Things Not To Say To A Police Officer
I have the utmost respect for the men in blue. They keep us safe, help us when we're in trouble and tend to keep most of us honest most of the time. Still, for many of us there is a little bit of fear involved. I mean, bucko, the person has a gun, a big stick, handcuffs, and maybe some pepper spray or a taser. This is no one to trifle with, bucko. Yet you never know. You may just get one to smile or get yourself a quick trip to the pokey with one of these:
- Is that your nightstick, or are you just happy to see me?
- Wow, those cruisers must be really fast for you to catch me. I must have been going about 130.
- Really, officer, there is nothing of interest hidden in the upholstery of my car.
- That's a really nice gun. Wanna see mine? (Then reach for it really fast.)
- I'll bet I can take you.
- You guys all take bribes, right? How much?
- You drive like my grandma.
- Nice uniform. Says, "Village People" to me.
- I was just going with the flow of traffic ... across the median like that.
- I don't have breath on my beer, ossiffer.
- How about I just buy two hundred tickets to the Policeman's Ball? You can mail them to me.
- Listen, I'm really good friends with the President of the United States, so why don't we just forget about this whole thing, okay?
- Smell? Oh, um, there was a piece of rope caught fire inside the car, that's all.
- Those beer bottles? They were open when I bought them.
- I can get out of those stupid handcuffs faster than you can say, 'Houdini.'
- Nice haircut. You look like Captain Jean-Luc Picard of the Starship Enterprise.
- What are you, deaf? I said I was not speeding.
- Nice boots. Do they come in mens?
- And you don't have to worry, I have nothing hidden in any of my orifices.
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