Tough Love ep 3

 

If I ever doubt why I hate-to-love this show, I can always rely on one of these clowns doing something obnoxious in the first 30 seconds to reel me in. Arian started this episode out bitching about Steve and how she'll probably always be alone. She fights off her abandonment issues by deciding to replace men with her vibrator. At least she has a plan. However, it's never ok to kiss your used vibrator. That's just vile. Once again, Taylor is there attempting to give her advice. Not a good sign.

Is it just my TV, or has Arian been hitting the tanning bed way too hard? She keeps referring back to her "dancing" days and I'm starting to wonder why she didn't end up on Rock of Love. Did she make a wrong turn in the hallway at VH1?

The best way to separate the housewives from the whores in any group is to take sexy photos. It's the best bait for the female inner freak. It's just plain fascinating! Leave it to Taylor to channel the great mind of Diddy by exclaiming, "Let's go preserve our sexy." She's deep.

Jacklyn, a housewife in this situation, was very embarrassed for the overly-excited Arian, and with good reason. Arian was definitely more Penthouse (or Hustler as the male focus group said) than Playboy. Was that a slingshot she was wearing on her bottom half? Yipes! She's just asking for a UTI. I dig that the guys think her boobs are too big. Much respect.

Taylor, in a shocking turn, was actually sexy without being slutty. I'm kinda proud of her. She managed to look confident without looking like a tranny or a streetwalker. There's a teeny-tiny glimmer of hope for her. She said later that she wears lingerie for a living. What job does she have, exactly? I can't imagine that platforms and booby tassels count as lingerie, so she's not a "dancer." What a mystery!

Jessa shocked me by going from a housewife to a whore (which is a compliment in this context)! I thought she was going to be shy, but somebody's been watching The Girls Next Door. Good for her.

On the other hand, my girl Abiola pulled out some weird tricks. What kind of man is she going to attract wearing a tiara and holding cupcakes? A creepy pervert who owns a van and lives in his mother's basement, that's who. Be careful what kind of signals you're sending out there, lady pie!

 

 

Jody has serious issues. You wanna know what kind of guy will find her sexy? An old man. Not the kind of young bucks she goes preying on at the local discotheque. It honestly has nothing to do with her looks or age. The guys questioned if anyone would actually want to date her because her personality sucks. Lighten up!

Jacklyn went for traditional sexy in a very college co-ed sort of way. Ain't no shame in that game! However, sometimes she looks like Skeletor. Maybe it's the lighting...

Stasha frightens me. I'm surprised she wore any clothes at all, and I think Steve was trying to bait her by saying they had the naked option. I just didn't understand her outfit-the tutu and the black makeup on her eyes. Zorro meets prima ballerina? I'm sure there are websites for guys who are into that kind of stuff, but they probably don't watch this show.

I didn't get to say Poor Natasha this week! Her inner freak-a-leak came out to play. Get it, girl! The guys liked her "personality" from the photo. How ironic, since she's always the girl in the background that never speaks. I hope this helps her bust out of her shell; although I'm not sure if there will be time for her to talk with the trifecta of Taylor, Arian and Jody running around.

I have to say, it's not just Arian that has a Dancing with the Stars-style tan. Hello, Taylor! One of the highlights of the episode was when Steve told his mom that Taylor "is gonna be a nightmare." He is not a huge fan of hers. Speaking of Steve's mom, I'm calling foul. There's no way she's old enough to have given birth to him. That's his sister. She doesn't look like she's had a bunch of work done. Was she like 9 when she had him? Not judging, just asking!

I respect Abiola's reservations about Terrence. I'm glad she didn't express them in the form of a list, because that's just plain bitchy. She was very mature about it this week, and I hope Steve finds someone better for her.

I thought Jacklyn's lingerie was cute and not at all inappropriate before she covered it up. It revealed less than a regular one-piece bathing suit does. What was her problem?

I had a slight concern with the men wearing their pajamas as well. A lot of them selected silk-ish pants or shorts. This does not do much in the area of hiding things. You've got hot ladiez running around in their skivvies, there's likely to be a reaction! Maybe that's why Steve selected a robe as a part of his ensemble. Smart dude.

Jody's date was wearing old man (age-appropriate) pajamas, so she should have been really comfortable. She just looks for reasons to complain. Remove that javelin-sized stick from your bottom and just have a good time, Jody! Her date took his kid to The Who and AC/DC for his first concerts, I mean, come on! She got the coolest piece of man-meat in the bunch.

Jessa told her date that he is "totally suave" and he replied with, "Well, shoot! Who knew?" Nice one, Rico.

 

Arian was all talking about following "the book" in one sentence and then takes homeboy into the bedroom for a massage in the next. Classy as usual. I believe she just got a massage, but she never said where. Scandalous!

Speaking of typical, Taylor got wasted and felt her own boobs before holding court about her date's <lack of> finances. She was crazy heinous to him. I understand not being interested in him, for whatever reason, but there's no excuse for being a total jackhole to him.

I love the first-date kiss duck-and-roll and plenty of these girls demonstrated their techniques!

I'm pretty shocked that inebriated Taylor didn't throw up after all that rolling around on the floor. Usually, those two things don't mix. Stasha described her as "sorority-quality wasted." Point for Stasha! I was equally shocked that Jody helped Taylor, and that Taylor actually appreciated it. That would make for an interesting alliance. What's next, Jacklyn and Arian getting BFF tattoos?

If Taylor is so smart and everyone else in the world is dumb then I feel like we're all being Punk'd. Please stop this ride, I'd like to get off! What the funk was up with her hair and outfit again in group therapy? Does she think it's some kind of pseudonym for costume party?

Taylor flat-out lied (or at least the producers of the show would lead us to believe) about not being interested in her dude because he wants to be an actor. Yes, I understand the magic of editing, but that doesn't erase the fact that she called him out in front of everybody and told him to his face that she's not interested in dating anyone without the greenbacks. I'm not heartless, we found out the reason she only wants to date guys with money last week, and it's legit. That's not a reason to be obnoxious to someone who doesn't meet your standards. Take some manners classes, clown!

Next week looks KILLER!!!! I can't wait for another Arian meltdown. Plus, Jody flips. Fantastic! I'm on the edge of my seat already.

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