Tough Love ep 6

 

So it's Jacklyn's birthday and she's not sure if she will be "allowed" to see her beau, Brock. They're like prisoners who don't know when their next man-meal will be. That makes me laugh. I wonder if Brock told his family that his lady-pie, Jacklyn is on a reality show for girls who are defective in the dating department. I bet they'd be proud!

Where did they find the guys in the audience for Cute or Crazy? Craigslist? Those guys were serious schlubs! Did they just drive down Hollywood Blvd and offer any randos $5 to hold up signs for like an hour? All the more reason to brush off their opinions...ahem, Abiola!

Taylor didn't care what they were holding up. She convinced herself that they adored her with whistles and stares. What a freak. It's strange that group of losers deemed Jessa's River Dance crazy. It's nerdtastic!

Taylor's tattoo was obscene. It's like one of those painted bathing suits. You know you're looking at a naked person, but you can't look away because you want to figure out the tricks your eyes are playing on you. Next thing you know, you're in the slammer-or least with a restraining order against you being called a pervert by some overweight sheriff. Don't lie, it's happened to all of us. What that really means is Taylor spent hours in the tattoo chair with some sweaty man drilling away at her nether regions. That's one way to spend a Wednesday afternoon. It's not on my list, but maybe it was rainy that day and she didn't want to mess up her hair?

Arian plays Guitar Hero, what dude doesn't dig that? She's got the qualities that the menz look for, but she's blinded by her own insecurities. What a self-saboteur (I really wanted to use that word today, thanks Arian!). She can only get self-justification if a guy wants her sexually, and doesn't realize how backwards that is.

Cat people are always so sensitive. Abiola was not digging the Cute or Crazy game, and spent the entire time trying to justify her lunacy. Her defenses were blaring like a 4th of July fireworks show. Steve's right, she used to be the sanest one in the house. Cue: "True Colors" by Cyndi Lauper.

I was definitely on Arian's side during the Jody throw down. Jody is a big time Debbie Downer. Why was she freaking out on Abiola? Jody is so insecure she thinks anyone whispering must be talking about her. It's like she's 12 and the other girls were being mean to her on the playground. She then cried because Arian not paying attention to her, which is simply confusing. I thought Arian was an idiot that even God couldn't fix, according to Jody. Why was she upset that Arian was listening to Abiola for once? Everyone's sick of Jody being negative all the time, and it's easier to lend a consoling ear to Abiola because she's usually pretty positive. Maybe Jody needs a refill on her medication.

The sistermance (what's the female equivalent of bromance?) between Taylor and Jody never ceases to amaze me. Taylor made a little cheer about how she's so pretty to comfort Jody. If that isn't love, I can't imagine what is. Taylor is a walking Maury Povich show. It doesn't make any sense how she has been through all of this heavy stuff, but still comes across as a vapid mess.

Steve going after Jacklyn for not having a job seemed to come out of left field. He has a point, it is important for a dude to know what he's getting into. If she had $100,000 in credit card (or student loans), that's something her beau should know. I am a huge fan of Rule #84 that your gentleman caller may not see money the same way you do. Jacklyn wants a 3 karat engagement ring and has a trust fund. Unless she's shopping for a husband in the same way Taylor is (cah-ching!) then she needs to realize that's not normal.

Jacklyn obviously likes Brock because his nice speech, "you look absolutely beautiful and I'm glad to be a part of this," meant so much to her. Wow, deep. I guess she's not exactly looking for a poet, now is she? Poets and volleyball players have one thing in common, they probably can't afford 3 karat rings unless they're Maya Angelou (she loves volleyball-look it up).

I'm convinced that Jessa didn't like Jordan at first because he got her in a bathing suit within the first 20 minutes of their "date." Oh Jessa and her body issues. Meanwhile, Jacklyn and Brock were making out like children in the pool. She wanted some birthday booooootttaaaaay. It was crazy awkward when Jessa and Jordan stood there while those Jacklyn tongued her fella at the door. At least Jessa got a little kiss. Thank goodness, now maybe her head won't explode.

Natasha's secret is that she dates losers? How is that a secret? You don't end up on a VH1 reality dating show if you are shacking up with the crème de la crème! Steve told her to talk about her past relationships, which I thought was against the rules. Jan Michael admitted to dating models so Natasha responds with "Yeah, I'm not proud of who I dated either." That made me giggle.

Jody and Shane went to a go kart place...that should have been a hint that his kid just might come around the corner. Old people don't go to places like that on dates. She handled the situation well, instead of freaking out and crying as usual. His kid had his hair all combed nicely, which was adorable.

Steve wants to "peg" Jessa. I'm a 9-year old and someone just said "do it" around me. Sigh. Since this is the Maury Povich episode, let's bring out the lie detector! Why on earth did she freak out? No reason to get the shakes, he's not going to ask you about the dead body in your trunk. I wouldn't have guessed that Jessa hates Steve. The only explanation I can come up with is that she's quietly evil.

Abiola's date had the same interesting dilemma as Natasha's. How far into the conversation do you have to wait before you start busting out starter-marriage stories? Her date's response, "it happened to me too" was so bizarre. Like a divorce is an alien sighting or an unfortunate run-in with an STD.

Steve set Taylor up with someone who could understand her brother's situation-not an ex-con, but a youth mentor, Valentino. What a sweetheart! I like that dude a lot. Taylor wants to see him again, but I bet she'll be googling youth mentors' salaries. Some things never change.

Jacklyn started crying when revealing that she works part time. Brock had no idea where she was coming from and neither do I. Why did she say she used to paint fences? Is that the farm's version of street cred?

I think Arian and Abiola came up with their secret-revealing tactic together. Of course, both guys responded with "you first." The last thing you want to do when someone asks you to reveal a secret is to blurt out "I have robbed 5 banks and I'm on the run from the law." Too much? I don't think Scott is sure if he likes Arian. She challenged him to date her for longer than two weeks. Yeah, that's a healthy foundation. I dare you to date me for 15 days. What is this, an 80's teen movie?

How does Jessa sit there and not believe Steve can do it when he's got success stories brewing all around her? He didn't talk to her at all (on camera) during group. Is it because of their earlier interaction? She got her 7 minutes of airtime early in the episode, so her comments ended up on the cutting room floor.

Poor Natasha got rejected. The girl can't win! It seemed like Steve was going to cry for her because she's a sweet quiet girl. I hope she lands a hottie with a body, and everyone is jealous.

Abiola got put in the hot seat because of Cute or Crazy and because she's cute and crazy! Her date was a little cutie pants. Why wouldn't she want to see him again? She's got to get away from these quests to find something wrong with perfectly fine dudes. Abiola is wasting her hotness by being scared.

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