Statements You Probably Shouldn't Make at a Job Interview

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Impress Your Future Boss!

So, you've been looking for a job for ages now. You can't remember the last time you've been to an interview. It's OK though since you've been updating your resume, signed up with LinkedIn, and bought a new outfit. What could go wrong? You are totally with the times and you are going to get that job. You go into the interview, but within no time a security guard is escorting you away. The HR team is crying and yelling at you. The security guard flings you out the door. He says something about "you are going on a list" and tells you to never come back. What went wrong? Was it something you said? Should you still send that "thank you" note to the company for the interview?

Obviously you made a statement (or many statements) you should never make at a job interview. You must be one offensive person! Wow! Congratulations on that one. If you would actually like to have a new job though, well, you've got problems. That is OK because that is where I come in. I am here to help you out with your job interview woes. I am happy to list some statements you should probably never make at a job interview. Feel free to print this list out and keep it with you for the next interview! I am sure you will find it quite helpful.

Statements You Probably Shouldn't Make at a Job Interview:

  • Oh, you'd like to learn more about me? You should check out my Facebook page. I love doing shots with my friends on the weekend. I am most proud of the photo with me covered in my own vomit.
  • My weaknesses? I can't think of any right now unless you'd include laziness, tardiness, and dishonesty as weaknesses. But hey, who doesn't have some small flaws?
  • Oh, I got fired from my last job because I was stealing from the company. Don't worry. I learned my lesson. Those 2 years in jail were tough. By the way, will I have access to the company's credit card?
  • I have this weird foot fungus issue. I prefer to walk around barefoot while at work. I hope you will be OK with that.
  • I prefer making my own hours. Is it OK if I show up at around noon each day?
  • My last job? Oh, I used to work in porn. Actually, I still do some freelance work on the weekends. Have you seen some of my movies?
  • I don't have any pets or children. I do have a collection of teddy bears though. I have about 20 bears and they each have names. I hope I can bring them into the office. I don't like to leave them alone for too long. You know how teddy bears can be - always getting in trouble when I am not around!
  • My mom is right in the lobby waiting for me. Would you like to talk to her? She can tell you what a nice guy I am. I even help with laundry.
  • I am currently looking for work because I kept threatening my last boss. It wasn't like I tried to kill him or anything. I mean, there was that one time I waved a knife at him because he took the last bagel in the work lunchroom, but that wasn't such a big deal. Basically, if you stay on my good side, I am a great employee.
  • A background check? Ummm... well, let me explain...
  • A drug test? Ummm... well, let me explain...
  • Check my references? Ummm... well, let me explain...
  • The voices in my head are telling me you guys are going to be totally cool. I just go with whatever the voices tell me.
  • I will admit I do like to take naps on the job. I hope this won't be a problem. I don't snore or anything.
  • Yes, I have had 7 jobs in the last year. I have a very short attention span. I am also not that fond of authority figures, helping out, or actually working very hard. When can I start?
  • Sorry, if I can't get at least 8 weeks of vacation time a year, this just isn't going to work out.
  • Is the salary negotiable? I would prefer double what you are offering.
  • Is that your wife in the photo? She is pretty hot. You guys getting divorced anytime soon?
  • Wait... you mean I have to show up here everyday Monday through Friday? How much sick leave will you give me?

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Comments 33 comments

billybuc profile image

billybuc 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

Howling! What a great hub to start my day with! Nice job and thank you for getting my day started with a big laugh.


albertsj profile image

albertsj 4 years ago from Pittsfield, Ma

...Lol...and still laughing. You are a friggin' riot! ; )


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO

I will print this and take it as a reminder if I ever have another job interview in my life! I hope not - cuz I work for my husband and it's a pretty gravy job:) lol lol. I once had a woman (on hub) tell me I should be fired for making comments on hub while I was on the job:))) LMAO I said "I wish my husband would fire me - maybe she should suggest it?? Hahaha!


Phoebe Pike 4 years ago

Oh wow! Those are definitely things that would eliminate the possibility of getting the job!


mljdgulley354 profile image

mljdgulley354 4 years ago

This was very funny. I can imagine being the person interviewing and listening to these statements. Great hub.


luse profile image

luse 4 years ago from Boston, MA

That was a really funny hub! but umm... let me explain... =)


Austinstar profile image

Austinstar 4 years ago from Somewhere in the universe

I like the photo with the vomit too! Wow! Who wouldn't be proud of that one?


VendettaVixen profile image

VendettaVixen 4 years ago from Ireland

This was hillarious. Though, I'm pretty sure I know more than a few people who wouldn't see anything wrong with saying some of these things to their potential new boss.

Voted up, useful, funny and awesome. Oh, and bookmarked.


DeborahNeyens profile image

DeborahNeyens 4 years ago from Iowa

You always make me laugh, Jeannie. Voted up and funny!


BizVT34 profile image

BizVT34 4 years ago from USA

I think THAT guy was in my office just last week.......


dmop profile image

dmop 4 years ago from Cambridge City, IN

Considering that I have a very important interview tomorrow, I figured it was fate that this Hub was here for my reading pleasure. I will certainly consider your list, though I'm not sure I'll be able to contain my need to tell them that my Mommy is in the lobby, because she is my best reference, lol. Thank you for writing, voted up and funny.


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 4 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

billybuc - Thanks! This is what I love to do... make people laugh. There is plenty of real information out there on this subject, after all.

albertsj - Thank you! I am glad you enjoyed it.

RealHousewife - Hahaha... that is too funny. It is a good thing your husband didn't fire you over that one!

Phoebe - Yes, this list would be a good way not to get hired. Perhaps people who are on unemployment and wish to stay on unemployment should do everything on this list.

mljdgulley354 - For entertainment value, I wish I could say some of these things at an interview. I would never have the nerve though!

luse - Thank you! But ummm... I can explain...

Austinstar - Vomit photos are always something to be proud of. Of course, showing them off online makes a lot of sense.

VendettaVixen - Thank you so much! Yes, I know a few people who might say some of this stuff. I have weird friends. Hehe.

Deb - Thanks so much! I am glad you liked it!

BuyaBiz - Uh-oh! Chances are, I've probably worked with him before, too. Or at least had to talk to him on the phone.

dmop - Best of luck with the interview. You know, taking your mom always bring great luck. This is fate! Thanks for the votes!

Thank you everyone for the comments! I really appreciate it!


randomcreative profile image

randomcreative 4 years ago from Milwaukee, Wisconsin

Well done! One of the best parts of work dinners with my husband is the stories people have about med school and internship interview teams that they were on...the stories are always priceless.


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 4 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

I can only imagine. Interviews are the worst. I've been to some crazy interviews with terrible managers. But I've also been on the other end and sometimes think, "What on earth is this person doing? Don't say that!" Hehe. Thanks for the comment!


stclairjack profile image

stclairjack 4 years ago from middle of freekin nowhere,... the sticks

woman walks in to apply in the dietary dpt,... announces to the admin. that she is homeless, unemployed for the last year, and is off of her meds so shes's having some memory issues.

needless to say we sent her to the dietary mannager with a warning,.... "dont you even think about hiring this one"


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 4 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Wow, if it weren't for the memory issues, I would probably want to hire her out of sympathy. She probably should have just kept some of that info to herself. Thanks for the comment!


Alecia Murphy profile image

Alecia Murphy 4 years ago from Wilmington, North Carolina

I love these hubs you write Jeannie, it's pure genius. I can relate because I've only recently reentered the force but fortunately since I was placed through a staffing agency, it was less nerve racking since all they saw was my resume before I came in. But nonetheless this hub is very useful for putting your nose to the grindstone! Great hub!


stclairjack profile image

stclairjack 4 years ago from middle of freekin nowhere,... the sticks

i guess sympathy was what she was going for,... but you had to be there,.... i dont have the words to compleetely describe the effect of her presance,.... wow?

thanks for this,... it was the wednesday gigle i needed.


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 4 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Alecia - Thanks so much! I kept seeing job interview articles online and I thought, "I can make this funnier. I am great at giving terrible advice!" Thank you!

stclairjack - She must have been looking for sympathy. I am glad this hub gave you a laugh. Sometimes that is what we need in the middle of the week. :-)


Cloverleaf profile image

Cloverleaf 4 years ago from Calgary, AB, Canada

This is so funny Jeannie. The statement I enjoyed the best was "I prefer double what you're offering". Haha! Wouldn't we all?

Voted up and funny :)


Ruchira profile image

Ruchira 4 years ago from United States

Haha...I wish those tactics "worked" we would all be so happy :)

Loved it...funny and voting up.


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 4 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Cloverleaf - Yes, I would love to say that at a job interview. I mean, seriously, if I am having a totally honest conversation with folks, I feel like I should bring it up. ;-)

Ruchira - Hahaha... Yes, if only they did work.

Thank you both for the comments and the votes up!


Just Ask Susan profile image

Just Ask Susan 4 years ago from Ontario, Canada

Loved this hub! One that didn't work well for me was telling the interviewer that the reason I wanted the job was because I was bored at home :)....I didn't really want the job and thought to myself that this would be a great way not to get it :)


rlaha profile image

rlaha 4 years ago from Spartanburg, SC

I loved all of these! Thanks so much for making me laugh! I voted it up, funny and have shared this!


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 4 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Just Ask Susan - Wow, that is really keeping it real. I've been in interviews before and changed my mind midway through about the position. I need to think of something good to say to really throw off the HR person. That line might work for me, too!

rlaha - Thanks so much! I really appreciate the votes.


alocsin profile image

alocsin 4 years ago from Orange County, CA

Excellent advice and a great way to start the day. Voting this Up and Funny.


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 4 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

Thanks for checking out the hub and thanks for the votes! Have a great day!


MelChi profile image

MelChi 4 years ago from Cape Town, South Africa

Thanks for ending off my day with a laugh (well, quite a few actually!) I loved this hub! :)


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 4 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

You're welcome! It is good to end the day with a laugh. Thanks for reading my hub!


Sharyn's Slant profile image

Sharyn's Slant 4 years ago from Northeast Ohio USA

Jeannie ~ did you write this on the same night you were coloring your hair? Just wondered. Very funny as usual!!!


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 4 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

I wrote it around the same time, but I don't think I wrote it the same night. I think I only worked on the hub about highlighting my hair that night. :-)

Thanks for dropping by!!!


rcrumple profile image

rcrumple 4 years ago from Kentucky

Jeanie-

Just saw this hub at the bottom link area of one I just wrote. I love yours, and the similarities are almost non existent. I'm going to link yours to mine. If you don't want this, please let me know and I'll remove it. Many Thanks!


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 4 years ago from Baltimore, MD Author

rcrumple - Thank you for linking your hub to mine. I am happy you enjoyed the hub. I will check your hub out now. :-)

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