Twilight, in Retrospect

"Both Rowling and Meyer, they’re speaking directly to young people. ... The real difference is that Jo Rowling is a terrific writer and Stephenie Meyer can’t write worth a darn. She’s not very good." - Stephen Kings

I remember watching Twilight with a friend who predicted my reaction. She was on the ball: I had tears in my eyes from laughing so hard. Laughter was my only reaction to the absurdity before my eyes. I always knew films were manufactured for the audience, but Twilight is special.

Wow. Just wow. (Note: They only show female t-shirts by default.)
Wow. Just wow. (Note: They only show female t-shirts by default.)
Creepy or Romantic? You decide. (Actual shirt that can be found in Hot Topic.)
Creepy or Romantic? You decide. (Actual shirt that can be found in Hot Topic.)

Book to Movie

The movie industry seems to be running out of good screenwriters, or the producers are on too much drugs to realize what creativity is. (Oy! Wake up - films are art forms!) The decision to produce the Twilight movie is a prime example of the void in artistic vision in mainstream media.

Hollywood now has a vacuum of writers who write new material. Instead, they took the Twilight book series that was popular with young adults (read: people who watch a lot of movies) and adapted it to a screen play. Usually I have no problem with adapting books into movies, but in this case, I almost feel pity for the writers who adapted it to the film version - how low must a creative writer debase him/herself to bring Twilight to the cinema for the sake of money? But then again, I said “almost,” I feel absolutely no remorse for my harsh criticism since they are playing the game of money just fine.

The screenplay adaptation was much less than spectacular and I hope that the author of the original work won’t laugh/cringe as much as I had in the theatre.

Acting

I give props to the actors for keeping a straight face while saying the most cheesy and manufactured lines I’ve heard since Cheetos. The female lead actress Kristen Stewart managed to bring life into a fairly flat and static character. Robert Pattinson played the stereotypical vampire, handsome and strong. Pattinson gets the most respect from me for keeping a straight face while saying, “Get away from me, I don’t want to hurt you.”

With such stereotypical roles - vampires and teenagers - I find it unfair to judge the actors on this work. Imagine if you asked Michelangelo to paint a masterpiece with only cigarette butts! Of course the masterpiece would be only black and white. So in reality, we only see what the director wants the actors to portray.

Oh noz, plz stayz away from me! I haz appetite 4 u.
Oh noz, plz stayz away from me! I haz appetite 4 u.

Story

Certainly, the book series had more depth than this movie, but the screenplay adaptors took bits and pieces of the stories and made a Frankenstein-esque monstrosity. They dared to take all the good parts of the novels out and kept only the fluff. The screenplay turned all the dynamic and dramatic characters into predictable and shallow shadows.

The most fitting description I can give to the chopped up story (this movie is only one of the books) is that the Twilight movie is a butchered version of Beauty and the Beast, where they took out the good bits and threw in every imaginable stereotype.

Perhaps the screenplay writers wanted to make a statement of how they’re not proud of themselves for doing what they did, but they’ve got kids to feed.

Conclusion

At the first five to fifteen minutes, I wanted to choke myself with the popcorn till I pass out because it was slightly faster than walking out of the theatre. But Twilight such a terrible movie it was entertaining to watch. Twilight went full spectrum from a good novel into the abyss of terrible movie and back to ironically amusing. I laughed at the director. I laughed at the fact that the actors had to keep a straight face while saying the ridiculously manufactured lines. I laughed so hard I felt better and more healthy. Maybe my skin will glisten too.

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