Weird "Stuff" My Boyfriend Says
I love my boyfriend quite a bit, but sometimes he just says the weirdest sh*t. Maybe it's part of his charm, but something I can't help but sit back and laugh at him. I've shared some of his most recent quirky statements so that others may appreciate his unique personality...
My crazy boyfriend
"You have a bladder the size of a small duck."
"Shitting and I thought of you. I love you, babe."
"The guys at Starbucks are hitting on me, or just giving customer service...I can't tell."
"Where you at, fugster?"
"FYI, I'm still sh*tting. Probably the Indian food doing kama sutra in my colon." (while at work)
"I want to stay at a nice place, golden goose sh*t."
"Just ate a gyro while driving, lol. Skillz."
"I am in the bathroom. Sh*tting bad, they're gonna think I left." (while at work)
"And then I said, 'Avada kedavra!' and killed the baby!" (when I had a dream I was pregnant)
"Shop for tvs, LIKE A BOSS!"
"My wife died earlier this year." (referring to his cat)
"I think one of the turtles on my homepage died."
"Nice how the zoom feature will go real close to shit like shirts and shoes but not thongs, weird..." (while browsing the Fredericks of Hollywood website)
"That whole block of text ws lik tupin the white side of an ice cream sandwich."
"Gotta poop. Gonna wait til the last minute to get the most from my experience." (while waiting for the Bulls game to begin)
"You should have gone out while I passed out. I wouldn't have even known except I would noticed no spoon and then would have gotten up and been pissed. Then I would see that you were trying to be cute and put a silverware spoon under the covers in your spot and then I would have raged out."
"What is your waist circumference? The hips don't lie."
"Your hubpage is so informative and yet it keeps the idea of sex in the front of my mind."
"Can I wear a cowboy shirt tomorrow? BABE. I. am. gonna. bring. it. if. you. don't. respond."
"I had an Easter withdrawal dream last night that there were two rabbits and a duck living in big soft bags in our front yard."
"You can seduce me by scratching my itchy belly."
"She hasn't been in my room since she squirted on my bed." (talking about his cat)
"The bottom of my neck is peeling. Rubbed my finger across it earlier and took off a huge chunk of skin. I'm shedding my winter skin in the most painful way possible."
"What are you eating? Pasta with puke and zucchini?"
"I'm a cream soup man. I would not be a good hobo. Make some cream soups, jamoke."
"I bet that Cuisinart thing doesn't make soup, does it? Yeah, think about that. I'm gonna write a review on Amazon complaining about the sh*tty soup it makes. Derrick Rose misses another f*cking shot. They need to take his *ss out of the game...send him to the locker room to make Cuisinart soup." (The "Cuisinart thing" is a griddle/grill...it doesn't have the capacity to make soup.)
Visit my other "Weird 'Stuff' My Boyfriend Says" hubs.
More by this Author
Below is a copy of the eulogy that I gave at my grandfather's funeral in June 2009. It was difficult for me to go in front of hundreds of people and say these words at such a sad time, but I felt that it was...