Things That Will Happen When Hell Freezes Over, i.e., Things That Will Never Happen

Things that will happen when hell freezes over aka things that will never happen.
Things that will happen when hell freezes over aka things that will never happen. | Source

Warning, humor may be present.

Yes, friends. This page is dedicated to listing all things that will happen when hell freezes over. Got a good one? Add it below! You can include religion, politics, and anything else that comes to mind. Have fun. Be advised that all opinions expressed herein are those of the contributors. An open forum. Contradictory opinions are expressed. Don't shoot the messenger.

Things That Will Happen When Hell Freezes Over

  • The national debt will be paid off.
  • Politicians become honest.
  • The GOP will run a gay candidate.
  • President Obama will toss his teleprompter and deliver a speech without "Let me be clear..."
  • People will make educated decisions when voting.
  • America will mind its own business.
  • CEO's become honest.
  • The medical industry becomes honest.
  • The banking industry becomes honest.
  • The credit card companies become honest.
  • The insurance industry becomes honest.
  • The auto repair industry becomes honest.
  • Adobe software stops paper saturation draining of printer cartridges.
  • American corporations become loyal to America.

Things That Will Never Happen

  • Telephone solicitors go away.
  • Spammers go away.
  • Junk mail goes away.
  • You will never again hear on TV, "But wait! There's more!"
  • You will never again hear on TV, "But wait! If you order now...!"
  • Daytime TV shows will get some class.
  • The preachers on TV will start sending cash to me.
  • When the Duggars undergo sterilization.
  • When celebrity children stop writing negative tell all books about their parents.

  • Jehovah Witnesses go away.
  • Dogs will stop licking their private parts.
  • Cats will actually give a F about what their owners want.
  • When women priests are ordained by the Roman Catholic church.
  • When an atheist becomes president of the United States.
  • When Donald Trump acts like a human being instead of a pompous and egotistical #$%#@.
  • Lindsay Lohan stops getting arrested.
  • When Madonna acts like a lady.
  • Pop Stars will play their own instruments.
  • TV stars will stop using Botox.
  • Someone will live a full life without ever once having something stolen from them.
  • Someone will live a full life without ever once being falsely accused of something.

More Things That Will Happen When Hell Freezes Over

  • Dry cleaners apologize and reimburse you when they ruin your clothes.
  • Supermarkets put the best deals on the center shelves.
  • Pay day loan services stop robbing people blind.
  • Cable companies stop robbing people blind.
  • Government agencies answer their phones.
  • Offices really do go paperless.
  • When there is a true meritocracy in the corporate world.
  • The Supreme Court, Congress, and the President become aware of the 10th amendment.
  • Cities, counties, and states become aware of the 4th, 5th, 8th, and 9th amendments.
  • You have civil rights even when you don't have money.

More Things That Will Never Happen

  • Flies and chihuahuas stop being obnoxious.
  • Geraldo Rivera gets some class.
  • Lawyers incorporate ethics into their strategies.
  • Cockroaches, fleas, bedbugs, mosquitoes, and supermarket front door panhandlers stop wanting to be your friend.
  • Mahmoud Ahmadinejad stops being an...
  • Hugo Chavez stops being an...
  • The TSA stops being an...
  • The news media becomes unbiased.
  • Climate change will be exposed as the second Y2K bug.
  • Starbucks stops serving coffee.
  • When the food supplies of the planet are distributed evenly.
  • Batman opens his own, private security firm.
  • Printer ink cartridges will no longer have a 300% mark up.
  • When people's status and worth are not determined by how much money they make.
  • Life becomes fair.
  • Fear and worry stop being a major factor in life.

Things That Will Happen When Hell Freezes Over.
Things That Will Happen When Hell Freezes Over. | Source

When hell freezes over could happen sooner than we think. Or not. Then again..., Top 10 Ways the World Will End.

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Comments 23 comments

vmartinezwilson profile image

vmartinezwilson 4 years ago from Vancouver, WA

Funny! But Geraldo Rivera will never have class, lol. I thought you were mention the Eagles, but then hell would have already frozen over.

Great job, funny and voted up!


aguasilver profile image

aguasilver 4 years ago from Malaga, Spain

Good title, got me immediately!

My addition:

The Rothschild's will donate all their wealth to the restoration of the poor.


Glenn Stok profile image

Glenn Stok 4 years ago from Long Island, NY

Great list. I had to think of an addition since you asked...

An endless form of energy, that is environmentally friendly, will be used rather than oil.


lisa.bom 4 years ago

President Obama will acknowledge he had a part in our current economic state.


SomewayOuttaHere profile image

SomewayOuttaHere 4 years ago from TheGreatGigInTheSky

hey...what's wrong with chihuahuas?....my little rocky rocks!...he's one of those teacup ones...or whatever they are called....he wears a napkin ring 'round his neck cuz he is soooooo tiny with a big yappity, yap, yap, yap, ....grrrrrrrrrrrr.............


aguasilver profile image

aguasilver 4 years ago from Malaga, Spain

Flies and chihuahuas owners stop being obnoxious.

Just kidding :)


CMHypno profile image

CMHypno 4 years ago from Other Side of the Sun

You could go on forever with this one paradigmsearch - for instance we Brits might even stop talking about the weather LOL!


lorlie6 profile image

lorlie6 4 years ago from Bishop, Ca

I beg to differ with aguasilver-I am NOT obnoxious and I have 3 flies as pets. Chihuahuas? I'm not THAT insane.

Hamumph.


Rochelle Frank profile image

Rochelle Frank 4 years ago from California Gold Country

Income tax directions will be reduced to one page.


Shinkicker profile image

Shinkicker 4 years ago from Scotland

"Adverts become LESS intrusive"

That would be my choice. Cheers for fun Hub paradigmsearch


logic,commonsense 4 years ago

when people quit trying to take my money to pay for their pet projects.

when the majority of the electorate will get a backbone.

when politicians do after they are elected what they said they would do before they were elected.

when Doug admits he doesn't have mesothelioma.


Glenn Stok profile image

Glenn Stok 4 years ago from Long Island, NY

I needed a good laugh. Voted up. Here's one... When hell freezes over... the fat lady will stop singing. That's my kind of weird way of combining two colloquialisms.


Stacie L profile image

Stacie L 4 years ago

Drivers will begin yielding to yield signs and stopping at stop signs.... ;-)


Faybe Bay profile image

Faybe Bay 4 years ago from Florida

Lol, Stacie, that is great. In Florida when we had the outages a few years ago the law stated that at every stop light you stop and look both ways, then proceed. Each direction was supposed to go one car at a time, but it was follow the leader. As soon as one car would go everyone behind them took it as permission to proceed. It was a mess with State Troopers actually volunteering to direct traffic, then going and working their regular shift when relief showed up. Yes, when Hell freezes over Drivers will obey the rules, for sure!


tammyswallow profile image

tammyswallow 4 years ago from North Carolina

This is an awesome list! I voted funny even though some of these are bitingly not funny. I can really resonate with "You have civil rights even if you don't have money." This is the absolute truth.. when hell freezes over. Excellent!


Don Bobbitt profile image

Don Bobbitt 4 years ago from Ruskin Florida

Thanks so much! I was into my fifth hour crawling around my works and other sites, and my "mental" Butt was dragging.

SO, I was pleasantly surprised to see this title.

Read It!

Loved It!

And, now I am signing off for the day.

Let me see. I know I had a wife wandering around here someplace.


daisydayz profile image

daisydayz 4 years ago from Cardiff

Great list! So funny!

PPI companies stop cold calling - actually hell stop cold calling altogether, it is a pain in the arse!

Taxi drivers would learn some road manners (and laws for that matter) - may just be in Cardiff but I doubt it!


Rochelle Frank profile image

Rochelle Frank 3 years ago from California Gold Country

Also the freezing of Hell, could stop global warming.

Voted and tweeted.


Bonnie 2 years ago

The Chicago Cubs will win the World Series! (At -18 degrees right now, maybe a chance??)


Not a Tramp 10 months ago

When my husband tells me i look nice and my neighbors speak to me and drs actually want you to get better.


KoffeeKlatch Gals profile image

KoffeeKlatch Gals 6 months ago from Sunny Florida

I love it. Thanks for the laugh. There are so many things listed here that I can't settle on just one as a favorite. I think that hell will freeze over when I get to the point of not wanting to write.


Say Yes To Life profile image

Say Yes To Life 5 months ago from Big Island of Hawaii

When hell freezes over, I'll ski, snowboard, and ice skate there!


Austinstar profile image

Austinstar 4 months ago from Somewhere in the universe

For sure, the one thing that will never happen - The older you get, the younger you feel.

Bonus never happen - D. J. Drumph becomes president.

Obama out!

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