The Top 10 Ways to Be a Good Neighbor

Living - Being at Home

Almost all of us live somewhere. That is a fact. Being alive without being somewhere turns out to be remarkably hard to do. No matter how hard you try, you will find that this is true.

For many of us, the place we decide to do our living most is called our "home." This is where things get tricky. You see, home is often a "somewhere" that ends up someplace next to someone else. That is when the whole neighbor thing comes in.

Apparently, some people have no idea how to be good neighbors. In fact, some people are very bad neighbors and have no clue how to live next to others successfully at all. Fortunately, I am here to help by offering up a bit of friendly neighborhood advice, some good neighbor tips. Below are the top 10 ways to be a good neighbor, the Ten Commandments of the Cul-de-Sac, as it were.

1. Mow your freaking lawn

Seriously. Just mow it. It's not a "wilderness area" and you aren't Al Gore. You want to save the planet, great, but dropping my property value in half because you can't roll off the couch long enough to follow your mower around just isn't working for the rest of us. Hire a neighborhood kid if you're comfortable with your body weight, but get that wild growth cut down. Rent a goat and tie it to a stake. I don't really care. But you're making the whole street look bad.

2. For the love of God, shut that damn dog up

I swear I wish the Mob offered hitdog services sometimes. There is nothing worse than trying desperately to get some sleep and having to listen to someone's dog all night. I mean, if I thought that a dog was actually barking at a burglar, I'd be fine with that. But that's never what is going on. Most of the time it's just barking at some dumb cat, or it's barking at some other mouthy mutt. The doggy network around a neighborhood can really get tuned up; they all get in on it and the barks start coming from literally everywhere. The thing is, this ain't a Disney movie and all that yapping isn't going to bring the 101 Dalmations home. It's not. Really. So shut your pooch's pie-hole before I let the Mafia in on my awesome hitdog idea. Bring Rover inside if you're one of those people who "don't hear him when he barks." Let him sleep with you since you love him so much. I know none of your neighbors do. (And for what it's worth the Bark Free advertisement up there... those things work. Greatest product in the history of dogs next door.)

Dude, the body shop or the junk yard.  Not our street.
Dude, the body shop or the junk yard. Not our street.
This counts against you too.
This counts against you too.

3. Park in front of your own house

I get "having company." No problem. You have a big party and people park in front of my house... no problem, I get it. That's why I am such a great neighbor to have. However, don't park your twenty-two year old Toyota Turdmobile outside my front door just because you have nowhere else for it to go. Get rid of it if you don't drive it anymore. Give it to charity. And if your kid is driving it, well... See, unbelievable as this might sound, I like to have company over to my house too, and they get tired of having to walk four miles to visit us because you and your sixty-four kids have filled up the entire street parking all your cars. Tell that enormous herd you spawned to park their cars somewhere else besides right in front of me. (Yes, I know it's a public street, but as you may recall, this top 10 list is about common courtesy. What is legal is not always the same as what is right.)

4. Invite me to your party, or at least give fair warning first

If you're going to fill up the street with cars and have that deejay blasting his incredible wit out into the universe through speakers bigger than a cow, then at least give me a bit of warning first. Let me know so that maybe I can plan to be out of town. Or at least go check into a hotel. Or even better, invite me. If you're going to deprive me of sleep until who knows what A.M., the least you could do is offer to entertain me while I am forced to be awake. Feed me. Let me drink your beer. Something. Just show some courtesy.

5. Deal drugs somewhere else

Ok, I admit I've never had this problem (yet), but I hear it all the time. People selling drugs, sometimes right off of their front lawn. WTF? Dude, I get that drug culture exists and all that. Fine. If the DEA and other law enforcement can't stop it, I'm sure I can't with a blog. However, is there any chance you could just, you know, take that somewhere else? Or at the very least inside? I know you're all scary and stuff, but you do realize that, fear of reprisals and all, at some point I'm still going to turn you in, right? (Woops, big word up there, my bad. I'll help you out. Ree-prize-all: it's what you guys do when someone ‘snitches', yo.) So, yeah, go away. Or just O.D. and die. That's fine too. Your neighbors will thank you either way.

Don't be the one...
Don't be the one...
... to bring them down!
... to bring them down!

6. Turn your music down

That kick ass stereo you bought rocks. So does your sweet surround-sound. It's awesome. It's so awesome that it shakes the glasses off my shelf. It's even worse if we live in an apartment complex too. It's so loud, I can't read. I can't sleep. I can't even watch TV if my speakers aren't as big as yours. If enough of us get in on one of those stereo volume contests through the walls, we're liable to summon the aliens down. If we make too much noise, we might piss them off enough to make them give up studying us in favor of just wiping us out to shut us up. So stop. Don't be responsible for the annihilation of our world. That's totally un-neighborly.

7. Turn your music up

If you make so much noise when you are having, umm, some form of "romance" that you wake me up, then you are allowed to ignore rule number 6 above. I don't care how good a lover you are or how much your partner really likes to yell. Nor do I care if it's just your way of appreciating all that porn. Whatever it is, nobody wants to hear it, so, given the choice of your wild monkey screams or that noise you think is music, well, the neighborhood vote is in: We'll risk the aliens. (Hey, no faking either, we're not going to buy it if you try to use that as an excuse for skipping number 6 all the time. Nobody has that much energy. We will know if you try to lie.)

8. Take your garbage out

Pretty simple, really. The dead animal stench coming from your rotting garbage makes everyone want to puke, particularly those of us down wind. Same goes for the three foot layer of dog feces you haven't bothered to scoop up off of your back lawn. My god, take Fido for a walk or something. What's wrong with you?

9. Slow down - You drive too fast

I realize you may not have kids. Maybe you do, and you just don't like them very much. Who knows? But the thing is, the rest of us like our kids pretty well. Heck, some of us might even like your kids too. The thing with kids is, especially the little ones, well, they're just not all that smart. They do dumb stuff like run out unexpectedly from between cars, or maybe ride their bicycles in the street. I know, I hear ya, pretty annoying, true; but, well, it's just a reality of life. Good parents keep an eye on their kids, I understand, but, the fact is that good parenting is kind of like the drug enforcement thing I mentioned up above: probably not going to happen just because I wrote this blog. So, in the meantime, if you could ease off the gas while you're rocketing through the neighborhood, that'd be great. Thanks.

10. Fix the F-ing Fence

This is my pet peeve. I swear if I have to fix my fence alone one more time I'm going to shoot myself with the staple gun. We have tremendous winds here sometimes and fences are always blowing down. If you are my neighbor and our fence blows down, get your ass out here and help me put that thing back up. Ok, look, I get that maybe fence building isn't your thing, or you might not even be able to do that kind of work. I seriously have no problem with that. But you know what you can do? You can fork over some money for the materials and any equipment that WE have to rent. Yeah, that's right, stuff that WE, me and you, need to build OUR fence back up, even if I'm doing all the work. Wood, concrete, nails, maybe a posthole digger and other kinds of tools - they don't come cheap. Don't make me pay for them AND do all the labor too. That's just wrong.

Clearly this problem is not just mine... right?
Clearly this problem is not just mine... right?

Summation

So there you go. 10 easy-to-follow rules that will help make your neighborhood a better place. I'm sure there are other items that you can think of that might take the place of one or another of these on my list, but in my experience, these are the big ones that just keep coming up. Living by these might seem a matter of simple courtesy for some of us, but apparently many people live in a bubble or else they just don't give a --- ...hoot. But, well, maybe this will help them see the error of their ways. I know I'm holding my breath. How about you?

(Stay tuned for my upcoming all dog blog, where we can examine the particularities of the pooch across the fence.)

This guy's neighbor has lost it.

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This is my latest novel. Come check out the video trailer if you are a reader and looking for something interesting to do. | Source

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Comments 100 comments

Better Living profile image

Better Living 8 years ago

Hilarious!


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California Author

Heh, fun to write. Like therapy while I vent. Thanks for the comment.


mumz 8 years ago

Hillarious! You'd think all people would already know these "Common" Courtesies.


TPookie 8 years ago

That was really good. Lots of truth there.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California Author

Yeah, Mumz, seems insane that people don't see it. Thanks for the comment.

Than you too, TPookie. :)


stephhicks68 profile image

stephhicks68 8 years ago from Bend, Oregon

I completely agree with your points! Neighborhood associations exist in some places that help to address some of these issues, but then you get nazi neighbors who are in your face about everything! Even if you don't live in a new subdivision, you could still set one up for your block if everyone agrees to be bound by the rules and you record the rules against the property (OK, my lawyer side is coming out, and it could be a little expensive to get done). The bottom line that you make is that it is common sense and courtesy. Too bad there is not more of that in the world!


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California Author

It's hilarious that you bring up Nazi neighbors. We tried that very thing and there were these two couples who really seemed to want to put on their SS arm bands and go to town on everyone. Ended up ruining the whole thing and it died due to apathy. <sigh> Thanks for the comment. :)


Rochelle Frank profile image

Rochelle Frank 8 years ago from California Gold Country

This is one reason we moved to the country... We still have neighbors but they are far enough away that we can't see or hear them.

Of course we do have nazi deer who eat our plants-- and an occasional bear. Our garden is inside a maximum security enclosure which would allow us to keep some of the overflow from a state penetentiary, should the need arise.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California Author

Nazi deer. ROFL. Bear, ok, that's scary. I'd have maximum security too. I grew up in the country, I totally miss it to be honest. Could do without the bugs, used to think I hated them, but now, given what I traded the bugs in for to be in the city, I may be following your example and moving back to the sticks. Thanks for the comment.


Julie A. Johnson profile image

Julie A. Johnson 8 years ago from Duluth, MN

Funny, great advice. It seems there's always one house on the block where people just don't have a clue on how to act. The guy at the end of our block has a confederate flag waving from the back of his pickup, which, incidentally he races down the road (and we all know when he's coming, because he doesn't have a muffler). But I'm sure he's meaning no harm.

I'll be looking for the pooch hub. keep writing. Julie


marisuewrites profile image

marisuewrites 8 years ago from USA

Shades this is enormously funny because it's so dang true....eeeek these have been my neighbors...I hope I was never ever like this for anyone hahahaha

very well done. =) still laughing!!! you made the end of my day great!


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California Author

Julie, thanks for the comment. I don't know what to say about your neighbor. Let's just hope he's a "character" and nothing more than that. I'm probably stereotyping here, but he doesn't sound like the heavy reader type. Might just be he's out of touch with modern sensibilities is all. LOL.

Appreciate your comment too Marisue; always nice when someone appreciates a joke. Humor can be a fickle friend for us writing types.


Riah Revlis profile image

Riah Revlis 8 years ago from California

Very funny stuff...and spot on! My neighbor had a dog that barked constantly until the whole neighborhood was in an uproar. The dog owners solution was to take the dog to a vet and have his "bark" removed surgically. Thereafter, the poor beast "whisper barked" constantly, but only I was close enough to hear it. I was abandoned to my fate as the problem was "solved" for everyone else. Now, not only did I feel frustrated rage at the endless noise, but guilt for being unknowingly involved in such an awful solution. (Those bark arresters sound like a great way to go, by the way.) How then, did I solve this dilemma you ask? It was easy. The dog people moved to Mexico and took Barky with them. Dumb luck. Works every time. :o) Thanks for a great read!


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California Author

LOL that's so funny, and a little sad; I can understand how you might have had some guilt. Still, you're not the one who took him to the vet, so.... I've heard that raspy whisper bark you're talking about, but from a cat. LOL. Very pitiful. And, I don't want my blogs to be commercials, but, we had this dog nextdoor at our last house that would do this one single bark, paced out about three or four seconds each... just that. It was like a water drip torture thing. It was so awful. We got the Barkfree and it was hilarious, that dog literally moved to the other side of our neighbors yard. Never even came near our fence again. ... Anyway. Thanks for the nice comment. :)


lifedancer profile image

lifedancer 8 years ago from California

Thanks for the laugh.  Unfortunatly many of my neighbors need to read your page.  They park cars on the lawns, park in front of my driveway blocking it, use really stinky clothes softener sheets in the dryer, play the same damn "music"every day (teenagers), seem to run a day care center from a 600 Sq. ft., 2 bedroom house.  Every one seems to have one of those small, yappy dogs or a pit bull.  I'd like to see some suggestions on how to talk to neighbors, without getting shot, about these things.  Help! maybe I'll copy this and put in under the door.

Your home owner's insurance will pay for a new fence. Both of you should make a claim and share the cost, if any, over what the insurance will pay. Just don't make more than one claim a year, or you may be dropped.


New Day profile image

New Day 8 years ago from Western United States

Shadesbreath, will you please come to my neighborhood and strangle my neighbor's dog for me? LOL. But seriously - what is up with people that they cannot care for their property? Have they no pride? By the way, I re-read your first couple of sentences about how everyone must live somewhere if you are alive. That is some funny stuff. If you are not careful, it could slip right past you. I like your humor.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California Author

Lifedancer, I feel your pain.  And that day care thing, that's a good one, didn't even think of that, but that can get interesting too.  We used to live in a neighborhood with one of those.  4,000 children screaming all day long makes you want to drink antifreeze or something.  The upside on that one though is that at least they have to deal with those kids too.  I guess.  LOL. 

 As for homeowners insurance, I'm afraid to use them for anything.  They will drop you, or so I've heard, whenever they get the chance.  Another one of the world's evils, imo.  Good idea gone bad.  Anyway, I digress and risk a whole new hub.  Heh. Thanks for the comments.

And thanks for yours too, New Day.  LOL @ dog strangling, call the mafia hitdog program I guess.  Or, seriously, get one of those bark things.  I'm telling you, you won't be sorry.  And yeah, there is no pride.  Not sure why though.  Something in the water maybe.  Scary though.

Thanks for the comments, I'm glad I could give a chuckle or two.  Means a lot.


Boborrama 8 years ago from Oahu, Hawaii

Sigh you're taking all the fun out of the neighbourly situation. What's a good hood' without some annoying dogs, pimps, ho's and crackheads? Sounds like you need to lighten up a little, watch a little less reality TV, and delight in the "reality show" that are crappy neighbors. Who needs Britney Spears when you got the convenience of an overweight mother of 7 each with it's own individual last name? Lighten up homeskillet and delight in the endless procession of tragedy that is life. Peace!!!


Joel McDonald profile image

Joel McDonald 8 years ago from Denver, Colorado

In college, I had a neighbor who parked a van on their lawn, and that's not the funny part. The reason they parked the van there was to tether their donkey...

...A DONKEY IN THEIR FRONT YARD!!!

When I sold that house, i already knew they were stubborn jackasses (the neighbors, not their pet) and wouldn't move it out of courtesy to me, so I rented it from them... Anything to get it off of their front lawn for the day ;-)

Great "thumbs up" post. Made me laugh.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California Author

Well, Bob, you got me there. I suppose it could just be a matter of perspective. ROFL. I'll try to work on that.

And, Joel, a donkey? Please tell me it was at least so they could adhere to rule numbe 1 and keep the lawn mowed. Their last name wasn't Clampett was it? Thanks for the thumbs up, appreciate it.


bettiegurrl profile image

bettiegurrl 8 years ago from Portland, Or

Oh my god. This is one of the best ones I seen here yet! Thanks for the laugh


In The Doghouse profile image

In The Doghouse 8 years ago from California

Shadesbreath,

What a funny but true list of how to be a good neighbor. You have creatively touched on something that everybody can relate to, at least once in their life. I can't wait for the dog Hub. Thanks for the good laugh!


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California Author

Bettie, thanks for laughing, it means a lot. And Dog, the dog hub is in the works. Thanks for stopping by my hub.


Bob Ewing profile image

Bob Ewing 8 years ago from New Brunswick

Great tips, if people followed them we'd all get along better.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California Author

Yes, we can only wish, Bob. Maybe someday though. In the meantime, thanks for the kind words.


Agro Donkey 8 years ago from Ohio

Very funny and honest. I hate fixing the fence all the time. At the very least stop staring at my ass through the window as I'm fixing the damn thing.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California Author

Well, I would say that I completely agree, Agro Donkey, but the need to not stare at my ass is largely mitigated (or not) by who is doing the staring.

Thanks for stopping by.


Agro Donkey 8 years ago from Ohio

Well that eighty year old man asking me if I want to go into his basement for a popsicle is one thing but staring at my ass as I fix our fence is anouther.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California Author

Yes, the 80-year-old man look doesn't fly with me either, I confess. (Oh, here comes the hate mail, but, well, at least I can be honest about what I like.)


Rochelle Frank profile image

Rochelle Frank 8 years ago from California Gold Country

OMYgosh Shades-- I didn't know you put a link to my bra thing. Wow, how often does that happen? Thanks!


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California Author

Rochelle, I was in tears I laughed so hard, and I wasnt' really kidding about you owing me a new keyboard when I commented on that hub. I told you I would link to it. My word is gold. LOL.


Rhym O'Reison profile image

Rhym O'Reison 8 years ago from Crowley, Tx

I was just reading along and having a good ol' time (great pics btw, they really help make the hub) when I too was shocked to see a little hub love. I feel totally honored. Thanks.


MasonsMom profile image

MasonsMom 8 years ago from U.S.A.

Some people just don't get it--thanks for spelling it out for them! Well written & funny hub!


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California Author

You bet, Rhym, it was my pleasure, your hub is funny and deserves to be seen. And thanks for your kind words. Making the pictures was almost as fun as the writing was lol. :)

MasonsMom, thanks for your nice comments too. It's always nice to hear that some enjoys something that we write.


IndyScout 8 years ago from Indianapolis, IN

Isn't that first picture your own backyard...? How do you neighbors like you lately?


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California Author

If it were from my back yard, it would hardly have an impact on how my house looked from the front, don't you think? The answer at that point becomes moot.


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago

Hi,

We had neighbors once, (bikers) married with two kids. The husband would often call my husband over to his yard and take him to his shed to show him home-made porn. It was apparently published at some point, and my hubby showed me a pic of the wife tied to a tree in chains, totally naked, and, her hubby told mine that he took it on Mother's Day,,,,,

Another time their son was playing with my daughter, they were very young, maybe 3 and 4, and out the window, what do I see but their son peeing all over my daughter. Yes, his parents were out there with them but I couldn't help but laugh as it was truly innocent, but geeze!

Other than that, they were friendly enough neighbors, 'colorful' comes to mind. To say I was glad when we moved would be an understatement LOL,,,

Thanks for sharing,

Trish


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California Author

lol Trish.

RULE NUMBER 11: Don't pee on my kids

lol


trish1048 profile image

trish1048 8 years ago

LOL,,,,,yes! I couldn't agree more :)


Dottie1 profile image

Dottie1 8 years ago from MA, USA

This is too funny! I would love to live next door to you.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California Author

Ty, Dottie, and by all means please hurry and move here, run off some of the people with sixty-five kids. My god, do these people ever stop breeding?


Maylinda Arons profile image

Maylinda Arons 8 years ago from India

I really enjoyed this hub, it was hilarious. I've had neighbours who totally don't adhere to rule #6. I've slept with my head up a pillow. It was not fun.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California Author

Maylinda,

Done a few nights like that myself. It was worse when I live in apartments, but even now, way out in the sticks, we have neighbors who have parties and the mariachis are still crooning away at 2 a.m. Wouldn't be so bad if they'd follow rule number 4, but they don't. /sigh lol


Glenn Frank profile image

Glenn Frank 8 years ago from Southern California

how true, how true. Great article!


quensday profile image

quensday 8 years ago from New York

Shadesbreath,

Your first sentence had me in a variety of emotions; first, I laughed until my stomach cramped, then I transitioned into a pensive stage on the philosophy of the possibility of "not almost all of us not living somewhere".

I was moved.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California Author

Yes, philosophy is like that. lol. I'm so glad you found the incredible depth of my, erm, like deepness.


Karen N profile image

Karen N 8 years ago from United States

Great hub.

After reading your story my neighbors don't sound that all that bad after all!


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California Author

Amazing what a little perspective can do, eh Karen? LOL.


spryte profile image

spryte 8 years ago from Arizona, USA

Hehehe...living on a cul de sac, I can relate to almost all of those...except for the drug dealing (my neighbors are all Mormons).

I offer this one...purely hypothetical...

Should you discover that none of your neighbors has really protected their computers and you can read all their emails and see all the lovely porn sites that they visit...you might not ever want to mention it....


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California Author

I am proud to claim all the porn sites I would never visit unless I am caught.


ripplemaker profile image

ripplemaker 8 years ago from Cebu, Philippines

Boy am I glad I have 'good' neighbors! :) Uhhh ... well except once during Christmas when they had fireworks! We came home to our yard full of dirt and burnt debris and we had to clean up after their mess! Funny and witty hub but very true. :) Thanks.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California Author

I'd have gone over there and told them to clean up their own crap. I'm assuming you probably did though. People are amazing sometimes.


ripplemaker profile image

ripplemaker 8 years ago from Cebu, Philippines

Uhhh no, we (amazingly silly it may seem) cleaned it up ourselves! LOL I guess they should be grateful they have good neighbors like us. At least the following year, they didn't have too much fireworks because they had a new baby in the house. :)


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 8 years ago from California Author

Well, if they do it again, have a big garbage can dumping party at your house that accidently overflows onto their lawn. Oops.


ripplemaker profile image

ripplemaker 8 years ago from Cebu, Philippines

Hahahaha :)


countrywomen profile image

countrywomen 7 years ago from Washington, USA

Shades- Brilliant article. You should consider writing a book with your style of writing and content treatment it would be a No.1 Best Seller. Every hub I read I feel it is only better than the best I have read so far. I am sure you are a great neighbor since you are a great human being.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California Author

Very kind of you to say, Country. And apparently somebody else liked my article enough to steal it, since I found it ripped off on another website. :(


countrywomen profile image

countrywomen 7 years ago from Washington, USA

Shades- I know about that since I came here seeing that message in the forum. Any updates from the webmaster or ISP for such blatant plagiarism.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California Author

Yeah, got an email from the webmaster that it's been taken down. :)


countrywomen profile image

countrywomen 7 years ago from Washington, USA

Cool congrats. You know something imitation is the best form of flattery. Your articles are so good that people want to plagiarize (now I am wishing somebody finds it worthwhile to plagiarize mine too)...LOL


rockinjoe profile image

rockinjoe 7 years ago from Standing right behind you!

Reading this, I'm sure we both live in the same neighborhood.

Hysterical!


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California Author

That's the beauty of humanity (as you, a comedian, well know): we all live in the same neighborhood.


Urban_Julia 7 years ago

Leave-your-poor-neighbours-alone! Stop minding their business and try to develop some tolerance for your fellow human beings -- or move to the boonies! Intolerant, hypersensitive, nosy, petty people don't belong in the city, perhaps not even in the suburbs: They belong in the woods, in an isolated lumberjack's hut, or on the farm with their cows and pigs! Tschüss, Neighbourhood Nazis!


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 7 years ago from California Author

U.J.:

Spoken by someone who clearly has not the wherewithal to comprehend the nature of property value much less mutual respect.  You go ahead and enjoy your declining, run down neighborhood with all its lovely, tolerant, unpetty blight, filth and crime.  I won't even bother following up the equity implications as I can only assume you rent.


Eric Graudins profile image

Eric Graudins 7 years ago from Australia

Hey U_J:

LOVE your comment, and the total free wheeling attitude.

My Taiko Drumming group was looking for somewhere to practice 7 days a week, 14 hours a day, and we've just rented the place next door to you. I'm sure you won't have any problems with that, will you!

There are about 30 of us, our drums are the size of a large wine barrel, and the noise we make while playing is only slightly louder than a jumbo jet taking off.

Best of all, we're not intolerant, hypersensitive, nosy, or any of those terrible things that you hate. Looking forward to meeting up with ya, NEIGHBUR!

(P.S. Hi shades, Good to see you making the odd post. Hope all is well with you.)


Shirley Anderson profile image

Shirley Anderson 7 years ago from Ontario, Canada

I must have lived in your neighbourhood because I've had those same neighbours! Hope the ones that need to read this, do.

I'm thinking that those doggy barking determent thingys would make great, neighbourly Christmas presents! (I had inserted something else here, but decided it was a bad idea)

Great hub, Shades!


edzee profile image

edzee 6 years ago

You left one out. Pick up the paper. I hate it when the neighborhood dogs get to it first. Good post!


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 6 years ago from California Author

Oops, yeah, I did leave that one out. Although, I may have done it subconsiously because, erm, I am remiss on that front frequently. I just don't read it all the time, so, sometimes I let a few sit there until I can be bothered to stoop. lol


pddm67 profile image

pddm67 6 years ago from Queens, New York

Luv this hub! Do we have the same idiot neighbor living between us!? With the exception of the dog, you have described my neighbor to a "t". If I thought she would take the hint, I'd print it out and leave it in her mailbox. Rock on!


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 6 years ago from California Author

Well, maybe we're on opposite sides of her. We can work together and build an inpenetrable dome over her house and lock her out of our universe. :)


Well. 6 years ago

This is my pet peeve. I swear if I have to fix my fence alone one more time I'm going to shoot myself with the staple gun.

NO!!! You have to use the NAAIILLLGUNNN!!!

Watch this video, you will UNDERSTAND!

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=SIHHi790ldE

The whole thing!


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 6 years ago from California Author

I watched. I laughed. I sent the link to others. lol.


Brens 6 years ago

Too funny. I had to send it to a former neighbor,Jane, who would get up in the middle of the night and drive around the neighborhood looking for the barking dog and leave a note on the front door . . . knock really loud . . . then go home.

As for the fence . . next time it blows down, build it in about 2 feet on your own property . . . you'll have a fence surrounding your property and they will no longer have a secure backyard. Just a thought


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 6 years ago from California Author

Interesting idea, Brens. Knowing my luck though, They'd get squatters rights to the 2 foot strip, or else they'd plant weed on it and the cops would arrest me for growing weed on my property. lol


Rochelle Frank profile image

Rochelle Frank 6 years ago from California Gold Country

This literally takes me back a couple of years-- it was just as good the second time-- and I enjoyed the comments, too.

The sticks are still here If you are thinking of returning. Now and then we get a new neighbor-- but most of them just want to be left alone, too, so it's all good.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 6 years ago from California Author

I'll get there. I'm still on the "when you're young you want to get away" part, but the "when you're old you want to go back" refrain sings better every year.


Gypsy Willow profile image

Gypsy Willow 6 years ago from Lake Tahoe Nevada USA , Wales UK and Taupo New Zealand

Very funny hub but oh so true. We have all these naughty neighbours in our street too but we also have a used car dealer who litters the street with unregistered wrecks. Too bad!


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Shadesbreath 6 years ago from California Author

Wow, Gypsy Willow, I can only imagine the wrecks all over from a used car guy. THAT would suck. I'd be calling the cops so often they'd either have my number blocked or know me by name.


Gypsy Willow profile image

Gypsy Willow 6 years ago from Lake Tahoe Nevada USA , Wales UK and Taupo New Zealand

Hi Sb I think someone has done that as now they are crammed into his driveway and on a trailer parked in the street! People like that usually live in the desert with a rickety fence around their property!


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 6 years ago from California Author

There's always someone pushing the rules. We have a goat next door now. It cracks me up because I made the crack "get a goat" in the mow your lawn thing. And they did, and it's making goat calls all the time now. Kinda funny really. They have a couple of dead cars in front, multi color primer. So, yeah. I feel your pain, just different. Maybe we should move to the desert, eh? lol


Little Ms Green 6 years ago

I have always considered myself to be a good neighbour but I am wondering what the neighbourly thing to do is when it comes to fence building. I live in a large city and space is tight. My house has a mutual driveway. I don’t use the driveway, and would rather use the land for a larger garden. Severing the drive way is not an option, but the right of way ends near the back of my house so I would stand to gain a fair bit of land. The problem is, is that my neighbour has built a HUGE extension on their house, a deck and a large garage. To use their garage they reverse around on my lawn. They haven’t left themselves enough space to get into or out of their garage without entering my property. The relationship otherwise with my neighbour has been great in fact I would consider them friends. They have been living in their house much longer then I have been in mine, and it was just always assumed by them that the back yards were a shared space. Asking them to stop coming onto my lawn just isn’t an option.

But now I find myself in a very interesting position. They have moved and put the house up for sale. I see this as the perfect time to put in a fence, but when I mentioned my plan to my neighbour she begged and pleaded me to do it after she has sold the house. Her house is advertised as having 2 parking spots, which gives the assumption to the new owner that they will have access to getting in and out of the garage. Unfortunately if I wait to build the fence like my neighbour is asking me to, I run the risk of starting a really bad relationship with my new neighbour. Any suggestions on what I should do?


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 6 years ago from California Author

Build the fence. It's your property. You have absolutely zero benefit from letting them sell their house on the false premise that the buyer is going to have more room than they are actually paying for. Furthermore, your neighbors will actually be profiting from YOUR property value by doing this, creating a false expectation in the new neighbors that they are going to think they paid for. Your neighbors are actually selling YOUR rights.

Build the fence. Plant your garden. Stop being nice. It's gotten you nothing so far but avoiding confrontation. You're paying property taxes on that land whether you use it or let someone else back up on it. Do you really like them that much?

When they complain, explain that you were being polite because you were the "new neighbor" before, but you've always wanted YOUR land for YOUR own use, and this is a good time. You can even apologize and say, "I'm sorry if me taking my land back is an inconvenience, but I really must insist." Then go back into your garage, get your post hole digger and start on your fence. Do it. Don't be a wuss.

Hope this helps.


Little Ms Green 6 years ago

LOL love it! I really have been a wuss. Having badass neighbours like yours Shadesbeath, would have made the decision alot easier, and would have been done years ago. There! I managed to find a positive to your crappy neighbour situation :D Now, on with the fence. I am so excited. Whoopie! :D


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 6 years ago from California Author

Good for you. Do it. You'll love that you did.


animal-backpacks profile image

animal-backpacks 6 years ago from Brighton

Very amusing. I agree with pretty much all of this and try to keep neighbours happy even though I know one side hate our household just because they pretty much hate everything and everyone in the World (why would we be any different?). I over hear them talking in the garden in the summer and I swear there is no one on Earth who is good enough for them. Still I try and be a good neighbour and keep hedges trimmed and things tidy so they don't turn their vitriol on us (well at least that I can over hear - out of ear shot out of mind). Plus, the man of the house is a butcher and I've seen him weild a meat cleever so maybe that has something to do with me keeping things in check!!


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 6 years ago from California Author

Yikes, sounds like you got some just lovely neighbors. Probably a very good idea to stay at least on their neutral side with the whole meat cleaver thing going on.

How come we can't get neighbors who talk about investment strategies they learned from the multi-millionaire brother or something instead of that stuff you get or the stuff I hear? (sigh)


5 years ago

I got one to add watch your freaking kids!!!


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 5 years ago from California Author

Yeah, D, you are correct about that. I sort of tossed that in with number 9 on the list, but it could easily have been it's own category. I don't know, maybe some people just figure kids are fun and easy to make, so why bother watching them? Can always make new ones I guess.

:/


Sherri 5 years ago

Could I add one more to this list please? Yes? Good. (Ahem) #11. It really doesn't matter to me if you don't like your kids. Just don't f-in send them down to my house to play with mine. Why? Because your kids are rude, have taught my kids several choice curse words, raid my pantry and fridge with impunity and think that if I allow them into the house for a visit, they should be allowed to spend the night. And please, above all else, if I call you to come and get them (because they are clinging to my leg, sobbing that they don't want to go home), don't tell me that you'll be down in a minute to get them and not show up for a frickin' HOUR! I'm getting really tired of having to pretend like we aren't home when they start ringing our doorbell (which is like, every 5 minutes--all. frickin'. day. long.) You don't like your kids? Fine. I understand why. Just don't expect me to raise them. Hell, I've got kids of my own that I don't like. (Just kidding on that last part!) :)


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 5 years ago from California Author

LOL, we had one neighbor kid like that. It was really awkward, and I did hate just ignoring the doorbell. I felt bad for him. His parents were total douchebags, so I know why he wanted to hang out at our house; it must have seemed like paradise by comparison. We put up with him as much as we could, but he got "not let in" a few times too.

I might ask, have you talked to those kids? You know, sat them down like you would your own and explained it? Be diplomatic and don't call their parents douchebags, obviously, but you could set down some rules of how it's going to work. (And, um, if they are old enough to come down and ring your doorbell on their own, they are old enough to be put back out the door and told to go home on their own).


Mimi 5 years ago

Morning All. We try hard too be good too our new Nabors like baking muffins too thank them butt they stick it too us they are unruly too us they are too nosey even beat there kids my Parensts say it's none of our business I think what people do too not take a stand what they do too us not too be nice is unchaining. We like them but I guess there hartech just hates us when where trying too be nice. Mimi


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 5 years ago from California Author

That's exactly what I always say, Mimi.


Sherri 5 years ago

We've tried a few times to explain the rules to them, but it doesn't seem to stick. I do feel bad for them--their parents are total d-bags too. And I feel like a complete s**t for getting annoyed with them when the oldest one comes up and gives me a hug and says he wishes I was his mommy. So, I just keep telling myself that pretty soon the family will be skipping out in the middle of the night because they can't make the rent and it won't be our problem any more. **SIGH**


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 5 years ago from California Author

That's sad. :( I can see how you're kind of between a rock and a hard place with those kids.


Sarah 4 years ago

If your neighbor has a pool, then it is his responsibility 100% to keep a fence around that pool. You have no obligation to put a fence up, so I'd just make him do it, or if you have kids, keep a fence on your side only.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 4 years ago from California Author

Hi Sarah. You're very right about the pool. Adds a whole extra layer of potential for neighborhood strife.


stessily 4 years ago

Shadesbreath, All humor aside, really good suggestions for being a good neighbor and keeping the neighborhood safe. As for the humor part, way too funny! I wasn't prepared for so much giggling, guffawing, and laughing.

Thanks for sharing.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 4 years ago from California Author

I'm glad to hear you enjoyed the fun, Stessily. And you know, it's a pretty well recognized reality that what is funny is usually what we know to be true about ourselves (as individuals or as part of a species), so, I suppose we laugh at this because it's like, OMG, we do actually do that to each other (and yes, I'm being VERY generous with the use of the term "we" there, because I could use something more precise, like a word that starts with "A" and ends with "ssholes" and thereby exclude you and I, but I did not, being the diplomatic sort that I am. :)

Thanks for reading and leaving such kind words.


YoYo 4 years ago

That is actually a chevy camaro.


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 4 years ago from California Author

LOL, I didn't intend for it to represent the Toyota Turdmobile. But I do appreciate your taking the time to point that out. Accuracy is important in this sort of thing. :)

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