Stupid Criminals - How to NOT Rob a Restaurant

Source

Caught on Tape!

Crime doesn't pay, especially if you are doing it wrong.

If you are a lawyer, politician or a security guard it does pay. If you want to commit crime though, you have to operate in the shades of gray, you know? You can't just rip people off in the light of day and expect to earn a living. You have to be sneaky or find a loop hole so you can make it nice and legal like.

Take the robber this morning at my friend's Chinese take out restaurant in the area of Goodfellow Boulevard and I-70. This video illustrates exactly how you should NOT attempt to rob a restaurant.

Crime School 101 - How to NOT rob a restaurant.

A markerGoodfellow and I-70 -
Goodfellow Blvd & Interstate 70, St Louis, MO, USA
[get directions]

  • Robbery is probably easier to get away with if it's dark outside.
  • Don't dress like a ninja in broad daylight.
  • Restaurants are probably not a very profitable place to rob. They deposit all funds into their bank each night after they close. They do not leave cash registers full of money.
  • Restaurants have food supplies so it isn't really merchandise that can be resold for profit. What was this guy thinking? I just gotta have a crab rangoon at 8:00 a.m.?
  • If cars are driving past you, there are people in them, usually, and they can see what you are doing! Some of them even have cellular devices that allow them to report your dumb ass to the local St. Louis P.D.
  • If there is a camera it is probably recording what you are doing. Yes, you can cut the wires but devices that record are kind of like bells. Once you ring them...they can't be unrung. All that stuff you did up to the point of the cutting the cable is still there. In this instance there were four cameras recording. One of the other cameras has the moment where this guy realized he was on T.V. and the star of the show no less! What does he do? He breaks the monitor.
  • Attention all criminals! Security cameras can and do record to devices that are located OUTSIDE of the building. That means that you can't get your thieving hands on it and you can't erase it.
  • Don't rob an establishment that is located amid Federal buildings. Government facilities of any kind are typically monitored 24 hours a day, seven days a week.


Source

Jail or College?

Unfortunately, many people learn the hard way that crime doesn't pay unless you are on the prosecuting team. For instance, this guy. It took him about 7 minutes to figure out how to break though wrought iron bars and Plexiglas. He did accomplish that goal. However, he was in jail by 9 a.m. and will now have many years to contemplate how well spent those seven minutes were.

He got away with about 40 bucks in silver dollars and some change. He was caught within an hour so he probably didn't get to spend it all either. By the time this guy gets out of jail, he could have had three college degrees, an SUV complete with a wife, 2.5 kids and a dog. He could have been a lawyer, politician or a ....

"In a closed society where everybody's guilty, the only crime is getting caught. In a world of thieves, the only final sin is stupidity." ~Hunter S. Thompson

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Comments 45 comments

johndnathan profile image

johndnathan 4 years ago from Dallas, Texas. USA

That was quite entertaining. Thank you, Realhousewife!


xstatic profile image

xstatic 4 years ago from Eugene, Oregon

This is an amazing example of crime doesn't pay stupididity! Your list should be read by all wanna be crooks.


carol7777 profile image

carol7777 4 years ago from Arizona

so be cool before you rob. Actually why rob for 40.00 when you can rob for 400,000? The penalty could be closeto the same. Got a chuckle out of this. I think I am going to stay honest except about my age. Very cool hub.


rcrumple profile image

rcrumple 4 years ago from Kentucky

The stupidity exhibited is beyond belief. To stand on a street and disassemble a window as he did was beyond belief. Truly a man of many talents. Unfortunately, breaking and entering isn't one of them. Loved your sarcasm in the list. Until you mentioned the cash stolen, I was thinking this is a man desperate for food to feed his family and has no experience. Now, I understand, he just didn't have much upstairs. Good Job!


Cardisa profile image

Cardisa 4 years ago from Jamaica

I wish I could see where he got caught. There was a program I used to watch about the worse criminals. Don't remember which network but it was hilarious, this guy is no different. He must have been really hungry or stupid.


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 4 years ago from Baltimore, MD

Oh boy, I hope this clip shows up on World's Dumbest Criminals. Awesome! I like how he tried to appear casual while taking down the iron bars. Sure, that is totally normal. Voted up and shared!


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Hi Johndnathan - thank you so much. While I was leisurly sipping my coffee this morning...and watching this video I was laughing so hard! I couldn't keep it all to myself:) LOL


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

I realized xstatic that these poor criminals do not have school to go to - ! haha I guess they have to learn by making their own dumb mistakes, huh? lol But come on...surely people are NOT that stupid, or are they? haha


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Oh yeah Carol - it is totally legal to lie about your age. I also think it should be okay to go backward every other year or so:) Next year, I'll just be year younger!


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Yeah rcrumple - can you believe that guy? Apparently he tried to bust into the Sally Beauty Supply two doors down also...so I was thinking he might be hard up for some shampoo? Or a need a perm and color maybe? lol Yeah seems to be just another not so common stupid criminal...I mean this one just takes the cake! Well or he would...!


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

I think stupid Cardisa! I mean who wants Chinese food for breakfast anyhow? lol He was just trying to get into the cash drawer. In fact - the video from one camera picked up his going straight for it (he went for the cash before he tried to destroy the video!!) But how dumb is that even? I mean everyone knows the managers take the cash to the bank after closing! Just not very well thought out I guess:) haha


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Hey Jeannie! Wasn't that hilarious??!! I wish I could have gotten Richard to upload the other video view too but I guess he had better stuff to do:) lol It was nuts - the guy sees the moniter (and it's HIM on it! Sitting on top of the register) and he smacks at it then breaks it...like a 2 year old! I guess he thought that would make it go away? Too funny!

Thanks for the read AND shares:) lol


billybuc profile image

billybuc 4 years ago from Olympia, WA

One of those rare hubs where I was glued to the screen for a very long time. There is no limit to stupidity! With any luck, this guy will not get some girl pregnant because I don't want to see those genes passed on. LOL

Great hub Kelly!


Faith Reaper profile image

Faith Reaper 4 years ago from southern USA

LOL, Kelly, you are so hilarious and giving good competition to some other writers of humor no doubt! In the city in which I work, and formerly lived, the crime is so bad that the criminals will go in broad daylight to affluent neighborhoods while the people are at home (gangsters) and rob them!!! They will even knock on doors! My thought was that the criminals are really brazen nowadays, as they do not even worry about doing such under the cover of darkness. But now, after watching this . . . they are really stupid. LOL That's why we moved an hour away into the country, well a small town, which is halfway between two large crime-ridden cities. Hence, the hour commute into work each day.

Voted Way Up

In His Love, Faith Reaper


everymom profile image

everymom 4 years ago from Massachusetts

I laughed so hard, ReaHousewife! Thank you! When I taught in an urban high school, I told my students exactly that they were a bit too honest to make good criminals. You just have to be smart enough in life to choose a career path that fits your personality...for this guy, though, I'm not quite sure what that would be. It's definitely not crime! :-)


Janine Huldie profile image

Janine Huldie 4 years ago from New York, New York

Wow Kelly there are some really dumb people in this world and just makes me feel better about myself right about now. Seriously enjoyed this and thanks for sharing. I have also shared, voted and tweeted too :)


midget38 profile image

midget38 4 years ago from Singapore

Kelly, a good one!! Criminals become silly when they are desperate, so they do these insane things. Hope they get a wake up call when they read this! Will facilitate the process by sharing!


Mhatter99 profile image

Mhatter99 4 years ago from San Francisco

You might like "Stupid Criminals". It is a feature of 910 radio (Gil Gross Show) approx. 6:45 p.m. Pacific time.


fpherj48 profile image

fpherj48 4 years ago from Beautiful Upstate New York

Now there's a real scholar for ya. Broad daylight, cars driving by, he hangs around for nearly 8 minutes.....This kid was obviously dropped from a second story window, head first, onto concrete when he was a baby.....

You should send the video to his parents (if he has any) and tell them it's for his baby book....."Oh look, honey, our baby's first burglary!!"

Well...I guess it doesn't matter to the tax payers whether they feed him in or out of prison........Who says stupidity isn't funny? This is hilarious!! ..........Good one, Kelly! ...UP+++


CrisSp profile image

CrisSp 4 years ago from Sky Is The Limit Adventure

7 minutes of wasted time...this guy could have spent it well reading or writing for HP, not that he will get some 40 bucks but at least 4 followers maybe to start off. Oh yah, I forgot he doesn't have a computer to do that. (: Dang me!

I doubt if he's hungry for food to rob the restaurant...looks like he is full of energy to break those wrought iron and glass window. ...probably on drugs or simply thirsty...for alcohol? I hope the jack a*s sees this and laugh at his stupidity.

Thanks for sharing.


The Frog Prince profile image

The Frog Prince 4 years ago from Arlington, TX

Definitely not a genius Kelly.

The Frog


ImKarn23 profile image

ImKarn23 4 years ago

Lol..what a dullard ! ultra-maroon! i'm surprised it wasn't friday the 13th and his mother wasn't behind the counter(i realize it was closed, but...)

keystone criminal - hilarious hub!

sharing on, gf...


drbj profile image

drbj 4 years ago from south Florida

Now there's a niche we could exploit, Kelly. We should get together and offer a class in superior skills to utilize in breaking and entering. We could call it Robbery the Easy Way. Or just offer a seminar on running for office ... any office. Whatcha think? I'm willing to go halfsie on the idea. Even got a hoodie I can punch eye-holes in.

In the meantime, this was a blast and worthy of an Up which is hereby awarded, m'dear.


sgbrown profile image

sgbrown 4 years ago from Southern Oklahoma

Cute hub! Glad he got caught. We have a soda machine business and 2 of them, the money was real low when we would check the machine each week. The machine never really looked like it had been broken into, we couldn't figur it out. The top selection button would be punched part of the way out, but not broken. One day, we checked on a machine and the button was gone. Johnny figured out that someone had actually created a tool to fit into the slot, reach up and punch a button on the inside of the machine, to allow it to open. Once they had it open, they took all the money, but would close the machine and put the selection button back. They were finally caught breaking into a soda machine that had a video camera on it. If they had used their creativity for something useful instead of robbing soda machines, they would probably be rich. Overall, they did get about $400. from us! Voted up and interesting! :)


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Hi Faith! Thank you so much! I am not the best humor writer but it is the most fun for me. I really like to take subjects that almost everyone has has experience with and laugh about it.

I live in the burbs too! About 30 minutes outside St. Louis. I still have my whole house wired with cameras and sound inside and out:) hahaha A police man lives across the street too so I hope his car serves as a diversion for many would be theives.


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Hi everymom! Thank you so much! Yeah, I wonder what the skills for a great future criminal might be? Solves puzzles fast? haha


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Hi Janine - thank you! There sure are so many people that could use a little more schooling:) But heck if not for them, what would I have to write about? hahaha


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Yeah - what COULD that stupid ass have been thinking?

Everytime I watch that video - I keep thinking about 2 year olds. You know how a 2 year old will close their eyes and they suppose no one can see them (because THEY can't see anything) I bet that guy was thinking that - "if I don't look at them, they won't see me!" Hey maybe he should have worn camoflage clothes??? haha

It still amazes me that it was daylight and cars are whizzing past him...he just goes and gets a big old rock...


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Hi Mhatter99 -- I would love that show! Hey I am gonna try to tune in! Thank you!


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Hey Paula! Can you believe that idiot? haha Oh my....when Richard called me - he only had the poor external hard drive - but since he installed all my equipment, he knew he could view it here. I was dying laughing...too bad the cops got him before we even had a chance to see the cute tape! haha

That was a fun morning...coffee, danish and an idiot video:) LOL


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Hey CrisSp - yeah I could have done way more profitable stuff in 7 minutes:) lol

My friends and I pondered why he might do such a thing ... it wasn't for food. The first thing the guy went for was the cash register. I didn't embed the other view - there was only like 2 seconds of video worth publishing and it was the second when he saw himself of the video monitor....he smacked at it like a girl and broke it:) LOL As if....that would help a thing!


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Nope, Nope....now if we dressed this dude up in a suit and got him a speech writer...you know?

LOL


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

haha! Yeah I don't know about some people...and did he think he was going to steal bags of rice and noodles? Maybe a duck? I mean I just can't get past a person thinking, "I am gonna have a coffe, bagel and go rip off a chinese take out after..." haha Like they keep heaps of cash around? lol

Thanks so much!


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

I was LOL at your comment Drbj...yeah! I would for sure go in halfsies on that...but I get to be an instructor too, ok?

First rule - wear camoflage! duh! LOL


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Isn't that nuts sgbrown? I wonder how long it took those braniacs to figure out how to make the tool to scam the machine? Now if they had used their brains for a GOOD purpose - those kind of thinkers can be gazillionaries. They think about applying their smarts to crime...looking for a fast buck...get rich quick...but most of the time these petty criminals get nothing to 10 bucks. Still, they keep on trying. The definition of insanity is doing the same thing over and over again and expecting another out come...I can't help thinking about that when I consider our high rates of recidivism in this country. We all want great wealth, fame, popularity and a beach right now.....hard work is all that will really help a person pursue that. A little patience...hard work. Sheesh, when will people learn?


Just Ask Susan profile image

Just Ask Susan 4 years ago from Ontario, Canada

They're some really stupid people out there. Thanks for the laughs.


Dexter Yarbrough profile image

Dexter Yarbrough 4 years ago from United States

Yep! Pretty dumb and stupid!


tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina

Wow.. that is a dumb criminal. They must be on drugs to think they can pull off so many of these crimes in day light. I love it when they put bags on their heads than can't see anything. Hilarious!!


Julie DeNeen profile image

Julie DeNeen 4 years ago from Clinton CT

This was so hilarious. You certainly keep it real don't you?


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Richard is here right now! I wanted 8 cameras and since he needs 4 new ones for the store now, he's buying mine and installing 8 great new views here! The neighbors found out I had one side of the house where no camera view....so now he goes over to that spot and starts jabbering. I haven't responded to it but I am going to beef up the system so there are no gaps he can take advantage of:)

Richard made another video for me of a second view of this robber...I think I am going to edit and add it in...it's super funny!


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Can you believe that guy?

Update too - a person driving past the crime scene did call the police and report this stupid arse. He ended up getting caught before he got down the block. All the coins he stole were returned - his net profit was the can of soda he was sipping just before he got arrested! ha!


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Oh and I meant to make fun of the fact that he had gloves on! Good thinking right? He was making sure he didn't leave any finger prints??? hahahaha


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 4 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Oh yes Julie! lol I am all about being real real!

This was just beautiful...I was having coffee and trying to decided what to write about when Rich called...I was like "how cool is this to fall right out of the sky and into my black book?"


Victoria Lynn profile image

Victoria Lynn 3 years ago from Arkansas, USA

Funny, funny stuff! It's a good thing that many criminals are dumb, so that they are caught. Nice one, girl! :-)


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 3 years ago from St. Louis, MO Author

Ha! Vicki I forgot all about this one already:) lol He was a really dumb guy though - the cops caught him as he was walking down the street - still drinking the soda he ripped off from the store! lol

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