12 Signs You are Getting Desperate for a Job

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Job... Who Needs a Job?

There are plenty of reasons you may be out of job right now. Maybe you were laid off. Perhaps you were fired. You could be a recent graduate looking for a first job. It is even possible you simply walked out on your last job. For whatever reason, you are now sitting at home, staring at your computer screen right now and wondering how you got here in life.

It's OK! Everyone has been desperate for job at least once in life. I know how you feel:

-The endless job searches online and walking into businesses only to get the doors slammed in your face.

-Asking friends, family members, neighbors, or anyone you meet on the street about potential jobs.

-Revising your resume for the 10th time in one month.

-Staring at the phone waiting for a recruiter to return your call.

The job market is tough and looking for a job is a rotten way to spend your time. Eventually desperation sinks in. If you are experiencing anything on this list, you are starting to get desperate for a job. Even if I can't offer you a job, I can at least attempt to entertain you a little bit. Good luck, my friend!

12 Signs Your Job Search is Hitting the Desperation Point:

1. Six months ago you felt sorry for the guy standing on the corner, spinning and dancing around with a sign to promote the "Frank's Festive Flooring and Furniture" special down the street. Now when you see him, you are filled with envy... even when it rains. Deep down, that small voice inside your head you always ignore is telling you to run that guy over so you can take his job. Thank goodness you never listen to that voice.

2. You are starting to have full length conversations with your pets. During these discussions, the topic of Fido getting off his lazy, fluffy butt and getting a job may have come up. You've also asked the hamster to buy his own food and thought about putting Kitty is a Purina commercial. It is getting scary at your place.

3. You've begun looking at every item in your home as a way to make money on eBay or Craigslist. In your mind, you could become the entrepreneur you were always meant to be. In reality, you have a bunch of second-hand crap no one wanted in the first place and you'd better find a real job soon.

4. Your resume does not even resemble a real resume anymore. You've updated it at least 20 times in the last week. You never even worked at an internship before in your life; saying you interned in France while saving children from a burning plane is taking your deception to a whole new level. Adding, "I am so freaking awesome you'd be stupid not to hire me" to your profile is only making it worse.

5. Traditional cover letters are not doing the job, so you've upped the ante. You are starting to put threats in the cover letters such as, "Either hire me or those blackmail photos I have of you are going on Facebook now." You are still not getting any calls back. The cops did visit your apartment yesterday though to have a conversation with you. No, the police force is not hiring in your area right now either.

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6. When you turn on your computer now, it automatically takes you to CareerBuilder and searches the site for you. Give it a little more time and the computer will learn how to say: "No jobs again today, loser!"

7. A few months ago, moving to another county started to seem like an OK idea so you would have more jobs options. Last month, you were open about moving to another state. By next week, you might even start applying for jobs in other states. Hey, why not move halfway across the country to live in a state you don't even like? A job is a job, right?

8. You stalked your former boss from 20 years ago until finding her on Facebook. When you tried to friend her, she did not remember you at first. When she did finally remember you, she immediately rejected your request. Not only would she never hire you again, she does not feel sorry for you. Calling her a mean cow when you walked out on that job might have been a bad idea.

9. You've been doing nothing but watch reality shows all day long while looking for jobs online. After a while, you decided to start applying to be on reality shows. Once you did not succeed with that, you began to film your own reality show about being jobless. So far, 15 people have watched it on YouTube. Apparently you are not going to get rich that way either.

10. Even the workers at McDonald's and Burger King are tired of looking at you. No, they are not hiring yet, just like they were not hiring the day before and the day before that. Just leave them alone. The managers are considering getting restraining orders against you.

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11. You are certain your phone must be broken because that is the only logical explanation as to why no one is calling you back. In a desperate attempt to prove this theory is correct, you call one of your friends and find your phone is making outgoing calls. You ask your friend to call you back. Surely, the phone will not ring! However, it does ring. Your friend tells you the phone is working and stop bugging her at work to make stupid calls like this each day.

12. You've started applying for jobs you don't even understand. You have no idea what a "Spiral Access Contribution Technician Specialist Level 8" could mean, but hey, you are not picky. You just bet could figure it out somehow.

Copyright ©2014 Jeannieinabottle

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Comments 22 comments

Sunnyglitter profile image

Sunnyglitter 2 years ago from Cyberspace

This was absolutely hilarious! I'm still laughing!


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 2 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

I am happy you liked it. :-) Thanks for checking out my hub and thanks for the comment.


Kathryn Stratford profile image

Kathryn Stratford 2 years ago from Manchester, Connecticut

I love this! I know that when I see a post from you, it'll make me laugh.

Thanks for sharing this with us, and have a great day!

~ Kathryn


billybuc profile image

billybuc 2 years ago from Olympia, WA

I'm on the other end of the spectrum. After fifty odd years of working, I'm getting desperate for a vacation. :)

You are a very funny lady.


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 2 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Kathryn, thanks so much! I am happy I could give you a laugh. :-)

Bill, you should go on a vacation! Whenever I log in, I see a new post from you. Even if you can't go on vacation, you should sleep late one day and then just relax. Maybe hang out with the chickens for a while. ;-) Of course, I am not one to talk. I don't even know if I know how to relax anymore. Thanks for your comment!


rebeccamealey profile image

rebeccamealey 2 years ago from Northeastern Georgia, USA

Good serious tips, and a funny, funny read!


lambservant profile image

lambservant 2 years ago from Pacific Northwest

1 and 5 were my favorites. Hilarious stuff, once again. You never disappoint.


FlourishAnyway profile image

FlourishAnyway 2 years ago from USA

Great hub. They say that looking for a job is a job in itself.


spartucusjones profile image

spartucusjones 2 years ago from Parts Unknown

Got a kick out of this, another example of comedic gold from you! I can see were desperation can come in, I've been there myself. It is good to find humor in these very real situations. Humor is probably the best way with coping with the desperation.


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 2 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

rebeccamealey, thanks! I am glad you liked it.

lambservant, thanks so much. I've envied those sign twirling guys a time or two lately.

FlourishAnyway, job hunting is definitely a job! I've done it off and on so many times in life.

spartucusjones, I guess sometimes you have to laugh through the pain. ;-) Thanks for your comment!


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 2 years ago from Central Florida

Jeannie, I can always count on you to bring a bright spot to my day. You're a riot! You should try making You Tube videos of you reading these funny hubs. I'll bet you'd get a gazillion views. I'd love to hear your inflections in this read!


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 2 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Thank you, bravewarrior. I have been thinking about making YouTube videos. I just need a better camera and finding wacky participants for some of my ideas. ;-)


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 2 years ago from Central Florida

Jeannie, I've been experimenting with making videos with my LG G2 phone. It's got great resolution. I've since given up the idea of buying a video camera.


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 2 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Thanks for the tip. I have a sad, old phone (the kind with the sliding keyboard) but I am thinking of upgrading my current Kindle Fire to a new Kindle Fire HD. I'll bet the camera would be similar.


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 2 years ago from Central Florida

Check for consumer reviews before you decide on a phone, Jeannie. When I upgraded from a dumb phone to a smartphone, I read reviews, but wasn't interested in the photo/video features because my dumb phone didn't have video capabilities and I have a digital camera (which is outdated). I'd been looking in the papers for an affordable video camera. Then on Mothers Day I decided to test the video feature of my new phone. I was very pleasantly surprised!

Anyway, when you check reviews pay attention to consumers who talk about the video quality and ease of use, uploading, etc.


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 2 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

OK, thanks! I will make sure to check out the reviews. My Kindle currently does not have a camera at all, so I really don't know what kind of quality the HD upgrade would have. Thanks again!


bravewarrior profile image

bravewarrior 2 years ago from Central Florida

Yeppir!


sheilamyers 2 years ago

Thanks for the good laugh. I'm glad you specified that the full conversations with your pets is about them getting jobs because I have a job yet I still have conversations with my cat. What does that mean? I'm not desparate for a job, I'm just crazy.


DrBill-WmL-Smith profile image

DrBill-WmL-Smith 2 years ago from Hollister, MO

What fun! So happy to be retired and not have to even think about that anymore. Thanks for sharing, for sure!! ;-)


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 2 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

sheilamyers, oh, it is totally normal to have conversations with your pets. It is when you tell them they need to start earning money to pay rent at your place that it becomes a problem.

DrBill-WmL-Smith, good for you! I can't wait to retire one day!

Thanks for the comments, everyone!


Weekend Reader profile image

Weekend Reader 2 years ago

Calling up anyone whose name and phone number you can put together, asking if their employer might be hiring ...

did it, once upon a time!


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 2 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Weekend Reader, you are so right. I've hit that level once or twice myself.

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