Shut Up

Where’s my heart? Oh. There it is…under your black work boot. Was it good for you? Want a cigarette? I think I’ll have one. Smoke curling, snaking up through the room…air shifts, smoky cigarette tears, you shift, I shift, and the world is very still. It’s cold, but you did me a favor…leave my heart under your boot, I don’t need it…the smell of you on my clothes, footprints leaving size ten prints on the carpet, snowflakes on your eyelashes, icicles in my chest, a long puff before the cigarette gets snuffed. Leave.

Please don’t call. I know you want to, I see that you still try, but I’ve vacuumed your footprints away. But, I want… Too late, the Hoover has sucked you up…up, up and away…ice, ice baby. You did me a favor. Thump, thump…leave it there, let it rest and stay safe from black work boots.

Dancing with myself. Damn. I’m Ginger Rogers…gliding across the kitchen floor, bathrobe flying around and around in circles, arms reaching up, arcing and flowing…wings of angels. Damn. I’m beautiful. No, no, no for God’s sake. None of that sticky sweet shit right now. I want some of those apple bottom jeans and boots with the fur...back out, you better tap out…you like it my way and I know it, so let’s do it, do it real good…and the bathrobe falls to the floor. Goodbye Ginger, hello devil woman dancing in her mismatched underwear with icicles in her chest and a man in the Hoover.

Shut up and let me go…the music plays on and on. Look at that mechanical thumping on the floor…vibrations climb the walls, a telephone rings. Smoke meanders from a cigarette hanging limp between lips, it stinks, stings my eyes…staring out the window, clouds fart pathetic puffs of snow flurries. Ice forms, glistens, and an emptiness aches inside while birds shake their feathers and cling to tree limbs. I don’t care. An ash drops on the floor, a train in the distance…the wind carries snow farts through the air. Love me some, hurt me once or twice, I don’t care, but that’s enough. Ringing…stop already, can’t you see I’m thinking? Shut up and let me go.

So you’re out there, probably thinking that my mind is saturated with your smile, that my clothes crave your smell, and my ears stay ready for your voice. Good. I did good when you were here and my heart was under your boot...thoughtful nods, faint smiles, timed giggles, a little laughter, repeating a few of your words followed by…ah, yes, very clever…just so you wouldn’t notice I was sleeping with my eyes open. Standing outside, you turned before you left, and I smiled at you while snowflakes filled your eyelashes. I almost stopped not feeling.

Dinner? No, I can’t. You see, right now I only feast on memories of you; I eat them one by one, then eliminate them--flush them down the shitter. What does your face look like? I don’t remember now, but the memory of it tasted good…like chicken. What did you say before you left, when you were smiling at me with snowflakes in your eyelashes thinking you would come back? I ate that too…not so tasty, it gave me heartburn. Your smell? That was washed out with a couple beers, then I peed for a long time and the release was slow and magnificent…yes, going down, down...smooth and steady, warm and wicked, eyes closed…relief cradled me in a final welcomed slump. Your favorite side dish has been removed from the menu.

Yes, continue to think that my clothes crave your smell, that my ears want to hear you...I'm full...satisfied in knowing the moment will come when you see and realize I’m not here, and you’ll know what my eyes said to you on that day: Shut up and let me go.

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Comments 57 comments

De Greek profile image

De Greek 6 years ago from UK

I don't know if one is allowed to vote this as both beautiful and owesome (how I dislike that word) at the same time, but I did. YOU are an author! What are you doing here? Some publisher must be looking for you out there somewhere. You are not good, YOU ARE EXCELLENT!


Elena. profile image

Elena. 6 years ago from Madrid

Wow Pam, I hope this felt as cleansing as it sounds!


Shalini Kagal profile image

Shalini Kagal 6 years ago from India

Pam - that was something! 'the Hoover has sucked you up...and away' - what a powerful finality that conveys!


cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 6 years ago from Kyiv, Ukraine

hmmmm someone pissed on your battery, I loved it!


Cris A profile image

Cris A 6 years ago from Manila, Philippines

I'm eating sunflowers as I read this. I'd save the roots for later...when I have beer to go with it.

They forgot to put this adjective for rating hubs: POWERFUL

Free your mind and the rest will follow :D


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 6 years ago from Virginia Author

What a beautiful way to wake up. :)

DG, my husband, you inspire and humble me always. Thank you so much! :)

Elena, I've missed you! :) It was cleansing for a certain lingering emotion even though it is fiction. ;)

Shalini, lol, yes, when I suck someone up in the Hoover...that's IT! ;) lol

Cindy, thank you! See what happens when batteries get crapped on? Gah, people should know better. ;)

Cris...eating sunflowers...you're incredible even in comments. You can't help it. Awesomeness oozes from you. Thank you, thank you. :)


alekhouse profile image

alekhouse 6 years ago from Louisville, Kentucky

OMG, Pam, this was wonderful. It took my breath away...so honest...so driving and moving. Great writing. Good job!!Had to give you an "awesome" and a vote up. wish there were more choices.


drbj profile image

drbj 6 years ago from south Florida

Well, you've done it. Don't think I'll ever forget your "clouds farting pathetic puffs of snow." You ARE a writer, girl. Don't stop.


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 6 years ago from Virginia Author

alekhouse, thank you so much. This is the most incredible way to channel emotion that I can think of, and I think all of us here are fortunate to have this medium to cry, love, laugh, and release things through any character and situation we wish. :) It's grand! Thank you again for your kind words.

drbj, you're too good to me! Thank you so much! :)


rmr profile image

rmr 6 years ago from Livonia, MI

Sorry, Pam. I tried to click Awesome 7 or 8 times, but it would only take one click. I don't know how you do this. You don't just tell us about your feelings. You make us feel what you're feeling. You have a gift!


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 6 years ago from Virginia Author

rmr, lol, you're too much! Thanks for the click! It's people like you who have been a tremendous source of inspiration for me over the past 20 months, so YOU get endless 'awesome' clicks from me. ;)


SilverGenes 6 years ago

At first, I was trying to mark in my mind the truly magnificent parts of this but I gave up after the first paragraph. It's the entire piece! Wonderful!!!!


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 6 years ago from Virginia Author

SilverGenes, I'm trying to find words to express my gratitude for your comment, because I value the word "magnificent" a great deal and use it myself when I'm particularly moved by someone's writing, but I'm coming up short, so I'll simply say thank you for reading and for leaving such a magnificent comment. ;)


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 6 years ago from St. Louis

Pam: Fantasmagorical! Really nice and strong. Such interesting and compelling language, the strong and muscular imagery fighting its way into my brain and tearing up the joint. However, my boots are brown...not black.

Is their no button that says, "Adoratacular!"


Green Lotus profile image

Green Lotus 6 years ago from Atlanta, GA

What style! I love the format of your sensory (sensual?) poem. It even smelled real.


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 6 years ago from Virginia Author

Christoph--my Mozart! Fantasmagorical and adoratacular are being cemented in my dictionary of very fine new terms, and I hope you don't mind if I borrow them from time to time. :) Thank you from the deepest ventricles of my heart! [Oops about the boots, it was hard to see the color through my tears. ;)]

Green Lotus, thank you for smelling and feeling the words, that means a great deal to me. It means everything really, so thank you for taking the time to come in and read and connect with me. :)


Petra Vlah profile image

Petra Vlah 6 years ago from Los Angeles

You never disappoint Pam, and your imagination and humor is limitless. What a treat this piece is! The Hoover tells it all, but he rest is just as enjoyable.

The more I read your work, the better I like it. Now that I know you better I can say that your spontaneity gets you closer and closer in my mind to the magnificent Mozart I was not yet ready to compare you with when we first met.


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 6 years ago from Virginia Author

Petra, thank you, and thank you more for saying I'm getting just a little bit closer to the Mozart(s) I envy so badly because it gives me something marvelous to work towards. :) If I die in the process, I'll still die a happy woman! Thank you for the magnificent comment. :)


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 6 years ago from TEXAS

Visceral. That should be a choice among the words of praise and rating! No one can do it better than you can, Pam. What a piece!!!! I'll settle for Awesome, but reluctantly.


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 6 years ago from Virginia Author

Nellieanna, thank you so much! I actually can't thank you enough. :)


BJBenson profile image

BJBenson 6 years ago from USA

OOPS, I thought I read this already. I was wrong. I'm still thinking about your spoons!

I found this delightful as I told De Greek.

I was with someone once who had a size 12 shoe. Try cleaning up after that.

I like the wit you use in your stories and poems. You must be fun to have a coffee with.


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 6 years ago from Virginia Author

Thanks BJBenson. :) Shewy...a size 12 shoe...I don't even want to imagine cleaning up after that. lol! You're too funny, we should definitely have coffee together! ;) Thanks for coming in to read. :)


randslam profile image

randslam 6 years ago from Kelowna, British Columbia

Hey Pam,

De Greek sent me to this one and he was right to do so. Every word a push to the next...every feeling a driving force to conclusion. There is an author I'm thinking of that drives his sentences like this and I just can't recall his name right now...but you push like him with this piece. Thanks so much.

Rand


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 6 years ago from Virginia Author

Rand, comments like yours make me want to keep writing, so I can't thank you enough. This is when words really do escape me. :) Many thanks for coming in to read and for humbling me with your comment. :)

(And thanks again to De Greek for sending you my way!)


SteveoMc profile image

SteveoMc 6 years ago from Pacific NorthWest

I love when the passage grabs you and won't let you go until you have finished it....a book you cannot put down...a riveting story....a present moment experience. I love when that happens to me. Thanks for making it happen again!


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 6 years ago from Virginia Author

Steve, I love reading books and pieces that grab you right into the moment too. Thank you so much for coming in to read this and for your kind words! :)


sunflowerbucky profile image

sunflowerbucky 6 years ago from Small Town, USA

You make it really hard to come up with an eloquent and meaningful comment. There aren't words to describe how ultimately amazing that was! Love it! Fabulous!


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 6 years ago from Virginia Author

sunflowerbucky, thank you so much! I really appreciate you coming in to read and for the extra special comment. :) I'm guessing you must love sunflowers? They're my favorite too...hands down. :) Thanks again! You made me happy!


James A Watkins profile image

James A Watkins 6 years ago from Chicago

Your creative genius is at full bloom. All I could do was savor your words. Beautifully written.


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 6 years ago from Virginia Author

James, thank you so much. That means a great deal coming from someone as creative as you. :) Thanks again!


Winsome profile image

Winsome 6 years ago from Southern California by way of Texas

Hey Pam, isn't there a cleaning service named "Devil Women Dancing in their Mismatched Underwear"--if so I want to hire them--got some footprints of the feminine size that need Hoovering--the guy who said "I love work, I could watch it all day" must have enjoyed their service as well. Fun to read and conjure--thank you. =:)


habee profile image

habee 6 years ago from Georgia

Wow! Like De Greek, I gave this a thumbs up, an awesome, and a beautiful! Your command of words is really amazing!


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 6 years ago from Virginia Author

Winsome, you're a marketing genius! I think this angle could really go places if we can only find women to dance while cleaning in mismatched underwear. I'll get to work on this right away! :D Thank you!! ;)

habee, thank you so much! I appreciate your support a great deal, and I'm very happy that De Greek has introduced me to you and your writing.


Gigi2 profile image

Gigi2 6 years ago from UK

This has left me breathless and eager to read more of your amazing work. I found you courtesy of Chris A, in his brilliant hub - 'portraits: women hubbers in monochrome'. I thank Chris for leading me to you and you for your marvellous talent.


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 6 years ago from Virginia Author

Gigi2, thank you so much! I really appreciate your kind words. Cris A is such a brilliant poet and inspirational person in general. I'll look forward to reading your writing as well! :)


katiem2 profile image

katiem2 6 years ago from I'm outta here

Pam I love Shut Up and Let Me Go, My favorite line is, "I've vacumed your foot prints away" POWERFUL!

love Love LOVE IT! Thanks and Peace :)


Tom Cornett profile image

Tom Cornett 6 years ago from Ohio

This was like dropping in on the heart of a great novel. Wonderful writing! :)


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 6 years ago from Virginia Author

Katiem, thank you! :) I do a lot of vacuuming. ;)

Tom, thank you so much, and it's good to see you! :)


zzron profile image

zzron 6 years ago from Houston, TX.

Very interesting and creative Pam :)


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 6 years ago from Virginia Author

Thank you zzron. This was something new (for me) that I really enjoyed. ;)


elayne001 profile image

elayne001 6 years ago from Rocky Mountains

sounds like how I felt when my first husband left - I threw away the vacuum too. Great writing.


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 6 years ago from Virginia Author

Thank you elayne. That's a great idea about throwing the vacuum away! lol! ;)


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 5 years ago from Minnetonka, MN

I love this hub. Great visuals. I felt I was there with you. You must read my whisper that became a roar. On the same lines as that. I feel relieved with you. Great great job.


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 5 years ago from Virginia Author

Healing Touch, thank you so much. Your generous comment gave me something that I needed today. Thank you again! :)


suziecat7 profile image

suziecat7 5 years ago from Asheville, NC

Wow - some great writing here. Add me to your fan list.


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 5 years ago from Virginia Author

Thank you suziecat, I really appreciate your kind words of support. :)


stars439 profile image

stars439 5 years ago from Louisiana, The Magnolia and Pelican State.

Wonderful hub. God Bless You.


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 5 years ago from Virginia Author

Thank you, and blessings to you as well.


Fiddleman profile image

Fiddleman 5 years ago from Zirconia, North Carolina

Excellent write Pam.


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 5 years ago from Virginia Author

Thank you Fiddleman. It's odd how the universe works sometimes because this type of emotion crept back into my mind today, and here it is. :)


Huey19 profile image

Huey19 5 years ago from Chicago

Pam, you're a phenomenal writer. I love the imagery and the spunk that bounces between the intense sensations and the occassional grimy image. I'll be happy to follow you. Keep it up.


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 5 years ago from Virginia Author

Huey19, thank you so much for reading this and for the generous comment. I appreciate your support and insight for what I was trying to do. Thank you!


Sun-Girl profile image

Sun-Girl 5 years ago from Nigeria

Excellent article which is well shared.


Pam Roberson profile image

Pam Roberson 5 years ago from Virginia Author

Thank you Sun-Girl :)


molometer profile image

molometer 5 years ago from Cambridgeshire, England

Great piece of work, thought I'd stumbled into the writers guild, nice pace and style. Well done.voted up


TattooKitty profile image

TattooKitty 4 years ago from Hawaii

What a truly poetic rendition of a broken record thrown out in the cold. Suck up the pieces with your Hoover, drink them in, and let them float on stomach acid for all eternity. Hell hath no fury...mwahaha!


jeremejazz profile image

jeremejazz 4 years ago from Philippines

very nice

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