The Smurfs 3-D
Director: Raja Gosnell
Writers: Peyo, J. David Stem, David Ronn, Jay Scherick, David N. Weiss
Cast: Hank Azaria, Neil Patrick Harris, Jayma Mays, Sofía Vergara, Tim Gunn
Voice Cast For CGI Characters: Jonathan Winters, Alan Cumming, Katy Perry, Fred Armisen, George Lopez, Anton Yelchin, Kenan Thompson, Jeff Foxworthy, John Oliver, Wolfgang Puck, Gary Basaraba, Paul Reubens, B.J. Novak, Tom Kane, John Kassir, Joel McCrary, Frank Welker
Synopsis: When the evil wizard Gargamel chases the tiny blue Smurfs out of their village, they tumble from their magical world and into ours -- in fact, smack dab in the middle of Central Park. Just three apples high and stuck in the Big Apple, the Smurfs must find a way to get back to their village before Gargamel tracks them down.
MPAA Rating: Rated PG for some mild rude humor and action
Smurfs Theme Song
Stevennix2001's interview with Papa Smurf on the newest Smurf movie.
Disclaimer: This entire interview is completely fictitious, and is not based on any actual events, people or anything. If you cannot take a joke, then please do not read this sketch.
Stevennix2001: Why hello there Papa Smurf. I just want to say thank you so much for joining us today to talk about your latest film.
Papa Smurf: No problem my dear friend. We smurfs are always willing to lend a smurfing hand.
Stevennix2001: Gee, thanks I think. Anyway, what was the inspiration behind your latest film? I mean you guys have been around for years, but why did you guys decide to make a movie about yourselves now?
Papa Smurf: That's a smurf question there Steven, and one that I will diligently try to answer. You see for the past few years, the smurfs and I have been living in perfect harmony. However, the smurfless attacks by Gargamel, have left our village constantly on the verge to defend itself; hence smurfing half our budget on defenses, so we thought a movie would be a great way to bring in more revenue for village.
Stevennix2001: Hmm...that makes perfect sense. Wait a minute, I thought the Smurfs had a society where you guys never relied on money in the past, and everyone just did their parts like in the cartoons? Are you saying that's not the case Papa Smurf?
Papa Smurf: Well Steven, that's a big load of Smurf, as I can tell you that right now. That whole bartering free system Smurf is only in the cartoons, as we smurfs need money just as much as anyone.
Stevennix2001: Okay, well fair enough. Anyway, I understand Gargamel is always after you guys all the time in various cartoons, and this movie as well. Has it ever dawned on you smurfs to...well...take him out? Permanently that is?
Papa Smurf: No, no, no, we Smurfs are a peaceful race, so we could never smurf another living creature; regardless of how evil that creature might be.
Stevennix2001: That's pretty noble of you Papa Smurf, but why is Gargamel so obsessed with you guys anyway?
Papa Smurf: Because legends has it that Smurf DNA holds the key to giving him enough power to rule the world, and that's something that we smurfs cannot smurfolerate.
Stevennix2001: That's a very good point there. Now, lets talk about Smurfette for a moment, if I may change the subject for a minute. Smurfette is the only female smurf that lives in the village, right?
Papa Smurf: Of course, Smurfette is the only woman that our village has, and she's quite smurfly isn't she?
Stevennix2001: Hmm...quite. Anyway, how does that work exactly then when it comes to guys...well...you know...repopulating the species so to speak? Do you smurfs just have sex with the one female smurf to reproduce or what?
Papa Smurf: No, we smurfs are delivered from storks like any other baby out there. You see in our culture, we don't use smurf to reproduce, as it's explained in the movie.
Stevennix2001: How is that scientifically possible though? I mean where do the storks get the baby smurfs then?
Papa Smurfs: Well Steven, I'll be happy to tell you, but I'm afraid I don't know how to explain it in your language, so I'll have to explain it in smurf if you don't mind.
Stevennix2001: Sure, I happen to be fluent in smurf anyway, so please continue.
Papa Smurf: Smurf smurf, smurf, smurf, smurf, smurf smurf, smurf, smurf, smurf. Smurfty smurf, smurf, smurf, smurf. You get it now?
Stevennix2001: (Jaw drops hearing this, as I immediately shake in horror. Muttering to myself, as my eyes widen in complete and utter disgust)...Oh...my...freaking...smurf...n...n..nobody must ever know......
Papa Smurf: Yeah, let's keep this as our little smurf.
Stevennix2001: Now that your big movie is out, what are your plans for the future though? Are there any plans for a sequel, spin-off, prequel or perhaps a new TV show about you guys in the works?
Papa Smurf: Well, I'm afraid as the old saying goes Steven, "Curiosity smurfed the cat." Therefore, I can't divulge what our plans right now are, but rest assured, this will not be the last time you'll be smurfing from us.
Stevennix2001: Well put Papa Smurf, and I just want to say thank you again for joining us, as it was really an honor having you here today.
Papa Smurf: No problem Steven, and thank you for having me.
Stevennix2001: Anyway, to conclude my hub on the Smurfs, I have another guest here today named Film Critic Smurf. For those who often love reading my reviews, I'm afraid I won't be writing this one today, as I'm going to let my guest critic writer tell you his thoughts on the movie. After all, who better to review a Smurf movie than an actual Smurf?
However, before we bring out Film Critic Smurf, I just want to take time out to apologize to all of you that may be fluent in Smurf. What was just said by Papa Smurf was truly horrifying beyond all reason, and I truly understand your discomfort. Please don't translate what you read here today, as the world truly must never know.
Anyway, without further delay, let's welcome Film Critic Smurf.
Film Critic Smurf: Why thank you Stevennix2001 for this smurfenous opportunity today, and I would like to thank all his readers for accepting me as a substitute for today's review. Anyway, lets get started with the review.
Movie Review By Film Critic Smurf
"The Smurfs" finally make their smurftastic debut on the big screen...but is that a good thing? For those who don't know, this movie is based off the original comic strips by Peyo made back in 1958. The comic strips loosely followed the legendary stories of my people, where we lived deep within the enchanted forest; which was magically hidden from most of mankind. During some of our misadventures, we would often encounter the nefarious Gargamel (Hank Azaria), who would always devise up ways to capture us. Of course, thanks to Papa Smurf (Jonathan Winters), we were always able to outwit the senile old Smurf in his attempts. As some can tell, we Smurfs tend to use the word "smurf" for just about anything really. Whether it be a verb, noun, adverb, pronoun, adjective or whatever, the word just seems to generally fit for just about anything. I know it might sound confusing, but you tend to get used to it. Another thing worth noting about us is that we're all named after our own distinctive personality traits. Clumsy Smurf (Anton Yelchin) is named clumsy because he's clumsy. Brainy is named brainy because of how smart he allegedly is, and Vanity Smurf is just named vanity because...well...he's a smurf!
The film starts off like any of our other misadventures, where the Smurfs are planning some festival. Gee, doesn't it seem like we always have a festival for no other reason than for the pure Smurf of it? Anyway, Papa Smurf has a vision about how Clumsy Smurf screws things up again, as this forces our leader to worry about the safety of our village. Leave it to old Clumsy to screw things up again, as he leads that Smurf hole, Gargamel, right to our village. Clumsy Smurf being the lovable dumb Smurf that he is, he runs the wrong way into a portal that transports himself along with Papa Smurf, Smurfette, Gutsy, Brainy and Grouchy Smurf to modern day New York City. To make matters worse, Gargamel follows our heroes into this new parallel dimension to chase down Papa Smurf and the others. But, wait a minute! Why didn't Gargamel go after the other thousands of Smurfs that got left behind? He does realize that the only reason we're able to fend him off is because of Papa Smurf's leadership skills, right? Honestly, you'd think after chasing us for years that this Smurf hole would've learned that by now. Seriously, how is this moron even a damn threat? He's a smurfing idiot if you ask me.
Anyway, Papa Smurf and the gang end up becoming friends with two humans named Johan (Neil Patrick Harris) and Grace (Jayma Mays). Johan is a well do businessman that works in advertising for a boss that always seems to threaten to fire his Smurf at every turn. What a smurf! Of course, Grace is expecting a child too, and she really seems to connect with Smurfette and Clumsy. Clumsy because he's so damn Smurfdorable; in spite of being a moron. As for why she likes Smurfette, I can't speak for Grace, but I think Smurfette is just Smurfing hot! Smurf, she can smurf with me any time, as I'd love to make sweet smurfing smurf smurf with her. Sorry, I got sidetracked there for a minute. Seriously, when you grow up in a village where there's only one girl, then you can see why any other male smurf would be in love with Smurfette.
Like the cartoon series, all the voice actors play true to the characters they represent, and Hank Azaria manages to do a decent job portraying the over the top Gargamel. As for Neil Patrick Harris, he always brings class to any film/TV series that he stars in. Plus, the animation and 3-D cinematography is very impressive indeed, as audiences will definitely get their money's worth if they choose to see it in 3-D. Unfortunately, I have to be honest here. Although I am risking the fact that Papa Smurf may get mad at me for this, and all the other Smurfs will pick on me. And worst of all, I'll probably end up blowing my chances completely to be with my dream girl, Smurfette, but I have to be honest, as I'm Film Critic Smurf damn it!
Although most of the humor is relatively non offensive enough to appeal to toddlers and most children, the reality is that most of the humor tends to get borderline annoying, and downright weird at times. Like Pixar's latest run of animated movies, "Smurfs 3-D" tries to insert a few witty jokes that appeal primarily to adults that are allegedly supposed to be subtle to where kids won't pick up on it, but the adults will. Using such jokes like Smurfette saying, "I kissed a Smurf once, and I liked it", to where she was caught imitating a famous Marilyn Monroe pose; which caused Gutsy to show off his rear too. Lord, help me get that image of Gutsy out of my smurfing mind. Sure, most kids probably won't pick up on the Marilyn Monroe reference, as it's plainly obvious it's supposed to be one of those subtle jokes that adults will pick on. However instead of it being funny, it comes out as being downright weird.
Not only that, but the film tends to rely most of it's humor on potty jokes half the damn time, from dipping Clumsy in the toilet to Gargamel accidentally mistaking a port-o-potty for a laboratory. On second thought, those scenes might not be too bad, as I never liked any of those Smurf holes anyway.
In the end, if you're a person past the age of eight, then you'll probably be bored out of your damn mind watching this movie. Sure, I'll admit this film does have it's moments, but most of jokes become so annoying that you'll end up just as bitter as Grouchy Smurf by the time this one is over. However, if you're a child under the age of eight, then you'll probably end up loving this film for what it is. Not a great family film by any definition, but it'll definitely keep your kids entertained. I would definitely have to give this movie two smurfs out of four. If you ask me, I think most parents would be better off renting this movie. Sure, the 3-D cinematography is great, but the story is so watered down, and badly written that it doesn't make it worth the trip to the theaters.
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