile image

Paraglider 8 years ago from Kyle, Scotland

I'm denying everything. Pass the ladyfinger pickle...


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA

Bah! There is absolutely nothing wrong with Donald Sutherland. Besides being incredibly talented (Kelly's Heroes, Eye of the Needle, MASH) his looks have character. I happen to be a sucker for Tommy Lee Jones...and he's defnitely not one to be called a pretty boy. I just like my men craggy looking :)


sixtyorso profile image

sixtyorso 8 years ago from South Africa Author

Rodney Way to go get hubbing!

Paraglider, keep on denying otherwise Sprite and Jewels will get onto your case and they are remorseless and absolutely unrelenting! Beware you have been warned. thanks for reading and commenting much appreciated.

Spryte Are you sure you are not a Jackalope in disguise? Craggy indeed Jumping from precipice to precipice?Seahorses are pretty craggy too. The latest James Bond too (Ian Craig), Now theres a true serial killer licensed to kill and thrill with absolutely no consequences. The ultimate serial killer machine.


marisuewrites profile image

marisuewrites 8 years ago from USA

sixtyoros, you just dug up all those killers we were trying to forget.  I kinda like the male seahorse bearing all those kids.  We'd have a lot fewer if the male human did the same thing...one kid and "i ain't touchin' HER again!"  Sex would be a short termed acitivity.  At least re-producing sex...

No one could stir the fear like Hannibal...well  I never want to get close to the Green River guy either....if he had a partner, you don't think he's in Florida do you?

Seahorses are such cute little things, I'm glad he sticks to one woman.  However, he's not really very smart, going right back for more.  Maybe there's more pleasure for him than we can be sure about...How does a male seahorse show pleasure?  don't answer that.

I'm beginning to think we're all a bunch of sickos here in the Hub Room...and I'm addicted to you all!


sixtyorso profile image

sixtyorso 8 years ago from South Africa Author

Hi Marisue Thanks so much for stopping by and commenting. I also felt I needed to break out of the mould and do something a little diffrent from my usual stuff. Howvever I will be writing the next instalment of my life soon.


Louie Jerome profile image

Louie Jerome 8 years ago from UK

Curiouser and curiouser! (Cried Alice. She was so much surprised that for the moment she quite forgot how to speak good English.)

Sometimes I worry about you Sixty. ..what next? I ask myself. Seahorses and mad Avon Lady Serial Killers.


marisuewrites profile image

marisuewrites 8 years ago from USA

good sixtyorso...we'll all love to read that!! I'm still shivering over this one...I will never think of sea horses the same again... I'm really much more sympathetic now... 40 million years?? they are either very slow learners or they've got secrets...


Louie Jerome profile image

Louie Jerome 8 years ago from UK

It's a secret seahorse society, mariesuerites! Commonly known as the S.S.S.


marisuewrites profile image

marisuewrites 8 years ago from USA

ahahhaah Louie, that's funny!!!


sixtyorso profile image

sixtyorso 8 years ago from South Africa Author

Marisue You know about the secret, remember Laws of attraction LOA the universe and all that.

Louis There beats a secret heart!

Thanks for reading and commenting. Much appreciated as always


Just_Rodney profile image

Just_Rodney 8 years ago from Johannesberg South Africa, The Gold Mine City

Sixty and rest, I would like to point out that I have been a Seahorse of sorts http://hubpages.com/health/What-Happened-to-a-Mont... In that initial period I was as large as having 200 of those babies in poach. So maybe I do not have to wait for reincarnation.

Any vacancies for a travelling, have a yankering to go worlwide walk about.


sixtyorso profile image

sixtyorso 8 years ago from South Africa Author

Rodney I think you must be delirious. pregnant indeed!


SweetiePie profile image

SweetiePie 8 years ago from Southern California, USA

When I first read the title I was expecting something else, but I actually learned something about seahorses. I love how inspiration for hubs can come from conversations on hubs, forums, or chat rooms and that is how I get many of my ideas.


sixtyorso profile image

sixtyorso 8 years ago from South Africa Author

Hi SweetiePie Thank you for stopping by and commenting. Comments are always appreciated and yes, as I call it "cross hub dressing" is a great fun thing with many hubs and comments spawning (oops more about fish sex again) more hubs and generating interest and traffic. Often comments on on hub refer to other hubs and comments on other hubs. i love this community who are so open and generous in their praise  and dont mind passing on and sharing ideas for other hubs too.


B.T. Evilpants profile image

B.T. Evilpants 8 years ago from Hell, MI

Sixty, in place of Jackalope lamps, I propose this: http://blog.modernmechanix.com/2006/09/14/make-thi... Squirrells are much easier to come by, you know.


sixtyorso profile image

sixtyorso 8 years ago from South Africa Author

BT Fantastic great reference! I will squirrel this thought away for later. I was wondering exactly how to make the Jackalope lamps now I know exactly how. Thanks.


B.T. Evilpants profile image

B.T. Evilpants 8 years ago from Hell, MI

Doh!!


sunforged profile image

sunforged 8 years ago from Sunforged.com

fantastic! While sculling through the web I come across proof that god hates seahorses, I always knew their must be some sort of animal that had to be the scapegoat, i always assumed it was the platypus but the seahorse takes it.

Most humorous animal kingdom mating ritual "penis fencing"

http://www.spike.com/video/flatworms-penis/2458366

two asexual flatworms literally penis fence - the losing flatworm becomes impregnated and has to carry the young...someone could have fun with that one!


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 8 years ago from Virginia

Fun hub to read Sixty! Hannibal is my favorite too. :)

ROFL at penis fencing. :D


sixtyorso profile image

sixtyorso 8 years ago from South Africa Author

Sunforged I really enjoyed your video. Thanks for stopping by and commenting. I think I might just consider a follow up hub on the flat worms!


sixtyorso profile image

sixtyorso 8 years ago from South Africa Author

Pam I am presently reading "Hannibal" again I really enjoy Thomas Harris. He is a great writer. Every word and sentence is carefully chosen. I think that is why he takes so long between books.

See my comment above regarding the assexual Flatworms!

Thanks for taking the trouble to read and comment. Much appreciated.


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 8 years ago from Virginia

Sixty, I'm with you about Thomas Harris. I too have read Hannibal a couple of times along with Red Dragon. I think that reading Hannibal is way more frightening than the movie. Although it goes that way with most books that get turned into movies...they pale in comparison.

An assexual flatworm hub might prove to be very interesting - or at least funny. ;) lol


sixtyorso profile image

sixtyorso 8 years ago from South Africa Author

Hi Pam, Yes I agree books (in most cases) are even better than the movie. You get to choose your own actors. You always get clear Hi fidelity pictures and the focus and lighting are always great! Also you get the whole story line with no edited out bits or change in plot to suit the screenplay! I am still mulling over the flatworm issue!


sunforged profile image

sunforged 8 years ago from Sunforged.com

Alright, i couldnt help myself and i had to start a hub on "penis fencing" since I have not doen anything light hearted here yet -as your hub was its inspiration I wonder if you might like a peek.

http://hubpages.com/relationships/The-Art-of-Penis...


MrMarmalade profile image

MrMarmalade 7 years ago from Sydney

I have written a hub on dangerous creature. and I did not include that romantic sea horse in a Hub or lens

Thanks for bringing it to my attention


sixtyorso profile image

sixtyorso 7 years ago from South Africa Author

Mr Marmalde my pleasure to add to the body of knowledge. As I always say you don't know what you don't know! Thanks for stopping by and commenting

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