What To Give Witches For Christmas.

Lovely Gifts to Give Witches For Christmas.

Fine gifts for the witches you love during the holiday season. And don't forget stuff, for their kettles too.

. Witches like rock candy to break their teeth to smile.

. Tail whipping stew made by my cat Boo.

. A video of Santa Claus getting his butt spanked by Mr.s Claus.

. Poison Ivy.

. Delicious holes in Swiss cheese.

. A delicious pot of virgin soup that got cooked from a crying girl that jumped into a volcano, for the sake of puppy love.

. A box of migraine headaches.

. Dinosaur tongues.

. Family servings of strangulation.

. Shark lipstick.

. A bite from a mad weasel.

. Troll testicles.

. Chicken guts with whipped cream.

. A rotten potato with whipped cream.

. An ice cream sundae served on Monday.

. Devils food cake from the demon himself.

. A box of screams , yelps , beatings , punches , fits , kicks , slaps , and bites.

. A box of sadness from a child that lost a puppy.

. A crate of lies from a cheating lover.

. Boxes of prejudice from fiends.

. Wagon load of warts, frogs, kicks, snakes, and rat skunk juice.

. Large black kettle pots with wheels for easy dumpings of slop, for decrepit crooked nosed witches.

. A portrait of hanged men.

. A gallon of vomit with hacking slobber , or fresh puke.

. Bites from Dracula, and his concubines.

. Werewolf bites, and infections.

. Picture of terrible lungs from dead cigarette smokers.

. Hugs from brats with nasty rotten colds.

. A lovely sculpture of farts done in bronze.

. A portrait of a fart done in acrylics or watercolors.

. Encyclopedias on how to avoid getting burned at the stake.

. Truck loads of sexy beatings from handsome, horny young wizards.

. Barrels of wooden nickels to distribute to the poor.

. Platinum Visa cards to buy everything to destroy the world.

. A blank check from congress for infectious disease research to destroy the world.

. A pot of beef stew made from baked members of a church social.

. A pot of beef stew made from all the members of a Christmas parade.

. Pots of beef stew made from strangled ministers.

. A pot of beef stew made from strangled heart surgeons.

. A Pot of beef stew made from firemen, cops, marines, Air Force soldiers, Navy admirals, Army heroes, doctors, nurses, psychiatrists, musicians, priests, nuns, movie directors and producers.

. Pecks from roosters with nasty attitudes.

. A warehouse of brooms that are flammable.

. Plenty of rotten tomatoes crushed in their ugly faces.

. Life sentences to the House of Maniacs.

. Dozens of ugly roses.

. Buckets of mule brains, and manure.

. A truck load of bad comedians .

. Bites in their royal butts by sabre toothed tigers.

. Tubs of whale puke.

. One hundred , and forty four assorted dog, or cat rubber poops.

. Crates of worm sandwiches with mayonnaise.

. Lifetime paid vacations to haunted houses, dungeons, and decrepit cemeteries.

. Christmas cards with thousands of kisses from various flavored raunchy tails.

. Visits from hungry vultures.

. Thousands of bee stings that hurt like fire.

. Thousands of bites from dogs, cats , or weasels that hurt like fire.

. A million scratches from ferrel cats.

. Tit pinches from insane wart stinkers.

. A billion chicken bones to stuff their mattresses.

. A thousand kicks in their heads from wild horses.

. Free shoves over cliffs for all mean , and wicked witches.

. A truck load of rat stink kisses.

. A kitchen sink full of dirty dishes to wash from, and army of marines.

. Five million rotten potatoes peeled by zombie fiends.

. A million tongue , and brain beatings from abusive wizards.

Comments 8 comments

tantrum profile image

tantrum 6 years ago from Tropic of Capricorn

Lolol!!! Glad I'm not a witch ! Maybe you can make another list for crazy ladies ! :)


stars439 profile image

stars439 6 years ago from Louisiana, The Magnolia and Pelican State. Author

Dear tantrum: Merry Christmas. God Bless You Dear Heart. Hope your Christmas Day has been Nice.


stars439 profile image

stars439 6 years ago from Louisiana, The Magnolia and Pelican State. Author

Dear must65gt: Good afternoon and Happy Holidays and wishing you a wonderful New Year with good health for everyone you love and for you.

We normally think of Witches as being wicked, but I have heard there are good Witches and nice ones that actually do good things to help folks.

I hope no one gets offended by this hub which is only meant to be funny. I sure do not need a naughty spell that would turn me into a frog, or a pimple on a rodeo rider's butt.

Anyhow I took my chances. God Bless You and wishing you all the best.


itakins profile image

itakins 6 years ago from Irl

stars439-

Thanks-they all arrived yesterday via UPS.


stars439 profile image

stars439 6 years ago from Louisiana, The Magnolia and Pelican State. Author

Dear itakins: There must have been a big mistake. Your not a witch. Your that sweet, intelligent, darling of a young lady from Ireland. Happy Holidays.


Karina S. profile image

Karina S. 6 years ago from USA

I liked you list, lol


stars439 profile image

stars439 6 years ago from Louisiana, The Magnolia and Pelican State. Author

Dear Karina S : Thank you for visiting Sweetest of Hearts. You have some fantastic hubs. God Bless You.


stars439 profile image

stars439 6 years ago from Louisiana, The Magnolia and Pelican State. Author

Dear Karina S : Thank you for visiting Sweetest of Hearts. You have some fantastic hubs. God Bless You.

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