Top 10: Worst Comic Book Superhero Movies
#10 - Hellboy (2004) Golden Army (2008)
The first Hellboy was not a terrible movie. It wasn’t a good movie either. It kind of fell into the category of, “Yep, it was a movie”, ranked into the subcategory of “never gonna watch that again”. The main reason these movies made the list was more because of the sequel. We were hoping on improvements. What we got was something far worse than Ewoks. It was filled with one liners and overdone graphics. CGI does have its limits people. But all told it was the entire storyline that killed it.
#9 Ghost Rider (2007)
So you’ve got an anti hero whose head engulfs in flames when his powers are working. Okay. You’ve got Nicholas Cage. Good. How did this movie go so, so very wrong? I don’t know, but it just didn’t work. I guess it was all in the writing. It had good, named actors, a cool character to play, and most of the effects were pretty well done. But it just came off bad. Did I say bad, I meant to say baaaaaaad.
#8 Judge Dredd (1995)
Sylvester Stalone is a rogue “Judge”, his sidekick is a whining, whimpering, useless Rob Schnider. Our “hero’s” catch phrase is “you’ve been judged" and "I am the law!". Do I really need to write much more? This movie was doomed from the word go. Remarkably enough it did earn some commercial success. Well, people watched Navy Seals too, there’s no accounting for taste.
#7 Fantastic Four (2005) Silver Surfer (2007)
The Fantastic Four were the K-Mart of superheroes. It was almost like all the good ideas were already taken and these four got the leftover powers that no one else wanted. Okay the Human Torch was kind of cool, but Reeve Richards (Mr. Elastic) (sorry that wasn’t really his name, but who cares) and The Thing (guy made of stone). Seriously, who could take that seriously? The only cool thing The Fantastic Four had was a cool villain. Dr. Doom was the definition of cool, but not in these movies, oh no. He was the definition of cliché. And don’t even get me started on the sequel, matter of fact, I think this needs to be higher than #7. The one and only saving grace was Jessica Alba, even if she can’t act, she’s still nice to look at.
#6 Punisher (1989, 2004) War Zone (2008)
Now this category needs a little separation if you ask me, but I decided to rate it on a bell curve. The 89 punisher with fresh off of Rocky IV Dolf Lundgren was beyond terrible. It made Killer Klowns From Outer Space look like a well made movie (it wasn’t). The version with Thomas Jane was. . . .well, it was okay. It almost worked, maybe if you replaced every single bad guy (except for the guitar playing assassin, he was cool) because they were all unbelievable and corny. Travolta played potentially his worst roll ever (that’s saying a lot taking Battlefield Earth into account). He wasn’t threatening or even a little bit intimidating. Even when he was throwing his wife off a bridge he wasn’t scary. Punisher War Zone made Dolf Lundgren’s version look cool (it wasn’t).
#5 Spawn (1997)
If you ever read the Spawn books, they were dark, riddled with evil characters, large scale action and drama. What we got in the movie was John Leguizamo. Do I really need to say any more?
#4 Daredevil (2003)
This movie failed for one reason and, and, oh wait, there was the storyline, oh yea, then there was Affleck’s bad acting, and Colin Ferrell as the ridiculous enemy, “Bull’s-eye”, yea and then there was Duncan as the predictably stiff “Kingpin”. Okay, this movie failed for a whole bunch of reasons, and it’s quite sad, because The Daredevil was always a favorite of mine, and that hack Affleck ruined it, RUINED. Oh and there was the incessant inner dialogue throughout the entire movie, I hate that! Oh and lets' go ahead and lump in the spectacularly awful Elektra (spin-off) Couldn't even make it through that garbage.
Oh and by the way, rumors are that there is a sequel in the works. Yay.
#3 Catwoman (2004)
What are you crazy? We can’t just put Halle Berry in a skin tight leather costume and rake in money. No, no you can’t. I would apologize for anyone unfortunate enough to pay to see this awful, awful thing that passed (somehow) for a movie, I was fortunate enough to wait until it was out on cable to (attempt) to watch it. I think I might have made it almost twenty whole minutes before I turned it off and declared it a piece of s#@#.
#2 The Spirit (2008)
It seemed this movie came on the wave of Sin City; it used virtually identical production methods, except for one problem. No one bothered to write a worthwhile script. Most of the dialog felt forced, the action was B rated at best, and the entire storyline was unbelievably cheesy.
#1 Captain America 1990
I remember watching this movie a very long time ago, and I remember thinking that Captain America was such a cool comic book character, how could they make such a cheesy movie about him. They did, and it was terrible all the way around. The acting, the costumes, the plot, the dialogue, all of it was the worst. I guess that’s why it’s the worst on this list too.
From what i've seen Hollywood has been about 33.3% effective in making quality comic book movies. About a third of them are well written with quality costumes and effects. The other two thirds end up on a list like this one. But they keep banging away at it, taking every single comic book from our childhood and beyond and trying to stretch it into a feature length film. The next two years are packed to the brim with more and more attempts.
Here's the list of what to look forward to, maybe some of them will make this list too! (spoiler alert: I picked photos of the movies that I think WILL make the list!!!
The Avengers (2012)
The Dark Knight Rises (2012)
Cowboys & Aliens (2011)
Green Lantern: (2011)
Iron Man 3 (2013)
Men in Black III (2012)
X-Men: First Class (2011)
The Wolverine (2012)
So for all those with an adventerous spirit, go see these films. Let me know what you thought. Myself, I think I'll be waiting for the DVD and spend $1.07 at Redbox. With the exception of Dark Knight Rises of course, I'll be in line for that one!!!
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