Spoiler Alert: Dreadful The SAD Movie Review - Dead Snow
Welcome back my friends, to the reviews that never end. It’s kind of bad you chose to attend....Anyway, this weeks movie is called Dead Snow. I was in the mood to watch a zombie movie, and I stumbled across this one on Netflix streaming. The poster is the top half of a zombie’s head, laying on the ground, wearing a military hat with a swastika. THat’s right;Nazi zombies. Of course I was on board right away, and when I saw it was a foreign film, I was in. I love watching weird foreign horror movies.
What Is This Movie About?
This movie is about 8 Norwegian friends on Easter break in a cabin in the mountains of Øksfjord, Norway, speaking all kinds of Norwegian. They set up, have a snow fight, and play twister (what are they, nine?), and start to drink. When suddenly.....some old guy shows up, out of the dark. He tells a story, about how the Nazis occupied this area, which was a village. They stayed for awhile, until they looted the valuables of the townspeople, and the townspeople revolted, and drove them out. Herzog and his men were chased into the mountains, where it was assumed that they froze to death. OR DID THEY!?!?!
That creepy guy leaves, and SURPRISE! He was the first character killed in this movie (I don’t count the girl at the beginning, we didn’t know who that was until later). Vegard’s girlfriend was supposed to meet them there, so he leaves the cabin to look for her. The rest of the people are hanging out, when Erlend (Norwegians and their names.....amiright?) finds the box of looted valuables. They mess around with them, and Erlend makes an Indiana Jones reference, in English for some reason. That's when things get weird...
The zombies show up soon after that. It jumps back and forth between Vegard (by himself), and the group that stayed at the cabin, who immediately split up (what are you doing!?! Stay together!!). The rest of the movie is about survival, obviousley. What else would you expect a zombie movie to be? This movie is bloody, and gory, and disgusting. It is really something to see.
Oh God, Why?
- Erlend announces to the entire group that he is going to the outhouse, and throws out “I’ll be back”, the second, and last, line in ENglish. Chris, the girl that he has been flirting with the whole time, follows him out, and they have sex in the outhouse. This might be the most disgusting thing that happens in the movie. And just wait until some of the deaths.
- After Erlend and Chris are “done” he goes inside, and she is the first of this group to be murdered. They look out the window for her, and she pops her head up to the window. She moves again, and we find out it is just someone holding her severed head, to the window. Why would someone do that?
- Erlend gets offed next, and it is by far the funniest death in the whole movie. He is standing by the window, when the Nazi zombies (or Nazombies) crash through it. They grab him, and pull him through it. One jams a finger into each of his eyes, and pulls apart, ripping his head open longways, and his brain flops onto the ground! Brains can’t do that, can they? Aren’t they connected to....something!?! Or does it just float around in there?
- One of the girls gets knocked out by the zombies. She starts to wake up, and the camera view switches to her perspective. It’s still blurry, but we still see two figures kneeling beside her, pulling something out of something. Turns out, they were pulling her apart, while she was still alive. When she realized what was happening, she makes the quick decision to end it as quick as possible. She reaches up, and pulls the pin on the grenade in the Nazi’s belt, killing all three of them. It was so disturbing to watch, especially the point of view angle.
- This argument sprang to mind while watching this: Are these Nazi zombies, or zombies that happen to be wearing Nazi uniforms? Don’t they have to have ideals that correspond to the ”Nazi beliefs” in order for them to be a Nazi? The only ideals that they have, are brains, brains, and braaaaaaaiiiinnnsssss, so to me, they aren’t Nazi’s anymore.
- The final battle is really awesome, with the two guys that stayed at the cabin, fighting Herzog’s group. There is this really upbeat music, as these two dudes are hacking up zombies with chainsaws, and smashing them with sledgehammers. The music really clashes with the fighting, and it is really entertaining.
- Vegard (snowmobile guy) gets back just in time, to help those two dudes fight the zombies. He kills two with the snowmobile, and turns and talks to his two friends. They ask him where he got a machine gun (oh, did I not mention that at one point, he pulls out a turret machine gun, and locks it into the snowmobile, like it was meant to be there all along? Well, I’m sorry, and that happened). He says “Ehh... I’ve been busy”. Which is a good answer, I guess.
- Immediately after that, though, he is set on by four zombies, who grab him and DRAW AND QUARTER HIM! Just standing there, they rip his arms and legs from his torso. I do have a problem with this, because I don’t think the physics would work out for them to do that, one limb would still be attached. I was totally puled out of this Nazombie movie after that
Wait, Did That Just Happen?
So, let me set up this scene: Vegard (snowmobile guy), fighting 2 Nazombies (Their names I am going to give them are Nazombie, and Nazombie: The Sequel). Nazombie comes at him, with a knife, he throws him off, and picks up the knife. He throws it at Nazombie: The Sequel, hitting him in the eye. His eye starts gushing blood, which brings up another point: Would a zombie, without a pumping heart, and that has been buried in snow, have blood that gushes out? Anyway, Nazombie: The Sequel gets impaled on a tree, and his intestines spill out.
Vegard takes a breath, but then is attacked by Nazombie. They both fall, with Vegard pinned, when he leans forward, and bites the cheek off of Nazombie. Which brings the second question to mind: If you bite a zombie, do you become a zombie, or is it only if they bite you? They keep struggling, and Nazombie falls off the cliff, taking Vegard with him. Vegard, somehow, grabs Nazombie: The Sequel’s entrails, and hangs onto it when he falls (This might be where Robert Rodriguez got the idea for the scene in Machete). He is saved, and Nazombie falls to his second death. This whole scene is nuts anyway, and then we get to the falling off, being saved by the entrails bit, and it becomes epic.
It’s Not All Bad…..
Sure, it’s really cheesy, and there are literally buckets of blood poured on people at times, but it is actually really creepy, and disturbing. The scene where the girl wakes up, and is being eaten alive, is way more disturbing than anything in any Saw movies, or movies like that. Plus, the decision she makes, to take them out as well as her, was a really heavy part,, something that I wasn’t really expecting from this movie.
This movie is actually really well done. Some parts are really funny, and entertaining, like the last fight against all of the zombies, and the great music along with it. Some parts are really disturbing, like Erlend’s head getting ripped open, or the girl getting eaten alive. All of this comes together to create a really interesting, and enjoyable zombie movie. I really recommend it.
4 tree branches through the eye, out of 5
So, there you go. The first month of Spoiler Alert: Dreadful is done. Four-In-A-Row, and still going strong! Thanks to everyone that is reading.
The next movie, I have decided to do a comedy, that I have heard, is one of the worst movies in the last decade. The movie is Old Dogs, starring John Travolta, and Robin Williams. It will be a blast....
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