Simon Cowell's Balls Inadvertantly Accepted Into The Smithsonian
Pop Mogul Simon Cowell's Family Jewels In Jeopardy
District of Columbia, USA :Earlier this morning in an unprecedented press release from the Smithsonian Institution curator Brett Nickelsonwardtion announced Simon Cowell's testicles had become the sole property of the world's largest museum complex and research organization.
It seems council for the producers of the oft ballyhooed American Idol series had convinced Cowell to insure various parts and appendages of his body for an undisclosed but purportedly massive payout. His chin alone is rumored to be worth it's weight in truffles, his right middle finger is said to be worth as much as a Malaysian fishing village. Cowell's genitalia were said to be valued somewhere in between.
During a veritable blitzkrieg of insurance paperwork exchanged between Cowell's media giant Syco and the insurance mogul Dick Blumberbuss, affidavits laying claim to the well being and perpetuity of Cowell's testicles were incidentally shuffled into a different sack of papers, as it were, meant for insuring 50,000 year old Native American Arrowheads. Blumberbuss was last seen leaving the United Kingdom carrying huge duffel bags full of Euro's allegedly worth over four American dollars.
"The day the court order for Cowells testicles dropped on my desk I was elated. " Beamed Nickelsonwardtion. As per the date of this printing it was unclear where the balls would be housed. According to Nickelsonwardtion, "the Natural History Museum, the Sackler Gallery, and the National Zoo are all viable possibilities. Rumors of the mummified nuts being displayed beside the Apollo 17 Lunar Touch Rock in the Air & Space museum are completely unfounded but may warrant further research."
Mr. Simon Cowell was unavailable for comment but according to his agent the media giant planned to hold onto his balls as long as any proper English gentleman does.
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