The 10 Most Asked Questions in the World: Answers from Science and Less Disciplined Disciplines

Mystery and Anxiety

Life is filled with mystery, and for many people, just trying to navigate the treacherous waters of our existence is a frustrating and even frightening thing. Terrible things happen for which there are no simple answers to explain them away. Wars and pestilence. Tornadoes and typhoons. Even our own bodies begin to betray us as we age. There are lots of questions that plague our minds causing grief and stress as we make our way through this jungle known as life. For many of us, if we could just get some answers, we could live more easily despite the worry all these stressors often cause. Even if the answers aren't exactly what we want to hear, at least the knowing would help us find some measure of comfort in a world that seems so cruel.

So, in response to this human need, this desire for comfort and some guidance along the path of life, I've decided to put my considerable learning and human insights to work for you, my fellow humanity. I take no responsibility for the questions or the answers that are to come. I merely gathered up the questions and addressed them with as much accuracy as learning, logic and my own metaphysical acuity can command. May you find peace in knowing.

1. What is the meaning of life?

This is by far the most perplexing question of any on the list. I have studied many religions and philosophies, some very deeply, and I can tell you that if one common lesson, one essential element of life could be boiled down from them all, it would be: Don't be an asshole.

No, seriously, that's it. Just about every world religion says at least that much. I mean, yeah, they say other stuff too, but this is the common ground. This is what they all basically say. I wish I had something fancier to tell you, but if there is a universal truth out there common to all of religion, philosophy and social theory that points to a single successful navigation method to get through life, that's the one. Don't be an ass. That's it. So there you go, and you're welcome.

2. Is there a God?

Yes. Unless I am wrong, in which case, No, there is not.

If it turns out I'm right, click here:

Notice what everyone is worried about.
Notice what everyone is worried about.

3. Will I get laid tonight?

This question actually gets asked far more often by people around the world than do the two above. However, because the first two get a great deal more consideration by guys with PhDs (mostly because guys with PhDs already know they aren't getting laid so they don't ask anymore), I decided to structure the list the way I have. Anyway, the answer to this universally asked and all consuming question is: Probably not, unless you are a hot chick, at which point it's entirely up to you.

Notice what no one here is worried about.  Coincidence?  I think not.
Notice what no one here is worried about. Coincidence? I think not.
            S U F F E R I N G  AND  D E A T H
S U F F E R I N G AND D E A T H

4. Why is there suffering and death?

Well, since nobody understands how to pull off the answer to number 1 up there and not be an A-hole with any kind of consistency, we are probably being punished by the god in the first part of answer number 2. However, if the second part of number 2 is true, well, then suffering and death just happen because nobody with the power to do anything about it gives a crap. So there you have it.

5. Is there life on other planets?

Yes. I've seen them. I'm still waiting for them to give me back my spleen.

Clear evidence of superiority.
Clear evidence of superiority.

6. Which are better, dogs or cats?

Cats.

Cats come with an instinct for crapping in a plastic box. It's one of nature's miracles, I tell you. Personality and intelligence just can't compete with something like that, sorry dog lovers.

7. How can I lose weight and keep it off?

Very simple: Stop eating. Close that yawning food-vacuum in your face and watch the pounds just melt away. I can't promise how healthy this is in the long term, but I know for a fact *it works.

... this dude lost 340 lbs.

It's not too good for you, but it works!
It's not too good for you, but it works!

*While rapid weight loss will occur, research shows that at some point after death (an unfortunate and inevitable side effect) weight loss begins to decrease significantly. Once all soft tissue has decomposed, continued weight loss may be impossible to sustain, particularly if fossilization solidifies the remaining skeleton - this may actually result in minor weight re-gain.

8. Do I really have a soul mate?

Yes, but since you spend way too much time fawning over the idea, you'll probably never find one. Consider not doodling unicorns on your notebooks all the time, stop reading poetry, and just go out on a date. The best part is, if the first soul mate doesn't work out, you can get another one whenever you're in the mood. In Las Vegas you can even find people who will pretend to be your soul mate for a fee. So get out there, you've got nothing to lose.

"Hang in there baby!"
"Hang in there baby!"

9. When is the World coming to an end?

Great news on this one, the answer is: Never. That's right, you heard it, the world is NEVER coming to an end. Best part is, that's totally true too. Science proved long ago that energy can't be destroyed, it can only be changed. Well, all the elements comprising the Earth are derived of stored energy at some level, so no matter what, even when the Sun goes supernova or whatever, the Earth will still be around in some form or another.

You'll be dead, obviously, melted horribly into a little steamy pile, but, yeah, the good news is, the world will never come to an end. It will just get its parts moved around or maybe scattered as dust into a solar wind. But it will still be there. That's a real comfort in my opinion.

See a pattern here?

This is why it's called male pattern baldness and not chick pattern baldness.
This is why it's called male pattern baldness and not chick pattern baldness.
A typical woman after two weeks without shaving.
A typical woman after two weeks without shaving.

10. Why do men lose their hair?

This is the most complicated question, oddly, but the answer is: because men are more highly evolved than chicks. That's why. Darwin proved beyond doubt that humanity evolved from primate ancestry. Primate ancestry basically means monkey-people. So, as it is well established fact that monkeys are hairy, and given that through evolution's amazing processes humans became less and less hairy the further they evolved, it is obvious just by looking that men have climbed higher up the evolutionary ladder than women have. Look at how much hair grows on women's heads if you don't believe.

Women try to hide how hairy they really are by shaving all kinds of other places to throw us off. They think we don't know that if they let themselves go, their pits would look like they'd just slapped a pair of terriers under there. And their legs, hah, let's just say razor neglect would bring both meanings of the word "calves" together in a single place. It is a scientific fact that women grow 374% more hair than men and 600 times more rapidly. Or at least I think it is. So what else do you need to know?

Knowledge is Power

There are the answers to ten most pressing questions plaguing humanity today. Some of you may not care for those answers, but all I can do is nod politely and offer insincere apologies. Facts like these are simply impossible to make up. I hope that in the end, you can find some comfort in knowing the nature of the truth.

Like to read? Check out my new novel: The Galactic Mage

This is my new novel. It's getting great reviews. Have a look below at the video trailer to see what the book is about. (Available on AMAZON.COM in paperback or Kindle. Nook version also available.)
This is my new novel. It's getting great reviews. Have a look below at the video trailer to see what the book is about. (Available on AMAZON.COM in paperback or Kindle. Nook version also available.) | Source

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Comments 192 comments

dineane profile image

dineane 8 years ago from North Carolina

Thanks for the laugh--and I totally agree with your answer to number 6!


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California Author

Thanks for laughing. And hah, yeah, that's my favorite. That's my cat too lol. His name is, Slayer. You'll notice the other kitty is waiting for it's turn. Heh.


pgrundy 8 years ago

This is so good! Thanks! I love it. My cat, however, decided to pee right IN FRONT OF his box about a year ago. I was able to coax him into using the box again briefly a couple of months ago after taking him to a vet and reading up on behavior issues in cats and yada yada. Bought him special litter that costs $27 for 20 pounds with special cat phermones in it. Bought him a special $59 litter box so he could feel safe and private. He used the box for a month and now is back to peeing IN FRONT OF the box. He does poop in the box. After all the research and vet bills I do finally know why he does this though:

He's a prick.

S now I have his box within another box--a box within a box--the inner box is for poo, the outer for pee. Soon he will figure this out too but so far, so good.


dineane profile image

dineane 8 years ago from North Carolina

pgrundy--too funny! Well, not for you I guess :-)

And Slayer looks a lot like my Lucy. She has a small thumbprint on top of her head, but otherwise white with all those pretty pink accents.


pgrundy 8 years ago

The hell of it is, I love the cat--God knows why. He's the coolest cat I ever had. He used to unclog my sink for me, and he knows how to turn on the faucet and open the freezer.

He's still a prick.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California Author

Ok, the double box thing is hilarious. You should post a pic. I'd be worried about a cat that can do plumbing and cook for itself though. I mean, not too many steps from there to the top of the food chain.


pgrundy 8 years ago

I think he already IS at the top of the food chain.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California Author

Let's hope he doesn't start a training camp. We might all be in trouble. I'd hate for young Slayer up there to start getting ideas. I mean, he might be pissed off if he knew I had a pic of him pooping circulating on the Internet.


Constant Walker profile image

Constant Walker 8 years ago from Springfield, Oregon

Funny stuff!

Dogs are better!!

...There. I said it. And I'm standing by it!


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California Author

Dogs are more fun and entertaining; that is not the same as better.  You stand corrected.  :)


funnebone profile image

funnebone 8 years ago from Philadelphia Pa

wow..it was as if God was speaking to me right from Hubpages...now if you could just tell me why I have birthmark on top of my head AND I am losing my hair, all of my questions will be answered and I may rest in eteranl peace.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California Author

Yes, well, if there's a God, I'm sure he'll apologize about that birth mark.  That was an accident.  However, the fact that it's shaped like an aroused gummy bear makes god (or the Universe should I be off on question 2 up there) laugh.  So, in truth, the reason you were selected to lose your hair was because A) you are male and therefore so destined anyway as stated in number 10, and B) your hair loss was expedited by God/the Universe because, well, horny gummy bears are funny and it/He/they wanted to look at it again.  It's been awhile since you were born and it's been covered up since your hair came in.  Cut the universe some slack, man, it gets boring up there just expanding all the time.

Now you know. Rest in peace.


Tater2tot profile image

Tater2tot 8 years ago from ~~~

LOL. I agree with you on the meaning of life. Although most people would phrase it as "learn from your mistakes" you phrased it much better. Don't be an A-hole. No body likes a-holes.

I do not know if there is a God. I like to think so but it is just a theory. And you know what they say about theories... "Theories are like A-holes, everyone has one and they all stick." LOL.

Good hub. I love reading your stuff! Dogs are better though.

Tayler!


marisuewrites profile image

marisuewrites 8 years ago from USA

shadesbreath, you are one of the funniest people I've ever not met.  I was going to be brilliant and quote this or that in your article -- but I couldn't decide which one to quote so I'll just say  WHOOOOOPEEEEE!  a great read.  I saw myself in there somewhere, but I won't say which.  

I'm definitely an animal person, prefering dogs, cats, birds, and butterflies though I don't think butterflies qualify as an animal but you get the picture. I sure haven't told my dog or cat they are not human, so let's keep that just between us.

Keep writing, I'm a fan, man! 


C.S.Alexis profile image

C.S.Alexis 8 years ago from NW Indiana

Too FUNNY, love your mind! C.S.


Zsuzsy Bee profile image

Zsuzsy Bee 8 years ago from Ontario/Canada

Shadesbreath! If I were not a fan already I would be now for sure. I just love humor hubs the best.

I loved the before and after weight loss pics. Unfortunately I have to disagree on the cat/dog thing. I just don't think I'd like to exchange any of my collection for a s**t collection in plastic. (However I do love my barn cats)

Awesome hub regards Zsuzsy


C.J. King profile image

C.J. King 8 years ago from Southeast

too funny lol

C.J.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California Author

Tater, thank you and I agree with your assessment of theories. They are fun to bandy about though, especially in hubs.

Marisue, you've already proven you're brilliant in the stuff you write, so your very presence worked for you on that one. Although I would agree that anything quoted from stuff I say is obviously going to brilliant on its own merit simply because it is I that is being quoted <cough> so you would have had double brilliance going had you done so. lol And butterflies do count as animals in my book. Thank you for the kind words.

C.S and C.J. I appreciate your nice remarks too. Thanks for the read.

And Zsusy, thanks for your comment too. That weightloss system is pretty effective, eh? lol. I may start that diet somewhere in my 90s just to amuse the other geezers in the home.


Ana Louis profile image

Ana Louis 8 years ago from Louisiana

Loved the hub! It is always interesting to look at the world through the lenses of someone else's glasses...this read was like going through the house of mirrors at the fair. What fun!

You have a new fan.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California Author

Wow, what a totally awesome to thing to say, Ana Louis. Thank you. I'm glad you had fun.


oberbreckling 8 years ago

hahahahahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahaha

hahahahahahahahhahahahahhahahahahahahahahahahahahhahahahahahahhahahhahhahahha


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California Author

tytytytytytytytytytytytytytytytytytytytytytytytytytytytytytytytytytytytytytytytytytytytytytytytytytytytytytytyttytytytyty

tytytytytytytytytytyty

I ran out of patience, couldn't get to the second line.. but ty for stopping by :)


sixtyorso profile image

sixtyorso 8 years ago from South Africa

Hi Shades I am glad to see that you can be serious and Philosophical. Just when I thought that your writing fingers were attached to your funnybone! (aside: Is this an extension of Darwinism?). The debate about cats vs dogs is almost as old as the universe. Just look at the ancient Egyptians and their heiroglyphics. They had everyone cold on boxes within boxes for cats or dogs for that matter (see the construction of pyramids). But then they went and spoilt it all by providing food and wine and killing all the servants and pets to accompany the fairies (or is that pharoahs) to the netherworld. So I refrain from entering into discussion on cats vs dogs as pets.

Great hub!


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California Author

Thank you, Sixty. So many people think I'm all about my looks and a laugh, but I have a deep side too, as this hub demonstrates.

Egyptian fairies... lol. You know it was probably both. I wonder if the pharoahs had like a tooth phaire and Tinkerbell-ankhamun in their mythology and it just didn't make it onto the walls. That's not really the kind of stuff that your average graphiti artist paints when he's doing his thing. I can see how it might have been skipped over when those guys were tagging the pyramids.


mumz 8 years ago

omg LOL, I love it!


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California Author

Thanks. :)


silvalinings profile image

silvalinings 8 years ago from Richardson, TX 75080

This was hilarious - can't decide between the cats and dogs though. The two cats at my house tolerate the dogs and don't even seem to mind being occasional chew toys. The dogs think they're people - at least they are always in a good mood, so that's an improvement. Don't think I could trade any of them in. However, I do have two grown kids at home -- offers, anyone?


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California Author

No way.. I got three kids myself. Maybe we could get together and have a group yardsale and try to pawn them off like that.


B.T. Evilpants profile image

B.T. Evilpants 8 years ago from Hell, MI

I thought about putting my kids up on EBAY. No reserve!!!


Shirley Anderson profile image

Shirley Anderson 8 years ago from Ontario, Canada

Hilarious, Shadesbreath! I do wish you'd left that pic of me unshaven off of here, that was kinda mean.

Cats are definitely a higher life form and they know it.

Thx for answering all our really important life questions. The world is now an easier, better place to live.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California Author

Yay B.T. Ebay is a no go, been trying to ditch them that way for years.

Ad, Shirley sorry about the pic but that's what you get for tromping through my back yard like that. And you're welcome for the clarity. :)


IndyScout 8 years ago from Indianapolis, IN

Awesome!

I am a big fan of cats myself...yes they use the litter box MOST of the time; but, if you are the one that has to clean said litter box you would not be as fond of cats. Now don't get me wrong, they are still better than dogs.

I think an additional post explaing why cats insist on sitting or laying down on the book/magazine you are trying to read or your qwdq31q3...keyboard (dang cat) or even your hand that you are trying to use to manipulate the mouse would be in order. I would really like to know if my cat is also simply a "prick" like pgrundy's or if it really feels like it is helping me with my task.

And I always thought the answer to the meaning of life was simply 42...guess I should stop being an a-hole.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California Author

I've often wondered about that sitting on the book/paper thing too. I may have to do some deep research on that before constructing my inevitable cat hub. And yes, I've read that 42 is the answer to that question, but I don't buy it for reasons too complex to delve into now.


salmon 8 years ago

Friggin' hilarious.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California Author

Ty. :)


Jewels profile image

Jewels 8 years ago from Australia

Thank you Shadesbreath, you've saved me a hell of a lot of time. At the end of the day, yes I think number 1 is the most intelligent answer there is. Although....... if one were to be an asshole, best be a really good one. Perfection in all things remember.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California Author

Yes, if you are good enough at being an asshole, then eventually you elimante all those who see you as one and the very polarity of the asshole scale flipflops and "unassholeness" is redefined. At which point the new answer to the universe becomes "Don't Not be an Ass."

I realize this is very deep philosophy so be careful with it lest someone gets hurt.


jreuter profile image

jreuter 8 years ago from Portland, Oregon

Hahaha! Awesome! I agree on the cats, it's like Deniro said in Meet the Parents, "you gotta work for a cat's friendship, they don't sell out like dogs." (Or something like that) Great hub SB.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California Author

LOL, I forgot that line. That's actaully true. Dog's do sell out in a fashion don't they. Hmm.. that's food for thought. Shoulda put that in my dog hub heh.


Jewels profile image

Jewels 8 years ago from Australia

As above so below. Exactly. Rhyme and Reason is so hazardous to the mind.


marisuewrites profile image

marisuewrites 8 years ago from USA

I read this again and laughed again and I needed it today...shadesbreath, you do entertain in a very unique way. I wonder how your brain was created...to think of all this stuff is just not normal and we all thank you!!!


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California Author

Hah, Jewel, except my emerald tablet is really just an old clipboard spray painted with a can of green rustoleum, and the three parts are apoplexy, sarcasm and beer. :P

Marisue, for me it is just abnormal to think normally, but you are quite welcome and I am just glad I'm not the only one who is amused. Well, at least this time. Frequently, it's just me basking the hilarity of my own... hilarity, but, well, that's how it goes sometimes. The crickets chirping at the back of the room don't scare me. I'll just make a hub about them if they piss me off.


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA

You are a very twisted man...

No wonder I enjoy your hubs so much :)

While your hub has been very informative, it has in fact, expanded my knowledge to the point where a new question has come up. I am hoping in your infinite wisdom that you could perhaps offer your insight...

If the cat is superior to the dog...and folicly challenged men are that way because they are more evolved than the female of the human species...Why is it that a dog is known as "man's best friend." Is it because most men require a dumb sidekick? As in the "Gilligan Theory."

Respectfully Submitted (yada, yada, yada)

spryte


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California Author

You realize that chicks asking insightful questions of great poignancy is how the whole patriarchy thing started right? It's better if you, the smaller, lighter, less physically robust gender just accept the facts that we men give you. It's just better for everyone. I mean, reality is a matter of point of view anyway, right?


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA

*spryte, seeing only the words "insightful questions of great poignancy", decides to quit while she is ahead and beats a hasty retreat to wreak mayhem and havoc elsewhere*


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California Author

I can't wait till you find my Excrement, Inc. hubs. God you are going to wreak so much havoc. Sixty was actually lamenting your slow arrival. Frankly, given the withering nature of their blooms, you and Jewel are the rains the Serengti needs.


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA

*hugs*

:)

Give me time! I'm trying to savor all of your work. Greedy wench that I am, I have to watch my tendency to gulp down anything I've enjoyed as much as I have your hubs.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California Author

You should write a hub on good IRC channels and how to work that crap to find them. LOL. I think I've paid for IRC (mIRC) like four times and never figured out how to make it work enough to use it long enough to remember passwords etc.


Eric Graudins profile image

Eric Graudins 8 years ago from Australia

Spryte,

You're a charming young gal.

For the sake of your sanity, I STRONGLY advise you not to go anywhere near Shadesbreath's Excrement hubs. Or you'll end up in the pit with the rest of us!

[Invisible mode=ON]

(Aside: Psssssst - Shadesbreath. That should do it. She'll be over there checking them out in milliseconds ! )

[Invisible mode = OFF]


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California Author

[invisible mode on] Eric, yes, I have the automatic sprinklers set for baby oil, she'll never even know what happened... she'll glisten then fall into the pit and end up carrying the round number signs around before she has a clue. [invisible mode off]

Eric, what?  I never know wtf you are saying.


Eric Graudins profile image

Eric Graudins 8 years ago from Australia

[invisible on]

Great idea. And a couple of minutes in the pit will cure her of gulping anything down !

[invisible off]

That makes 2 of us. I don't know what I'm saying most of the time either.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California Author

Uh, me either.


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA

LOL! You two crack me up!

Hmm...re: IRC and mIRC (which imho is the BEST chat server program available) I'll have to think on it. I was on it long before the programmer charged for it, so when I reinstalled a test version of it about a week ago just to take a peek and see what was going on, I was a bit surprised to see a cost associated with it now. Not that it isn't worth it...

I went straight back to my old server...Austnet. I found a few remnants of what used to be there...

*gets an evil idea and slowly smiles*

Perhaps one day when the muse escapes you...I could show ya around

[invisible on]

spryte...what are you up to?

nuffin...

I know you better...you are up to something...even if Shade doesn't.

really...nuffin.

uh huh...

[invisible off]

As for the Excrement hubs...I very NEARLY read it one day, but my boss walked in. I'll try again today... :)


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California Author

Whatever you are up to I will trust my ninja skills to protect me, so I am not afraid.

And you do that.


talented_ink profile image

talented_ink 8 years ago from USA

Wow! After all of my huntering, gathering, fact finding, and all other methods of gathering knowledge, it's been this easy?! Thank you Shadesbreath for opening my eyes and I hope I'm never an A-hole again!


Jerrico Usher profile image

Jerrico Usher 8 years ago from Bend, Oregon

Pretty funny! I love it.. don't be an a-hole.. that about sums it up.. although the meaning of life is to grow and suffer because in suffering were motivated to grow and in growing were motivated to suffer (chicken and the egg?).. but in both instances not being a jerk fits :)

Your next hub should be "How to not be an a-hole"


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California Author

Talented, you are quite welcome. I'm glad I could share this deep philosophy with you.

Jerico,

That's a great idea. As soon as I figure out how to do that, I will write it up. lol


Squimpleton profile image

Squimpleton 8 years ago from New York

As ridiculous(ly fun) as this hub is, I could actually see these answers as true. To think people have been overthinking these questions for centuries and you can come up with a simple way to answer them.*bows down* You must be God, that's how you're sure he exists.

And so what if we women are less evolved? Some of the creatures to survive the longest are the "less evolved" ones. There can be strength in simplicity.


Eric Graudins profile image

Eric Graudins 8 years ago from Australia

Squimpleton,

Don't encourage him any more. His wife told me that his head is having trouble fitting through the doors!


Squimpleton profile image

Squimpleton 8 years ago from New York

That's what butter's for :).


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California Author

Squimpleton, just ignore Eric. He's just jealous of me because he's still got his hair.

You do bring up an interesting point, btw, I suppose a comparison to cockroaches is a bit extreme, but I can see where you're going with it. I'd not dare to make such a claim myself, but I'm glad you brought it up. Very interesting.


Ananta65 8 years ago

Such magnificent and epoch-making work! And yet, pearls before swine. Completely ignoring the most significant facts, such as number 10, your readers (many of them female, I might add) start a discussion about their pets! Such a shame, such a shame… *lol*


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California Author

The rungs on the evolutionaly ladder are separated by a lot of space.

*runs*


Ananta65 8 years ago

I know; my anxiety of heights has kept me at ground level


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California Author

LOL Ok, that's fricking hilarious.


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA

Ananta:

I've been told it's safer to humor delusionary individuals...


Jerrico Usher profile image

Jerrico Usher 8 years ago from Bend, Oregon

How to not be an a-hole

  Chapter I:  Stop praying to yourself in the mirror, although you worship yourself your decipals- wait was that decimals? eh never mind- you don't know everything so stop pretending you do

  Chapter II:  Kindness counts.. but stop counting your acts of kindness true kindness doesn't keep track

  Chapter III: If you walk in front of someone say excuse me, stop interrupting people when their still talking.

(realize it takes a gear shift of mental state to go from talking to listening, so interrupting them is like driving 60 miles an hour then shifting directly into Reverse in your car without using breaks or going into neutral)

listen when people talk, don't rehearse your next sentence. It's ok to forget what you were going to say.. that’s a sign your doing it right.

  Chapter IV: If you ask someone out or to lunch/dinner/breakfast crack open your wallet, you invited you pay- don't be rude

  Chapter V: Take a lesson from the reality of the internet- If you have nothing nice to say shut up- because someone will be recording it on their phones voice recorder or camera, they will upload it to YouTube and allow YOU to make an as* out of yourself.. Don’t give the guy who is holding the gun bullets to shoot you with.

Make no mistake. Privacy doesn't exist anymore.

  Chapter VII: Men are not dogs, women are not B*****, if you have a problem take responsibility for your own emotions and realize that if you don't like something in someone and it truly upsets you to "see" it then your not upset with them, your upset because their mirroring back what you dislike about your own actions or self.. You cannot get upset if you cannot truly relate. If you can relate and have healed that part of yourself you won't feel anger, you will feel humor at your old self.. Hope you don't drown in that comment :)

  Chapter VIII: Be humbled and take nothing for granted, ask not what people can do for you, ask what you can do for people

  Chapter IX: Think for yourself, you don't have to impress anyone but yourself.. And if your not being yourself your not even impressing him/her.

  Chapter X: Don't be an a-hole. If in doubt see chapter 1-9

 *smiles* theirs a start my friend :)


sixtyorso profile image

sixtyorso 8 years ago from South Africa

Shades, how the heck did we go from cats and dogs to evolution? I started off on a superior plain with ancient egyptians. oh what the heck! But I see we snared Jewels and Sprite into the excrement. As you reap so shall ye sow. So eat up and look forward to some light relief (pun intended of course!)

Eric I am beginning to suspect that you and shades are Laurel and Hardy reincarnated!


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California Author

Jerrico, that is an excellent and very well thought out beginning. Now we just need to send that to some certain key heads of state and see how it goes. They'll probably be practicing their responses in their heads half way down though and miss a ton of it (as usual lol). The up side is, at least I always offer to pay for meals and stuff, so I'm 1/10 of the way there! WOOT!!!!

That really is a nice list, thanks for taking the time to do it. Normally I poke fun at everything, but I believe your list deserves to stand as it is and hopefully help some a-holes out. :)

Sixy,

Dude, Laurel and Hardy were my favorites growing up along with the 3 stooges (in re-runs, not originally, I'm not that old, sheesh). Haven't thought of them in eons. If we are reincarnate, I reckon Eric is Stan since I'm built like Oliver already. THat means I slap him around all the time. ROFL


sixtyorso profile image

sixtyorso 8 years ago from South Africa

I hardly dare to think of the three stooges (unfortuntely the original in B&W not colourised by technology). Eric, Shades & me? There are possibilities here. BTW I see Agrodonkey has disappeared. i haven't come across him for a while.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California Author

I'll be Curly :)

And yeah, haven't seen Agro either. Maybe he's on vacation or got abducted by aliens.


Ananta65 8 years ago

Being abducted by aliens always seemed like a vacation to me. But what do I know? I'm still at ground level ;)


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California Author

I don't know. All the probing would be, well, just not what I look for in recreation.


Ananta65 8 years ago

The fantasies I have about alien abduction are somewhat differerent from the general views on what might happen *grin*


sixtyorso profile image

sixtyorso 8 years ago from South Africa

Ananta65 How about an irreeverent look at alien abduction through your eye(s) as a hub?


Ananta65 8 years ago

That's a great idea! I'll think about it. Give me some time to ponder on it :)


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA

Sixty! What a great idea...I can't wait to see what you come up with Ananta :)


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California Author

Yeah, Sixty is awesome at generating hub ideas. I'm looking forward to that too, Anata.. there's a TON of room for fun with that idea.


sixtyorso profile image

sixtyorso 8 years ago from South Africa

Hey guys between comments I have actually written another hub. Come see and play LOL


Ananta65 8 years ago

I know, Shadesbreath, there's a challenge. With you and funnebone competition is hard, but I'll give it a shot :) I'll look at it tomorrow, sixtyorso


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California Author

Sling it out there, dude. Comedy is like belching, you never know how good it will be until you let it out. Sometimes they're weak and people just shake their heads at you, but sometimes they roar and carry with Stentorian dignity across a room, drawing aplause from children and nods of approval from other men.  (This analogy is not as effective if you allow women to be present in the restaurant in which the simile takes place, but, I mean, if you do, try to imagine cool, tolerant women who will at least, you know, like hide their smiles behind their little fans and only pretend to think you're rude.  That's my point.)


Ananta65 8 years ago

You've just proven my point there, Shadesbreath :) But i'll start drinking lots of coke :)


sixtyorso profile image

sixtyorso 8 years ago from South Africa

Ananta65 a little bit of diet Spryte could help too. heh heh


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA

*grins evilly*

Coke...spryte...I've heard both are rather stimulating and capable of keeping people up all night.

*slaps myself*

there...I did it for you.


Ananta65 8 years ago

It would be a great slogan too, Sixtyorso:

"Spryte Light will keep you up all night!"

I better copyright that before someone else does *lol* 


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California Author

Do you people sleep? You guys post in the middle of the night. Sheesh.


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA

Whadya mean....you and I are in the same timezone ya wussie! I went to bed prompty after 1 a.m. *nods*


Ananta65 8 years ago

That's what Spryte Light will do to you, Shadesbreath. *lol*


sixtyorso profile image

sixtyorso 8 years ago from South Africa

Ananta65 and I are more or less in the time zone but I swear you guys don't sleep.


Ananta65 8 years ago

I sleeptype, so I've been told ;)


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California Author

Sleeptyping might make for some ... interesting hubs.  lol.  I'd probably get banned.

(and I'm not a wussie, it's just that my wubbie and Mr. Whiskers Bear go night night and they miss me if I don't come too.)


Ananta65 8 years ago

I know how posessive they can get. Rory Rare Rabbit even insisted I'd call from work every hour!


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA

LOL Shade...you crack me up! Now I have this image of you in Dr Dentons, dragging some poor stuffed creature along beside you.

There's no room for Mr. Wiggles once Foxy the real life cat assumes her usual positiion underneath my right arm. But then again...Mr. Wiggles never purred.


Ananta65 8 years ago

Ok then, here it is: http://hubpages.com/hub/News-from-the-Universe

Not quite the vacation maybe, but the abduction part is in it ;) I'm quite sure you will all like the video :)


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California Author

Sweet... I'm a goin' now!


Ananta65 8 years ago

Aliens at your frontdoor to pick you up?


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California Author

THey started at the front door, but, not surprisingly, made a move for the back door almost immediately. I notice your story was remarkably sans probing. I expect that will come next segment. lol


johnroberts6 profile image

johnroberts6 7 years ago from The universe

lol


RICHARD1121 7 years ago

lol!


nancy 7 years ago

ogm!!! te worold will end just not any day soon.

it will take billions of years ....


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California Author

That is the way I would have it go were I in charge, which I am, so, all good.


Opinion Duck 7 years ago

How did women get ovaries from a rib of adam?

The two major differences between men and women is the prostate and the ovaries, all the rest of the parts of derivations.

For example, the Clitoris is the mini penis.

Humans could have been created Asexual and the parts in man and woman would be identical. Of course, woman would be redundant in that case.

Matter cannot be created nor destroyed, only changed. This looks like a closed system universe. The real question is what is on the other side of the big bang and the universe?

If you had a test chamber and called it the Universe and filled it from a bag of stuff, then the Universe would only contain that stuff, no more and no less. But, you could add more stuff from another bag. You could also vacuum back the original stuff.

These thoughts and questions are not humorous as yours, but they are questions.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California Author

Well, the answer to your first question is easy.  The term "Ovaries" is a compound noun formed from a reference to the variation "varies" of the orgasm "O" or "Big O" as experienced by the two genders (I need not explain the differences here.)  The selection of the term "varies" is particularly impactful and does not by accident also mesh with the concept of variation among species as it occurs in the course of evolution, which, obviously Adam and Eve were a part of despite opposition from various religions.

As for the "test chamber called the Universe" thing... while a very fun idea, the simple fact is that it is merely a "test chamber" called "the Universe."  I had a dog named Universe too, and while it was fun to say the Universe just crapped on my lawn, that circumstance did not, in fact, represent any actual behavior of THE universe.  So, your experiment is not representative of the actual physics really; it's entirely reliant on labels and language, human constructs. A rose (or test chamber) by any other name would smell as sweet (or nasty depending on who was in the room) etc...

Hope this helps.


bgoon 7 years ago

yall r dumbasses get a life


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California Author

My god, it's like, when you wrote that, suddenly a light came on and I realized all this time has been a waste. Wow. I'm breathless. Thank you. Thank you so much.


fred 7 years ago

most people would say the meaning of life would to be leaving life to the fullest or some other thing like learn from your mistakes but really thats meaning humans have come up for them selfs to be truthfuly there is no meaning at all if there a meaning to life it would be servive but seeing as how greenhouse gasses and guna drugs and other danges stuff have been introduced we dont even stand a chance of live no more than a couple billion years till the sun goes super nova and explodes well be dea before than of course due to the heat before the super nove or if just went black hole noneless humans were doomed from the start unless we stayed cavenmen then we might just live a little bit longer but the explosion of the super nova or black hole would still end it of course so to be real about it there is nothing we can do to stop this from coming it well come unless it comes earler from a giant rock flying to earth or say we grow advanced that we find away to live on another planet which we will screw maybe unless we change are old ways but if we dont were doomed and the sad part is there is nothing after you will just die. i dont think there is a heaven or hell i think u just die i think this becouse if animals had started to talk and made there own religion we as the human race would say its wrong and they would try to prove to the death that its right but we would know why they are talking and why they have a religion becouse of some freak sicence accient but thats the same we started out we made a religion so who to say there is a heaven and hell would there be one for animals? maybe not but what are the chances of that being true


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California Author

I think the chances of all that being true are as good as the chances for all of that not being true with about a million other subsets of true and not true pertaining to any combination of all those fine points organized however one would like.


8755 6 years ago

5454555555555512354


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 6 years ago from California Author

I agree. Sometimes it's more of a 54223094809999, but for the most part, I think you nailed it.


kelvey 6 years ago

this is very uplifting and life should bell full of unanswered question mistery is great!


Stan Fletcher profile image

Stan Fletcher 6 years ago from Nashville, TN

DUDE!!! This is my first exposure to your idiosyncratic sense of humor. (I just looked up 'idiosyncratic' and wanted to use it once before I forgot what it means.)

I'm a fan. Dig your stuff. I think you might like my Hair on a Rampage post.

8755 and SB, it was clearly a 545455555555512356. You both missed it. (and no, I didn't count the 5's)

I agree Kelvey. Life IS a bell full of unanswered question mystery. You've just given me the title for my next hub.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 6 years ago from California Author

lol, I'm waiting for that Bell of Unanswered questions hub with bells on.


scooby doo 6 years ago

your fucked up in the head.....i don't know why everyine is saying how your awsome. Your probably just a fag who has nothing else to do.....xbox is the way to go bitch not answering the most frequent questions.....dumb ass!


scooby doo 2 6 years ago

stop being fags and get a fucking life.....your all soooooo gay and take my advise....trust me....i'm trying to be nice to you fags


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 6 years ago from California Author

Scooby, have another go at number one up there. You may have missed it.


Godsnumber94 6 years ago

Looks like Scooby needs to go and fly a kite...


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 6 years ago from California Author

Yes, he might enjoy that. Or he might hate all kite makers too much to enjoy the fun. I wonder if all kite makers are gay and fags too. Maybe he'll let us know.


Austinstar profile image

Austinstar 6 years ago from Somewhere in the universe

Opinion Duck - The universe is not a closed system, it has no sides or edges - crazy thing just keeps going on forever. What exactly would you create matter from? If you destroyed it, where would it go? Answer: Everything exists now, it has always existed, and will continue to exist for eternity (Things do change molecular attractions and the way they present themselves)

The penis is a giant clitoris.

Shadesbreath - I have your spleen, Mwahahaha


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 6 years ago from California Author

Hah, I have always thought the same thing about the clitoris. It's not something a guy wants to think about while, you know, doing certain things to his woman orally though, so I try not to contemplate outside of rare philosophical moments like these.

Also, please send me back my spleen. I bet you aren't even using it.


figment profile image

figment 6 years ago from Texas

Great Hub!


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 6 years ago from California Author

I'm glad you enjoyed it. Thank you. :)


Well. 6 years ago

This is pretty funny, IMO scooby needs to get a life. Why is he calling all of us fags, in which case, he also looked this up and and READ it. Then read all the posts........ So in technical terms, he is the person who needs a life.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 6 years ago from California Author

I'm glad it amused you, Well. And I can't find any flaws in your logic regarding our pal, Scooby, either. :)


Well. 6 years ago

:) I looked at your self cannibalism vs the water to gas one, haha must suck, he ate his fingers first. I think it was a good plan to get his neighbours though. :]


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 6 years ago from California Author

Yes, an excellent plan, but now, in retrospect, it appears both strategies failed in the marketplace long term. Shocking.


!#@$&%* 6 years ago

THis is a great philosophy site


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 6 years ago from California Author

Thank you, !#@$&%*. At HubPages, we do nothing but the most careful philosophy on the net.


mysterylady 89 profile image

mysterylady 89 6 years ago from Florida

Shadesbreath, you are the greatest, even greater than Ali (once known as Cassius Clay). Now that I have been enlightened by your answers to all 20 most frequently asked questions, I feel at peace with the world. I am especially pleased you convinced me that men are higher up the evolution ladder than women. I cannot believe I used to think I was a higher species because I never had wisdom teeth! Thank you.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 6 years ago from California Author

LOL, Mysterylady, that's so funny about the wisdom teeth thing. I only had two on the bottom, so I have always given everyone else crap about being more apelike than me... therefore even less evolved than me, even they were guys. Now, with you have NO wisdom teeth, you might assume you are more highly evolved than I am. However, if you have a full head of hair, then I, in losing mine, have climbed up to your rung and the two of us stand supreme above all others. (And technically, you have been enlightened on all 20 of the 10 most asked questions in the world. At least the way I see it when I'm amusing myself with jokes nobody else finds funny LOL. Although one person did, so I can't say no one.:)


mysterylady 89 profile image

mysterylady 89 6 years ago from Florida

I think it is hilarious that you, too, bragged about being more highly evolved because you had only TWO wisdom teeth. I knew we had something in common, even keeping in mind I had NONE. Alas, though, after I recovered from laughing over your hub, I discovered a logical fallacy: Some men go bald while others retain a full head of hair. Some women go bald, while others do not. Some men have hairy chests - and even hair growing on their backs. Some women have very little body hair. Therefore, hair - or lack of it- is not what determines a higher species. Ergo, I, who have very little body hair and had no wisdom teeth, must be more highly evolved than you. Sorry about that!


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 6 years ago from California Author

As much as I respect and enjoy your considered opinion on this topic, I must assert that you have missed an obvious flaw in your excellent postulation rendering said excellence less, erm, excellent: the hairless women are merely the more highly evolved amongst women whilst the hairy men are the least evolved of the men. Within any statistical population, as you will surely agree, there is a degree of variance. So in humanity, when taken as a whole species, the male is more highly evolved given the propensity for baldness in general. Furthermore, the hairlessness of men is on their heads, which means that their higher evolution is taking place near their brains (just is the wisdom tooth thing also takes place within the confines of the skull), so, by proximal relationship, again, I must assert that men are, in fact, the more highly evolved generally and ultimately, barring a few statistical outliers, overall as well.


mysterylady 89 profile image

mysterylady 89 6 years ago from Florida

My dear Shadesbreath, I knew the word obfuscation, but I had to look it up to check the spelling. I hope I got it right. You are an absolute master at this art! While, I, a disciple of Socrates, prides herself in using lucid syllogisms, you try to murky up the issue. Clearly, I proved that men are neanderthals, as compared to women. Clearly, I also proved I am your superior on the evolutionary chain.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 6 years ago from California Author

Mysterlady, kind and erudite visitor to my humble hub, while I certainly appreciate the compliment regarding my obfuscative powers, I must counter your Socrates discipline with my own Aristotelian brand, which allows that the tools of sophistry are perfectly acceptable if the cause is just--the ends justifying the means as it were--and I consider my pragmatic application so authorized as evidence of the seeds of Socrates having grown to maturity, climbing if you will the ladder of their own philsophical evolution. So, having such profoundly harvested rhetorical such and such so gotten and begotten, etc., view it as evidence of my higher evolution. However, I am impressed that you have acknowledged a male source of inspiration and might say you are on the right track, only needing a few more rungs of choosing the correct theory to catch up! (Yes, this last was below the belt, but, I am shameless, particuraly when it comes to such good fun.)


mysterylady 89 profile image

mysterylady 89 6 years ago from Florida

My dear Shadesbreath, you have brought such joy into my life. While I cannot admit defeat, I do praise you as a formidable adversary. (I would not use the word obfuscation wih just anyone.) I'll save for another day my feelings about Aristotle. Just remember the syllogism

All dogs are hairy.

My cat is hairy.

Therefore, my cat is a dog.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 6 years ago from California Author

That is the best syllogism of all time. I've never seen that one! Haha! There have been sooooooooooo many occasions where I could have abused that! I will be stealing that, so thank you for leaving it out here unattended.


Mstardom 6 years ago

I just can't stop laughing at these jokes. I think you should create a few YouTube videos with these scripts.


DR AHMED EL BANNA 6 years ago

with all my respect and on behave of all understanding man kind there is nothing true about this answers

however there are some of them may be quite resonable or may be based on scientific facts but the truth about every question is illustrated in the islamic relegion and ELQURAN EL KAREM which is the holly book of islam which is telling every thing in our tiny world from beging of creatures till the end of the world


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 6 years ago from California Author

Dr. Ahmed El Banna, I do appreciate your taking the time to comment and promote your religion. I would like to point out that humor is one of those things that sometimes does not work between all people, so, for whatever it's worth, and this is just between you and me (so don't tell anyone) this hub is not actually scientific. I made it up. :) It's just funny. Even though some of it IS actually really good advice, and even true. Just, some of it isn't. It's a joke. So, you can relax and enjoy it now. No challenge to Islam here. :)


OrlandoC profile image

OrlandoC 6 years ago from Glen Ridge

So funny. You're my new favorite.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 6 years ago from California Author

Good. That is as it should be, OrlandoC. :D


jdsandara profile image

jdsandara 5 years ago from California

If only people would listen to your #1 the world would be a much better place!

Love your wit!


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 5 years ago from California Author

It's true. Seems so simple too, and yet... never. (sigh).


Uni 5 years ago

The world will end one day and I know it. But no one knows when is the thing. no rude replys or anything it will end some day I promise you....

Another thing as Lds people we believe that we r on this earth to learn and grow to be more Christ like so we can be with him again. I am very proud to be LDS.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 5 years ago from California Author

No rude replies, I agree. HOwever, my point is that the world will not end, but only be changed (albeit obliterated into a zillion tiny particles) but that doesn't end it. I mean, when I take a scoop of ice cream (which is round just like our planet is for the most part), and drop it into a blender and make a milkshake out of it, the globe of ice cream is not gone, but merely become something new, in this case a delicious milk shake. We humans are like chocolate chips flavoring the scoop of Earth, hurtling through space on our way to that great galactic blender that will make shakes out of us. Won't that be scrumptious.

I'm very happy you are enjoying the religion of your choice. Thanks for commenting.


Anthony 5 years ago

Dogs love you more, fact. They forget easily too!! Cats really dont.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 5 years ago from California Author

But, as I pointed out, cats come with an instinct for crapping in a plastic box. Not only is that a miracle of nature, because, if you think about it, plastic didn't even exist when the species of cat came about (dude, how amazing is that? Like, it's almost eerie, and might be argued as proof of God's plan), it's also just damn convenient. So, while dogs are definitely more loving, I'll give you that, cats show some affection (more or less depending on the cat) and the love you don't get from a cat is more than offset by the plastic box crapping thing. Fact.

:)


Stan Fletcher profile image

Stan Fletcher 5 years ago from Nashville, TN

Is Uni a 'tard? That's where we get the word unitard I guess. Please delete this as it is a rude comment.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 5 years ago from California Author

I was going to delete it, Stan, but, because I am rude most of the time myself, I felt it would be hypocritical of me to delete a comment based on rudeness. I'm sorry.


RichardCMckeown profile image

RichardCMckeown 5 years ago

Uniquely written hub! Thanks for sharing.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 5 years ago from California Author

Thanks, Richard. As a pseudo-scientist and man of the world, this sort of semi-informative writing is all part of what I do.


Nell Rose profile image

Nell Rose 5 years ago from England

Hi, this was hilarious! thanks for the laugh it made my day! the funny thing was that I am on another site at the moment, and wanted to know what the most popular questions on the internet were! I clicked on a random site, and you came up! lol now I can't stop laughing! brilliant and very funny.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 5 years ago from California Author

Heh, yeah, I always get a kick out of finding something in a genuine search that leads me to a hubber I know. Glad you laughed. I made a part two to this that does pretty well too. I suppose I should do a part three as well. So few comedic pieces actually generate ongoing traffic, might as well keep the franchise fresh.


badtotheboner 5 years ago

will you all shut the f*** up!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!


Is it possible? 4 years ago

Is it possible to make your own website free? I want to have a website to support university students but I am not able to pay for that so if kindly someone tell me about this.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 4 years ago from California Author

Badtotehboner, to answer your question, No. But thanks for asking.

Is it Possible:

I'm not sure if you read this article very closely, but, if you didn't, you might consider going back and doing so before you ask me a serious question. I mean, I will answer it if you want, but, well, it's sort of one of those "you get what you pay for" kind of things. But then again, based on your question, I suppose that actually makes perfect sense.


The dog 4 years ago

Dogs will always love you and protect you cats turn and run when danger comes around unless their a main coon cat.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 4 years ago from California Author

Well, given that I too turn and run when danger comes, it actually seems like I probably have way more in common with cats, eh?

I confess it's either a sign of intelligence or cowardice. Given the stakes in a live-or-die scenario, I think I'm fine with any semantic differences. :D


tommyhowell lover 4 years ago

i cant beileve people are mean to u like that! ur friggin awesomes!!!!!!!!!!! btw u crack me up and make me lol!!!


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 4 years ago from California Author

Sometimes I crack myself up and make me lol too, so it's nice to know I'm not the only one who thinks this stuff is funny. Thanks.


anonymous 4 years ago

ok first of all, the talk about god. He is real. anyone who doesn't believe so is really opinionated because there is proof. read the bible and the things that you learn in history class and in real life are the same thing. Jesus will come after those who don't beleive will give into the antichrist which is really a huge test from god for us to actually prove to god that we trust in him and we love him and onlyhim and won't be fooled by some human coming on earth. meanwhile, those wo beleive to those who don't, how much do you have to hate a person to not save them. I have facts in my life that prove god is real. so that everyday life that you live, live it for god cause nothing on earth mattes but him. it we live for him then when we die we will live in eternity. About the getting laid part... what the heck. why worry about pleasure for yourself when there are so many others that are worried about what they are going to eat for their next meal, or if they will even have one? how selfish this world has become. Anyway, seriously, being sexualy active your not only taking a risk of getting an std, but your also seriosly taking huge chance of spending eternity in hell. which is the worst place you can possible think of to be. I wouldn't want anyone to go there. do yourself a favor and ask yourself a question... maybe two... if there is a god(which I know for a fact there is), and if you don't beleive, what's wrong with doing what is right and tristing in him cause when you die and there is a god, (which there is), you just saved yourself. another question... would you rather contract an std or live without the stress and worry about taking the risk of getting it?


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 4 years ago from California Author

Anonymous, all I can say is that I am glad you have found everything you need in your religion. Frankly, I'm almost envious. I wish I had total certainty of how it all works and why. As long as your certainty doesn't turn into justification for why certain unbelievers need to be eliminated, I'm genuinely happy for you. Thanks for stopping by and leaving a comment. :)


musa 4 years ago

hm im from Qauqasis its funny


ted 4 years ago

You are a nob


ted 4 years ago

Also cats suck. A good cat is a dead cat


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 4 years ago from California Author

Hi Ted. You may be right on both counts. I could come up with arguments for both, by why? More fun this way.

Musa, a bit late, on my part, but hi, and, um, what is funny Qauqasis or the article? Maybe both, eh?


moe 4 years ago

after all of this two years dont you think yowaiested your time in a pointless awnsers i mean (YOUR GOING TO DIE ) i think no body rember what happened when he was born but i think we going to born for the tommy of this world but if you wanna change humenbeens you can cuz still there no body know the mystry of humans brain its alot of power there up in your head just try to not give up thinking creating doing talking dont give up of anything that it make your brains work then we could go see other placese live and know more and more just think


moe 4 years ago

yeah and iam 10 years hiiii


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Shadesbreath 4 years ago from California Author

It's all in the name of good fun, Moe, though you are right, nobody knows what kinds of things we might be capable of one day.

And "hiiii."


Harry 4 years ago

Have faith in those you love and regardless of what your personal thoughts might be never give up on anyone. One day if you havnt already yet come to the conclusion your gonna wake up and realize the true key to bliss is forgiveness.


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Shadesbreath 4 years ago from California Author

Harry, I think you're probably pretty close to spot on with that. I'm not sure I believe there is anything that counts as "the" true key to bliss, but I think forgiveness is absolutely hanging on the blissness key ring (if I may be allowed to butcher the word lol).


Harry 4 years ago

By all means, for who is it that creates words. I love the way you put that shades. Like you i too believe theres a little bit more to the equation.


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Shadesbreath 4 years ago from California Author

Cheers, Harry. :)


mubi0346 4 years ago

can you prove your question number 2 ....


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Shadesbreath 4 years ago from California Author

Yes, Mubi0346, I can, but I think if you read that answer carefully, you can easily see how to think it through yourself, in which case, you won't need me to prove it. Remember, read the WHOLE answer, not just one part.


juantipid 4 years ago

Man that is insane hahahahhahahahaa


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Shadesbreath 4 years ago from California Author

See, isn't science and philosophy fun, Juantipid? :D


Your name 4 years ago

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Shadesbreath 4 years ago from California Author

A fine contribution, and an excellent bit of philosophy is one decides to seek it.


coelocanth 4 years ago

A good effort and nicely panglossian but the real answer to themeaning of life is iron.

By this I mean that as every element above iron on the periodic table is in a state of constant decay and every one below is in a state of constant accretion, it can be seen that the ultimate ambition of every particle of matter in the universe is to become iron.

If you don't believe me, just wait a few trillion years until everything is a cold, dark and solid lump and you will see that that lump is made of iron.

Of course, this means that nothing we say and nothing we do matters in the slightest so just enjoy yourself and try not to make too much mess.

To quote the great Philip Larkin:

[ misery ]... deepens like an ocean shelf

so get out as quickly as you can

and don't have any kids yourself


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Shadesbreath 4 years ago from California Author

Well, I think that is an excellent alternative to my answer, and the answer provided by Douglas Adams of 42. I am fairly sure we will all escape the misery before we become iron, but you are right, we all will. Yet one has to wonder if that still counts as the meaning of life, for life does not seem to be necessary prerequisite for iron. Unless there is something you know about iron that we don't.


coelocanth 4 years ago

Yeah, that's the trouble with the big questions: you have to define your terms.

For "meaning", I was thinking in terms of intentions, ends, aims, etc., which paradigm encompasses both purpose and reason.

When we say "life", don't we mean existence, being, our collective journey through this vale of tears?

And as far life not seeming to be a necessary prerequisite for iron, well, I wouldn't let the Iron King hear me talk like that if I were you!


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Shadesbreath 4 years ago from California Author

Yes, well, I've disavowed the iron king recently even taking to spelling his name without capital letters as a way to show my devotion to Le Cause de Liberté.

And I'm not sure it's going to work well to define "meaning" so broadly. Too much wiggle room in there and people will come along and make squishy arguments out of it.


ERNEST OPARAOCHAEKWE 4 years ago

I LOVE YOUR QUEATIONS AND VERY NICE, TANKS


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Shadesbreath 4 years ago from California Author

You are quite welcome, Ernest. I'm glad you enjoyed them. Thank you for saying so.


Stephanie Mcdermott 4 years ago

It's really true lol. These questions really do get asked a lot. I see them a bit on that new network about asking questions - www.Formvote.com - should check it out. Great article!


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Shadesbreath 4 years ago from California Author

Hi Stephanie. Yes, these are truly the most asked questions. I'm glad you enjoyed my take at the answers. I'll have a look at that formvote thing and see if perhaps there aren't some riches to be made there for an ascetic like myself.


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CritiqueMe 4 years ago from www.critiqueme.com

These questions really got us thinking. Even though we may not have all the answers, human beings try to answer all these questions so that we know where we stand in this universe.


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Shadesbreath 4 years ago from California Author

Or at least so we can tell ourselves we know where we stand in this universe. Human history proves that, where facts are hard to come by, a good story will suffice.


reward 4 years ago

every one of your answers has a lie. but it was fun to read;)


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Shadesbreath 4 years ago from California Author

Comedy requires one part truth, two parts absurdity. Often, taken together, it looks like fiction. Usually it is. Sometimes not. :) I'm glad you enjoyed the humor.


runningwater 2 years ago

ahaaa, I like the way you think,,,, I like your questions, but Im afraid because your answers told me that you are already an A-hole. hihihi....no harm, I make bad joke sometimes.

friend, I have a question can you help me? .... did dogs ask these same questions and have the same answers?


Bill A.K.A. your father 13 months ago

So if women grow hair 600 times faster and hair grows at .5 inches a month, im hearing that they are not donating near enough hair to locks of love.

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