The Funeral Arrangements of Michael Jackson

A Funeral Like the Star's Best Concerts

As expected, the funeral arrangements of Michael Jackson will be exceptional, fantastic, superlative, amazing, etcetera, etcetera. Indeed there simply won’t be sufficient adjectives to describe it. Like one of Michael Jackson’s concerts his funeral (should the star be given the funeral he envisaged) will be out of this world!

The Theme of Michael Jackson’s Funeral will be…

The theme of Michael Jackson’s (according to our secret celebrity source) will be The Wizard of Oz!

Follow the Yellow Brick Road

We cannot and will not divulge where the coffin will embark from. Apart from anything else that would reveal the name of our source but mainly we have decided not to reveal our source’s name to ensure the lands surrounding the embarkation venue does not become the camping ground of a veritable conglomeration of fans. Suffice it to say that the coffin will “follow the yellow brick road” and will be carried aloft by scores of Hollywood’s shortest celebrities, in relays of 50 metres each.

This was Thriller!

To keep the mourners entertained along the route of the funeral will be “dressed” with 27 open air cabarets for them to see – depending on where they watch from. Suffice it to say that (like those in the cheap seats at Michael Jackson’s concerts) all in attendance – no matter where they are along the procession’s route – will feel part of the event and all will find it unforgettable.

This Press Release is the responsibility of Celebrity Death Band Wagon Productions

PS:  Respect to Michael Jackson and thanks for the memories - including the 80 and 90s discos and taking my nephew to see Moonwalker.  Wish I'd said that before you died and I'm so sorry you didn't see how your public loved you.

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Comments 47 comments

Ralph Deeds profile image

Ralph Deeds 7 years ago

Maybe they'll bring him back to life for the affair or perhaps his death was a scam. I could not care less.

Wilma Proops profile image

Wilma Proops 7 years ago from London, Liverpool, Paris, New York and Tenerife Author

You're entitled to your opinion (unless you're in Iran) but if you couldn't care less, why did you read the article?

Ralph Deeds profile image

Ralph Deeds 7 years ago

Curiosity I guess to see whether anybody else thought they probably will overdo the funeral in the same manner Jackson overdid his performances. I was never a fan beyond his Jackson Five period. My lack of enthusiasm for Jackson came long before the revelations about his pedophilia. He made a mess of his life and the lives of many others so I don't see why he should be so excessively honored in death. The reason of course is pretty clear--eyeballs for the media and money from the advertisers. Some of the same networks that today can't say enough good about him were busy crucifying him during his trial for child molestation.

My idea of a proper funeral can be found in "Tract" by William Carlos Williams as follows

I will teach you my townspeople

how to perform a funeral--

for you have it over a troop of artists--

unless one should scour the world--

you have the ground sense necessary.

See! The hearse leads.

I begin with the design for a hearse.

For Christ's sake not black--

nor white either--and not polished!

Let it be weathered--like a farm wagon--

with gilt wheels (this could be

applied fresh at small expense)

or no wheels at all:

a rough dray to drag over the ground.

Knock the glass out!

My God--glass my townspeople!

For what purpose? Is it for the dead to look out or for us to see

how well he is housed or to see

the flowers or the lack of them--

or what?

To keep the rain and snow from him?

He will have a heavier rain soon:

pebbles and dirt and whatnot

Let there be no glass--

and no upholstery! Phew!

and no little brass rollers

and small easy wheels on the bottom--

my townspeople what are you thinking of!

A rough plain hearse then

with gilt wheels and no top at all.

On this the coffin lies

by its own weight.

No wreaths please--

especially no hot-house flowers.

Some common memento is better,

something he prized and is known by:

his old clothes--a few books perhaps--

God knows what! You realize

how we are about these things,

my townspeople--

something will be found--anything--

even flowers if he had come to that.

So much for the hearse.

For heaven's sake though see to the driver!

Take off that silk hat! In fact

that's no place at all for him

up there unceremoniously

dragging our friend out to his own dignity!

Bring him down--bring him down!

Low and inconspicuous! I'd not have him


on the wagon at all--damn him--

the undertaker's understrapper!

Let him hold the reins

and walk at the side and inconspicuously, too!

Then, briefly, as to yourselves:

Walk behind--as they do in France,

seventh class, or if you ride

Hell take curtains! Go with some show

of inconveniwnce; sit openly--

to the weather as to grief.

Or do you think you can shut grief in?

What--from us? We who have perhaps

nothing to lose? Share with us

share with us--it will be money

in your pockets.

Go now

I think you are ready.


Wilma Proops profile image

Wilma Proops 7 years ago from London, Liverpool, Paris, New York and Tenerife Author

Welcome to the Celebrity Death Band Wagon Mr Deeds!

Thanks for your considered comment - and the opportunity to state that I’ve never believed Jackson to have been a paedophile.  No way would I knowingly associate (unless to shop them) with any such person, dead or alive.   The millions of people and their hacks who are conveniently forgetting they declared/thought him to be a child molester so they can ride the crest of this morbid wave are beneath contempt.  My belief is that Michael Jackson was a vulnerable eccentric framed by underhand families who could see a way to profit and the dirty minds of men who couldn’t themselves have slept in the same bed as a child without at least considering an assault.  The Jarvis Cockers of the world were misled by the actions of the two groups.

The proof is extremely flimsy but deserves mention – one day I’ll add the full reference – something in a hagiography by Gregory of Tours:  Some bishop or other was so holy that he could sleep in the same bed as a child and not even touch him!  This was sufficient proof for Greg that the man was a saint.  This can only mean that the “normal” man would have acted precisely as Michael Jackson was accused of doing 1300 plus years later.

After the death and funeral’s honeymoon they’ll be character post mortems – perhaps the truth will out.  I hope my opinion is upheld but if I’m proven wrong I’ll delete or alter anything I’ve written and published. 

 The poem was most appreciated too –

Ralph Deeds profile image

Ralph Deeds 7 years ago

Jackson was accused twice of child molestation. He paid $22 million to get the first charge dropped, and he was acquitted after a circus trial in the second case. Everyone agrees that Jackson was a very strange bird who never achieved anything close to normal, mature adulthood. Beyond that his style of entertainment never appealed to me although his talent was undeniable. I have no doubt that his family and others will try to make the most they can financially out of his funeral, with the full cooperation of our wonderful mainstream media.

AJay 7 years ago

MJ paid $22 million not to get the case dropped; but to bring peace not only to himself, but for his mother as well. MJ never molested anyone. The same boy that extorted the $22 million dollars from him, was the same boy that sat next to MJ during a televised interview with his head on MJ's shoulder. This same boy stated out of his own mouth that he spent the night over MJ's house and slept in MJ's bed, BUT, MJ slept on the floor. After this boy went home, his parents saw an opportunity to get some money from MJ. The boy then recanted his story. If an adult REALLY molested you, why would the child sit next to him on national TV very close to the "So-Called" molester and place his head on his shoulder? If MJ truly molested this dishonest kid, why would his parents even permit him to go on a nationally televised interview? This boy and his family were opportunists. MJ got fed up and paid these extortionists off. The LA Prosecutor never liked Michael for two reasons: no. 1, MJ was BLACK and the 2nd no. 1, MJ was rich. The LA Prosecutor was jealous of MJ, just as you appear to be. White people like you and the Prosecutor cannot stand to see Black people have anything. Get over it and accept the fact the White people are the Minorities now. Black people and other people of color did not take the country away from you, you all gave it away. GOD saw all your evil ways of lying, cheating, stealing, extorting, slandering, defaming, degrading, disrespecting, murdering and just OUTRIGHT HATEFULLNESS just for the fact that people were not white. You may not have liked MJ, but so what. Put your hatred and jeolousy on the back burner and show him and his family the same respect you would want to be shown if it were your own or your family member's death.

Ralph Deeds profile image

Ralph Deeds 7 years ago

Race has nothing to do with my attitude toward Michael Jackson. I just never liked his stuff, although I agree he had incredible talent. If you look at some of my music hubs you will see that I'm a fan of many black entertainers. Perhaps noone will ever know the truth about the accusations against Jackson. Everybody agrees that he was not close to being a normal, mature adult person. His race has nothing to do with the whole mess so far as I'm concerned. You are a little too quick on the trigger to make accusations of racism, in my opinion.

AJay 7 years ago

Your first comment includes the statement, "I could care less." Why would you write something like that, unless you have hatred in your heart? You also write, that you did not care for MJ beyond is Jackson 5 period. Your lack of being a fan of his came long before the accusations of pedophillia. You state he made a mess of his life and the lives of others. Let me ask you, what mess did he make of other peoples lives? The only mess he made of his own life was associating himself with too many people that did not have his best interest at heart. People like YOU. You said "I could care less." You claim racism has nothing to do with it, but being so callous and putting such an insensitive statement in writing, knowing that his family may read this, identifies what you are about. You should be ASHAMED OF YOURSELF. SHAME ON YOU, SHAME ON YOU, you cold, cold person.

anonymous 7 years ago

your comments are totally unfounded/ignorant

ralph deeds. please do real fans a favor, and log off,

or just sell your computer, obviously you use it

for wrong and superficial reasons...

Nj 81 7 years ago

its amazing how deeds says he doesn't care for

mj's music, but he has incredible talent..

wonder what they'll whisper about you when you're

gone, i'm sure not everything will be so great...

your statements are purely oxymoronic, and hypocritical.

Ralph Deeds profile image

Ralph Deeds 7 years ago

I have no "hatred in my heart" for Michael Jackson although I was not one of his fans. I just don't believe in 3-ring circus funerals. That was my main point.  I commented similarly about the one week of continual adulation of Tim Russert to which we were treated by the main stream media following his death last year. Michael Jackson was a tortured soul partly from abuse by his father from what I've read. While he was alive, although I wasn't a fan, I wished him well throughout all his troubles and successes despite the fact that I just didn't happen to like his stuff. I could name fifty black entertainers that I prefer. One comes to mind that I saw recently on PBS--Fats Domino. I live in Detroit and have been a fan of plenty of black entertainers going back many years starting with Dina Washington down to Thornetta Davis today with plenty of others in between. May Michael Jackson rest in peace.

Ralph Deeds profile image

Ralph Deeds 7 years ago

Fat's Domino's Last Concert at Tipintino's

Stand by Me

Stevie Wonder Honored at the White House

Big Mama Thornton Sings the Blues in Detroit

reva jackson 7 years ago


Ralph Deeds profile image

Ralph Deeds 7 years ago

And on yours and Michael Jackson's as well.

Naz 7 years ago

Ralph Deeds has all the time in the world to write so many comments on a subject about a person that he "could not care less" about....I'm confused...well do us all a favour and don't come back.

I am sorry I didn't say this somewhere where MJ could read it but I will say it "I love Michael Jackson and he was one of a kind, I never believed once that he was a molester and although he was strange in his own ways, he rocked my world with music I will play and dance to till I die...may your soul rest in heaven and God bless you Michael Jackson."


Paige 7 years ago

Anyone raised in his exact circumstances would have ended up just as weird. We'll miss his iconic music and entertainment. RIP MJ!

Wilma Proops profile image

Wilma Proops 7 years ago from London, Liverpool, Paris, New York and Tenerife Author

Thanks Ralph Deeds and AJay for your comments and (AJay) at last a well worded defence of MJ against the charges of child molestation.  The media were so adamant that MJ was a pervert that voicing support was seen as upholding paedophilia.  I feel cowardly for not voicing an opinion based on instinct against those toe rags at the time.  How they (the media) can forget their role is absolutely vile but typical.  Ralph Deeds seems to be upheld re the attitude of MJ's parents - his dad seemed to take the opportunity of last night's red carpet interview to promote a record label.  I hope MJ's children aren't now exploited by their profit hungry grandfather.  Where's their mother?  

Chanda 7 years ago

Deeds were you there and did you see Michael moleste a child. I agree with you Wilma he wanted peace for his family and also for the child. The bible states, the love of money is the root of Evil and those children parents saw money because if you know he was charged once. Why would you let your child go around him to be another victim. Deeds he without sin cast the first stone.

Ralph Deeds profile image

Ralph Deeds 7 years ago

Chanda, you may well be right. The children's parents apparently were using their children as a way of extracting money from Michael Jackson. Of course I wasn't there and all I know is based on sensational media reports. If I could edit my earlier post I would change it somewhat. I believe I did say that he was not convicted of child molestation. The first case never went to trial. So, he remained innocent under the law. At the very least he was an eccentric person and, for several aspects of the way he lived, not the best example for his young fans in my opinion. Although he wasn't my cup of tea he was a supremely talented performer and deserves to be recognized for that. He had my sympathy during his trial, and I wasn't disappointed when he was found not guilty.

Wilma Proops profile image

Wilma Proops 7 years ago from London, Liverpool, Paris, New York and Tenerife Author

I think that the press - when they act like they did - do influence people's opinions. I'm glad you made the comments you did Ralph Deeds - I've not seen this isue discussed anywhere else and it wouldn't have happened without your contribution.

When the media start on their next victim let's hope we remember what they did to Michael Jackson.

connie 7 years ago

M J parents does not looked sadden by his death. His father was smiling at the cameras as now is in the spotlight. MJ lived a rich, but sad life.

Connie 7 years ago

Regardless of what he did or did not do.. he will have to see God on that issue. Just like MJ, millions of people die everyday and he was no exception to death. I agree greedy father will try to benefit off the funeral/media.

MJ was very talented in his music, but like Elvis, he too had many emotional problems. Now let the MJ. FF, ED. M. Billy M, and the 153 people who died on a plane. May you all rest in peace. He is gone from earth. .

AJay 7 years ago

Enough about MJ being weird or eccentric. If the "Average Joe" came into millions and millions of dollars, can he/she think of something extraordinary that you would buy? When you think about it, what weird things did he buy? He was accused of buying and sleeping in a hydrolic chamber bed. When MJ appeared on Oprah, she stated she was invited into MJ's house when he had not arrived home yet. Oprah stated she went through MJs house and did not see it. My mom always told me, believe none of what you hear and only half of what you see, because it might not be what you think it is. Eg., Sunday night on the red carpet during the BET awards, Joe Jackson did make comments about his new record company; BUT, BUT, BUT, if folks had viewed Fox News, the majority of the media left out a BIG part of this. A female news reporter asked Joe Jackson what else he had been doing? Thus, Joe Jackson answered her with what he had been doing. It makes sense to me. And to Connie: it's not fair to say that MJ's parents don't look sad. Did you not read the information that Marlon called home to his parents' house to confirm his brother's death. His mother was in the background crying so, that the family manager had to take the phone and inform Marlon that his brother MJ had passed. Neither you or I have been in the Encino home of MJs parents. You don't know how much crying they HAVE DONE. Connie, have you ever heard of being strong in public? Let's adapt some common sense Connie.

Wilma Proops profile image

Wilma Proops 7 years ago from London, Liverpool, Paris, New York and Tenerife Author

Thanks for the comments everyone - I've learnt much from the discussion. This article has influenced another I've written in the aftermath of Michael Jackson's death - any comments/discussion of this would be most appreciated too. Here is its hub link:

Alex Donre 7 years ago

Michael Jackson was a very good artist, a good icon and humanitarian. a good father, someone that people could look up to him any age or size. He will be sadly missed trust me

Ralph Deeds profile image

Ralph Deeds 7 years ago

A good father who apparently never got around to adopting his children.

BigJ 7 years ago

Just put him in the ground already

calsusieq 7 years ago

Wow...I believe that there is one most important thing here....You can't take it with you when you go! he has met his maker and GOD alone will be the only one who TRULY knows what Michael did in his life.

It saddens me to think that people look at other people by the color of their skin, the money they made etc. Bottom line is we are all here for a purpose! Hopefully Micheal fullfilled GOD's purpose for him. I pray for peace and grace for his family, but most of all that his children will know how much they where loved by their father and their father's memories and music will be comfort in their time of grief and as they grow up!.....AMEN

jarobins 7 years ago

@Ralph one needs to adopt their own children....bye HATER!

Ralph Deeds profile image

Ralph Deeds 7 years ago

My, arent't you touchy! FYI, I don't hate Michael Jackson. Sorry, but I'm only reporting what I heard on TV. Who the actual biological parents of Michael's children are is not clear. One of Michael's many doctors was mentioned as a possible sperm donor. Apparently, the fact that Michael didn't adopt "his" children may cause problems, e.g., over the custody of Michael's mother of the children. Just one little detail that Michael may have overlooked. According to a TV report last night, the children and Michael's mother, but not his father, are the beneficiaries of a trust which he established for them.

AJay 7 years ago

Being that MJs father is not divorced from his mother and they are still seen together in public, makes no difference if Joe Jackson's name was not visibly written in the will. Katherine's been married to the man for over 50 years, you don't think she is going to share her wealth with him? Realistically, Joe still benefits.

Rhonda Goodrich 7 years ago

To Ralph Deeds, Seems to me you'll never be as famous as Micheal IS, stop trying so hard. RHONDA

calsusieq 7 years ago

if MJ is listed as the father on the birth certificate, does not matter if he's the biological father or not, the courts will look at what is in the best interest of the children. They have lived with their father for all of their life and the "biological" mother gave up custody, therefor the children's family is MJ and his family. What does it matter anyway. The media circus has begun....known of us should beleive everything we hear.

Ralph Deeds profile image

Ralph Deeds 7 years ago

Well, it matters for the children. I hope it all works out for their benefit.

calsusieq  7 years ago

Why does it matter for the children? MJ was their father. From personal experience, I am a product of "living" with other people outside of my "biological" parents (was raised by them and am now in my mid 40's), my PARENTS (who are not my biological parents) are my parents, my family (although they are not my biological family) are my family. In Christ we are all one! More importantly the children have only known MJ and his family as their family, for the best interest of the children, the courts will look at that scope of what is in the best interest of the children, i.e. the language of MJ's will is very specific in who is the custodial guardian in the event of his death, the courts will only amuse the "biological" parent fiasco (reminder that the biological parent gave up custody twice of the children, and has not made any attempt so far to "claim" the children). I pray for the children, They have lost their father, that in itself is the worst thing for ANY child to go through add to it that their father was a very famous person, the hardship on the children has to be tremendous and the loss they are feeling it saddens my heart that three little children have to go through what they are.

intice 7 years ago

Wow reading ths brings joy and sadness to my heart because my daughter is 4 and has been a die hard fan of mj because of the way her father also was a huge fan. It was a shame when I heard of MJ'S death of and my daughter was with me it has been a week and she still does not believe it. She has said she wishes people would stop saying that he is dead that is not nice and that broke my heart more. People all have their opinions and that expected but in reality overall mj was a great man and awesome singer, songwriter and performer. As for his children why would people wanna bring more heartache to them they just lost their father spern donor or not mj was the man they knew as their father. My heart goes out to the family. His funeral being a circus is their choice let him go out like he came in with a bang its not on your tab GOD BLESSES FOOLS AND BABIES YOU FOR DAMM SURE AINT NO BABY

giggy 7 years ago

Who in the hell do Deeds think he is

Wilma Proops profile image

Wilma Proops 7 years ago from London, Liverpool, Paris, New York and Tenerife Author

@Giggy: And you are?

Ralph Deeds has as much right to his opinion as anyone. Without him this debate would have descended into the normal, meatless gush that other threads have adopted. Ralph Deeds , doesn't write behind a cloak of annonymity either. I am grateful for his contribution to this thread.

If you really must attack someone how about the hoodwinked Jarvis Cocker? Or be more specific and go for the mainstream media's amnesia. If you must attack Mr Deeds be more precise and give him something tangible to defend. I imagine he could do so and with eloquence.

If you have something original to add to this post, can explain why (for instance) Ralph Deeds' opinions have made you so angry, please do so. Otherwise please do not make further trite, badly written, personal attacks.

Apart from that - carry on and thank you for taking some time to react.

Ralph Deeds profile image

Ralph Deeds 7 years ago

Here's what Bob Herbert, liberal, black NYT Op-ed writer, had to sat today about Michael Jackson:


SG 7 years ago

MJ is innocent and a wonderful man. He will always be remembered for his music, kindness and caring nature. He brought the world together......we are the in peace MJ. I believe in you.

Wilma Proops profile image

Wilma Proops 7 years ago from London, Liverpool, Paris, New York and Tenerife Author

Thanks for posting the link Ralph Deeds. The article and comments under it are well worth a read.

One of the comments I read argue that MJ was a child abuser because his father abused him. It has long been accepted that the abused often become abusers. They are only discovered though when the cycle is broken. I still believe the cycle was broken with MJ but how can either of us know the complete truth yet? I am prepared to reject my views if substantiated evidence is ever offered.

There's are factors which might prevent me from seeing MJ as the monster some people paint. One is human greed - people will go to all sorts of lengths to obtain $25 million. Also, I don't want to believe that parents would deliver their children to a child abuser. What I would look at and allow to change my view (which I've said is instinctive) are substantiated evidence from those he abused and confessions of their parents.

Another commentator there says s/he loves his music but hated him as a person - there's no way I could understand that. If I really believed he was a child molester I'd never want to hear anything by him or covers again.

Bobbie 7 years ago

Does his death mean we'll be seeing him pouring coffee at Dunkin Donuts in Kalamazoo Mich with Elvis?

Jen 7 years ago

Wow is this about sayng good bye to a celeb (good or bad) or someone on their own soap box for 5 minutes of fame

vpro 7 years ago

Ralph... shut the hell up. You are not too far from checking out of this earth yourself... do us all a favor and make that time much sooner. You people and your living through the media. You are lost and appearently braindead.

vinnie 7 years ago

i don't feel bad for MJ i feel bad for his family because in my heart he was a strang man who put there baby over balkany +baby dolls up stairs + operation from black to white

Crystal 6 years ago

I think it's pretty obvious but for those who don't see it, then perhaps they are seeing the once innocent child that was exploited by his dad, which really screwed him up...

It's all just a big distraction from the real news of the world anyway. Can't he just rest in peace? Probably not, because that wouldn't be profitable.

Celebrity news is not news- it's brainless gossip about famous people. Imagine what we could do if we all focused our energy on something important, like world hunger...

We are the world, we are the children, remember?

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