Top 10 Most Boring Movies Ever
Who needs sleeping pills when you've got these films?
These movies are worse than awful, they're boring. They drag on with nonsensical plotlines and stilted dialogue. Stick around for my bonus feature at the end, where I'll tell you how to make a boring movie of your own.
The Number 23
Alright, so Jim Carrey thinks a novel was written about him, and then he starts thinking everything seems to relate to the number 23. It's a move that's just as bad and boring as its synopsis.
Something is killing everyone. Oh wait, it's just M. Night Shyamalan killing his own career.
The English Patient
Perhaps the least deserving best picture Oscar winner ever, this movie won the award because America was obsessed with costume dramas at the time. Love and war have never been so dull.
Where the Wild Things Are
What a disappointment. Everyone's favorite childrens book was finally made into a movie, and it was directed by Spike Jonze. Yeah, the same guy who directed the Beastie Boys "Sabotage" music video. I guess a book that takes 15 minutes to read to a child can't be stretched into a much longer movie.
There was a time when Nicolas Cage was considered a good actor. I know that seems hard to believe after the National Treasure movies and this stinker, but it's true. This was the worst comic book based movie since Catwoman, but it didn't have Halle Berry in a cat suit.
The Good Shepard
If you think the general work of the Central Intelligence Agency is boring, wait until you hear about its history.
This movie featured every good-looking person in Hollywood and was the story of a man conquering the world. 175 minutes later you'll find yourself asking for your money and almost 3 hours of your life back.
Lady in the Water
I don't mean to pick on M. Night Shyamalan, but damn does he make it easy. The man hasn't made a decent movie in a decade. Ron Howard's daughter stars in this one as a character from a bedtime story who is on a journey back home. Oh, don't worry, there's a twist in the end.
The Last Airbender
I really wished this movie was titled "The Last M. Night Shyamalan movie you'll ever have to see. This movie is so bad they "retrofitted" it with 3D just so they could add "3D" on their movie posters. As it turns out, the 3D is just painful to watch and will probably make you sick, which is good because you needed a reason to excuse yourself from the theater anyway.
This movie is unbearable to anyone with a brain. It's like the writers spent absolutely no time studying how things like the internet work and just decided their serial killer would be a person who can build a website that is untraceable. As it turns out, it's impossible. If your computer can locate a website to display it on your screen, it knows the IP address of that site. That's how the whole thing works. Ignoring that fact is to assume that websites are delivered to your computer via magic carpet. Oh, and "he's hacked into the car" might be the dumbest movie line of the past decade. Once you understand the premise of this movie, you'll sleep like a baby through the rest of it.
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Bonus: How to make an insanely boring movie
Step 1: Get M. Night Shyamalangadingdong to direct. He's awful, but he doesn't realize it yet. I guess him figuring out that he stinks is going to be his greatest twist of all.
Step 2: Design a movie poster that's blue on one side and orange or red on the other. This is the "money combination". Brain-dead people everywhere see these posters and for some reason are tricked into thinking it looks like an exciting movie.
Step 3: Hire a hot actress to star in the film. Acting talent not required. Eye candy is very important.
Step 4: Have the entire crew arrive to film, then discover that nobody wrote a script. Just wing it anyway. How bad could it be? You've already got the kickass poster and the hot girl. The movie should practically make itself.