Women’s Genius & Insanity

If you had access to a hidden camera strategically placed at my home over the last three days, you would have been baffled by a strange behavior that may have seared your eyeballs. You would have been treated to a view of me going about my daily affairs in the dignified manner traditionally expected of a De Greek, only to suddenly see me jumping three feet into the air like a young gazelle being attacked by a cheetah on the plains of Africa, with a girlish scream escaping my cherry coloured lips each time this happened.

The reason for this is that throughout the last three days, at the most unexpected and inopportune moments, my wife has been grabbing my ass. She says that it is hers and she can do with it as she wishes. Go figure.

There may be loony houses stuffed with what medical men, uncaring of accuracy, may technically call the insane, but women in general are the only ones deserving the title. I can state unequivocally for the benefit of my female readers that male dignity is a sensitive plant which nourishes only under the fairest conditions and such conditions do not exist in a house where the male of the species has to be in constant guard of his ass.

The reason for this shameless exhibition on the part of my wife is poetry. As most of you will know by now, my friend Feline Prophet and I do not have a poetic bone in our bodies and we could not write verse if our life depended on it, but we can shamelessly plagiarize with the best of them. So having come across a poem by Tennyson, I printed it on a piece of paper and stuck it on the refrigerator for my wife to find. I even put Tennyson’s name at the bottom, so you cannot really call it plagiarising.

We fell out, my wife and I,

O, we fell out, I know not why,

And kiss’d again with tears.

And blessings on the falling out

That all the more endears,

When we fall out with those we love

And kiss’d again with tears!

It is an indication of the insanity of the female of the species that since she saw that poem taped on the refrigerator, she has not given me a moment’s peace and my life has ceased to be my own. There are now black circles around my eyes because, besides the ass grabbing, when we go to bed she cannot go to sleep unless she lays her head on my chest and wraps herself around me. The De Greeks may be men of steel, but we have our limits, so we end up giving in to temptation with the result that we loose our beauty sleep and we end up with circles under our eyes.

We men are simple creatures and are easily confused. One day your woman will look upon you as a God, a male specimen that puts to shame all other males since time immemorial. She may refer to your snoring with a gentle dreamy look on her face, the same look you see on a mother when she looks at her new-born child and say how much she enjoys staying up half the night listening to your snoring. In fact she my even go further than that and say how well you sing in the bath. Yet the very next day she may look upon you as something that the FDA has condemned with shocked horror on its face, while wearing double layers of its infection proof uniforms.

*******

Now I must stop for a breather here, for the simple reason that I have often given offence to various people with my writing and I do not wish to do so again. So I shall not continue this story to its end. I shall wait for comments from you lot to see whether I have gone too far again, or whether you want me to continue. Of course you may not give a fig about hearing the end of the story, but that in itself will be an indication on whether I should seek another occupation more suitable to my abilities and talent. In any case, Green Lotus put me up to it, with a comment she made on my last hub, so it is not really my fault. Blame her.



Dimitris Mita

De Greek

More by this Author


Comments 37 comments

Feline Prophet profile image

Feline Prophet 5 years ago from India

DG, it may be a good idea to make your derriere a little less...umm..appealing! A strict exercise regime perhaps? :D

But what do we non-poetic philistines know anyway?!!!


De Greek profile image

De Greek 5 years ago from UK Author

For your information FP, I go to the gym every day now in a vain attempt to reverse the innevitable :-))

But as you have not marked this unique contribution to world literature 'UP' I assume that it does not meet with your approval?.....:-)))


Mentalist acer profile image

Mentalist acer 5 years ago from A Voice in your Mind!

I would suggest a return of compliment to the rear,but this's a disruption I fear,dear Dimitris.;)


Christopher Price profile image

Christopher Price 5 years ago from Vermont, USA

Dimi-

"Me thinks thou doest protest too much"!

Back in the day, when I had buns of steel and sex appeal, I knew the pleasures of a lady-friend who would announce to me her presence in the crowd by grabbing my ass with a vice-like grip, just about lifting me off the floor. She liked to test my reaction, and it took a couple of these greetings before I could quell the startled tensing of every muscle in my body, and simply look over my shoulder and say, "Hello Michelle".

Face it De G. you are a sex object. Your wife is asserting her power and control...and ownership. You are the prey, and she is the stalking lioness to your leaping (though complicit) kudu.

Enjoy it while it lasts my friend. Because, as you said, a woman's desires and passions can change like the weather, and she may want not to touch you with a ten fool pole come tomorrow. So when you leap, I suggest you leap into her arms and let her have her way with you!

I for one will feel cheated if I am not allowed to read the rest of your dissertation. And you'd better have bags under your eyes the size of suitcases. You're never too old to sacrifice sleep for nookie! :{)

CP


De Greek profile image

De Greek 5 years ago from UK Author

Bryan,

The De Greeks are a refined lot and will not stoop to base acts :-)))


De Greek profile image

De Greek 5 years ago from UK Author

.

CP,

Alas, I have come to realise that the De Greeks have become a sex object, a toy of womanhood. Oh, the shame of it all!

.

:-))


Gypsy Willow profile image

Gypsy Willow 5 years ago from Lake Tahoe Nevada USA , Wales UK and Taupo New Zealand

Of course you must continue! You cannot leave us hanging. Talking about hanging, is that the only part of you subjected to her fondling? Surely she likes to grab your firm Greek chin and gaze into your bag ridden eyes? Do tell!


christopheranton profile image

christopheranton 5 years ago from Gillingham Kent. United Kingdom

Dont keep us all in an agony of suspense. Updates please!

If it bothers you, why dont you go to a joke shop, and buy one of those electric handshockers, and put it down the back of your trousers. A few jolts should soon cure her.

Otherwise take comfort from the knowledge that you still have "What it takes".


drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida

Look at it this way, dear dimi, your asstonishing, asstounding assymetric ass represents ardor and passion to your sweet wife. Force yourself. Indulge her. You will not regret it.

And write down every detail to share with us, your ardent admirers.


Feline Prophet profile image

Feline Prophet 5 years ago from India

DG, just for academic interest, how does one tell if a hub has been voted up or down? I never remember to do either but it's nice to know! :D


VioletSun profile image

VioletSun 5 years ago from Oregon/ Name: Marie

Maybe your tush is magnetic and your lady can't help grabbing it? hehe. And yes, of course do finish the story!

Like Feline Prophet, I am also curious, how do you know if someone has voted up or down? Had meant to ask you.

Voted up and funny. Deserves this rating as its well written!


Hello, hello, profile image

Hello, hello, 5 years ago from London, UK

Such a terrible destiny.


katiem2 profile image

katiem2 5 years ago from I'm outta here

I would love to hear the end of the story.

This story you tell is interesting. The poetry on the fridge, well, you asked for that.

I enjoyed this read found nothing offensive about it at all and look forward to the rest of the story.

:) Katie


Frieda Babbley profile image

Frieda Babbley 5 years ago from Saint Louis, MO

How absolutely funny. Is your wife, perhaps, in her upper thirties to lower 40s? I ask because I can't seem to control myself around my guy either. Perhaps it IS insanity. Hmmmm.


dallas93444 profile image

dallas93444 5 years ago from Bakersfield, CA

Life is what we do... Enjoyed!

Flag up !


Green Lotus profile image

Green Lotus 5 years ago from Atlanta, GA

Do continue and if some are offended, as we all know, they can change the channel. I await the juicy details of the near-perfect male according to the De Greeks with relish. I've already seen Michelangelo's David although his cheeks were un-pinchable.


neeleshkulkarni profile image

neeleshkulkarni 5 years ago from new delhi

just a technical question- if Degreeks are indeed made of steel does it not hurt mrs DE when she pinches a hard object.

also when she wraps herself around you does the steel not feel too cold or hot depending on the temperature of the air conditioning.


crystolite profile image

crystolite 5 years ago from Houston TX

We should accept what life gives to us.


akirchner profile image

akirchner 5 years ago from Central Oregon

Grab all the gusto you can because life is too short a ride! Now if she was grabbing someone else's ass, then you'd have to worry!


Sylvia Leong profile image

Sylvia Leong 5 years ago from North Vancouver (Canada)

Your Hubs always put a smile on my face! Continue on...


Stan Fletcher profile image

Stan Fletcher 5 years ago from Nashville, TN

It appears that the women commenters are fine with you continuing. Now you can say whatever you want, no matter how offensive, since you've asked for their permission and received it.

And this stopping for a breather technique is very clever.

Having your ass grabbed is always better than having it kicked.


wilderness profile image

wilderness 5 years ago from Boise, Idaho

Yes, methinks though doth protest too much.

The solution is quite simple; a suit of ancestral armor, preferably of plate instead of chain, will quickly put a stop to such unseemly behavior. Surely there were at least a few DeGreeks of the round table?

You may thus be noisy (though perhaps no noisier than when producing girlish screams), you may be hot (though perhaps not so much as now, at least to your wife) and you may be relatively slow moving. But you will have peace as a (finally) true man of steel.

And yes, we need the end of the tale of your ass, to go along with that of your wife's. Fair is fair.


De Greek profile image

De Greek 5 years ago from UK Author

Friends,

I have just returned from a long weekend in London and found your messages. What a nice feeling it is :-)

Gypsy Willow

Your request to continue with the story shall be complied with. And I shall tell you of things my wife is partial to in the follow up ;-))) Thank you for passing by. ;-)

christopheranton

An agony of suspense no less! How flattering ;-)) And the De Greeks are gentlemen and cannot resort to hand-shockers ;-))) Thank you for your encouragement!

drbj

“Assymetric Ass”???? How did you come up with that;-)))) Thank you too for your encouragement! :-)))

Feline Prophet

I have no idea how to tell if a hub has been voted up or down. I meant the various buttons up top ;-))

VioletSun

A magnetic tush? I never thought of that. I always thought of it as simple female insanity ;-)))) And I have no idea how to tell if a hub has been voted up or down, sorry. I was just teasing ;-)

Hello, hello,

So you feel my pain, do you? ;-)))

katiem2

So are you saying that the poetry on the fridge would appeal to any woman? ;-)) Thank you soooo much for your kind words ;-)

Frieda Babbley

I so pleased that you found it funny. Thank you. And I am a gentleman and will not discuss an lay’s age :-)

dallas93444

I am glad you enjoyed this, thanks for your encouraging comment and for the flag up ;-))

Green Lotus

Of course it is all your fault, but I forgive you ;-)))

According to Mrs De Greek, Michelangelo's David although his cheeks come in poor seconds to those of her husband’s ;-))))

neeleshkulkarni

Technical questions confuse and confound us!!!! ;-))))

crystolite

Thanks for passing by and for your sound philosophy :-)

akirchner

I shall by to your superior wisdom and shall do my best to emulate you. As soon as the weather gets better, I have the blanket ready to use in the garden, as per your own adventure! ;-))

Sylvia Leong

What a nice thing to say! Thank you :-)

Stan Fletcher

You appear to attribute Machiavellian talents to me which in truth I do not posses, but I am sure that your heart is in the right place and you mean well ;-))) No techniques of any kind have been used and no animals were injured in the making of this literary masterpiece :-)))))

wilderness

Records show that there was, indeed, a De Greek at the round table, but he was expelled for being constantly absent because his wife wouldn’t let him go out and play with dragons ;-))

And you are suggesting the equivalent of a chastity belt, which is most unbecoming :-))))

I shall now sit down and write the sequel of this great work of literary art ;-))))


tonymac04 profile image

tonymac04 5 years ago from South Africa

I wait with baited breath ...........! (Was that enough dots?)

I think you are amazing - no, not necessarily in a good way - I mean who would complain about getting his buns gripped by a gorgeous woman? Is there something you're not telling us?

But, OMG, if you don't continue with the tail (tale??!!)

I think you will be done for here! Your screaming fans will desert you in droves, led by Feline Prophet no doubt! So I trust you are very busy at the keyboard. Your fine reputation will be ruined .... but perhaps it will be with the rest of the story anyway? Time alone will tell!!!

Love and peace

Tony


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS

I think I noticed another segment of this genius-insanity writ already posted when I arrived. For whatever reason I didn't get notification of either one but figured you must have been writing something lately so ambled over investigating. Enjoyed hearing about Natali's fun with your rear - and stuff. Sounds like a perfect situation to me! I'll go read the rest of the story now. (poof - I'm gone!)


Jane Bovary profile image

Jane Bovary 5 years ago from The Fatal Shore

Haha..sounds like there's method in her madness.De Greek, it's been too long since I visited...I've been very slack on the reading and commenting. I'll be catching up with this continuing tale.

Cheers


De Greek profile image

De Greek 5 years ago from UK Author

Tony,

That's what I like to see. A lot of dots before my eyes after a night of making merry :-)))

And since we are talking about my ass, I do not think it very manly of you to call me amazing in this instance :-))))

Thank you for passing by Tony :-)


De Greek profile image

De Greek 5 years ago from UK Author

Hi Nellieanna,

So you are an ass girl as well then? :-)))

I don't remember the story you refer to, but I shall look it up :-)


De Greek profile image

De Greek 5 years ago from UK Author

Hi Jane,

It is good to see you again, especially in laughing mode :-))


SilentReed profile image

SilentReed 5 years ago from Philippines

Feminist critics of you here at hubpages should be glad to know that the fine art of ass grabbing is not only confine to the male species in your home :) I have also detected a tinge of envy judging by the comments of your female fans for your wife's proclivity. :))


De Greek profile image

De Greek 5 years ago from UK Author

.

We are an artistic lot at our home, SilentReed, and we cannot resist artistic expression :-)))


Lady Guinevere profile image

Lady Guinevere 5 years ago from West Virginia

aaaawwww she loves you. It must be the pheromones between you two. I Dedicated a hub about the love that I have for my husband for Valentine's Day. Don't take her joy for you for granted as the "Wind's Of Change" may come and change your worlds for better or worse.


De Greek profile image

De Greek 5 years ago from UK Author

Lady G, what can I say? How lucky can a guy get? :-))

Thanks for passing by :-)


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 5 years ago from California

I'm late to this theatre, but, I still don't know what comes next, so, off I go. I am glad, however, that you were encouraged by these fine folks to continue, and cannot help but hope that you might have taken Wilderness' suggestion and bought some chain mail pants. If you haven't, and find the need, I make mail as a hobby, so holler if the danger becomes to great or your stamina to low. :D


De Greek profile image

De Greek 5 years ago from UK Author

It's such fun John to live with my wife. Not that I recommend that you try it, just saying that it is fun :-))


Healing Touch profile image

Healing Touch 5 years ago from Minnetonka, MN

I like Tony, and others also await with baited breath...... where is the ending? I will wait patiently until more info on the buttocks arrives......... Until then............


De Greek profile image

De Greek 5 years ago from UK Author

Hi Healing Touch, I hope that you will not be disappointed with the subsequent ones :-)

Thanks for passing by :-)

    Sign in or sign up and post using a HubPages Network account.

    0 of 8192 characters used
    Post Comment

    No HTML is allowed in comments, but URLs will be hyperlinked. Comments are not for promoting your articles or other sites.


    Click to Rate This Article
    working