Tough Love ep 7

 

I unfortunately fell behind on my Tough Love viewing at the wrong time! The past-present-future episode was off its own orbit. Meltdowns galore! None of them were over cats or cigarettes...and for a second I thought I had tuned into the wrong show.

When the guests starting arriving for the dinner party, who woulda guess such a smorgasbord of clowns would parade through? Ex-boyfriends, besties, sisters, and of course mothers. All of their dads opted to avoid the long pointing finger-interesting, considering the abundance of Daddy Issues running rampant. Too bad this became The Arian Show, and we didn't have any time to find out if Jessa's best friend is a quiet demon, or if Abiola's sister spends her time knitting in her rocking chair on Saturday nights.

The least shocking of them all was Taylor's mother. It appears those two have been spending their bonding time Keeping Up with the Kardashians. Her mom has been subscribing to the Kris Jenner School of Fashion (and botox?). Taylor was happier to see Mommy Dearest than her own reflection on her best day. How touching.

 

After Taylor's momanager showed, Jacklyn got really nervous for her turn. Was there reason to suspect it would be anyone other than her own Lynn Spears? Obviously, editing came into play somewhere along the line. Instead, we were all graced with an introduction to her mono-expression ex-bf, Greg.

Following, was Natasha's ex-pill addict, Omar. It's probably unfair to assume he had some kind of addiction, but what was wrong with him that she had to fix him? My second guess would have to be internet porn. That's the hardest habit to break. Not that I'd know...

Speaking of sketchballs, the root of all evil (and cause of all of her problems) Arian's mom arrived, and she's just as I imagined her-a hot trashy mess. Steve was insane to think that this woman would have been an ally for him. Did he really expect June Cleaver to walk through the door? Arian didn't become a slutastic mess by being raised in the Tanner household (that's a Full House reference for anyone lost). Honestly, it was pretty obvious that they weren't going to get one of Arian's exes to come to the show. Where would they find such a creature? Munching on chicken wings in the local strip club in the middle of the day? That's my best guess. Now, I understand having a close mother-daughter relationship, but there's no need to get graphic. Maybe Arian should watch Lindsay Lohan's E! True Hollywood Story and take notes of what not to do.

Steve, in all of his gentlemanly ignorance, expected a civilized, adult conversation with these two train wrecks. He even introduced himself to Arian's mom as "Steven." That's precious. Too bad he missed the preamble to this discussion in which Arian tells her mother to be mean to him. As classy as she is, A's mother decides that is a good plan of action.

It really annoyed me that Arian claimed Steve never says anything positive about her. On more than one occasion (roll tape!) has he said that whoever ends up with her is lucky. He just wants her to believe it and to stop handing out the popsicles for free! By the way, I think "the world is not your stripper pole" is an excellent piece of advice.

The most ridiculous part was Arian trying to deny having ever told a stranger that she delivers nice downstairs kisses (you know what I mean). Obviously, it's has been recorded, and I'm sure they could find plenty of random bar patrons who have heard such declarations from Miss. Arian on any given night. It was absolutely deplorable that her mother found it all so amusing, and then goes so far as saying Arian has done a lot of inner soul-searching, no thanks to Steve. There's not enough room on the Internet for me to point out everything wrong with that. Steve sat at that table for way longer than I would have-but then again, maybe he gets paid by the hour?

Moving onto another hot mess, Jacklyn only broke up with Greg because he didn't want to get married until 30, and not because he's an emotional robot. They broke up shortly before she went on the show, but he drove her to the airport. If you're looking for someone to stop you, your ex is probably not the man for the job. He was probably hoping she had a one-way ticket.

Jacklyn's life agenda makes me nervous. Does she really appreciate Brock, or is he "good enough" because he is ok with her wanting to get married young? She's basically looking for anyone who will follow her timeline, not THE ONE. That was quite the gaggle in the bathroom trying to assuage Jacklyn's tears. They were all squawking at her at once. I would have cried just from my ear drums bleeding.

Without the producers' help, the chances were pretty slim of Jacklyn and Brock ever running into Greg while out on a date, since they live in different time zones. Jody is tried to help like a den mother. (Practicing, perhaps?) Jacklyn wasn't acting like a big girl-she was trying to avoid both boys. Jody-as misdirected as she is-was at least trying to do something for those poor dudes wandering around aimlessly. It's more embarrassing that Jacklyn was screaming and crying in the middle of the party than having some random crazy lady trying to help her. Brock obviously likes her (or the cameras) because he wasn't scared off by her mini-meltdown. Besides, Greg seems like a total turdbucket.

Natasha got wasted and called her date a douche bag after speaking to him for like 12 seconds. Don't worry honey, we've all been there. It sucks she keeps getting set up with such quality dudes and she sabotages herself. Maybe she was just afraid of getting rejected again after that pretty-boy tennis player gave her the heave-ho.

Joann was called in to have a sit-down with Arian's mom. Someone needed to educate Arian's mother that there's a difference between being outspoken and sending out billowing "PLEASE HELP" smoke signals. She thinks Arian grew up with good parents, but something went on in that house that Mama Dukes ignored. Earlier in the season, Arian cried over her dad being a crapbomb, but her Momz paints him as Cliff Huxtable. Something's off there.

Jessa had to jump in with her crazy talk. Why was she so blind to the fact that Arian is out of her Fruit Loops? Something important was edited out that convinced Jessa that Arian needs Dr. Drew, not Dr. Steve. I'm a little proud of VH1 for not exploiting Arian's secret. I hope that she gets help, whatever her pressing psychological issues are. Although, I don't think that Jessa's faith in humankind should have been lost over this whole fiasco. I hope Jessa stops by the VH1 gift shop and picks up a little bag full of hope for the future of mankind. Oh and maybe a bumper sticker!

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