When I Was Young And Stupid

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When I was young and stupid, I thought:

  • If I sat with my legs and arms spread out it would make me look bigger
  • If I left my diary out, no one would read it because it was private.
  • America was the superhero of the world
  • I would be a professional trombone player
  • I would go live in the woods
  • I would always be alone
  • I would be the very best at something
  • There would be someone who would completely understand me
  • Females were attracted to me when they were not
  • Females weren't attracted to me when they were
  • I would always hunt
  • I would always ski
  • I could drive faster than I actually could despite ample evidence to the contrary
  • I would enlist in the United States Coast Guard
  • I would not live to be 16, 17, 18, 19...
  • I was clairvoyant to some degree
  • If you were really nice to a female she would want to go out with you
  • It was okay to make hurtful jokes
  • It was okay to get really angry about jokes made at my expense
  • People would like me if I behaved in a bizarre way
  • I could get rich by working
  • The government had my best interest at heart
  • I had secret reserves of power like the Incredible Hulk (I weighed 135 lbs.)
  • I would never have kids
  • Making smart remarks in class would make me popular
  • Something would make me popular someday
  • I would never own property
  • I could learn Kung Fu from a television show
  • Maryanne on Gilligan's Island was HOT
  • Nuclear physics was COOL
  • A pocket protector was a good idea
  • My religion was the only true religion
  • My parents didn't know anything
  • I was really, really, really, really smart
  • I was genetically good with tools
  • If I had a glass with water and ice cubes in it, if the ice cubes melted the glass would overflow because of the extra water
  • I was a really great outdoorsman
  • Because I was thin, I could not have high cholesterol
  • The rules of basic physics could be broken
  • I would never get old

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Comments 29 comments

Nicole Winter profile image

Nicole Winter 7 years ago from Chicago, IL

When I was younger I had fantasies about living in the woods, too. I'm happy to see I wasn't the only one!


sheenarobins profile image

sheenarobins 7 years ago from Cebu, Philippines

hehehehe. Thank you for answering my hub request. I enjoyed all the thoughts you had when you were young.

Excellent!


SpikeTheLobster profile image

SpikeTheLobster 7 years ago from South Coast, UK

"I could learn Kung Fu from a television show" - that sounds familiar! Join me, and we can walk the Earth together...! Great hub - amusing and surprisingly profound, some of those thoughts.


Jim Batuyong profile image

Jim Batuyong 7 years ago from Anaheim, CA

Everyone always picks Maryanne! Well she's mine! LOL :)


Tom Rubenoff profile image

Tom Rubenoff 7 years ago from United States Author

Spike, Grasshopper, snatch the stone from my hand. Ah. Best two out of three?

Ha, Jim, I think it's too late for me and Maryanne. You can have her!


Journey * profile image

Journey * 7 years ago from USA

This made me smile. Thanks. The one about the ice cubes is really funny!


Tom Rubenoff profile image

Tom Rubenoff 7 years ago from United States Author

Thanks, Journey! I hope I am not as stupid today, but it's a faint hope!


Bruce Elkin profile image

Bruce Elkin 7 years ago from Victoria, BC Canada

I had this great fantasy going about living on a ranch, working horses, building corals, and was way into it. Then my friend's mom called him into dinner, and told me to go home. I didn't even know where I was. Could not comprehend. What? Where'd the ranch go?

Ah, Tom, my mom used to warn me, "We get too soon old, and too late smart." I fear she might have been right. Still I rage against the dying light. And hubs like yours, which gave me a good healthy laugh, help. THanks!


Tom Rubenoff profile image

Tom Rubenoff 7 years ago from United States Author

As stupid as this indicates my youthful self to be, I left out some of the REALLY embarrassing stupid stuff I used to think. I'm often amazed that I was allowed to live.

Thanks for stoppng by, Bruce!


Teresa McGurk profile image

Teresa McGurk 7 years ago from The Other Bangor

Thank you -- a funny, touching, and honest hub that struck several familiar chords.


Tom Rubenoff profile image

Tom Rubenoff 7 years ago from United States Author

Very happy you enjoyed. Thanks for stopping by!


Elena. profile image

Elena. 7 years ago from Madrid

The second item, leaving the diary out, was just the opposite for me:

"When I was young and stupid I left my diary under key because I thought that way no one would read it ....."

Yes, like I said, I was young and stupid!  Laugh!  Thanks for sharing your stuff!


Tom Rubenoff profile image

Tom Rubenoff 7 years ago from United States Author

And of course, make sure to write all your secrets in there! LOL


Elena. profile image

Elena. 7 years ago from Madrid

But of course, Tom, of VERY course! Laugh!


LondonGirl profile image

LondonGirl 7 years ago from London

that was great!


G-Ma Johnson profile image

G-Ma Johnson 7 years ago from NW in the land of the Free

wow and for me I actually thought I would never live long enough to become a Mother...because the communists were gonna kill us all...Here I am a great grandma now of 3 girls...I also believed my religion was the ONLY true one and that Doctor's were better then anyone else...ha  haa..LOL ...Cops were perfect and no one was homeless....Great hub...G-Ma :o) Hugs & Peace 


Tom Rubenoff profile image

Tom Rubenoff 7 years ago from United States Author

Our misconceptions are astounding - and funny!


Rhiannon_2009 profile image

Rhiannon_2009 7 years ago from Lacey, Washington

Good one Tom! I loved all of those examples.


Tom Rubenoff profile image

Tom Rubenoff 7 years ago from United States Author

Oh, there were many, many more!


Amanda Severn profile image

Amanda Severn 7 years ago from UK

Tom, this was great! Everything seems so reasonable when you're a kid. Why shouldn't you go live in the woods, leave your diary out (unread! LOL!) become a professional trombone player AND a big hit with all the wrong girls? No problem. Growing up is like hurdling blindfold!


Tom Rubenoff profile image

Tom Rubenoff 7 years ago from United States Author

More like skiing through the woods at high speed, blindfolded. It's a miracle we survive.


chillingbreeze profile image

chillingbreeze 7 years ago from India

LOL.. even today it feels good to be stupid at certain times :p At least to come out of those silly worries that we get often and to get back to the mature and hectic routine.. I definitely beleive in being weird and stupid when I'm real low... A young a kid.. Umm.. good to feel..LOL. Fantastic thoughts Tom. :)

Cheers!


Tom Rubenoff profile image

Tom Rubenoff 7 years ago from United States Author

It's great to get together with old friends and regress, remembering the stupid stuff you did together.


MamaDragonfly2677 profile image

MamaDragonfly2677 7 years ago from New York

Yet another witty hub from the hubber of hubbers! Im glad I didn't have to say that out loud...lol Your so quick, Tom! I swear personalities like yours were born to make people smile! I loved it!


Tom Rubenoff profile image

Tom Rubenoff 7 years ago from United States Author

Thanks for the high praise, MamaDragon! There is a lot to be said for youth and stupidity!


Anamika S profile image

Anamika S 7 years ago from Mumbai - Maharashtra, India

Nice list. Loved it...


Tom Rubenoff profile image

Tom Rubenoff 7 years ago from United States Author

Thank you, Anamika. Lists can be fun.


sheenarobins profile image

sheenarobins 5 years ago from Cebu, Philippines

lol. found myself reading this again today and realized I might have grown because I laughed more to the thoughts you had than the first time I read it. :)


Tom Rubenoff profile image

Tom Rubenoff 5 years ago from United States Author

Humans always grow, Sheena! :)

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