Top 100 Worst Lyrics Of All Time #71 to #80

Worst Lyrics Of All Time - #71

Ebony and ivory live together in perfect harmony
Side by side on my piano keyboard, oh Lord, why don't we?
We all know that people are the same wherever we go
There is good and bad in everyone
We learn to live, we learn to give
Each other what we need to survive together alive

Paul McCartney - Ebony & Ivory

First of all you need to grab for the oil of clove compresses as soon as this sugary, cloying mess starts playing, but does the concept that Paul and the late (and by me, lamented) Michael Jackson were going to "survive together alive" counters the obvious option which is to survive together dead?

Worst Lyrics Of All Time - #72

You walked into the party like you were walking onto a yacht
Your hat strategically dipped below one eye
Your scarf it was apricot
You had one eye on the mirror as you watched yourself gavotte

Carly Simon - You're So Vain

Come on fer cryin' out loud, Carly! Yacht, apricot and gavotte? Isn't that a bit of a reach into the dictionary for a pop song? And it's no secret that the guy was Warren Beatty, so why try to keep that under wraps 37 years later?

Worst Lyrics Of All Time - #73

Who's racing to the delivery room
Cause in the back seat his wife is busting out of her womb
And the sack breaks and out come the siamese twins
Who grow up to become the first president
With two heads
Are better than one

Soul Asylum - String Of Pearls

This is enough to make anyone puke, not just for the graphic birth reference but for the sheer stupidity of the lyrics themselves: A truly idiotic pun taken well past the extreme.

Worst Lyrics Of All Time - #74

On Mercury, they're crazy about my stellar rock & roll
And I always sell out in advance at the Martian Astrobowl
The fans, they swarm like meteorites to our concerts on the moon
You should have seen us knock 'em dead on Venus doin' all our favorite tunes
I'm a Spaceship Superstar
Got a solar-powered laser beam guitar
I'm at the top of all the charts on Mars
I'm a Spaceship Superstar

Prism - Starship Superstar

This is Seventies novelty songs at their absolute worst. This song could have been the soundtrack to a movie about The Jetsons redone as a Glam Band. What utter dreck!

Worst Lyrics Of All Time - #75

I'm so lonely but that's okay, I shaved my head
And I'm not sad
And just maybe I'm to blame for all I've heard
But I'm not sure
I'm so excited, I can't wait to meet you there
But I don't care
I'm so horny, but that's okay
My will is good
I like it - I'm not gonna crack
I miss you - I'm not gonna crack
I love you - I'm not gonna crack
I killed you - I'm not gonna crack

Nirvana - Lithium

If nothing else can prove the point that Kurt Cobain was a manic depressive butthead, then the lyrics to Lithium certainly do. Who is he singing to if he's already killed her? He's horny but it's ok as his will is good? Is that his willpower or his Last Will and Testament which was going to be trampled by Courtney Love anyway. But, of course, that would all be logic and that was a concept that was totally alien to the Seatlle Grunge Meister.

Worst Lyrics Of All Time - #76

Chickity China the Chinese chicken
You have a drumstick and your brain stops tickin'
Watchin' X-Files with no lights on
We're dans la maison
I hope the Smoking Man's in this one
Like Harrison Ford I'm getting frantic
Like Sting I'm tantric
Like Snickers, guaranteed to satisfy
Like Kurasawa I make mad films
Okay, I don't make films
But if I did they'd have a Samurai
Gonna get a set a' better clubs
Gonna find the kind with tiny nubs
Just so my irons aren't always flying off the backswing
Gotta get in tune with Sailor Moon
'cause the cartoon has got the boom anime babes
That make me think the wrong thing

Barenaked Ladies - One Week

Say Wot? This is the writing of lyrics by free association taken to the zenith of madness. This not only makes no sense to anyone, stoned or not, but it's white vanilla rap at its worst! It makes me pine for Vanilla Ice and Eminem! Turn it off and tell these darn ladies to put their clothes back on!

Worst Lyrics Of All Time - #77

I'm a barbie girl, in the barbie world
Life in plastic, it's fantastic!
you can brush my hair, undress me everywhere
Imagination, life is your creation

Make me walk, make me talk, do whatever you please
I can act like a star, I can beg on my knees

Aqua - Barbie Girl

It's interesting that Mattel actually sued Aqua for using their trademarks in this song, and thus gave this one hit wonder band more than ample publicity. One is left to wonder whether this nasty little tune would have sunk forever beneath the waves had everyone ignored it, as most people wished that they had!

Worst Lyrics Of All Time - #78

It's so hard for me
Staying here all alone
When you could be
Taking me for a ride.
Yeah, she could drag me
Over the rainbow,
Send me away
Down by the river
I shot my baby
Down by the river,
Dead, oh, shot her dead.

Neil Young - Down By The River

So, Neil, first you pick up the chick by asking if she'd take you for a ride and then when you get down to the river instead of having sex with her you shoot her? Just how many illicit drugs did you ingest during the crazy old days with Crosby, Stills and Nash?

Worst Lyrics Of All Time - #79

No one understood what I felt for Mary
No one cared until the night she went out walking alone
And never came home
Man with a badge came knocking next morning
Here was I surrounded by a thousand fingers suddenly
Pointed right at me
I swear I left her by the river
I swear I left her safe and sound
I need to make it to the river
And leave this old Nebraska town

Richard Marx - Hazard

Just think of this as Down By The River Part II: You take the chick down by the river and then when she never comes home, try not only to deny that you killed her to the authorities, but you try to flee the police by going back down to the murder scene in order to leave town? It's true: Criminals are stupid.

Worst Lyrics Of All Time - #80

He could throw that speedball by you
Make you look like a fool

Bruce Springsteen - Glory Days

Speedball, huh? Had the Boss been spending too much time hanging out with John Belushi? How about a meth eightball while we're at it, Boss?

Check Out The Entire Top 100 Worst Lyrics Of All Time!

Top 100 Worst Lyrics Of All Time
Top 100 Worst Lyrics Of All Time #1 to #10
Top 100 Worst Lyrics Of All Time #11 to #20
Top 100 Worst Lyrics Of All Time #21 to #30
Top 100 Worst Lyrics Of All Time #31 to #40
Top 100 Worst Lyrics Of All Time #41 to #50
Top 100 Worst Lyrics Of All Time #51 to #60
Top 100 Worst Lyrics Of All Time #61 to #70
Top 100 Worst Lyrics Of All Time #71 to #80
Top 100 Worst Lyrics Of All Time #81 to #90
Top 100 Worst Lyrics Of All Time #91 to #100

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Comments 5 comments

Aya Katz profile image

Aya Katz 7 years ago from The Ozarks

Hal, amazing lyrics! How do you know so many of them?


Hal Licino profile image

Hal Licino 7 years ago from Toronto Author

A decade of cranking out rock and pop music magazines, atop a lifetime of having the radio on virtually every waking moment will do that! I just wish I had Sirius XM when I was younger! I love it! :)


John 5 years ago

Kudos on such a complete list... AND THANK YOU THANK YOU THANK FOR recognizing Barenaked Ladies (all their songs, but particularly One Week) for all the times I could not switch the station fast enough, the music was crappy, yes, but the inane reflective white lack of soul and downright ignorant lyrics kept making me want to shoot my very own, adoreable and loveable dog. But for the moment I was listening, it made me want to KILL KILL KILL something, preferably every D.J. that hiked up their skirt long enough to let management shove this down the American people's throat.


Jezus 4 years ago

Ebony&Ivory was written and performed by McCartney and Stevie Wonder, not Michael Jackson.


IH 2 years ago

You are a complete moron. Please stop writing.

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