Why Today's Movies Suck, Part 3-D

Never leave home without them. Nowadays, you need them for every movie at the cinema... even if it's just a stupid Jennifer Aniston romantic comedy.
Never leave home without them. Nowadays, you need them for every movie at the cinema... even if it's just a stupid Jennifer Aniston romantic comedy. | Source

3D film technology has been around since the early days of cinema. There was an explosion in the '50s with big sci-fi and monster films, then another in the '80s with movies like "Amityville 3D" and "Jaws 3D". But then it sort of stayed quiet for a while, with occasional hiccup every now and then (i.e. "Ghosts of the Abyss"), that is until the late '00s.

In fact, it's gotten so ridiculous now that you can't read a film's title without seeing the '3D' next to it. No, screw that, it's gotten to the point where we have 3D televisions now. Are people so desperate that they need to watch Channel 7 Eyewitness News in 3D? I bet those Wall Street protests must look so spectacular in 3D.

No longer is 3D film technology something to be anticipated and cherished...

From 3D to UN-D

Now, just because you use 3D technology on any film doesn't necessarily mean you have to use it on 'every' film. This is where UN-D (aka Unnecessary Dimension) comes into play. During the late '00s, there was a noticeable increase in the quantity of 3D (or should I say UN-D?) movies, especially after the release of James Cameron's "Avatar" in December 2009.

Before this decade, there weren't too many 3D movies around. But now that "Avatar" has made its mark, now it's a requirement that almost every movie that is not a comedy or a drama must be in 3D. To prove this point, I present you fellow readers with the chart below...

List of 3D Movies Since "Avatar"

(click column header to sort results)
Title  
Release Date  
Alice in Wonderland
March 5th, 2010
How to Train Your Dragon
March 26th, 2010
Clash of the Titans
April 2nd, 2010
Shrek Forever After
May 21st, 2010
Toy Story 3D
June 18th, 2010
Despicable Me
July 9th, 2010
Cats & Dogs: The Revenge of Kitty Galore
July 30th, 2010
Step Up 3D
August 6th, 2010
Pirahna 3D
August 20th, 2010
Resident Evil: Afterlife
September 10th, 2010
Legend of the Guardians
September 24th, 2010
Jackass 3D
October 15th, 2010
Saw VII
October 29th, 2010
Mega Mind
November 5th, 2010
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 1
November 19th, 2010
Tangled
November 24th, 2010
Yogi Bear
December 17th, 2010
Tron Legacy
December 17th, 2010
Justin Bieber: Never Say Never
February 11th, 2011
Drive Angry 3D
February 25th, 2011
Sucker Punch!
March 25th, 2011
Rio
April 5th, 2011
Priest 3D
May 13th, 2011
Kung Fu Panda 2
May 26th, 2011
The Green Lantern
June 17th, 2011
Cars 2
June 24th, 2011
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows: Part 2
July 15th, 2011
Smurfs 3D
July 29th, 2011
Final Destination 5
August 12th, 2011
Conan the Barbarian
August 19th, 2011
Shark Night 3D
September 2nd, 2011
This is a 3D movie? WTF!?
This is a 3D movie? WTF!? | Source
This is also in 3D? Repent now, the end is nigh.
This is also in 3D? Repent now, the end is nigh. | Source

So what kind of movies work in 3D? I'll give some examples. Mind you, not all these films were in 3D, but it gives you an idea of what I'm talking about:

  • The "Star Wars" Saga
  • "Independence Day"
  • "Terminator 2: Judgment Day"
  • "2012"
  • "The Dark Knight"
  • "Volcano"
  • "Jurassic Park"
  • "Dawn of the Dead"
  • "Mission: Impossible"

I'll leave it at that. Basically, big tent-pole movies with lots of cool stunts and realistic special effects work in 3D. I don't think movies like "Cats & Dogs 2", "Shark Night 3D", "Wanted", "Step Up 3D", and "(Insert Generic CGI-Animated Disney Film Here)" fall under that particular category. Were people really jumping out of their seats months in advance prior to hearing that there was going to be another "Step Up" sequel and it's going to be in 3D?

Now let's take "Terminator 2" into consideration. It began its marketing campaign about one year in advance prior to its release in 1991. Although the film was a huge success, imagine if it were announced as a 3D film. That makes a lot more sense, not "Yogi Bear".

From a marketing standpoint, I can see why girls with no brain would want to see Justin Bieber shaking his crotch in 3D as opposed to seeing aliens blow up the white house. But that's all it really is -- A sleazy and disgusting marketing gimmick. I don't care if it's Justin Bieber or Janet Jackson gyrating in front of me, use the damn 3D for something more useful.

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Comments 1 comment

ndaffinee profile image

ndaffinee 4 years ago from Jumbled Brain, USA

DITTO to all of the above!!! I thought I was alone on this. My head almost exploded after each new UN-D movie came out! LOL

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