Wacky Advice for your Perfectly Wacky Predicaments: Of Bogeys, Bran Cereal, and Boisterous Birds

Last week’s launch of Wacky Advice was such a success that we’ve decided to continue on for at least another week. Indeed, I think it’s safe to say that interest in this little product has increased ten-thousand-fold. Our success is assured!

Oh! Since we're giving advice that someone might actually take seriously (which is NOT recommended) I have to tell you this:

Any wacky advice you receive from Glass Spider and/or Mega 1 can be utilized free of charge. This is a free service to the public and especially Hubbers who live in their own fantasy world where it is necessary to ask for advice at least once every day. No claims are made by the wacky advice experts for success in the solution of any problem you have, real or imagined. The perpetrators of this advice cannot be held responsible for any failure or accidental death or dismemberment which may occur as a result of following their directions. In other words, ask questions and receive advice at your own risk. If you don't think these wacky questions and advice are, useful, or accurate, or even funny don't blame us, we're barely grown up, let alone responsible for anything we say or write.

That being said, I think it’s time to get down to our Wacky Business.

Bendova Bran: A Colonoscopy in Every Box!! image from http://www.sxc.hu/
Bendova Bran: A Colonoscopy in Every Box!! image from http://www.sxc.hu/

Goldenpath wrote: Here's a question. Do you think it wise to offer a complementary Colonoscopy as a token in a cereal box? If not, why - it's a service? If so, why - you might take a wrong turn?

Mega1 answers: Colonoscopy? NO! Not in a cereal box where some kid might get hold of it. Cereal boxes were made for those little toys or cardboard puzzles, not colonoscopies. Did you ever consider that if you choose the right cereals, with lots of fiber and good vitamins, you won’t NEED a colonoscopy? Also, remember that HOT cereal is going to suit your colon better than those sugary cold cereals. Hopefully, you will remember that sugar is the worst enemy of your colon and fiber is its best friend.

Also, I have no idea what you meant by “you might take a wrong turn” so I’m just going to shine on that part of your question. Good luck to you and your cereal.

TheGlassSpider answers: I had to ask a human friend of mine what a “colonoscopy” is – we spiders don’t have any doctors, or need for them. We simply die when the time comes. Honestly, you creatures have the most disgusting innards. Nevertheless, I must disagree, mega; I believe Goldenpath’s suggestion has some merit. Put your colonoscopies in the cereals that seniors eat –that’s your audience, generally speaking. Put a little disclaimer on it that says to keep out of reach of children.

And get a lawyer.

You won’t be able to BUY that kind of publicity; sales will be through the roof.

Good luck to you and your cereal!

Stevennix2001 asks: Okay, well if I tell you all, everyone here will say I’m crazy. However, did you guys know that Nightmare On Elm Street was inspired by a true story? Is it even possible? That a demon can kill you in your sleep? Here's the site address where I found this out
at http://www.brutalashell.com/2009/10/cin … lm-street/


Mega1 answers: Well, Steven, I stopped going to horror movies after I saw TARANTULA when I was about 9 years old. I was wise to recognize even with my childish mind, that I was far too susceptible to suggestion to expose myself to those kinds of ravings. I have horror dreams enough without movies to encourage them. However, I do actually believe it is possible to die from a terrible dream, especially if you have a heart problem or asthma or some other disease that makes it hard for you to breath.

Demons are another matter. Demons probably don’t exist except in your imagination, and if you have an imagination like mine it is bad enough that they can be imaginary, my mind makes things seem too entirely real. All I’m saying is that the imagination can be deadly and it is not good to fill your mind with trash, unless you are so very strong-minded and are entertained by that kind of thing. Some people actually like getting frightened, I’ve never understood that. Oh, wait, I forgot to be wacky! S**t!

TheGlassSpider answers: My friend Delia, she was a beautiful crab spider, went to sleep in her web one evening. She was only a few trees away, and we often had a grub for breakfast together. She had a lovely web, spacious and delicate; the most modern of designs – she was very proud of it. Oh, I digress…anyway, one morning I went to visit Delia as usual, when I stopped right at the entrance to her web. There she was flattened like a human soda can that’s been stepped on. The mess was considerable.

The funny thing is, her web was undisturbed. Maybe your dream demon killed her.

Creepy.

There's no such thing as a naughty rooster! image from http://www.sxc.hu/
There's no such thing as a naughty rooster! image from http://www.sxc.hu/

Theirishobserver asks: I have a very naughty rooster what advice would you give me?

Mega1 answers: Your naughty rooster is very well-known to those of us who frequent the HubPages Forums. I think you should encourage him to be as naughty as possible. He’s hysterically funny. My little kitty loves him! We all think that your naughty rooster just needs more love, as much as he can get, and as much as we can give. Lots of stroking and petting and tender whispered words. Uh oh, now my little kitty is getting naughty, I better go give her a little attention!

TheGlassSpider answers: What?! Naughty rooster? Pshaw. Roosters, my Irish friend, are on the outside of what you people call “naughty” or “nice.” Your rooster has no need for right and wrong; he works on pure, unadulterated animal instinct – that’s why everyone likes him so well.

In short, you don’t have a naughty rooster; you just have a rooster.

Don’t forget to report back, we keep track of the results, you know!

and REMEMBER! You too can be part of the WACKINESS!!

Ask a wacky question for our next Wacky Advice hub by posting your question in the comments below, or post it on the forum “Wacky Questions” thread. If you follow either Mega1 or TheGlassSpider you will automatically be informed when the next advice hub is published. We will also inform you in the Wacky Questions thread. Please refrain from questions about x-rated subjects, overt erotica, or violence (at least not here, wink). We can and will report you if you get crazy and use bad words, etc. The normal HubPages rules will apply, even though . . . we may not be . . .you know, normal.

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Comments 9 comments

lorlie6 profile image

lorlie6 6 years ago from Bishop, Ca

Poor Delia!

Now for a question, though. My husband has a terrible phobia of spiders and stomps every one he sees. He insists on murdering them because he swears they intend to come after him in bed. Do spiders hold grudges?

I think he's crazy!


mega1 profile image

mega1 6 years ago

I agree, poor Delia! It's exactly the kind of death I always think I will have, only maybe not in a web. Some of the demons I've dreamed up have been kinda fun, though. I love giving and taking wacky advice, one cannot go wrong!

that colonoscopy thing had me feeling a little weird! these questions are so much fun! and I could not ask for a better partner in wackiness! the 3-D in advice!


TheGlassSpider profile image

TheGlassSpider 6 years ago from On The Web Author

Hi Lorlie! We're glad to see you've come to read our wacky advice, and thanks so much for the question!! Keep reading and one of these Hubs you'll find your Wacky Answer.

Don't worry about Delia, she would have loved the mystery and intrigue. Besides, she had a hundred children...and you don't even want to know how many grandchildren!

I have to say, If you'd have asked me just a month ago if I would be giving advice about colonoscopies, I'd have laughed. Who'd have thought? A lowly spider, giving Wacky Advice to the world? I have to thank Mega (Oh great Tribe Founder) for bringing me along for the ride!


katiem2 profile image

katiem2 6 years ago from I'm outta here

Whack a do~ here's to you and your light hearted and fun wacky advice for the week. Fun much fun, thanks for the smile. Peace :)


Paradise7 profile image

Paradise7 6 years ago from Upstate New York

Great Wacky Advice! Is it okay to feed your spider peanut butter? Or does that make things just too sticky around the house?


Stevennix2001 profile image

Stevennix2001 6 years ago

wow, thanks gs and mega1 so much for answering my question, as I was kind of freaked out by it when I discovered it. lol. not that I believe in the paranormal, as I'm a bit of a skeptic when it comes to those things. Although I do believe in god, so I guess I'm sort of a hypocrite. lol. However, when I researched it, now I'm not so sure the paranormal is real or not. lol. Anyway, thanks for the great read, as I had a lot of fun reading this.


Stevennix2001 profile image

Stevennix2001 6 years ago

Oh by the way, I'm sorry to hear about what happened to your friend gs. I guess Freddy Krueger must've struck again on that one. I'm sorry about that. Hey, i heard though that if you can somehow drag him out into the real world though, that you can kill him for revenge. not sure if that's true or not, but it maybe our only chance to stop his tyranny!


lxxy profile image

lxxy 6 years ago from Beneath, Between, Beyond

Another funny and inventive work of writing.


LeanMan profile image

LeanMan 6 years ago from At the Gemba

I woke up mid colonoscopy once... what an experience... lol

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