Summer Country Concert Series Finale - Alan Jackson
Attending a concert is far more entertaining (for people watchers) than a trip to Walmart!
Here, in the Lakes Region of New Hampshire, we are lucky to have “The Meadowbrook Pavilion”. Every summer they host a wide variety of concerts ranging anywhere from country music, to heavy metal rock…with everything in between (including rap and hip hop.)
Last night I was lucky enough to attend the Summer Concert Series Finale…ALAN JACKSON! He really is a great entertainer. In fact I lost my “country music virginity” to one of his concerts…his was the first country music show I had ever attended. He, along with NASCAR, is the reason why my children call me a redneck, and my boyfriend refers to me as “Granny Gretchen.”
My boyfriend and I decided to grab, what we thought would be, a quick bite to eat on the way to the concert…WRONG! We (or I) decided on Chili’s because I was craving their yummy Southwestern Eggrolls. Our waitress was Christy, and Christy was either really numb, or (and I hope this was the case) it was her first night on the job. To make a long and boring story short, it took her 3 times before she got the “Club Soda with Lime” part right…and that was only because the manager finally came to our table and asked “exactly what is it that you want for a drink?” I replied “a Club Soda with Lime, please?” to which he responded with “oh, that’s where she got confused” HUH??????? Anyway, about 35 minutes after that, we finally got napkins and silverware…and I got my drink. Good thing I didn’t ask for a “Sex on the Beach!” So dinner (at Chili’s) only took about an hour and 45 minutes.
We got to the concert a little late, which usually puts you in this huge line of traffic…waiting to get into a parking spot about 12 miles away from the venue. However, I have this wonderful sister, who sometimes has a very hectic schedule and just happens to have season tickets (along with the wonderfully convenient VIP Parking)….so yeah, we eased right into our spot!
I have this great boyfriend who happens to be very soft spoken, with a very sarcastic/funny personality. So the very first thing he does, when we walk through the gate, is nod his head in order to get me to see what’s behind me. I turn around to see a woman, who was a little on the large side, but by no means would I call her fat, wearing a bright yellow shirt. I looked back at him and said “definitely wouldn’t be my first choice in colors”…he looks at me with this dead serious look and says “SHE FORGOT HER TEETH!”
We got there in between sets and they were just starting to set the stage up for the main event, so we made our way into the VIP tent…that’s where (if you hold season tickets) you can order a drink without having to wait in a line a mile long, but at the same time you wind up paying double for whatever drink you order…doesn’t matter, it’s still fun.
Right in front of us this very pretty, but also extremely intoxicated, young woman starts dancing, but it wasn’t the regular kind of dancing, it was the kind of dancing where a pole would’ve come in very handy for her…and she could have made a fortune if she were in the right place. She was wearing, what looked like, an oversized black handkerchief for a shirt…WITH A WHITE BRA??? So I turned to my boyfriend, who’d been standing there the whole time with a huge smile on his face, and said “someone really should talk to that girl about wearing a white bra under a black shirt” (all part of my OCD issues), and without looking away from her he blurted out “I know it, she shouldn’t have one on at all!”
We finally decided to take our seats and start with the serious “people watching”…and the fun begins! First off, having a 28 year old “metro sexual” cousin who keeps me and my sisters informed as to what the new “in” clothes are, I’d like to think that I’m pretty good at judging what should be worn by which body types. So my (ha ha, funny) boyfriend was grabbing onto my arm saying “try to control yourself” when this young guy walked by wearing a nice white(way too tight) “Affliction” shirt…instead of sporting a nice 6 pack set of abs (which you should be doing with something that tight) this guy was indulging us with his well-built 18 pack! And if that wasn’t bad enough, he was wearing it over a long sleeve torn up gray shirt and a pair of Levi’s that looked like they could’ve been purchased in the 70’s.
Then (I’ll call her) Bambi came along! I wrote a whole blog yesterday about how your clothes should always match…what I neglected to add was that…SOME THINGS SHOULD NEVER LEAVE YOUR CLOSET!
We first saw her from the back. We both burst into laughter because (and this was only the first obvious flaw) she had on white, what looked like, patent leather cowboy boots. I don’t know about anyone else, but anytime the word cowboy comes to mind “shiny” just doesn’t seem to fit. Bambi had long, beautiful, curly hair and was wearing some tight, low riding jeans, a cut-off white top, and of course….a cowboy hat. Let’s just say that Bambi needs either a new mirror or a new set of eyes!
Well, Bambi turned around, and what we couldn’t see from the back suddenly sent us into almost shock. The muffin top was the first thing to jump out...don’t know why it wasn’t noticeable from the back…but it was predominantly there in the front, and she couldn’t stay still if her life depended on it…so it was jiggling! Then we must have both noticed her face at the same time, because just as I looked up, my boyfriend muttered “EEECK”, and I could hear the couple next to him saying in unison “oh my God!” For one thing, she didn’t have many teeth, but was smiling a whole lot...add to that the fact that she looked like she was a lot older than the back side of her body made her appear. Then to top it all off was the 3 pounds of make-up (which for obvious reasons didn’t work) that was caked on her face. WOW!
There were many more sites during the rest of the concert, including the couple who must have been in their 90’s, sitting next to us. They did not budge, smile or clap throughout the whole show. I turned to my boyfriend, a little concerned, and asked “do you think they’re ok”, so Mr. Sarcasm says “probably just a bad dose of Geritol.”
It really was a great show, despite our horrible service at Chili’s and arriving a little late; we really had a great time. And as we’re walking out of the place I ask my boyfriend, in all seriousness, “why do you think a woman as old as Bambi would dress the way she did?” and he says “I don’t think she was quite as old as you honey, I think she’s just lived a hard life.” THANKS…LOVE YOU TOO SWEETIE!
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