The Biggest Piece of Garbage Hubber

I bet you looked here because you feared I would name you.

Not the case my friend, not today, not never.

The biggest piece of garbage hubber is me. I'm a scummy low life. Mosquito larva in your pool, dirty, ugly and foul. I smell.

You see, I think about hubbing all of the time, daily even. Unfortunately I cannot find the time that I once had during slow winter months; as bizz wizz picks up during the summer. I wanted all my hubbalubbas out there to know though that there are many of you whom I think of daily, I just wanted to make it a point that I did not forget you, and don't plan on doing so.

Anyway with all that lame sappy shit out of the way...let me move on.

Usually I have something incredibly witty to share with all of you, but nothing really cool, or eventful, or ultra sweet has happened this past week.

Well I did happen to spot this one insanely fat person riding a horse on Main Street, but thats not funny now is it? It's just incredibly mean of me.

Wait on Monday at Best Buy I saw a kid who I thought was a kid, but the kid was not a kid at all. It was one of those strange little folk that look like kids, but they're not. There are different breeds of little people, this one was that rare kind that seem to never grow old, or get fat and stocky and have huge heads. You know the kind that are actually cute, they look like kids who just stopped growing at the age of 6?

Anyway, that's not really that cool, but when you spot one it always feels like you spotted this rare ultra awesome mythical creature. Call me sick, call me wicked, but when I spot one every decade or so, I cannot help but run the same fantasy over and over again in my head.

Like Spongebob who chases after Jellyfish. I always want to net one up and bring it home. I think it would be midgenapping or something; and trust me, I don't want my mug in the news for doing something so off the wall rude. I couldn't even imagine what the headline would look like.

'Giant Souless Scumbag Nabs A Nub With Fishing Net'

Sigh. 'They're all gunna laugh at you'.

Anyway, besides that cool Viva Pinata vibe the Best Buy sighting gave me (you'd have to play that game to get my sleazy joke) nothing really else sticks out.

Oh, but while I'm here, I may as well mention that it has rained for close to a month straight now. The lack of sun is depressing, and the fact that I haven't gone swimming yet, (and it's almost July) just sucks. I've been thinking it could be some new modern weapon. Our enemies finally figured out how to control weather, and now they will drown NY. Blub, blub, blub. Hope you can swim; just watch out for my feces.

I could seriously end it right there. So I will.

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Comments 8 comments

Adam B 7 years ago

Wow...your sighting of the little person and explaination of what he looked like...that was just WRONG. But I just don't want to be right because I laughed and yeah, I think that sort of shit somtimes too. I like that we sometimes think alike...that makes me feel better about being a sociopath; since I guess I'm not alone.


MellasViews profile image

MellasViews 7 years ago from Earth Author

lol... I simply adore you Adam. Your my evil twin


Christoph Reilly profile image

Christoph Reilly 7 years ago from St. Louis

I don't think I've ever seen one of those little people, though I've seen a few wee folk that I think were Leprechhans - but I was drinking then too - so you never know. Glad to see you stop in to say hello. I was just thinking of you the other day.


MellasViews profile image

MellasViews 7 years ago from Earth Author

: )

Did you happen to snap a picture of the Leprochaun? hehe. There was a sweet Southpark episode on this subject. lol.


goldentoad profile image

goldentoad 7 years ago from Free and running....

I gained some winter weight and probably won't be able to go swimming in fear of the great harpoon.


Peggy W profile image

Peggy W 7 years ago from Houston, Texas

Swimming and harpoons? Wow! Guess I am glad there is only a birdbath in the backyard!


ralwus 7 years ago

I get a kick out the those wee munchkins too. Hey, come see a fat man. I just installed a saltwater pool and we can go skinny dippin. No rain and it's been hot here as well as sunny, finally. Good to see ya now. tickle tickle


Randy Behavior profile image

Randy Behavior 7 years ago from Near the Ocean

Mella, its doesn't matter what you write, its just how you happen to write it. It tickles me every frickin' time.

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