Wacky Advice for Your Perfectly Wacky Predicaments

"We are the 3-D of the advice world"
"We are the 3-D of the advice world"
self-explanatory
self-explanatory

don't expect a serious answer no matter what.

You can pose your wacky (or serious) questions; don't expect a serious answer no matter what. Two experts in the field of World Wackyness and Wacked World Wearyness (TheGlassSpider and Mega1) will respond and perhaps debate the best solution for you. Then, whichever advice you choose to use, or not use, we expect you to report back and let us know how it all turned out. However, we must print the following disclaimer here:

Any wacky advice you receive from Glass Spider and/or Mega 1 can be utilized free of charge. This is a free service to the public and especially Hubbers who live in their own fantasy world where it is necessary to ask for advice at least once every day. No claims are made by the wacky advice experts for success in the solution of any problem you have, real or imagined. The perpetrators of this advice cannot be held responsible for any failure or accidental death or dismemberment which may occur as a result of following their directions. In other words, ask questions and receive advice at your own risk. If you don't think these wacky questions and advice are, useful, or accurate, or even funny don't blame us, we're barely grown up, let alone responsible for anything we say or write.

And now for our first question from Justine76:

Justine asked:

“What should I do when my husband gets soooooo tired of my questions when he’s trying to fall asleep after working 10 hours and then ‘killing enemy soldiers’ for another 6?”

Our answers:

TheGlassSpider:

Don’t have a husband. After you have sex, eat his head. He won’t be tired anymore, and you can find another mate who WILL listen to your questions long enough to get you in bed; you both can have a great time, and then the cycle can begin again. Good luck!

Mega1:

No, No, No! That is the most useless advice I’ve ever heard, and I have heard some very useless advice in my day! GS, we aren’t talking about spiders ALL the time! This is called MURDER! MURDER! We’re talking about humans and humans have laws they have to follow. No murdering in human world. Absolutely not. I have much better advice for Justine76:

I’m suggesting she try the old sex cure - new lingerie, candles, aromas wafting across the room, soft music.

But if that doesn’t get his attention, perhaps use of the kids as a hostages, feeding them candy, hotdogs, sodas and even a near-beer or two until the husband gives in and listens.

Or have you tried the shopping solution? Spend the tax refund that you all were saving for the kids' college education.

Or call up some old boyfriend and flirt with him over the speakerphone.

You could also try staying up all night cleaning and talking to yourself, although this has been known to backfire and you find yourself at dawn on a psycho ward.

Whatever you do, violence is never a good answer, although there are occasions when it will work, this is not one of those occasions.

TheGlassSpider:

What?! No murdering in the human world? Why, you people do it all the time—as do we. At least we spiders are honest about it. I assure you, my sex cure is the older of the two—when one mate has served his purpose, you need to move on. And what is it with you humans keeping children so long? It’s as though you’d like to keep them forever. We spiders let them go once they’re out in the world.

I cannot comment on the shopping…I’ve no idea what you mean by that. A friend of mine tried to explain tax refunds to me. It seemed to me that people were simply passing an imaginary thing back and forth. Of course, I’m just a spider…you guys got the big brains.

Keep it simple, I say; eat his head. Spare yourself the headache. Males are only good for one thing; that’s why it’s the only thing they think about. You’re doing him a favor as well as yourself.

Mega1:

Glass Spider, you have got to be kidding! If she were going to eat some part of him, to be sure it wouldn’t be his head! This is such a grizzly scene you paint. Simple is not always better. Sometimes getting real complicated is just the trick! So I'm sayin' pick several of the options I outlined above and try them all. Like, first go shopping for the new expensive lingerie, then do the sex scene, and then hold the kids hostage forcng them to eat some-mores and cheetos and cokes. I can't guarantee he'll listen and respond, but you'll have a lot of fun!

Good luck to you Justine! We think if you will just listen to us, you can still save your relationship!

Don’t forget to report back, we keep track of the results, you know!

and REMEMBER! You too can be part of the WACKINESS!!

Ask a wacky question for our next Wacky Advice hub by posting your question in the comments below, or post it on the forum “Wacky Questions” thread. If you follow either Mega1 or TheGlassSpider you will automatically be informed when the next advice hub is published. We will also inform you in the Wacky Questions thread. Please refrain from questions about x-rated subjects, overt erotica, or violence (at least not here, wink). We can and will report you if you get crazy and use bad words, etc. The normal HubPages rules will apply, even though . . . we may not be . . .you know, normal.

To quote Glass Spider: “We're like the 3-D glasses of the advice world!”

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Comments 15 comments

mega1 profile image

mega1 4 years ago Author

UPDATE: since you have all lapsed into smug complacence and neglected us, I must sadly tell you that the Glass Spider and I have split. That is, she split, totally unreasonably for PARTS UNKNOWN and left me in the LURCH! As of now, this very wacky idea of giving advice to people as a "DUO" is over. She and I are over, (since all she seems to want to do is play Castlephobia or whatever that nonsense on FB is. So don't ezzpect any more wacky advice forever, or so.

Love you so awfully much! - don't give up! if you get wacky problems Mega will still be here or somewhere for you.


mega1 profile image

mega1 6 years ago Author

Leanman - so sorry to hear that your wife is not sitting at your side, constantly attending your every need! but briefly, I would suggest that you try a little tenderness earlier instead of sulking in your bed! If you'd like a longer detailed answer from GS and I we can include your question in a future hub. Til then, I bet its not anywhere as bad as you make it sound. just a little irritating, hmmmmm?


LeanMan profile image

LeanMan 6 years ago from At the Gemba

Great.......

But GS... Don't you inject your mate with some form of venom to liquify his internals then suck him dry like some sort of gory milkshake...

Actually being sucked dry reminds me of my ex-wife.....

Sorry back to the point... liquify or crunch on his head, I am now confused...

But girls... what do us men do about the wife who is sat on her facebook all night, watching her various TV programs then wants to talk just as we want to sleep, us men would have loved to have chatted earlier but the wife was too busy....

LM..


mega1 profile image

mega1 6 years ago Author

Justine - You gave us more questions to "chew on" this week so hopefully this is never gonna end! or not for awhile anyway. I think its something about the word "wacky" that gets people going. I have this picture of you feeding your kids sugary stuff and then leaving! Ha! I never ever did that, did I? No, but I would have left if I had thought of it! You are a genius! I don't know why neither of us happened to think of suggesting that you just get a younger husband, one who will have more energy. But then, that creates different problems. fun problems, maybe! oh, the possibilities are endless!


Justine76 6 years ago

IM A HAPPY HAPPY GIRL TODAY. tHIS IS GREAT. ok, HERE IS WHAT I HAVE TO SAY ON THE ADVICE, whoa...accidental caps lock and too lazy to backspace...I laughed alot at the words "eat his head"..hahahah..that is actually the only thigng that works. ;) but I know thats not what you meant GS. Ok, advice.."don't have a husband"..too late for that. "sex cure" well, if he was willing to do that, there would be no problem in the first place. "Shopping spree", I agree with GS here, we try to work it out so we are about even at tax time. I don't care for all the imagianary money handing off..wich leads us to "making crazy kids". Well, I think you may have fallen upon what may be the best solution. I may not be able to hold hubby's attention, but I can feed the kids candy and coke a cola, then leave. HAHAHAHAH!!!! Good luck with your "war zone" buddy! A few days of that, and I bet I will not seem so annoying. Thank you both!

PS, awesome song!


mega1 profile image

mega1 6 years ago Author

Sandyspider: I hope you know GlassSpider, my comrade who is answering these questions putting her own spider spin on everything! very funny that we scared you, of course a black widow probably does scare even other spiders! Thanks for the comment.


Sandyspider profile image

Sandyspider 6 years ago from Wisconsin, USA

Interesting...wacky advice. I got a little scared at the spider picture. But then realized that I am a spider.


Paradise7 profile image

Paradise7 6 years ago from Upstate New York

LMAO!!!! This was so cute. If not the head, what part do you recommend she eat????

No, really, don't answer...I don't really think I want to know!


Rafini profile image

Rafini 6 years ago from Somewhere I can't get away from

interesting, very interesting....:D


NamVetRich profile image

NamVetRich 6 years ago from Springfield Oregon

Funny, made me laugh. Great music.


mega1 profile image

mega1 6 years ago Author

DevLin - so we agree husbands are expendible - and mother-in-laws are too plentiful. hmmmmmmm. . . guess some giant spiders could be useful, after all. Now I know I'm gonna have some nightmares tonight

GS - how were those mother-in-laws - I sense another hub of yours coming. . . the plague of mother-in-laws!


TheGlassSpider profile image

TheGlassSpider 6 years ago from On The Web

Hmmm. I've never been a big fan of Snickers, the food or the ones directed at me.

I don't think I've left anything out...I haven't been eating people if that's what you're implying.

*burp* *looks sheepish*

The mother-in-law solution? I've had so many it would look like an army descending upon the house.


DevLin profile image

DevLin 6 years ago from Phoenix, Arizona

Sorry, gotta agree with GlassSpider. We're not good for all that much.


mega1 profile image

mega1 6 years ago Author

You were just THIS close to breaking one of the hub rules, just then! I have no idea what to eat, feel a little hungry though. Cheetos? maybe a nice snickers bar. We seem to be the only two left alive, have you something you should have told me? I also forgot about the mother-in-law comes for a long visit solution, but not sure if that would be a solution or a dissolution! hehe


TheGlassSpider profile image

TheGlassSpider 6 years ago from On The Web

That's right! Somewhere in that mess of advice is the perfect answer. Maybe you should shop, then torture him with the children...then have sex, AND THEN eat his head.

Mega...I understand human males have TWO heads, and that one may be more desirable to eat than the other...what is this about? I don't know if I'll ever understand humans. ;)

By the way, that is an amazing likeness of my cousin you've found!

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