The New-Breed of Awards Shows I Would Love to See Very SOON
The present time
I don't watch awards shows. Any awards show. Forgive me, Catholic Church, but not even if there were a bi-yearly awards show featuring the Catholic Church entitled, "Unseen Miracle Awards Show," I wouldn't watch it.
I know that it's a case of burn-out on my part. Don't feel too harsh toward me, but I have been addicted to watching "some" type of awards show since the time that there were only an Academy Awards and a Tony Awards shows. That's it.
My love for these shows evolves
The memories are still clear. I would get a cup of coffee, relax, flip on the television and glue myself to whatever network is broadcasting the awards show that I had longed all day to watch. In the mid-1980s, I liked the MTV Music Awards. There was always a lot of intoxicated rock stars who won awards on that show and I loved how they slurred through whatever acceptance speeches they had left and that was it. I loved it. Of course in those days I had something in common with these mega-rockers: Drinking. Yes, I loved the cold ones. But thank God, those days are gone.
But not the awards shows. Notice both words, "awards" and "shows" are plural? That's because the two awards shows that I mentioned in the beginning of the piece, The Academy Awards and the Tony Awards now have evolved and multiplied so much that rabbits are dying of jealousy and for my part, there are just too many awards shows.
Awards shows with film clips
of famous singers and film stars bumbling and stumbling on stage, I would watch from start to finish for they are real, honest, and keep me awake.
I see it coming in the near future. One of the four networks, CBS, ABC, CBS or TNT will produce an awards show about awards show called, "The First Annual Awards Show About Awards," co-hosted by Sam Elliott and Billy Crystal, for both stars need some work these days. The show will of course be produced and broadcast from sunny Miami Beach. The show will go "gangbusters" and win an award on its own show for its first showing.
Now to give props to my commercial hero, "Chester Cheetah," "Enough!"
Time has come
I want to be able to grab a cup of coffee, flip on my television with my remote and watch a new-breed of awards show. An awards show that will not just capture my attention, but keep my attention. The host of this revolutionary awards show will not be anything like Jon Stuart or his puppet, Stephen Colbert, and forget Neil Patrick Harris. Hasn't America run its course watchng the same hosts with the same tuxedos saying mostly the same jokes. I promise you that the writers for these shows simply cut and paste their new text over the old. No sweat.
So without anymore of my yakking, here it is for your educational welfare
The New-Breed of Awards Shows I Would Love to See Very SOON
"Ladies and gentlemen, I am proud to give you now . . .The First Annual Awards Show for . .
"Most Self-Gratifying Stars of Stars"-- we have this already. It's called a talk show. Let's face it. The real reason for any talk show is for stars who love themselves to promote "like fighting lava" their upcoming film that cost less to produce than their salary.
"Awards Show for Films That Disappoint" -- the paying-public. (e.g. "Man of Steel") and others whose trailers and teasers have driven us mad with anticipation only to let us down five minutes into the film. And you can see it happening. After the half-hour "coming attractions," and merely five minutes of the film you have yearned to see, people are getting up to head for the john or get popcorn. Not necessarily in that order.
"Hard to Pronounce Directors' and Producers' Names" -- this awards show is a hit before one announcement is read. I am serious. The last Hollywood-based awards show I watched, I could not pronounce must less remember the groups of men who produced or directed the so-called "biggest winner of the night" award and to hear them talk, I was lost.
"Awards Show for Stars Who Need Teaching How to Dress" -- really. Johnny Depp could win his own award for sloppy-dressing, but I guess the more-famous one gets, the more liberty we give them in showing-up at an important event drunk and wearing a necktie that looks like something "Wimpy," "Popeye's" stingy friend would wear to church. If you do not believe me. Watch the next big awards show.
"Awards Shows Without a Political Undertone" -- I beg you, dear Hollywood and all independent film makers. We are all tired of politics. We are starved for manufactured action, mayhem, pretty girls and fist fights. It's that simple. We, well, I, do not want to watch another awards show whose candidates for "Best Picture," is a film about a nameless foreigner or American citizen without a memory due to him being born in a nuclear facility and now his entire life's focus is to get even with several "underworld" figures one by one. Then gets elected as premiere of his country and considered a god by his people who worship the Rain Forest but only on certain Saturdays.
"Awards Shows Featuring Snoozer Outer Space Action" -- no commentary needed. "Gravity," and others like it with George Clooney, Matthew McConaghey, never got my film dollar. I would include Sandra Bullock in this non-interest of such shows, but I love her.
"Awards Shows About Stars' Bloopers and Bumbling" -- with film clips of David Lee Roth, Ron Wood of the Stones, and others who can barely remember their names and those singers who fall either going after their fifth award or just forgetting that there are four steps instead of two.
"That's it for me. Thanks for reading and be careful driving home."
Hopefully-interesting side note:
Yes, the collection of photos I have put on this hub captures most of the awards shows currently being broadcast in the United States. I think. But did you know that . . .
These does NOT include all of the awards pertaining to Country Music?
More by this Author
If in real life I were to ever need a "master lawyer," it would be Perry Mason.
Destination America, a channel on DirecTV, has a new show, Mountain Monsters. The show is about guys who investigate sightings of mysterious creatures reported by average citizens. This is my opinion.
At Christmas, how we open our gifts can say a lot about us.