Why Women Find Cross Dressing Men Scary

Scary because...

This is going to be something of a confessional for me, and whilst I don't pretend to speak for all women, statistically the odds are likely that there are some women out there (and one or two guys,) who feel the same way. Of course, you'll already know if you've browsed my catalog of articles here that I strongly support men who want to wear women's clothing. However, I also completely understand when women feel intimidated by this act.

Men who wear women's clothing, that is, men who go the full 9000 yards with complete outfits, hair, make up, nails, the rest of it, can sometimes look a great deal more feminine than your average woman.

Like many women, I grew up quite the tomboy and never really shook it. Sure, I can find my way around a make up bag and I own a nice pair of hair straighteners, but I don't wear make up every single day of my life and quite often my hair escapes in kinky curls that make no sense. I often wear jeans and a t shirt. I get away with this because I'm a writer and we're expected to be anti social nut jobs. As long as I don't behave too erratically, people are happy.

Your average woman no doubt spends more time prettying herself each day than I do, but relatively few women put the effort in that a cross dressing man puts in when he dresses up as a woman and walks out his front door.

Men who cross dress are often impeccably dressed. Their make up has been attended to in the finest detail. Usually it is quite dramatic make up, perhaps because he seeks to emphasize his feminine side as much as possible. Many men who dress as women look so good that they can, in fact, pass as being women. This is considered to be an excellent thing in cross dressing circles, but you see, in crossing the line, the man becomes, visually speaking, a woman. And not just any woman, a tall, aggressively made up woman.

When I say 'aggressively made up' I hope it makes sense. In my mind, I've often seen overstated make up as being not unlike war paint. It is a blatant and flagrant expression of femininity. Why is that an issue? Here's the bit where you discover what you already knew if you paid attention in high school. Women don't like other women.

Now, don't get me wrong, women can be great friends with other women, but in certain contexts and often in the case of unknown women, a woman considers another woman, especially one who is making a big deal out of her femininity, as being something of an enemy. Or at least a potential threat.

It's in our DNA. Biologically we're better off if we can convince men to stay with us. We also know that men have a wandering eye and that other women can and will lure a man away. (Keep in mind I am speaking purely on a biological, evolutionary level here.) Women therefore often subconsciously (and occasionally correctly,) perceive other attractive women as being competition.

Some cross dressing men can walk into the new reality of being a female without realizing the full implications of what that means socially amongst other women. When you make your entrance as an attractive woman, you lose your status as an eligible male and enter the ring as a genetic contender. You become the woman other women are jealous of.

There are of course, other reasons why women object to men cross dressing, but I think they are often stated and obvious. This one is much less often admitted because, lets face it, what red blooded woman wants to admit that she's intimidated by the femininity of a man? That's the equivalent of a guy being intimidated by a strong woman, it's not one of those feelings openly discussed very often.

Is this a reason for men to stop dressing in women's clothing? No, not at all. But it may perhaps lend a little insight into the causes of some hostility encountered in the so called fairer sex.

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Comments 33 comments

Xaquizzle profile image

Xaquizzle 7 years ago from California

I agree! I think one reason the hostility is talked about so much is that women are used to it, (They've been doing it their whole lives) and crossdressing men often expect to be welcomed as a fellow women, unaware that such a welcome may not be loving, and therefore complain about it on twitter.


RD 7 years ago

I agree completely with all you said, Hope.

That and the fact that Curry's Frank-N-Furter was just plain scarry to start with. Love Ya


ectomorphguy 7 years ago

I agree that women can feel threatened. When I was married, the first time, and I started "coming out" with some of my desires to my then wife, she asked me why I wanted to wear a garter belt and stockings? My reply was that I felt I looked better in them than she did. Ouch!


billyb 7 years ago

Hope

You have hit the nail on the head, the other day a local radio station asked for opions on men's fashon freedom like makeup pantyhose or high heels for men. For the most part the men that called in were for it even if they may not dress that way they felt that they should have the option, the women however were over whelming aginst it. One caller made it clear she said I dont want my man to be prettier than me, when we go out I should be the center of attention not him.


LatexLeah profile image

LatexLeah 7 years ago

I think you're onto something here, Hope. Thanks for the insight.


Hope Alexander profile image

Hope Alexander 7 years ago Author

Wow, it's been a long time no see Leah, nice to see you back again! :)


LatexLeah profile image

LatexLeah 7 years ago

I'm trying to be mysterious. :)


likewhatiam 7 years ago

Hi there Hope I suppose it depends how far a man wants to take the crossdressing. If its just underwear then what's the difference but when you want to go the whole

hog then you can expect some resistance as no woman wants to be upstaged in the feminine department. Keep up the good work.


lela 7 years ago

Where is the perfect person? So who are we to judge or put aside when we are not, or to not be positive for others, to be kindly. This is not harmful to anyone. Not like others who are imperfect and are harmful. I don't see how it is scarey. We have to be open minded in life to others or we will be hermits. How can a dress be scarey? It's not a knife.


Suzy31 7 years ago

Hope, I have a question. Above you describe yourself as a Tomboy who never quite shook the wearing of more casual clothes. Yet you wax rhapsodically about women's clothing in a way that only a crossdresser would. How is it that you see what we see?


hgsouth profile image

hgsouth 7 years ago

Haha this is a funny article, but good insights. Never really thought about it that way!


Tracy 7 years ago

I don't think it is so much that women are "jealous". I think they are offended. Offended at the fact that some man actually thinks they can dress up a certain way and "be" a woman. Offended that men perceived "being a woman" by how they look and not how they act, tirelessly clean, nurture the family, cook the meals, shuttle everyone from event to event and still hold down a full time job. THAT is a woman. It is offensive to think that cross-dressing men focus on a fantasy part of women that rarely gets to exist. Which also brings up resentment. Real women resent that they are not provided the time to spend hours on their own personal grooming. They have too many other important things to do.


Hope Alexander profile image

Hope Alexander 7 years ago Author

You know Tracy, I was about to 'get all up in yo face' as some might say, but I think you're absolutely right in one way. Actually being a woman is nothing like the way it is portrayed by crossdressing men.

I don't personally find it offensive however, I think it is charming that some men find enjoyment in the idea of femininity, in spite of the fact that their idea of femininity is often quite removed from the reality. That's something I intend to write on in the future however, and I do believe I will quote you when I do.

Great comment!


tim-tim profile image

tim-tim 7 years ago from Normal, Illinois

Interesting hub! Goodjob!


StevenCavendish profile image

StevenCavendish 7 years ago

Really interesting topic to write about Hope. I enjoyed it:)


dksuttle 7 years ago

Speaking as a 63 year old hetrosexual woman I have a tendency to admire those men who go all out and cross dress to the hilt. It is their courage that nails me. They are willing to piss into the wind of public opinion and frequently take the blow back and instead of scurrying away to wipe dry their soiled duds they just keep on pissing.

Now that is a kind of courage most women never learn. A man of huge porportions will doll himself up in the most feminine attire he can track down and raise his head, throw back his sholders, and march out into an inhospitable world. God bless him! He is willing to expose his deepest self and take any and all commers who would denegrate him, his body, his hair style, or his choice of eyeshadow. Bolder, braver, and more honest than I could have ever been in my youth.

In my humble opinion, what the world needs is more of the corageous men and fewer prigs to condem them.


Suzy31 7 years ago

"Offended that men perceived "being a woman" by how they look and not how they act, tirelessly clean, nurture the family, cook the meals, shuttle everyone from event to event and still hold down a full time job. THAT is a woman."

Hmmm. Funny thing is, I happen to know a few MEN that fit that description, and some women that don't do any of those things.

p.s., Kudos to dksuttle. It takes a tremendous amount of courage for many of us to go out, courage which we don't always possess and a fear that sometimes drives us right back into the house.


different one 7 years ago

the one part of this that you haven't addressed is the why or reason men dress as women. Actually being one myself I find it very hard to explain in any way that one that dosen't experience this "desire" could ever begin to understand! It's not something you just suddenly decide to "DO" It's a part of you that you can't deny! And with some it is only "normal" to express this to it's full extent in every way! It is as though there two separate people sharing one body! It isn't something we do to upset or annoy anyone! Just like being "gay" we didn't suddenly choose to be "this way" It has been a part of us from the beginning and will be a part of us till the end! And sadly as any other "real female" we also desire "attention" And even if not "passable" Will come to the point of venturing out into public just to satisfy that desire! I'm not trying to put down others thoughts or ideas on this subject. But trying to express just what it is to live with this "desire or need" every day of your so called "normal" life! Odds are every one has a "friend" That is a crossdresser and dosen't even know it or suspect it in any way! Many are very secretive and never reveal their "true" selves to the outside world. Just thought I would add my 2 cents and hope it might enlighten some people as to what and why we are! THANKS!

arate people living in the same body


cosette 7 years ago

i am not afraid of cross-dressing men, and i think they are adorable (if done right)! i fell in love with Hedda Lettuce when she appeared on Project Runway. interesting hub!

p.s. Dr. Frank N. Furter scared me though...he just looked too sinister for his own good ;)


Hope Alexander profile image

Hope Alexander 7 years ago Author


rockerren profile image

rockerren 7 years ago

This hub cracked me up. My problem with cross-dressing men is that they overwhelm me. I have no idea where to look so I end up spending all my time staring at their breasts, which gives me the odd sensation of seeing life through a man's eyes.


icelandgirl profile image

icelandgirl 6 years ago

I have to say I was drawn to your Hub, because just the other day I saw a man, (and it was really hard to tell), that was dressed as a woman. And I thought to myself, "Whoa, he's a more attractive girl than I am". I was jealous, I'll admit it. Even is make-up was flawless.


Hope Alexander profile image

Hope Alexander 6 years ago Author

rockerren, icelandgirl thanks for your comments! I knew I couldn't be the only woman who thought that some cross dressing men were intimidatingly feminine! :D


Meagain 6 years ago

Dksuttle- I agree with you on the courage and honesty that it takes for these people to dress and venture. I have to add though- its the sincerity of the expression that I respect and admire. If I see skits and acts-- like thier trying to present a stereotype- Im not impressed. Like some of these ladies do the push-up bras and shy-high heels to go to the gas station- that doesnt impress me. To me- that is the male in them telling them what to wear- how to act etc. When I see the sincerity of someone being themselves as a female-- THAT impresses me.


KyonSOS23 profile image

KyonSOS23 6 years ago from Nabon

Because Women scared Man,It joke.

I think them like it .I like Anime 's character ,if I have chance I will wear their.


shear_delite 6 years ago

I am a cross dresser.

Your idea of a threat is a good one.

Because every one in a while a truely knockout

guy as a girl comes along you you really can't believe

ho good she/he looks.

It immediatley errodes your sacred femine spaces.


dragonflei101 profile image

dragonflei101 6 years ago from New York

What an interesting insight! Great hub! :)


magdielqr profile image

magdielqr 6 years ago

I learned very with this article. Congratulations!


Sandi 3m 6 years ago

Great Hub! I actually love cross dressers, this was very interesting to read. I cannot believe how great and flawless some of them look. Then again there are some I was a bit scared of! Then again, I have seen some women that scared me just as much!


Mike 6 years ago

Hope, this is dead-on, particularly the part about women not liking other women... and the funny thing is, I don't think most men realize just how evil women can be to each other.

Count me as one of those transvestites who goes all-out... gobs of makeup and the most stunning outfits I can find. I do get some of those kinds of reactions, until the ladies realize I am not competition for men (yuck!). Lesbians are a problem though. :-)

I have, however, started to notice that the gals put more effort into how they look when I'm around. They will often come show me -- "hey Mike, look! My panties and bra match!" or "I wore a dress!" as if I've clued them in to something. It's great fun, making converts to dressing sexy. Even the tomboys are getting into makeup.


Mike 6 years ago

Hope, this is dead-on, particularly the part about women not liking other women... and the funny thing is, I don't think most men realize just how evil women can be to each other.

Count me as one of those transvestites who goes all-out... gobs of makeup and the most stunning outfits I can find. I do get some of those kinds of reactions, until the ladies realize I am not competition for men (yuck!). Lesbians are a problem though. :-)

I have, however, started to notice that the gals put more effort into how they look when I'm around. They will often come show me -- "hey Mike, look! My panties and bra match!" or "I wore a dress!" as if I've clued them in to something. It's great fun, making converts to dressing sexy. Even the tomboys are getting into makeup.


MaraSophia 6 years ago

As a crossdresser I get acceptance from women and feel very confortable and happy sharing with them, something I wouldn´t disclose to anothe male. So, I don´t think my female friends feel threatened if eventually I could surpass them in terms of beauty. After all I am not competing with them for their boyfriends since I am 100% heterosexual. The ones who reject my crossdressing are those ladies very much enthralled with the macho type guy. By the way Hope, women complain about "machismo" and most of the time they are more "machistas" than men.


Wendygrrl 6 years ago

Humm... when crossdressing or being enfemme... I want to look outstanding... not standing out...

The Sally the Hooker look doen't work for me...

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