Things to Do on a Submarine

There are a lot of things you can do on a submarine. However, space is limited. Scientists say that space is infinite, but it really isn’t. They obviously haven’t been on a submarine. So what can you do on a submarine? There are a lot of activities you can do, but since the top of a submarine is narrow, slippery, and surrounded by water, you have to take these things into consideration. Here is one example of something you can do on a submarine.

Play a game of friendly catch with your buddy.

This could be a person or even a dog. Maybe even a robot, if you happen to know one and it understands the rules of the game. Playing catch on top of a submarine requires a little skill, mainly in the catching part of the game, but also in the aiming department. For instance, you don’t want to throw the ball too high, or it’ll go over your buddy’s head and the ball will be lost at sea. Balls may seem harmless, but they pose as a choking hazard for marine animals. If you’re playing catch with a dog, then the dog will jump overboard and go get the ball, but this puts the dog in danger of being eaten by marine animals. If you insist on playing catch, attach some string to the ball, so that you can retrieve it safely from the water. Also attach a rope or something to the dog, so that you can retrieve it, as well. But always remember to secure your balls when you’re out at sea. Otherwise, some shark is going to eat them. Ask anyone, even scientists, and they will all agree. Sharks eating your balls is a bad thing.

Besides playing catch, here is a short list of other things you can do on a submarine.

  • Get a tan. Impress everyone at home with your bronzed skin.
  • Do some fishing. Impress everyone at home with that stuffed swordfish.
  • Get mussels. Impress everyone at home with your mussels. Women dig a guy with mussels. Wear a mussel shirt to show off your mussels.
  • Catch crabs. Impress everyone at home with your crabs. Women dig a guy with crabs. Don’t be selfish, be shellfish and share your crabs.

There are a lot more things to do while actually inside a submarine. But first, you have to know how to get inside the submarine. There is a hatch on top that you have to open, and then there is a ladder. Here are the basic instructions for climbing down a ladder.

  1. Turn around. You can’t climb down a ladder while facing away from it. You could, but that’s dangerous. Only climb down a ladder backwards if your legs bend in both directions.
  2. Place your first foot on one of the rungs. Which rung? The one closest to the top of the ladder. Don’t place your foot on the bottom rung, unless you have really long legs.
  3. Place your second foot on the rung under that. Repeat these instructions until you’ve reached the bottom of the ladder.

If you’re not sure which is your first foot and which is your second, then try this little exercise to determine the correct sequence of your feet

  • Using the fingers of your right hand, pinch your nostrils shut. Now with your left hand, reach behind your back and touch the elbow of your right arm. Now keep pinching your nostrils and touching your elbow, and try to stand on only one leg. If you have better balance on your left leg, then your left foot is the first foot. If you have better balance on your right leg, then your right foot is your first foot. If you have no balance at all, then you will probably fall over. Having no balance means you were born without the luxury of having a first foot. Both of your feet are a second foot. If this is the case, then you shouldn’t be climbing down ladders.

Now that you can successfully enter a submarine, feel free to do so. There are many activities to do once you’re onboard. Most submarines aren’t made of wood, so you won’t actually be onboard, you’ll be on metal or some other metallic substance. If you don’t like heavy metal, then you probably won’t like submarines. Here are some things you can do while onmetal or onsteel in a submarine.

Pop some popcorn.

If there isn’t a microwave available on the submarine, then look for a radiation sign. This will let you know where the nuclear reactor is located. Put some kernels in the nuclear reactor and wait 10-15 seconds. The radiation will pop the kernels and give you popcorn. The popcorn will be enormous, about the size of your head.

Watch a movie.

If there’s a TV on the submarine, then watching a movie is a good way to pass the time. You can eat your nuclear popcorn while you watch your movie. Some good titles to enjoy while on a submarine are:

  • K-19: The Widowmaker (It’ll make you a little more cautious around the nuclear reactor.)
  • U-571 (It’ll make you a little more cautious around your German prisoners.)
  • Das Boot (It’ll make you want to watch Poseidon, because it’s from the same director.)
  • Hunt for Red October (It’ll make you speak in a Sean Connery accent.)
  • Crimson Tide (It’ll make you want to carry a gun while on a submarine.)
  • Titanic (It’ll make you glad you’re not on an actual boat.)
  • Jaws (It’ll make you glad you have steel between you and the water.)
  • The Edge (It’ll make you glad there aren’t any bears on the submarine.)
  • Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas (It’ll make you fall asleep.)
  • Rocky (It’ll make you stand up and cheer.)
  • Bring It On (It’ll make you want to be a cheerleader.)
  • 20,000 Leagues Under the Sea (It’ll make you want to get the hell off the submarine. Damn giant squid.)

Some things to remember.

All submarines sink. That's normal and to be expected. It’s easy to climb onboard a submarine, but it’s even easier to get bored on a submarine. It’s like being on a school bus that’s been buried. You can’t go outside. You can’t open the window. All you have is your mates and your imagination. Maybe you’re imagining your mates. That would be understandable, because being trapped inside a steel tube is bound to get on anyone’s nerves, and it might make them a little nuts. Even if you do get bored, don’t suggest a sing-a-long. After singing Yellow Submarine for the fifth time in a row, one of your mates is going to run and grab an ax that’s hanging on the wall for emergencies. He’ll either chop off your head with it, or he’ll attempt to make a hole in the steel wall of the submarine, thus drowning all of you and stopping the madness. Singing Yellow Submarine while stuck on a submarine gets as annoying as singing “The wheels on the bus go round and round” while on a school bus full of grownups. It’s guaranteed that someone’s going to slam your head into the window. So be careful what you sing or say while on a submarine. Make sure your behavior is acceptable. Don’t scream, or shout, or run down the halls, waving your arms in panic. That kind of behavior will get you stuck inside a torpedo tube and shot out into the ocean. If you can’t handle the pressure of being stuck underwater, then you need to stay on the shore. Otherwise, the other seamen will tie you up and stick you in a closet somewhere. You have to learn how to live with the crew. If you can’t handle the seamen, then get off the submarine. Everything on a submarine has to be substandard. And put in subscript. But if you can remember how to submit yourself to a submerged situation and treat your superiors and subordinates with respect, and any other subspecies that may be onboard, then your stay on the submarine will be sublime and maybe even substantially rewarding. So if you want to get away from the suburbs and embark on a journey under the sea, a submarine’s the way to go.

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Comments 65 comments

tebo profile image

tebo 5 years ago from New Zealand

Very funny. I enjoyed reading that especially the advice for climbing down the ladder. Great.


Just Ask Susan profile image

Just Ask Susan 5 years ago from Ontario, Canada

This was fun to read first thing in the morning :)


dallaswriter profile image

dallaswriter 5 years ago from North Carolina

OMgosh! I just saw a brochure for a vaca on a sub! Great article and they should have had you write the brochure, you did a much better job pointing out the important things. I mean, we thought about Disney, but this is so much better. so when we get bored with each other, we can just throw someone overboard.... I love it!


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD

This is pretty awesome. I will keep this as a guide for the next time I am on a submarine. Very helpful stuff.


Randy Behavior profile image

Randy Behavior 5 years ago from Near the Ocean

Thank you for the valuable information. I now know which is my first foot and can't wait to find a ladder. I've been doing it wrong all these years!


LuisEGonzalez profile image

LuisEGonzalez 5 years ago from Miami, Florida

Funny like anyone is going to find themselves on a submarine...Oh yea..wait I was on a submarine during the first and second gulf war, but I don't remember playing any of theses games!


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

Yeah I was planning to buy my own submarine. You know, in case 2012 really happens? Guess I might be safe on that? So this is up and all that Q!

I hate the wheels on the bus song though - we used to have a little school bus that played the song over and over and over........!


Hyphenbird profile image

Hyphenbird 5 years ago from America-Broken But Still Beautiful

Hmmm, I once knew some boys who had a yellow submarine. They had guitars too. I would love to be on a sub and act crazy and peer around doors saying "Heeeeres Hyphenbird!"

Great and funny Hub.


b. Malin profile image

b. Malin 5 years ago

Fun Hub, but I gotta tell you Q, I could never go into deep water in a Submarine, I think I would find it claustrophobic!


Twilight Lawns profile image

Twilight Lawns 5 years ago from Norbury-sur-Mer, Surrey, England. U.K.

Is being on a submarine like being in a lift (elevator) with a bell going, "Ping!" and a soupy woman's voice saying, "Haberdashery, restaurant, toilets, Mind the step" and is there 'The Christmas Alphabet' and 'Jingle Bells' playing at Christmas Time?

If so, I'll pass up on that.


neeleshkulkarni profile image

neeleshkulkarni 5 years ago from new delhi

and i always thought a submarine was made of oregano bread with ham and egg in between and cheese and loads of veggies and some spicy seasoning.

i did not know the subs had steel and ladders too. surely this is either a new invention to create more and more men of steel or this is a metaphoric article and an in depth investigation of the mineral content of subs.i am glad they have iron since they are fat free and hence they have to have something in them.but are they not difficult to bite through?


Sharyn's Slant profile image

Sharyn's Slant 5 years ago from Northeast Ohio USA

I think I was in a submarine in a dream once. I couldn't breath. It was a true nightmare. I woke up gasping for air. I'm glad I read this hub because if that ever happens again, I have a lot of helpful hints to keep me from panicking. ha!

Thanks so much!

Sharyn


Katharella profile image

Katharella 5 years ago from Lost in America

I'm with RH: I'll bring pop corn, and games for the kids. OH and I like looking out of the periscope to see if anything is looking back, like in a Jerry Lewis movie.

I'm always for watching Fear and Loathing though, cos it's cool when things change for no apparent reason.


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

neelesh - you are too much! Now you know not to eat the other kind of submarine, right? Don't let the maids serve that up:)

@Kat - I burst out laughing when you wrote that you like looking out the periscope - omg! You kill me!


Katharella profile image

Katharella 5 years ago from Lost in America

OMG, I would SOOO never kill you! You ROCK! It'd be funny if I was looking out the periscope and your kids put some sea monkey looking back at me! hahaa..

Oh and don't you remember Q eats at Subway all the time. I bet he gets the one without the periscope.


Randy Behavior profile image

Randy Behavior 5 years ago from Near the Ocean

Oh Q, look at how much fun you have inspired and you are missing the energy of it. Pity.


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

My kids are crazy! I wonder what they would put up for you to see:-)! They did their own home video show with 2 neighbors - it's hilarious! Omg! Dave and I were ROTF! I should make a hub outta that! Haha!

With Q - I don't think you can guess what he is capable of!


Katharella profile image

Katharella 5 years ago from Lost in America

Randy, cos he does that work thing! ugh..

RH: I TOTALLY DIG crazy kids! OH you should totally do a hub about them and their video, who knows, they might be stars in the making!!! All ya need is the right scout to see them! dont' FORGET to put "writingcontest" in all your hubs! lol I am. Q should too, but I don't know if he thinks of it, missing all those body parts n' all. lol


attemptedhumour profile image

attemptedhumour 5 years ago from Australia

Some great tips there What is, and sub puns. This should launch your naval career so you can put this advice into practice. The subscript was a nice touch. Cheers from a land lubber.


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Tebo- Thanks. The ladder is the most important part of a submarine. You could still get inside a sub without a ladder, but you wouldn't be able to get back out. The only other option is being shot out of the torpedo tubes.


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Susan- This is great stuff to read in the morning. That way you're not fully awake and you take it even more seriously. I think. If you'd read it in the afternoon, you would have seen that I don't know what I'm talking about.


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Dallas- The brochure thing is a good idea. Maybe I'll contact the sub people and offer my information. Otherwise, go to Disney. There's plenty of other rides to throw your loved ones off of.


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Jeannie- Thanks. If the odds are pretty good that you'll be on a submarine, you might want to do some further research. Just watch all those movies that I mentioned.


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Randy- See, I can be serious. I'm glad I could help you find out which is your first foot. Now I won't have to worry about you when you're climbing down a ladder. Don't forget the backwards thing, too.


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Luis- What do you do if you didn't play any games while on the submarine? Must have gotten boring. I bought a baseball glove from a man who'd been in the Gulf War. True story. I didn't think to ask at the time if he'd used it on a submarine.


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Realhousewife- That'd be a good investment, buying a submarine. Would you put it in the water or just use it as a trailer? That'd be a great trailer, I think. It could serve as a storm shelter, too. And how scared would you be of tornados if your trailer was a submarine?


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Hyphenbird- A reference to both the Beatles and The Shining? On a hub about submarines? Lol. Thanks for the great comment. It all makes sense to me.


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

b. Malin- I completely agree with you. I feel uncomfortable around large bodies of water. And then there's always the possibility that the walls will cave in if you lose pressure or whatever. And then there's the torpedos and stuff being shot at you. I would freak out if someone shot a torpedo at me.


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Twilight- I don't think you'll find all that on a submarine, but I could be wrong. Probably depends on where the submarine is. If it's submerged, then I doubt they'd be playing Christmas songs on the loudspeaker. Everyone's already tense enough. That sort of thing would only encourage violence.


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

neelesh- Yeah, this wasn't about sandwiches. It's not easy to fit inside a 5 dollar foot long sub. I'm not sure how much iron those subs have, if any. I don't even think they're waterproof. I don't think anyone has ever tried to eat an actual submarine. Unless you count giant squid.


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Sharyn- You're welcome. Next time you might want to open a window and let some oxygen in or something. Then the sub will fill up with water and you'll turn into a mermaid. Hey, it's a dream, it could happen.


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Kathy- I actually love the movie Fear and Loathing, but I always fall asleep halfway through. They're in a restaurant and I close my eyes, then I open my eyes and there's water on the floor and blood on the walls and Johnny Depp has a lizard tail. Great movie. I don't know what it's about.


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Keith- Thanks for reading my subhub. I don't really have to join the Navy, since I already know how to build my own naval fleet. I'll just start my own Navy and I'd be delighted if you would enlist. I'll make you an admiral. You'd be quite comfortable on a submarine, since you're already down under.


attemptedhumour profile image

attemptedhumour 5 years ago from Australia

Ho Ho very funny, that's very admirable of you.


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

No Q - I think I'll live in it - alone. No kids and no animals. I'll just watch everyone with a periscope and yell commands through a bull horn. Like "bring me some of those biscuits with grape jelly on them gdmit!"


Katharella profile image

Katharella 5 years ago from Lost in America

Aw RH: NO kids :( there goes all my fun lol! Well, except for us, we could argue who gets the periscope most. Or we could one eye it! LOL But darn, I was all up for having fun with the kids! Who knows they might put a squid on the top of the periscope hehe..

Q: Oh, F&L is only about him doing a story on the race. You should watch it all the way through, it's great, great lines. I quote from them all the time.


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

Yeah, you might be right Kat - the entertainment they provide (free!) is fun. Well maybe we can let them in until they misbehave! Then it's back to daddy!


Katharella profile image

Katharella 5 years ago from Lost in America

RH: No no no.. I tell you how I deal with misbehaved children! I misbehave WITH THEM! Just think how colorful we could make the inside of the Submarine with crayons, markers etc. we'd have a blast! I'm never gonna grow up I like being a toys r us kid LOL.. you certainly must of read my coloring hub LOL! :) (THEY MAKE GLITTER CRAYONS! WE COULD MAKE DAZZLING FISH DRAWINGS) LOL :) haa


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

Oh you know I should show them your artsy hubs! they love that stuff. Now they at least have stopped coloring on the walls. Although, Lulu did go through a stage in her teen years when her and her friends all felt it necessary to autograph the walls in her room. Some drew pictures. I let her have it up for a while. It was kinda cute! One wrote, "I love you - you sexy beast!" I painted it before we sold the house.


Katharella profile image

Katharella 5 years ago from Lost in America

Hey I would of bought a house already decorated cool! Maybe Q won't have a problem if we bring all the glitter crayons n' stuff. lol That's sweet you let your girls do that for awhile, a phase! Someday she'll freak if someone does it lol. Hey if anything else, you can photograph it for the memory! :) I actually have 4 scrapbooks going at once! Mom & Dad, then me, my friend and "STUFF" lol little things I don't want to toss but don't have a place for. Wow, Q's Sub.. no wait, YOUR sub is going to be full of stuff if you get one and the 2012 thing happens. OR we could just get one as a bunker for no apparent reason and just hang out.. and get drunk or something. Anybody pukes and I'm out tho LOL... isn't it cool how we turn Q's hubs into something totally different? LOL


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

I never scrapbook but i do help the girls with theirs. They love shopping for the cute stuff you can put in there!

Yeah - good point about the pukers - they should get thrown right out of the sub! Hopefully it will still be on dry land!

Yeah Q - how do you like us hijacking your hub?


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

I don't mind. :P You guys can have the comment section, as long as I can keep the hub. Y'all go crazy.


Katharella profile image

Katharella 5 years ago from Lost in America

Yeah it brings YOUR hubscore up :P lol


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

Well as long as we don't curse or anything like that. I'm horrible like that you know.


barbergirl28 profile image

barbergirl28 5 years ago from Hemet, Ca

I just wanted to say thanks... I had my husband try out your little test to see which is his first foot and which is his second foot.... I have never laughed so hard. I mean - your hub was funny like usual but seeing my husband pinching his nostrils while trying to touch his elbow from behind his back while jumping on one foot because he has bad balance is priceless. I wish I had my camera and would have video taped it... but then he would have gotten suspicious! LOL


Katharella profile image

Katharella 5 years ago from Lost in America

Yeah but who had to tell him you posted it LOL :) *smirk*


barbergirl28 profile image

barbergirl28 5 years ago from Hemet, Ca

Not a single person... lol!


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

barbergirl- That sounds awesome. I didn't think anyone would actually try that. I wish you had filmed it, that way I could have added the video to this hub as a sort of visual instruction thing. Did he ever find out which foot is his first foot or was the experiment unsuccessful?


Katharella profile image

Katharella 5 years ago from Lost in America

A video would have been awesome! Do you guys know the eye thing to find out if your left eye or right eyed? Look outside and old your finger up that blocks something like say a tree. Then close either eye, whichever one let's you see the tree means your right eyed or left eyed. I'm right handed but left eyed. Now that someone is over I'm going to try the footed thing.


barbergirl28 profile image

barbergirl28 5 years ago from Hemet, Ca

Unfortunately it was a failed experiment - his left foot was stronger balance wise because when he tried with his right foot he feel over. But the guys got bad knees and his right knee isn't nearly as strong. I really wish I would have taken a video. It would have been a huge success on hubpages. It might have even made me famous ;)


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

BBG - you are famous on HP! All of you are! That's why I'm following you all around, I heard about you heroes!


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Kathy- I know about that eye thing. I'm right eye dominated or whatever, also right handed and my right foot is my first foot. So everything's right about me. Am I right? Yes, completely. The right side of my body is stronger than the left side. I think I'm right brained. Not sure, though.


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

BBG- My knees are shot, too. Old football injuries. That's what I tell people, but it's actually from kneeling down at work all the time to stock the lower shelves. My right shoulder is kinda shot, too. Now that is a football injury. I'm delicate.


barbergirl28 profile image

barbergirl28 5 years ago from Hemet, Ca

My whole body is shot.... they say for every year you are in the military you age an additional 5 years... that makes me 56 years old. People say I look good for my age. ;)

I also have an old football injury... of course, maybe it was because I am totally uncoordinated and technically it was backyard football with my cousins who outweighed me by 100 pounds. Yep... it got rough. I also have basketball injuries. I got my butt kicked a few times... ended up losing a pants leg... just one... another time - I lost my two front teeth! I think I was pretty rough on my body when I was younger! You are not alone! LOL


calliemorris profile image

calliemorris 5 years ago from London

This hub should be printed off and recreated as the wallpaper of every single submarine in the world... Are submarines able to be wallpapered? I'm sure you'd know...


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Barbergirl- I'm trying to figure out how someone can lose a pant leg while playing basketball. I guess it's possible if someone's trying to pull your pants down as a distraction so that you won't make your shot. I'll have to try that next time I'm playing basketball, which is never. :) White men can't jump.


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Callie- I agree. That's all this hub is good for, really. Wallpaper. I don't know if it's possible to wallpaper a steel wall, but it might be. If not, you could just use magnets. Oh, this hub would also be great for toilet paper. If I owned a submarine, I'd decorate it with some drapes and throw pillows. Just because you go to war, doesn't mean you have to be at war with fashion.


wilrhoades profile image

wilrhoades 5 years ago

Hahahah, great fun hub.


pearlmacb profile image

pearlmacb 4 years ago from Switzerland

Q- you really have talent, brillant humour.

Voted Up for a fascinating hub Lol


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 4 years ago from Tennessee Author

@pearlmacb- Thank you for the comment and the vote thing. Sorry none of my stuff is as inspirational as your poems. You should try writing a poem on a submarine. Or a metaphorical submarine.


pearlmacb profile image

pearlmacb 4 years ago from Switzerland

hey making people laugh is one of the greatest gift anyone can possess!! Ive got a brother, he`s a typical funny guy- just not funny when he tries to be funny. hehe

It would be interesting to write a poem on a sub. accept, that silly sing-along will come to mind no doubt & completely stall my creativity!


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 4 years ago from Tennessee Author

@pearlmacb- I gave up trying to make people laugh and decided to try making myself laugh. So if some stuff I write doesn't make sense, it's because it's an inside joke with myself. Thank you for getting Yellow Submarine stuck in my head again. It was stuck in my head for three months after I wrote this and I thought I'd finally gotten rid of it for good.


nicomp profile image

nicomp 4 years ago from Ohio, USA

"It’s like being on a school bus that’s been buried. "

Thank you for enabling my claustrophobia. I may never sleep again.


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 4 years ago from Tennessee Author

@nicomp- You're more than welcome. I do what I can.


shermanblake profile image

shermanblake 4 years ago from Rio de Janeiro, Brazil

What about playing capture-the-flag? Or perhaps somewhat real role-play of the game Clue?

(Clue might work better if taken very seriously and played on a deserted island)

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