(Title Too Long)

A Short Report On The Validity Of Launching A Hamster Through An Inverted Wormhole And Achieving The Quantum Event Known As “Hangtime” Without The Use Of An Auxillary Means Of Breaking Both The Sound And Light Barriers (Or Eating Roast Cranberries With A Stick.)

An Expositive Postulation By G.F. Dunnigan

It’s quite difficult, actually.

Be advised however– that is not the report. The report itself may be short, but as Doctor Kondomkonig Von Der Burg (of the castle) once noted, “it’s not that short.”

So is it viable? Well, if we move from the nonspecific to the so-called specific (ignoring of course, the ducks in the bathtub –again, not mine.) and ask ourselves the rather inane sounding question: “How specific is specific” we begin to realize that in our current state of knowledge or ignorance, as the case may be (purely from a clinical standpoint) that the center of the universe is not in fact Paris Hilton, Brangelina, Megan Fox or Grandma Barnaby but is (as observed by Doctor Helmut Fitzer, of the Reverse Druidic Observatory on Mokelumne Hill) rather a large and particularly furry object known as the Perpetually Falling Dog (which has been observed to be in a constant state of quantum falling.)

Perpetually Falling Dog (PFD) as observed 11:56 AM, June 20th, Nineteen-oh-ninety.
Perpetually Falling Dog (PFD) as observed 11:56 AM, June 20th, Nineteen-oh-ninety.

What I (and my numerous colleages, That Guy, Him, and the really interesting woman by the coffee machine) propose to do is quite simple. In order to test the validity of launching a hamster through an inverted wormhole and achieving the quantum event known as “hangtime” without the use of auxiliary means of breaking both the sound and light barriers (or eating roast cranberries with a stick) we must first perform an event known as quantum intercourse that only particularly saavy scientists (within my exact particular field) are capable of performing. Volunteers are highly encouraged. Just contact my office (and the really interesting woman by the coffee machine) through the link below.


^^^^^^^^^^^^^ That's the link right there.

                                                 ^^^^^^^ That's not the link I was talking about. I don't know how that got there. I am not good with computer.

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Comments 3 comments

Shalini Kagal profile image

Shalini Kagal 7 years ago from India

Hilarious! I'm past the age to volunteer for quantum events but if you're selling ringside seats, let me know :D

Lucky Cats 6 years ago

Yeah...I hit the Link!!! Fabulous! I will eventually read ALL your hubs as I truly appreciate your wit, intelligence, humor and style and amazing imagination!!! Of course, voted UP, FUNNY and AWESOME!

Earl S. Wynn profile image

Earl S. Wynn 6 years ago from California Author

Well thank you, Lucky Cats! :D I really appreciate it!

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