Women’s Genius & Insanity – 2

Hello again, You Lot, have you missed me? My wife and I have been away for a long weekend to London, where my wife wanted to see a ballet company perform Romeo & Juliet. Ballet is not something that I personally enjoy, but my wife was sure that I would enjoy this one. It is comforting to know that she can sometimes be wrong. By the way, if you men will not appreciate a brilliant joke like the FDA joke in Part One of this story, how can I have the courage to go on? It really is too much, you know. I can understand the girls not getting my jokes, but YOU??? Tsk, tsk, this will not do.

So, as I was saying in Part One of this story, women have a streak of insanity which is beyond comprehension by the male of the species. They will loose all control at the sight of a simple poem that we men can take it or leave it alone. But they also have a genius which is indisputable and we men can only stare at in jealous owe. This story started by something my friend Green Lotus said in one of her comments to my stories, to the effect that she is married to the “ALMOST perfect” man. And there lies the genius of the female. In the word “Almost”.

The word “Almost” is descriptive of the female genius, because it illuminates how the female mind works in relation to its male captive, as nothing else could possibly do. A female is willing to go as far as to look at her man as being part human, provided he behaves. But in order for him to ensure that he is on his good behaviour at all times, the word “ALMOST” is a constant part of the female lexicon. She will always use it in order to ensure that she will keep her man off balance at all times, needing the female even for the smallest thing.

Taking my own wife as an example, during our last trip to London we stayed at the house of a friend. Our friend is in her eighties and lives alone in a huge house almost at the centre of London, so it is quite convenient. In expectation of my arrival, our friend cooked my favourite meal for lunch and when we sat down to enjoy it, my wife kept arranging the various dishes on my plate. I found this to be embarrassing for someone of my age and asked my wife:

“May I be trusted to arrange my own food please?”

Nooo my looooove… You are only a babyyy and you know I can’t trust you to do anything by yourself.”

In one fell swoop, she reduced me to a clumsy piece of property which would be unable to survive without her. Now please do not rash into thinking that the De Greeks are spineless worms. Read the subsequent events and see why you are wrong in your hasty judgement:

Those of you who remember my hub “A Guaranteed Cure for Smoking”, which told how I stopped smoking cold turkey, will know that I was a cigar smoker for many years and that I no longer smoke. However, my friend in London had bought me a box of my favourite Cuban cigars and I could not say no to her, so I had a cigar after lunch and one after dinner. My wife does not smoke and she does not like the smell of cigarettes, but she met me as a cigar smoker and she claimed that she liked the smell of cigars. That night when we went to bed, she kept me up half the night kissing because I smelled the way I did when she first met me. Now tell me. How could anyone not give in to such a wonderful compliment?

Next day at dinner I waited patiently for her to arrange the food on my plate, without a single word of complaint. See how they train us?

Generally the female goes through life with the simple conviction that she will not endure liberties from Beast or Nature, let alone her Man! She expects her man to acquire the habit of obedience and confession. Confession of any wrong doing, even before he commits it, often by merely glancing accidentally at a photograph of herself, the one she strategically placed in his wallet for the purpose.

We men may differ widely on politics, religion, the stock exchange and circumcision amongst countless other subjects, but we are unanimous on one single point: We are convinced that our woman can read our thoughts. When we men have a guilty conscience and our love interest looks at us squarely between the eyes, we want to be elsewhere and we want to be there yesterday. We just know she knows. How she knows we cannot tell and we do not really care. She simply knows and our spine becomes liquid. We know that our woman will occasionally put up with nerve when it is in its proper place provided there is not too much of it, and we know that she wants us to be fearless in defence of family interests, but we also know that she prefers her man to be boneless in his dealings with herself.

You may have gathered by now that the De Greeks are not an aggressive lot. We rather have a predisposition to adapt philosophically whenever we find ourselves in a sea of troubles and in all such instances to search for the nearest life vest rather than exert effort by taking up arms against it. It has never been our habit to pick up the slings and arrows of outrageous fortune and fling them back at the source. Live and let live is our family motto. This is not always the case with the female of the species. Going by the behaviour of my ex-wife, there are times when the female of the species simply wants blood! But that is another story.

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Friends, it is night time here now and it is the hour at which we men have carefully placed ourselves outside a few whiskies and sodas, with the result that we are in danger of becoming confidential. I shall stop here before I risk boring you with graphic and painful details. Good night.


Dimitris Mita

De Greek

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Comments 42 comments

drbj profile image

drbj 5 years ago from south Florida

Oh, shoot, here I was, Dimi, hanging on your every syllable, waiting for the painful, graphic details and what do you do? You STOP!

I do commend you, however, for your perspicacity in recognizing women's genius (your wife's in particular) and succumbing to both her charms and intellect. :)


Mentalist acer profile image

Mentalist acer 5 years ago from A Voice in your Mind!

Women can read minds,that's why I've learned to write poems,lol.;)


VioletSun profile image

VioletSun 5 years ago from Oregon/ Name: Marie

We women like to nurture our men, so can relate to your wife helping you arrange the food as embarassing as it was, though I don't this. LOL! However, when I travel alone to visit family and friends in the East Coast, I generally cook meals for the week for my s/o, as I can't stand the idea of him eating hot dogs and chips while I am away.


Gypsy Willow profile image

Gypsy Willow 5 years ago from Lake Tahoe Nevada USA , Wales UK and Taupo New Zealand

I think you are keeping us hanging! But then I know what you are capable of! Glad you are so nurtured by your wise wife. I know where she is coming from.


Feline Prophet profile image

Feline Prophet 5 years ago from India

Pick up those slings and arrows of outrageous fortune before you trip over them, DG...seems to me you have troubles enough already! :D


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS

hm. Seems you've learned a few tricks from your darlin' wife - like keeping us in suspended animation without a conclusion to this story.

I am a bit offended that you think we didn't get or were incapable of getting your DFA thingy. Do we have to point out each and every one of your little nuggets. (oh - that was in part 1, wasn't it - your nuggets. hehe). Anyway it was not all that hilarious, but it was an original way to express an ordinary situation - the DFA thing, I mean, not the nuggets. Though those were QUITE interesting, now that I ponder them.

This segment could have really become an expose, though. So I suppose you can be forgiven for not kissing and telling and such ungentlemanly behavior. And you cleverly leave it to our imaginations. Very sly. Um hum.

By the way - has Natali read this series?


De Greek profile image

De Greek 5 years ago from UK Author

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drbj, sweetheart, hanging on every syllable?Wow, how flattering is that, should I be mad enough to believe it?......;-))

But we Great Authors must keep our public guessing in order to have them constantly on their toes and keep their their noses shiny :-)))))


De Greek profile image

De Greek 5 years ago from UK Author

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Bryan, you have an escape in poetry, but what about the rest of us, who have no poetic bone of any type?


De Greek profile image

De Greek 5 years ago from UK Author

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Marie - So would this also be a way to ensure he does not step out of the house while you are away? ;-))))


De Greek profile image

De Greek 5 years ago from UK Author

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Raye – You do me wrong, child! Would I keep you hanging? ... :-))


De Greek profile image

De Greek 5 years ago from UK Author

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FP, I love it when you get my special jokes!...... ;-))))


De Greek profile image

De Greek 5 years ago from UK Author

Nellieanna, can any story about woman’s genius ever be completed? Come now, I expected more from you than that ;-)))

And it is the FDA thingy, not DFA. FDA is the Food & Drugs Administration. Now please consider this: What is the FDA likely to condemn with shocked horror on its face, while wearing double layers of its infection proof uniforms? Something really nasty, correct? So should one’s wife look on one with that same look, what is the image that comes to mind? Hilarious! ;-)))


Mentalist acer profile image

Mentalist acer 5 years ago from A Voice in your Mind!

As the saying goes "We Men Gotta Stick Together"lest also "Every Man For Himself"...all I can do is advise,"When In Doubt,Sing A Rhyme!.;)


De Greek profile image

De Greek 5 years ago from UK Author

How about a Limerick? Will that do Bryan?.......;-)))


Mentalist acer profile image

Mentalist acer 5 years ago from A Voice in your Mind!

A rhyming Riddle/limerick will do,though confusion may ensue,it helps to keep the mate guessing too.;)


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS

Right - so, of course, it's left incomplete. Shouldn't take away the suspense, should it? I sort of like that.

It was a typo, Dimitris, because I was thinking Drugs, Firearms & Alcohol. haha. That's pretty hilarious. But, wait, what would a guy's mind contrive as something really horrid to be encountered only with infection-proof clothing? Hm . . . I confess I am not a mind reader, though in context - the "thing" would be a guy she liked but now she's spurned. But the comparison with the FDA condemnation? Wow. So many really nasty images flash through the possibilities which really would fit that guy's image then. Apparently no one else is a mind-reader for this one either so maybe you'll just have to let us in on it - ? At least I'm in good company, I guess. And I really do care, even though I'm too dense to read minds. Does it mean I'm drummed out of the corps? Or something. :-} I love you anyway. It's the best I can do.


De Greek profile image

De Greek 5 years ago from UK Author

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Nellieanna, I understand that my humor is odd and not to everyone's taste. Instead of saying "she looked at him like something the cat dragged in", I say “she may look upon you as something that the FDA has condemned with shocked horror on its face, while wearing double layers of its infection proof uniforms”. Imagine a piece of meat that has gone bad and yet the owner asks the FDA to approve it….. ;-))))

It’s hilarious - to me ;-)))

And I don’t really mind if you do not get my jokes, as long as you still love me ;-)))


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS

Well - I did get that meaning, hon. But it seemed too obvious and I thought there must be something more to it since you didn't think it had been "gotten". But no matter. It is a good metaphor and that's what I thought it was, just as you meant it, only maybe not quite as funny to me as it was to you, writing it. I thought it a vast improvement over the old ""something the cat dragged in"simile, which is terribly trite and worn out. I thought it clever to come up with a new metaphor and I appreciated that. Does that give me any points in the 'getting-it' department? :-)) I hate to be seated in your dummy-corner, especially when I didn't really belong there. Heaven knows I do belong there at times! :>


christopheranton profile image

christopheranton 5 years ago from Gillingham Kent. United Kingdom

It appears to me that you can manage her by reminding her of when you both first met, and she can manage you by kissing you all night; so it is "honours even" in your particular corner of the battle of the sexes.

In short, you are both admirably suited.

I hope it continues to work for you each of you.

Thanks for an elegantly funny hub.


Green Lotus profile image

Green Lotus 5 years ago from Atlanta, GA

What have I done? I have, it seems started a calamity of opinions here.You know something is amiss when Nellianna slaps your wrists! Ah, but it’s all good. OK here's my two cents on the matter. Although you know I relish and eagerly consume every Hub of yours, I must defend my sisters. Not all women are the same! DG you should know that since you have now found the "nearly" perfect wife. When I mentioned my "nearly" perfect husband you assumed (oh that word) that he did not meet all of my needs and expectations. Not so! He doesn't meet up with HIS own expectations, which are ridiculously egotistical.

I do agree that it is not cool to embarrass one’s husband in public, even kindheartedly. I learned that one 25 years ago. Regarding that “guilty” look, alas, my husband knows me as well as your wife knows you and I never get away with anything naughty. The fact that he knows my mind now comforts me as I am past being secretive, except for Christmas gifts.

Lastly, regarding the FDA, after doing the research for my related hubs, I learned it’s one of the most inefficient, unscrupulous agencies within our already messed up government and I do believe agents are rarely shocked. Although they do don the disguise of the infection proof uniform, they just take the bribe and condemn the product! Cheers my friend. Of course, as always you’re rated UP.


katiem2 profile image

katiem2 5 years ago from I'm outta here

Very well written and enjoyed. Hopefully after you get some beauty rest, sure your wife thinks you don't need it, you resume writing this delightful series, there is more is there not... :) Katie


Nellieanna profile image

Nellieanna 5 years ago from TEXAS

(Racing to vote it UP. Even if I already did! Help! I'm already skating on thin ice! UP, funny, useful and awesome!!)


nighthag profile image

nighthag 5 years ago from Australia

sounds like a match made in heaven, loved it as always and I to am hoping for more soon :)


Christopher Price profile image

Christopher Price 5 years ago from Vermont, USA

"we also know that she prefers her man to be boneless in his dealings with herself."

Uh, Dimi, it seems to me that, were you a bit more "boneless" in the bedroom you wouldn't be missing all that sleep!

BTW, though it must be embarrassing, your wife arranging the food on your plate may serve multiple purposes.

1) It is a gesture of servitude...she may be peeling your grapes next.

2) It implies you are incapable of fending for yourself and need her around.

3) She aims to help you conserve your energy because you'll need at bedtime...the self-serving vixen!

You'll get no argument from me as to the mysteries of feminine logic. If you really want to write a book that sells just title it "Understanding Women"...but be sure to label it as fiction! :{)

Cheers.

CP


De Greek profile image

De Greek 5 years ago from UK Author

Nellieanna – All I want from life is for you to get my jokes. Now that I know you did, I am happy :-) – And you could never be found in the ‘dummy-corner’ – You will always sit on the teacher’s knees when I am teaching ;-)))

Hi Christopher, I have found my other half and we seem to be suited, yes. Thank you for visiting and for your kind words ;-))

Friend Hillary, it is, of course, all your fault. I would have quietly minded my own business if you had not sawn the seed ;-))) Let me correct your girlish error though: I did not assume that your husband did not meet all your expectations. What I said was that no matter how perfect the man, a woman will always say that he is ‘ALMOST’ perfect, in order to leave a leeway for finding fault and keeping him off balance. ;-))

Katie - How kind you are as usual. I had not planned on writing any more of this stuff, but if more friends find this of interest, I may just write a few more, just for the fun of it :-)))

Nellieanna my sweet, you make me smile ;-))

Nighthag – Thank you for your kind words. I shall try to accommodate ;-))

C.P – Life with a woman is, indeed, the stuff that fiction is made of ;-))) If I was not lacking so much in sensitivity and if I had more feeeeeeeeling (according to my wife), I would be ‘ALMOST’ the perfect husband ;-)))


crystolite profile image

crystolite 5 years ago from Houston TX

Hi De Greek,am always in love with your article and this is another interesting article which i enjoy a lot.


De Greek profile image

De Greek 5 years ago from UK Author

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crystolite, you are vry kind. Thank you :-)


cameciob profile image

cameciob 5 years ago

De Greek, the title of your story captures the essence of women spirit while the content depicts the details. Great story, wonderful written!


SilentReed profile image

SilentReed 5 years ago from Philippines

Your wife's genius lie in her keen sense of observation and I hazard a guess that she is well verse in Sun Tzu's art of war :) weakening the enemy from within,cultivating an air of unpredictability, keeping the enemy constantly unbalance and in suspended terror guessing what the next move would be..of course your wife does these things out of love and the desire for peace and harmony in the home. :)...which has me thinking perhaps Sun Tzu formulated his "art of war" observing his mother :))

Although I didn't get the FDA joke the first time,I thought Nellieanna's expose' of your FDA thingy and little nuggets was hilarious. That I got :))


De Greek profile image

De Greek 5 years ago from UK Author

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Cameciob, I don't love you any more! :-))) You did not read part one of this literary masterpiece and I am upset :-))

.


De Greek profile image

De Greek 5 years ago from UK Author

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SilentReed, I made me laugh with that FDA joke and that is the main purpose of writing for me. To make ME laugh. But if you don’t laugh with me, then I get upset :-))))

If you see our copy of Sun Tzu’s ‘The Art of War’, it is covered in notes and whole paragraphs or even whole pages are highlighted with different colours. Now I know why! ;-)))

.


Hello, hello, profile image

Hello, hello, 5 years ago from London, UK

Good for you, De Greek, not telling them everything. Look at them not only peeping pretending to comment but coming back times and again; thinking and hoping they might gleem something this time. lol


De Greek profile image

De Greek 5 years ago from UK Author

So why are YOU late, HH? Where have you been? ;-))))


Lee B profile image

Lee B 5 years ago from New Mexico

One of your SWEEEEEETEST hubs! So how did you like the ballet?


De Greek profile image

De Greek 5 years ago from UK Author

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Lee,

Thank you SOOOOOO much for your kind words. As for liking the ballet, you did not pay attention: "....wife was sure that I would enjoy this one. It is comforting to know that she can sometimes be wrong." :-)))

I hope the Captain is well? :-)


Lee B profile image

Lee B 5 years ago from New Mexico

Whoops! Missed that!


tonymac04 profile image

tonymac04 5 years ago from South Africa

Dimitris - loved this one. I'm reading them in reverse order - does that prove anything?

On the subject of insanity and genius, I'm not sure there's a difference. Nietszche had something to say about that, I think.

Love and peace

Tony


De Greek profile image

De Greek 5 years ago from UK Author

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Hi Lee, I missed your comment too :-))


De Greek profile image

De Greek 5 years ago from UK Author

Tony, does this mean that you did not read this unique contribution ot World Literature on the same day it was published??? Is such a thing possible? Tsk, tsk, tsk. I don't know what the world is coming to :-))


tonymac04 profile image

tonymac04 5 years ago from South Africa

Ah, yes, young Dimitris, I am most remiss. And as you have pointed out my faults are legion, and this just one of them!

Love and peace

Tony


Shadesbreath profile image

Shadesbreath 5 years ago from California

LOLOLOL...

"We men may differ widely on politics, religion, the stock exchange and circumcision..."

This is exaclty why, when during semesters, I have a few moments and need something to read simply for the pleasure of reading, I look you up.

I'm still laughing.


De Greek profile image

De Greek 5 years ago from UK Author

I so glad someone besides me laughs with my jokes, John :-))

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