Why Ashley Was Not A Good Bachelorette
I’ve been blogging about The Bachelor/ette for a few years now, and everyone knows I’m an equal-opportunity mocker. I recognize the power of editing to create characters, and I’m not malicious in my critiques of the desperados who volunteer to parade around on reality TV. It’s been all fun and games, boys and girls…until the show got physically painful to watch. Weeks have gone by and I’ve been unable to keep up with the blogs—not because I’m busy, but because I’m over it.
I have been unable to hide my disappointment in Ashley’s season of The Bachelorette since the first episode. Not trying to be rude, but it’s borderline unwatchable. Unfortunately, it’s not Ashley’s fault—it is simply a case of gross miscasting. She’s young, immature, and downright boring. I’m sure she’s a lovely girl and has plenty of friends, but that does not translate to good television.
I have compiled a short list of reasons Ashley was not a good choice to helm the show. I’m sure people will think I’m just some weird blogger who spews haterade behind the safety of my home computer. However, if Ashley was my friend, I’d say all of this to her face. Ask anyone who has known me for longer than 3 minutes, I can be an asshole but I’m always honest.
1. Jan Brady Syndrome
In the beginning, Ashley claimed she had gotten over her “insecurities” for the sake of finding love, since that was her biggest road block between she and Brad. However, homegirl still had some serious “Emily, Emily, Emily” issues. Several times during the season, she was worried that guys were lining up around the block for a chance to romance her former competitor and were disappointed to find out it was her instead. In the first episode, she expressed her fear that she wouldn’t be “good enough” for the 25 geekbombs in the limos—she later brought this up before, during, and after the Bentley fiasco. We get it; Emily was hot and had a soul. She also ended up in a short-lived romance with a two-time loser. Let’s all move on.
If you want to be The Bachelorette, you need to suck it up and convince yourself that you are the hottest thing this side of Venus. Nobody (dudes or audience members) likes a whiney, unsure girl crying about not being pretty. Let go of your Emily complex and get on with your day…if you need to have a few cocktails for inspiration, it can’t hurt. Just re-watch Jillian’s season (that girl was wasted the entire time, but had a great run).
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2. The Giggling
My grandmother used to say, “Laughter is infections, but giggling is obnoxious.” Ok, she never said that, but I’ll tell that to my grandchildren some day because it’s kind of genius. It’s not that Ashley’s incessant, nerve-grinding chuckles are all that awful <ahem>, but there doesn’t seem to be a whole lot of substance in between them. During the first episode, Chris Harrison told her that there was a fellow dentist in the pack and she squealed with glee like a piglet at feeding time, leaving him to ask “That’s what gets you so excited?” It’s fine to be a happy person, but uncontrollable fits of laughter tend to make a person seem on the insincere side. At least fill the space between with some quotes from the Dali Lama or something.
By the way, incessant bangs-fixing and opening your eyes crazy-wide every time a boy says he likes you does not equal a personality.
3. Get a Job
Ok, this is a tricky one. Ashley isn’t a full-fledged member of working society because she’s still in school—I love education, so I’m not hating on that. Going to dental school is very impressive (I can’t do math, so rock on!), but maybe it’s advisable to finish school before rushing into a TV marriage.
The big issue that always comes up with this show is that the people never stay together, mainly because of distance. The producers introduce people from different parts of the country and then someone is expected to move (SEE: Brad & Emily). Most of the sexist time, it is the woman who has to pack up her stuff and relocate because the man’s “career” takes precedence (I have never understood this).
Ashley has to finish school, so she can be a baller. So, is some dude gonna be able to get a new job in Philly to be with her (most of the guys this season were lawyers) or be able to handle a long distance relationship until she completes her education? We’ll see.
This is a problem every season, which is why I say it’s not all Ashley’s fault. The point is: Stay in School, kids!
4. She’s a Young Fawn Thrown To The Wolves
It’s like buying tickets to see the Yankees versus the Red Sox in Yankee Stadium, and instead your limo driver takes you to a tee-ball game in Iowa. Sure the kids are cute, but that’s not what you signed up for. Ashley clearly does not have the savvy to date multiple men while being filmed from multiple angles. At times I felt like I was watching someone who was homeschooled their entire life, get drunk at a frat party for the first time, and try to hit on everyone in the room. (Disclaimer: I love homeschooled people; sorry if that came across as an insult to them.)
Sure there are a lot of very mature 24-year olds—and even younger. Ashley, however, does not appear to be one of them--when it comes to relationships, at least. Looking at past bachelorettes, you’ll notice that even if they were around Ashley’s age, they had the confidence necessary to deal with this really messed-up situation.
5. Her Unending Obsession With Bentley
Sure, she stopped talking about Bentley about 8 episodes in—even though he left after episode THREE. That does not warrant a medal, all it does is reiterate every other reason on this list. It’s absolute nonsense that she kept him around after being warned about him in the first place. She based all of her feelings for him on his LOOKS and not what he said to her (I get that most of what he said was not in front of her, but he definitely said things to her face that should have set off some alarms in her head). That’s an amateur move.
He’s like the dude that takes you out on one great date and never calls you again. This has happened to almost everyone, so not judging. The thing is, Ashley dwelled on that for weeks after he left in spite of having some other way more fly suitors waiting in the wings. A woman who knows her worth doesn’t sit around wondering whyyyyyy some boy didn’t call; she instead surrounds herself with dudes who actually appreciate her.
Plus, the way she whined his name-BentLEY-was one of the worst sounds my ears have experienced.
Look, I get that this show is contrived and not true “reality” but I’m the customer. I’m giving ABC 2 freaking hours of my life every week (Side note: Why are these episodes so freaking long?). All I ask is that they provide real entertainment—even if it is in the form of lunatics like Michelle Money. It’s better than someone who only alternates between giggling and crying.
Good luck to Ashley, I hope she finds whatever it is she’s looking for—a guy who is really into reassuring her.
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