Signs That You May Have Worn Out Your Welcome

Okay, so maybe you stayed too long, and maybe you had too much to drink, and maybe your host or hostess is trying to let you know that, hey, pal, it's time to hit the road. Before they call the cops or their large, angry, martial artist neighbor, maybe you'd better get a clue. Here's some of the subtle signals to look for that should tell you it might be time to head graciously for the exit.

It might be time for you to leave if:

  • Not only does everybody pretend not to notice when you speak, they pretend not to notice if you yell, sing, dance, fart, break a window...
  • Four large guys throw you outside
  • The hostess spills a drink in your lap, apologizes, then promptly spills six more, one at a time
  • The host shows you the pistol he is wearing under his dinner jacket and nods toward the door
  • They ask you if you would rather leave by taxi or by ambulance
  • They ask you if you would prefer to leave on your feet or in a bag
  • They give you a glass of water, watch while you take a sip, then tell you they got it out of the aquarium
  • They call, "food fight", but no one throws food at anyone except you
  • They ask you to do them a favor and take out the trash for them and, once you're outside, they lock you out
  • They pay a family member of yours to call you and tell you that they are in the hospital, can you come right away?
  • They start a game of hide-and-go-seek, but nobody ever comes to find you
  • They tell you someone attractive is waiting for you in one of the bedrooms, so you go there just as a swat team is coming in the windows after a suspected terrorist matching your description...
  • They tell you your car has been towed. When you go to retrieve it, you find out it was them.
  • They set you on fire
  • They ask to see your cell phone. When you give it to them to look at, they take it to the front door and throw it outside. All those present (except you) applaud
  • They insist that you sit in the middle of the living room floor while everyone else sits and stares silently at you
  • They call you many, many foul names and then a cab
  • They begin to make up horrible stories about awful things you did that are only half true
  • They attach your tie to the ceiling fan, turn on the fan, and then beat you like a piÑata
  • The hostess says she dropped her engagement ring down the disposal. As you reach in to get it you see out of the corner of your eye that she's reaching for the wall switch...
  • No matter what you tell anyone about yourself, they yawn and say, "How boring!"
  • They suggest that you participate in a demonstration of their Doberman's ability to subdue a person
  • The door they said was the bathroom was actually a trap door leading straight to hell
  • The door they said was the bathroom was actually the garage. You notice you're locked in and someone has started the Cadillac by remote start....
  • And of course the classic - everyone else is already gone and your hosts are asleep

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Comments 51 comments

Ivorwen profile image

Ivorwen 7 years ago from Hither and Yonder

Tom, are you writing from personal experience? ;-)  

We had a guest last summer who wore out her welcome. My husband finally threatened to have her RV towed if she wouldn't leave.  Got rid of her the next day!


Tom Rubenoff profile image

Tom Rubenoff 7 years ago from United States Author

You know, if they had told me they were going to have my RV towed, I would have left right away!


cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Kyiv, Ukraine

lol Tom, how many of these have happened to you?


Frieda Babbley profile image

Frieda Babbley 7 years ago from Saint Louis, MO

Okay I thought I could pick out a favorite, but I can't. I'm pretty sure I may have done most of these to people. I'm lying. I hold in my yawns and get staring fits; this of course makes them think I'm really interested. Had fun reading this. Thanks.


Feline Prophet profile image

Feline Prophet 7 years ago from India

Hehe, I'd like to know how many happened to you too, Tom! Or are you the victim of guests who never take the hint?


Mighty Mom profile image

Mighty Mom 7 years ago from Where Left is Right, CA

Would you mind if I copied your list and posted it in my kitchen, living room, family room, guest bathroom and backyard?


AEvans profile image

AEvans 7 years ago from SomeWhere Out There

Those are funny and I have to admit I have been one of those hostesses in our own home. lolololol :)


cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Kyiv, Ukraine

I must say, I have never actually gone that far as to set someone on fire...


C. C. Riter 7 years ago

I must say, this is a great turd ya dropped on us T. best comments already made, good as yer gettin from me now T, I gave it a thumbs up tho I did


Iphigenia 7 years ago

You and your lists ! Are you really such a social wuzz ? I somehow doubt it. I'm still laughing; tried to pick a favourite - but can't.


Elena. profile image

Elena. 7 years ago from Madrid

Laugh! In Spain we have a ready made phrase for hosts to let people know they ought to start thinking of getting the heck out. Host says to hostess, or viceversa: "Darling, we should maybe be heading to bed, I'm sure there people here are all very tired." Does the trick every time, guests start getting up and ready to go. :-)


agvulpes profile image

agvulpes 7 years ago from Australia

Tom I'm sure most of the tricks you listed would work.

I can remember as a kid when our visitors overstayed, my father after a not too subtle yawn would get up and wind up the alarm clock. Of course testing it to make sure it worked. (in the days of spring wound clocks, you would remember them, no?) With usually a very clever joke like " Time to wind up the cat and put the clock out!

Our visitors usually left straight after that!


MexicaliBill profile image

MexicaliBill 7 years ago from Puerto Vallarta

Can I use these on family too?


Tom Rubenoff profile image

Tom Rubenoff 7 years ago from United States Author

I have had the pleasure of polite and sensitive company and an early retiring spouse lo these many years. When I was young and stupid, however, sometimes I would be a little too dense (or under the influence) to pick up on the first hint.

Cindy and Feline, I am happy to report that none of these happened to me.

I think we had one person who wouldn't go, Freida, but I can't remember how we finally got rid of them. I think I actually said, "Nice having you, but time for you to go." Or words to that effect.

Mighty Mom, that's what they make the "Print" button for :0) but just post it in the bath, that should do

Which one, AEvans?

I set myself on fire once, Cindy, but that's another story.

A turd? Oh well. One hopes for better reviews, but any publicity is good publicity, CC!

The beautiful hills of Iphigenia! Me? I'm a wallflower. I had to do some networking at a party last week and I actually got lightheaded from the stress.

Nice to have a sure fire cure, Elena! We'll have to try that one and hope our party guests are not more dense, impolite or stubborn than yours.

Thanks, Agvulpes, for your personal story. These stories add so much. I can picture him there, with his big alarm clock with the bells on top

I think setting a family member on fire might get one into family court, Mexicali!


sheenarobins profile image

sheenarobins 7 years ago from Cebu, Philippines

I sent out a text message to the housemaid saying, "Hide the carrot cake, the overstaying Rice Bowl will eat it all." Guess, who got the text? the rice Bowl and from then on we are no longer friends. Good riddance. LOL


Tom Rubenoff profile image

Tom Rubenoff 7 years ago from United States Author

Sounds like a win-win to me!


sheenarobins profile image

sheenarobins 7 years ago from Cebu, Philippines

hahaha. sounds bitchy but I have the right to. She overstayed for 3 months, everything free including laundry. Without further notice. She was looking for a job and the first pay she got was spent on a tongue pierce. I thought it was very irresponsible.


Tom Rubenoff profile image

Tom Rubenoff 7 years ago from United States Author

Ya, that would definintely toast my taters. Good riddance indeed!


cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Kyiv, Ukraine

I must say, I get irritated with house guests after a while, especially if they are with you for a week. They invade my privacy and get on my nerves.


Princessa profile image

Princessa 7 years ago from France

Great ideas for next party @_@


Tom Rubenoff profile image

Tom Rubenoff 7 years ago from United States Author

For everything there is a season, Cindy. A time to come, a time to leave...

Ha ha, Princessa, indeed


cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Kyiv, Ukraine

Yeah, I get excited about them coming but the next day it's time for them to go


Tom Rubenoff profile image

Tom Rubenoff 7 years ago from United States Author

Ya I want my second bathroom back! LOL


cindyvine profile image

cindyvine 7 years ago from Kyiv, Ukraine

Exactly and I don't want to have to tidy up all the time to make a good impression


Tom Rubenoff profile image

Tom Rubenoff 7 years ago from United States Author

Put a padlock on the fridge!


Hawkesdream profile image

Hawkesdream 7 years ago from Cornwall

You could do what we do..don't invite them in the first place and if they invite themselves let them know that you have a holiday booked two days hence. We feel we can tolerate for two days, they soon get the message..lol.. not really..but it souns good eh! haha


Tom Rubenoff profile image

Tom Rubenoff 7 years ago from United States Author

Better yet, the moment you find them at your door, rally the fam, load up the minivan, lock up the house and take off!

"Oh, we were just leaving..."


Hawkesdream profile image

Hawkesdream 7 years ago from Cornwall

that is the best way Tom, they get the message quickly that way.


dark faery profile image

dark faery 7 years ago from Under a clover leaf

This reminds me of the times in my childhood when my friends would tell me they wanted to play hide and seek. I would always have to be the seeker and do my counting outside. Mysteriously, after I would finish my counting, I could never find anyone else outside. Later, after I had given up searching, I would find that I was locked out.


Tom Rubenoff profile image

Tom Rubenoff 7 years ago from United States Author

You and I had similar childhoods. *sigh*


Mardi profile image

Mardi 7 years ago from Western Canada and Texas

This is horrible but we have always had indoor dogs - big dogs. My Akita was wonderful at this, we would just sit her at their door and tell her to guard. They would open up the door and there she would be - just staring. After a few times of this they always decided to end their stay or at least move to a hotel.

I now have a 70 pound Lab that loves to jump up on the bed. We do the opposite, just let her in the room to sleep with them - solves that problem very quickly!


Tom Rubenoff profile image

Tom Rubenoff 7 years ago from United States Author

That's excellent! Both ends of the canine spectrum - threat and love! There must be a poem there


Ivorwen profile image

Ivorwen 7 years ago from Hither and Yonder

According to a Norwegian exchange student I went to school with, the proper way to tell your guests goodbye in Norway was to change into your pj 's and wave goodbye from the front door with a toothbrush in your hand. It was impolite to leave before your host had changed.


Laughing Mom profile image

Laughing Mom 7 years ago

I'll print these off and keep them in my pocket.


Tom Rubenoff profile image

Tom Rubenoff 7 years ago from United States Author

I think I actually did that once or twice, Ivorwen!

I guess I've started something again, Laughingmom!


mayhmong profile image

mayhmong 7 years ago from North Carolina

I wish I could've read this when I use to waitress! That would have been so much fun tormenting those folks who stays so friggin late?!


Tom Rubenoff profile image

Tom Rubenoff 7 years ago from United States Author

Right Mayhmong! After a while, the tip just doesn't matter any more. Get the hell out already!


mayhmong profile image

mayhmong 7 years ago from North Carolina

Oh that's nothing, but how do you ask someone to leave when they are in the middle of ah...sex in the back room?!


LondonGirl profile image

LondonGirl 7 years ago from London

With good mates, I just say, "I'm throwing you out now, bedtime for me!"


trimar7 profile image

trimar7 7 years ago from New York

Glad I am not your house guest. I'd be wondering the whole time if I should leave.


Tom Rubenoff profile image

Tom Rubenoff 7 years ago from United States Author

Sex in the back room, MayhMong? "Quick! Your mom's coming!"

Yes, LondonGirl, good friends are usually not so obtuse.

You'd be a good houseguest, I think, Trimar. All it really takes is a little sensitivity towards the host or hostess.


Tom Cornett profile image

Tom Cornett 7 years ago from Ohio

LOL...I've been involved with some of these! Thanks for the memories, Tom! :)


Tom Rubenoff profile image

Tom Rubenoff 7 years ago from United States Author

I don't doubt it, Tom. I believe I have both had the problem, and been the problem.


Anna Marie Bowman profile image

Anna Marie Bowman 7 years ago from Florida

This reminds me of so many crazy parties with my friends!!! There was always one or two people that found out about the party, and showed up. No matter what we did, they never got the hint that they weren't wanted there. We started off trying to be nice, then went to ignoring them, hoping they would leave. Eventually, we had to either tell them to get out, or have some of our male friends escort them out the door. Occasionally, a fight would ensue, but nothing too bad. Too bad we didn't have that trap door to hell...then again, we were living close enough, it wouldn't have been too hard.


Tom Rubenoff profile image

Tom Rubenoff 7 years ago from United States Author

I know what you mean. From some of the places I lived, hell could not have been much of a drop!


feeweewv profile image

feeweewv 7 years ago from Between A Dream And Reality

LOL @ hide and seek.... It's funny now but it brings back painful childhood memories... deep sigh


Tom Rubenoff profile image

Tom Rubenoff 7 years ago from United States Author

Once my little sister and her friend persuaded me to get myself into one of those big cardboard tubes they put cleaning compound in, butt first. "We'll get you out," she promised. Oh ya. Then they just left me in there with my face pressed up against my knees. We still look back on that and laugh. Sure, it's funny now.


feeweewv profile image

feeweewv 7 years ago from Between A Dream And Reality

I once super glued my sister to a chair at her birthday party... still, no one thinks that is funny except for me...


Tom Rubenoff profile image

Tom Rubenoff 7 years ago from United States Author

I think it's funny. Hopefully she did not have to have the chair surgically removed...


feeweewv profile image

feeweewv 7 years ago from Between A Dream And Reality

The chair peeled right off, the underwear stayed put for a lil while... had to be chemically removed... so's not to cause skin damage, you know... LOL


Tom Rubenoff profile image

Tom Rubenoff 7 years ago from United States Author

OMG - what a story! Do you guys still speak? LOL

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