Ten Classic Anti Christmas Punk And Heavy Metal Songs To Vulgarize Your Holidays: The Dark Side Of Santa
It's that time of the year again. The man in the period red suit comes into your life to leave you zombified till the New Year comes (but mostly quite longer). But don't you worry, buddy. Christmas embodies the spirit of giving so I have an anti Christmas song list to bring joy and lols to your souls. These are songs that honestly show the dirty, filthy side of Christmas and smoothly fill the hole in your soul as a richly lubricated Christmas plug. So.. In no particular order – here they come:
10. Weird Al Yankovic "Christmas At Ground Zero"
This is one of the darkest songs by Weird Al Yankovic and an anti Christmas classic. What can illustrate the doom and desperation of the season more than fear of nuclear catastrophes. Mutations on the New Years day, the missile-toes... These cheesy lyrics bring the Christmas spirit of Chernobyl right into your living room.
9. Kevin Bloody Wilson “Ho Ho F*cking Ho”
This song retells the well known legend of Santa Claus from the viewpoints of the elves, Rudolph and other Santas victims in a simple, joyful way. (Strong mature language, of course.) What can be more calming that knowing that He is going to visit your children too.
8. King Diamond "No Presents For Christmas"
If your grandmother is into heavy metal guitar solos, she's gonna love this song. If she's not.. well, you can always force her to love this anti Christmas song. This is a song for all family. It features Tom and Jerry drinking sherry, Donald Duck (what the...) who is still in the bed.
7. Dennis Leary "Merry F*ckin' Christmas"
Christmas - it's the time for getting drunk, high, whatever that makes you forget about this miserable time of year. This anti Christmas song is just another reminder of crappy toys, Asian pornography, streets that smell like pee and all the other things that makes these holidays miserable.
6. Tiny Tim "Santa Claus Has Got The AIDS This Year"
Some people have called this the worst song ever. But it is honest, straight-forward, simple, catchy and anti Christmas. The bad aftertaste after hearing this song is just a bonus.
5.The Pogues & Kirsty MacColl "Fairytale Of New York "
This is a folksy anti Christmas song (happy Christmas, you a*se, I pray god it's our last) is a classy song. It is a great background music for when you're drunk and having tantric sex for money.
4. The Vandals "Oi! To The World "
Christmas is not only popular time for suicides, it is also a great time when some people choose to turn their buddies into bloody mess. Another inspirational anti Christmas song.
3. The Goodies "Father Christmas Do Not Touch Me"
You can't trust an old man who repeatedly asks to sit on his lap. This anti Christmas song is a cheerful hymn that praises the most immoral Santa.
2. Fear "F*ck Christmas"
(And f*ck the New Year too.) This is a MUST HEAR anti Christmas song. Using all the creativity, the deep, dark essence that the genre of punk rock has to offer, Fear has made a masterpiece dedicated to the doom and gloom of Christmas.
1. The H. P. Lovecraft Historical Society "Carol Of The Old Ones "
Christmas - the very, very scary solistice when the Old Ones awake to let the madness and terror reign. That's not simply an anti Christmas song. That's a song about the birth of the messenger of the doom which will lead to the end of the mankind.
Thank you for reading this small, tiny, teeny weeny collection of inappropriate Christmas songs. I am, of course, aware that there are many, many more of similar songs. It was a challenge to pick out only 10 of them. Hope there was a song or two that you were glad to find out or remember. Oi to the world and have merry f*cking Christmas!
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