Your First 5 Dates

Do you have a date? Congratulations. I’m jealous. Is it a first date? If so, here are some suggestions for men who are about to go out on a date with a certain woman for the first time. You want to impress her. You want to show her a good time. I’m about to give you those suggestions I mentioned earlier. I’m prepared to walk you through your first five dates. This information is free. Just remember, you might be the Mario of your Super World, but she is the princess and your only quest.

Date #1: Show up on time

Showing up on time is important for first impressions. If you show up late, that says her time isn’t as important as yours. If you do show up late, show up with flowers or a basketful of kittens, or at the very least, a fake speeding ticket, and then tell her how you got caught speeding, because you couldn’t wait to see her. Or just show up on time. Actually, get there half an hour early, so you can toss some rose petals on the path leading from her door to your car. And make sure to open the door for her. And clean out your car, beforehand. You don’t want that awkward moment when you have to tell her to wait while you clear away all the trash that’s on the floor and the passenger seat. Not unless it’s a bunch a kittens, then you can tell her that you picked them up on the side of the road on the way to her house, which is also a great excuse if you happen to be late. She’ll appreciate that you’re into helping animals. It doesn’t matter what you do on your first date, just pretend that she’s a painting and you’re the curator. It’s your job to make sure everyone else sees that she’s a masterpiece. Handle her with care and the utmost respect. Just remember, be 100% with your date. 10% you, 34% James Bond, 20% Jim Carrey, 16% Don Juan, and 20% woman. After the date, if you no longer have a use for the kittens, stick them in a stranger’s mailbox. This might seem cruel, but a mailbox will provide them shelter from the weather and predators, and mailboxes are usually checked at least once a day, so they won’t be in there long. But make sure the mailbox doesn’t belong to a Chinese restaurant.

Date #2: Cook her dinner

Is she coming to your place to eat? Pizza isn’t an option. Neither are kittens, so no Chinese takeout. Take a hint from Lady and the Tramp and cook up some spaghetti, but don’t share the same plate. Put on some music if you can’t hire an Italian guy to play the accordion. And buy some wine. Make sure you know everything about the wine, including what year it is and how to pronounce the name correctly. Don’t say the meal was easy to fix, but don’t say it was difficult, either. Say it was challenging. Say it has a secret ingredient, and then see if she can pinpoint what it is. When she gives up, tell her it’s love. You made it with love. Make sure the spaghetti is perfect, but also make sure to burn the garlic bread. This will say that you’re not perfect, even though you certainly try. Knocking over the wine bottle on the table and spilling wine on her dress is encouraged, but isn’t guaranteed to make it a perfect night. After you’re done feeding her dinner, you might want to feed her some poetry. Learning French is encouraged. You could read the obituaries to her in French and it’d still be romantic. After the date, walk her home and surprise her by pulling a guitar out of the bushes and singing her a song. Preferably in Spanish.

Date #3: Be selfless and generous

If you happen to take your date for a walk and you come across a puddle, take off your jacket and lay it across the puddle, so that she can walk over it. The same rules apply to oil stains, or manure, or homeless people who fall asleep on the sidewalk. If she says that her feet hurt in her high heels, then trade shoes with her. She’ll enjoy your Sneakers and you’ll get an idea what it’s like to be a woman. Don’t get too used to them, though, because high heels are addictive. If she’s cold, give her your jacket, but only if you haven’t previously used it to cover a puddle. If she wants something to eat from the hotdog stand, make sure to give the vendor a generous tip. One hotdog, $20 tip. Two hotdogs, $10 tip. Always carry cash on you, but never in an awkward place, like in your underwear. You don’t need to be digging in there in front of a hotdog vendor while you’re wearing high heels and a wet jacket. Keep the money in your wallet and keep your wallet in your back pocket, so it doesn’t look like you’re reaching for something else. Don’t watch her eat the hotdog. Purposely forget napkins, so that you can offer your sleeve to wipe her mouth. Also forget an umbrella on your walk. If it rains, your pure awesomeness will create a bubble around both of you, keeping you dry. After the date, pick an imaginary leaf out of her hair. Follow it up by brushing her hair over her left ear. Not all of her hair, like a comb over, but just a strand. Instead of turning and walking away, try back flips, instead. She’ll consider you her acrobatic gentleman.

Date #4: Show up on a horse

Imagine her surprise when you show up at her door on the back of a white stallion. A unicorn would be nice and would certainly make the night more magical, but don't get depressed if you can't find one. Ride bareback through the park or on the beach, if one is available. Take her to a secluded area, where you will have previously built a gazebo or carved one out of a single, giant block of wood. Turn the horse free, then enjoy a candlelit dinner inside of the gazebo. Make sure to serve exotic fruits or some sort of endangered species. Chilled monkey brains are encouraged, but hard to explain in an appetizing way. After the meal, take her to the hot air balloon that you will have rented for the night. Make sure the basket is lit up with dangling lights and that there’s a bottle of champagne on ice inside the basket, as well as two wine glasses. As the two of you soar above the city or the ocean, if one is available, propose a toast to the two of you. All you have to say is, “To us.” That says everything. Don’t say, “To tonight.” That implies that you only have an interest in her for that night, and not the many nights that you hope will follow. Don’t get distracted. Maintain eye contact. She’ll be impressed if you can’t stop looking at her, even though you’re hanging several hundred feet above the ground and a volcano just erupted in the distance. Keep staring into her eyes. Tell her she’s breathtaking. If she buys it, this would be a good time for that first kiss. Put a lot of passion into it, but not a lot of force. Be gentle, but strong. It should last exactly 4.23 seconds. Don’t immediately go in for a second landing. Wait for her to come 20 to 30 percent, and then meet her. And make sure to hold her if a second kiss actually occurs. After you finally bring the hot air balloon down, walk her back to her place and, if she’s willing and not airsick, go in for a third and final kiss. And then say goodnight.

Date #5: Be spontaneous and surprise her

Show up at her house at 4 in the morning and beat on her door. When she finally answers and sees the two suitcases you have beside you, tell her that you both have to leave right now. Be sure to stress the right now. If she asks why, tell her you’ll explain on the way. She’ll want more information, so add that it’s not safe for her to be there. Keep glancing over your shoulder. Your right shoulder, never the left. She’ll ask you where you’re going. Say someplace safe. She’ll be a little flustered, and she might say she needs to get dressed or pack something, but tell her there’s no time. Finally break down and let her get dressed, and then make your move. Open the two suitcases and release the iguanas that you have collected from various pet stores. Let them run into her house and then shut the door. Run away as fast as you can. There should be 14 iguanas in all, 7 to a suitcase, and each will be wearing a small sweater that you will have knitted for them, sweaters with letters on the back. The letters, when arranged correctly, will spell out a message. Rare WI Yummy LOL. If she manages to catch all the iguanas and line them up in the correct way, she can begin to decipher the message. Rare would be something that isn’t common. WI is the abbreviation for Wisconsin. Yummy is a description. The LOL is just so she’ll know that you think the whole thing is funny. Sure, you could just text her the message, but sending it by iguana is much more of a surprise and completely original. She’ll know that it’s something yummy and rare from Wisconsin. She’ll be thinking about what it could possibly be, and that’s when you show back up, several hours later at 7 o’clock. You’ll cook her breakfast, an omelet with a rare Bleu Mont cheddar from Wisconsin. If she doesn’t cringe at the idea, cook one of the iguanas, as well. But if all goes according to plan, she will be impressed and grateful for your attempt to surprise her. And she will be surprised, that’s a guarantee. There is the possibility that she might get the letters mixed up and misread your message, arranging the iguanas so that their sweaters say will you marry me. Oddly enough, that can also be found in that assortment of letters, but just cross your fingers and hope she ends up with rare WI yummy LOL, otherwise, she won’t be thinking about the meaning you had in mind. If you come back and she throws her arms around you, and says, “Yes!” then you’ll know that she screwed up your iguana puzzle. Either way, you’re enjoying a delicious breakfast or you’re getting married. But you’ll still have to do something with the iguanas, because she probably won’t want them in her house, anymore. A suggestion would be to put them in a mailbox. It might require up to 14 mailboxes, depending on the size of the iguanas in question. Or even less mailboxes, if you decide to cook one for breakfast.

After these first five dates, you’re on your own. Just try to make them interesting. If you need more advice, feel free to contact me. I can be reached by Bat Signal or by a message stitched onto the back of an iguana’s sweater. Or just leave a comment and I’ll get back to you as soon as I can. But remember, above all, just enjoy yourself and treat her like a princess, because all women deserve the utmost respect.

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152 comments

RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

Hilarious! From sweeping the kittens off the car seat - to encouraging them to spill wine - especially, and I do mean this - especially listen to the "where NOT to stash the cash advice! And ......LOL:-)! Thanks Q is what it is!


stclairjack profile image

stclairjack 5 years ago from middle of freekin nowhere,... the sticks

you are a fablous way to start a tuesday morning!

this was fantastic!


thestickypickle profile image

thestickypickle 5 years ago

sounds like a recipe for some lucky girl falling for you! Other than the iguanas... Its a rare girl that wouldnt freak about iguanas running around the house O_O

Monkey brains..

Youll have to cook it for me sometime, I kinda wanna try it..


Erik S. 5 years ago

Aw...

I wish I was your girlfriend now, Buddy. :(


barbergirl28 profile image

barbergirl28 5 years ago from Hemet, Ca

I just have one question... how much did these five first dates cost you? Oh wait... another one... can you afford a 6th date afterwards, and is that why we are on our own? Oh wait - 3rd question - what is your recipe for monkey brains?

Thanks for letting me dream a little. If only a man would have shown up at my door on a barebacked unicorn as he carried several iguanas spelling out the rare WI Yummy LOL message... I would have got it. After all, I am from Wisconsin and happy cows do come from Wisconsin. (Sorry had to add Happy Cows because I am always in that debate because people from California believe Happy Cows come from there!)

Although, might I add just one little suggestion... add the hearts to the homemade knitted Iguana sweaters... for the sake of everyone... you just can't forget those darn hearts... I don't know how to make cute hearts on a computer, but I do know how to make a killer smiley face so I will just add that instead ;-D


Genna East profile image

Genna East 5 years ago from Massachusetts, USA

Lol...this is great. What a delightful imgination...especially the unicorn. :) Thanks for the truly lifting read.


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Thanks, Realhousewife. :) I try to give good advice. Another one to remember is not to keep your hands in your pockets while you're talking to someone, especially if you're wearing baggy pants. I wish I could carry my money in a purse, but that'd draw even more attention than me reaching in my pants. Thanks for dropping by.


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Hey, stclairjack. Thanks for the compliment. I guess it's better than cleaning up dog crap, which is how I started off my Tuesday morning... No one should have to do that when they're still half asleep. But I'm glad you found this fantastic. :)


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Hi there, Sticky. It's a great recipe, but I'm a lousy cook. I guess they that can't do... teach... or whatever. I think that's a cliche and I should punch myself in the head for using it. You don't like iguanas? I thought every girl liked iguanas. Shows you how much I know, huh. And as soon as I can catch a monkey, I'll be sure to serve you its brains. I'm working on a recipe for that. I'll add a secret ingredient and see if you can pinpoint what it is. :)


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Erik, anytime you want to go on a hot air balloon with me, just say the word. I don't know how well you do in tight spaces, though. I'm talking about the basket, not making a reference to my... whatever. If you were a girl, you'd totally be my girlfriend.


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Hey, Barbergirl. So many questions! lol. Let's see...

1) It cost me a pretty penny. I had to pay for gas, spaghetti sauce, wine, a guitar, French and Spanish lessons, 9 hotdogs (plus a $2 tip), a horse, gazebo instructions, a hot air balloon (which I had to inflate, myself), champagne, aftershave... the list is quite endless. But I spent a total of $460.99, if I were to guesstimate. Oh, and that pretty penny, so a total of $470. Monopoly money.

2) These are five "free" suggestions. If you want more, they'll cost you. I'm trying to start up my relationship consultant buisness.

3) I will share my recipe for monkey brains at a later time. So that's something to look forward to. Maybe.

I've never heard of Happy Cows. And I cut up cows for a living. I hope they all died happy cows. Stitching hearts on the iguanas' sweaters is a good idea. I'll have to do that next time. :)


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Hello, Genna. No one's ever called my imagination delightful before. I'm glad you find it so. I threw the unicorn in there at the last second. I wish I had one in real life. It'd sure make getting dates easier and save on gas money.


RealHousewife profile image

RealHousewife 5 years ago from St. Louis, MO

I for one, am planning to show this to my oldest daughter so she can know, this is the way a guy should treat a girl if he really likes her! Now she won't have to ask me so many questions about "what" means "what" in guy language!


barbergirl28 profile image

barbergirl28 5 years ago from Hemet, Ca

I wish I would have thought about that... I mean showing this hub to my eldest daughter. Although that could be dangerous because then she would never move out and I will have to support her into old age.

@WhatisQ - I am glad you are taking into serious consideration about stitching hearts in the Iguanas sweaters. I think that will make it a definate hit with the female you are pursuing. In fact, maybe you should try that as a side business as well, along with your relationship consultant business that is.


AngRose profile image

AngRose 5 years ago

I can't believe it...that you are still single! With this kind of romantic genius it simply baffles the mind that some lucky girl hasn't swooped you up before now. Perhaps you didn't wash the dog doo off your hands...that would explain it.


Truckstop Sally profile image

Truckstop Sally 5 years ago

Very funny. Your precise details are great . . . that first kiss . . . 4.23 seconds. Don’t immediately go in for a second landing. Wait for her to come 20 to 30 percent, and then meet her.


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Realhousewife, I might have set the bar too high. Your daughter might expect a hot air balloon ride and just end up at the movies. The only reason guys can really get dates is because girls expect so much less of us. ;) But I hope your daughter finds a great guy. There's got to be one out there.


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Thanks for the additional good idea, Barbergirl. That would be a great side buisness, managing a clothing line for iguanas. Imagine being delivered an iguana with a sweater that says "Will you be mine?" I could even branch off into holidays and other occassions, instead of just sentimental iguana sweaters. Maybe "Happy Birthday" and "Get well soon" sweaters. I think I need to copywrite this whole Sweater Iguana idea. It's the best thing since edible arrangements and those cards that play music when you open them up. Ah, so many good ideas...


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Ang, I can't believe it, either! lol. Someone should have snatched me up by now. Maybe you could hook me up...? I do have Erik, though, so that's something. At least until he goes and lives with you. :(

Are you saying I should wash the poo off my hands? I never thought of that. lol. Maybe that's why girls always back away when I try to brush their hair over their ear.


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Hi, Truckstop Sally. I did a little research and I'm pretty sure the "first kiss" guidelines I listed are fairly accurate. There's also, of course, the "two-part first kiss," which would be the small, almost hesitant kiss that lasts 1.88 seconds, followed by a slight break of 6.34 seconds, and capped off with the 4.23 second kiss. That one's good, too, but I prefer just going with the 4.23 second kiss by itself. :)


crystolite profile image

crystolite 5 years ago from Houston TX

Fantastic work,thanks for sharing.


bingskee profile image

bingskee 5 years ago from Quezon City, Philippines

you are an incredibly funny writer. it's the vast range of imagination that makes you one! hats off.

which would taste better - a cooked cat or a cooked iguana? :-D


AngRose profile image

AngRose 5 years ago

I am looking through my address book as I type Q, for the perfect girl for you. But she would have to be someone very special...I can't just give all that talent and romance to just anyone! I think the best idea would be for you to move here with Erik when he comes, and while the two of you are working your butts off doing my house repairs, I will find you the perfect women. HA

The poo thing is definitely a turn off to some women. Although when I worked at the pig farm we were known to have it almost everywhere...so you can get used to almost anything.


Katharella profile image

Katharella 5 years ago from Lost in America

Adam, my dear Adam.

1. Some girls frown upon lies. Regardless of the reason.:P (Oh good god man, never show up early! We need a full DAY, plus that half hour to try on everything we own silly -Late? Call!!! *communication will forever be a key*)

2. Cute animals take attention OFF you, and onto them.

3. Wine suggest you're expecting meaningless sex.

4. Spilling it on her clothing is saying "hurry up and get out of the dress." lol

5. Flowers die! *smirk*

6. If you ever buy a girl a hot dog, then hope she has not taken psychology.

7. Reptiles are icky and leave random droppings (so rudely)lol

8. Some girls*** *grin* Prefer to know you might have been nervous planning the dates, and have an idea themselves, like... say..

GIRL: Plans have changed, can we be casual, my day went awry and I really need to relax, I might not be much fun on our first date, can we either do a different night or just grab some chips & soda and talk and get to know each other?

GUY: ::thought cloud - I spent all that money so we can TALK.. ingrate! no date 2 that's for sure. -Yes, that would be fine, your place or mine or how about a walk in the park.

GIRL: That sounds amazing, I'll grab some cheeto's in case a Monkey starts to swing from tree to tree *laughter* You brown bag us some drinks n' plastic cups! Maybe some candy or something, sugar tends to make me sweeter *gentle laugh*!

GUY: ::thought cloud:: um, maybe she isn't superficial and just wants to get to know ME? After all us men do like to talk about ourselves even if we are boring -That sounds like fun, I'm glad you have a since of humor cos you never know if we'll meet a Monkey or Reptile! *laughs*

GIRL: *Laughs too* Wow, thanks for being so cool about this, I hope I didn't ruin any great plans.

GUY: ::thought cloud:: -Cool, all that planning will pay off later, she's not expecting too much too soon! --Ok, sounds good, I'll be there at 5, so we have some day light, then I can smooze you after dark...in the park *laugh* How's my poetry?

GIRL: ::thought cloud::-WOW, easy going, since of humor, not stuffy, can accept changed plans, could be a keeper! -Woah, things sound fantastic already, oh, and your poetry is so 'swavay' *laugh*

DATE TIME!

GUY: ::THOUGHT CLOUD::-Wow, hot jeans, casual is adorable, I can't imagine how hot dressed up will be -Mind wanders to her in sexy dress, heels and "come hither look"

The two hit the park, talk about everything from icky work days to crazy family members, end up feeding fish in the pond, cheetoes, find a cute Reptile sweater on the ground.

GIRL: Wow, my nephew will love this!

GUY: *Laugh* Cool, I'd like to meet him sometime, after all what Reptile doesn't need a cool wardrobe, does he speak spanish?

GIRL: *Laugh* ::thought cloud:: He's definitely a keeper! -Hey, you know, I'm not into sports, but if you are want to come over next Sunday since I 'think' it's superbowl, and while you watch the game, I'll make a nice dinner...um.. unless you don't then we can whip up something together if you'd like?

GUY: ::thought cloud:: I'm in love, she looked like the girl of my dreams physically and she doesn't put me under undue stress, she could be a keeper! -Date number two, it's all up to you, if violets are blue, we'll spend the day painting them purple! *Yeah ok I wrote that poem myself!* *laugh*

GIRL: You're too much, *laugh* as long as I don't get paint on my ::French accent::: Very expensive evening gown dharliing...

Date two, three, four, and.. Pi (Infinity)

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

LOL, Ok, I just had to take the stress out of that date. LOL All the intentions were there, but then they realized, they don't have to impress each other with things and places, they found each other entertaining without outside help, money nor extensive planning were a problem, seems like they fit like a hand in a glove!

They marry, she has 3 kids gains 40lbs and he still thinks she's the best thing since.. oh.. She's the best thing ever period!

They were both true to themselves and true to each other, and spend the rest of their lives being each others best friend and lover, and look forward to every time they are going to see each other, and spend Saturday's in the park with their children feeding cheeto's to the fish in the pond!

Their children grow up to live stress free and happy, and grimace every time mom and dad still kiss for no apparent reason!

LOL! I'M NOT SAYING THAT ABOVE REPLIES AREN'T GREAT, AT ALL COST(HEH) DO TEACH THE "FRILLS" TO THE BOY, SO HE'LL KNOW IF THE GIRL IS WORTH ALL THAT TROUBLE! ER.. I mean, smoozing. In the end, I just think communication is key to a lasting relationship! :) Love the part about not leaving the kittens at any Oriental mailbox lol!


ltfawkes profile image

ltfawkes 5 years ago from NE Ohio

I think you covered everything. This:

surprise her by pulling a guitar out of the bushes and singing her a song

made me laugh. Nice work.

L.T.


Jaymeyaroch profile image

Jaymeyaroch 5 years ago from Somewhere between today and yesterday.

I think that you are very romantic, and just random enough to pull this off.

Good luck, I hope she's not allergic to horses. That could end badly.


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Thanks, Bingskee. My imagination's a bit out there. A vast range that is kind of like a desert, and sometimes I find a few desert flowers to pick and present to the world. As far as cooking cats or cooking iguanas, I'd have to say that iguanas would be more tasty and wouldn't leave you feeling bad about yourself. It kind of tastes like chicken, or alligator, which also tastes like chicken. I think cat meat is greasy, like rabbit meat. I am not speaking from experience. But if you ever get the chance to try iguana on a stick, please do so and I will do the same. :) Cats are better off left uneaten.


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Ang, I like this deal. I'll fix your house and you'll find me a nice girl. And then we can both go live on a pig farm. I can't wait. :)


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Lol. Kathy, that was great. Or gr8, I should say, which is great to infinity. Loved the whole conversation bit, complete with thoughts and thought clouds. I didn't realize it was that easy to entertain a date. ;P Sounds a whole lot cheaper, too. I didn't know the bit about the wine, but I assume that all sex is meaningless if have too much wine. The wine's really only there to spill on her dress. I'm more of a beer guy, myself, but I don't know many girls that like beer with their spaghetti. Beer doesn't sound that romantic. But you've made some valid points. I have to wonder though, if the girl's has a bad day, maybe a hot air balloon ride is exactly what she needs to take her mind off things, something to surprise her that isn't just a walk in the park. I don't know, that's just me. If I have a bad day, I always wish someone would show up with a unicorn and take me away somewhere unexpected. Maybe I should have called this hub what girls need to do for guys?


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Hey, L.T. A guitar hidden in the bushes is a great card to play. What woman wouldn't fall for that? Thanks for dropping by. :)


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Hi, Jay. I'm glad you found all this romantic. Every relationship needs a little surprise here and there. It might be wise for a guy to find out what the girl's allergic to before he plans any surprises, though. If she's allergic to horses, showing up on the back of a tamed Bengal tiger would be just as nice, like the big cat that He-man always had around. If she's allergic to animals in general, then maybe just a motorcycle.


barbergirl28 profile image

barbergirl28 5 years ago from Hemet, Ca

I think you outlined the date perfectly... although you might have to switch it up depending on the area... After all, if you are in Wisconsin this time of year, a hot air balloon ride is definately out of the question (and I am pretty sure you don't want to show up on your dates door on the bare back of a unicorn) However, that is the perfect scenario for California. I don't know how the weather is in your area of the woods, so obviously I can't comment on that. I think any girl that would get the opportunity to go on "your" first five dates is darn lucky. I have been married for 11 years - and with the exception of the hot air balloon ride (which was not spontenous) I have never experienced any of these. Okay, maybe the 4.23 second kiss... but I will not go into detail.

By the way, can you knitt a sweater for my imaginary duck. I want to take her out on the town. Maybe with hearts! LOL


Katharella profile image

Katharella 5 years ago from Lost in America

Well it looks like Adam got schooled that there's just so many choices, and it would depend on how they met, when and why they met! :) My glass is always full, because air is a thing, and just because it happens to be on the top isn't anything negative LOL this is a great thread! :) Fun and thoughtful. (And yeah I didn't plan on only 8, I was shooting for 10 hahaa..)


Truckstop Sally profile image

Truckstop Sally 5 years ago

Thinking a 4.23 second kiss is really not very long. C'mon . . . a good-looking guy like you and the gal you would date . . . with beer or wine . . . don't think about iguanas . . . at least 30 seconds . . . that's only half a minute.


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Good point, Barbergirl. The climate has to be appropriate for these sorts of dates. Don't want to be 200 feet in the air when it's below 30 degrees, which is what it is right now over here. You'll get the sniffles and then your nose will start running, not a great time to have that first kiss. I'm glad you experienced at least one hot air balloon ride, even if it wasn't spontaneous. Every girl deserves to be stuck in a basket and lifted towards heaven in a giant balloon. I hope you had champagne! ;) I'll start on that sweater for Betty. What color does she like?


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

I'm always ready to get schooled in the ways of women, Kathy. :) I'm a willing student. Teach me everything I need to know, and when I'm ready, I'll be able to snatch the cricket from your hand. But I'm not going to eat it. lol. Even though you've already taught me the proper way how. I've learned a lot from you. :) Do you think eating crickets would be appropriate for a first date? Get back to me on that. Maybe just a first date after 2012, huh?


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Sally, the 4.23 second kiss is only reserved for first kisses. After that, you can do it for however long you want. 30 seconds sounds more like making out. I try not to think about iguanas when I'm kissing someone, unless I want to fantasize that I'm kissing an iguana, which is weird. I don't know if you could get away with holding a kiss for 30 seconds without it getting awkward. And I don't know if I could go 30 seconds without a cigarette. lol. Sad. How long would be appropriate for kissing someone who tastes like an ashtray? Thank God for mouthwash.


attemptedhumour profile image

attemptedhumour 5 years ago from Australia

You're a nutter Adam, but a bloody funny one. My teachers never mentioned rambling incoherently as a good way of attracting attention. But what would they know? Brilliant and voted certifiable. PS Why am i the only one to add useful?


Katharella profile image

Katharella 5 years ago from Lost in America

I'm always the odd one out! I really don't see why anybody has to do all this stuff to impress the other. Once I was going out on a first date to a New Years Party. The guy asked what we should grab to eat, and I said "I'm good with beans and rice from Taco Smell if that's ok" He laughed and we had fast food. We went in to eat. I poured the beans onto one of their pizza plates, then the rice in the middle, and he had I think, burrito or something, when we were walking out, he goes "A buck .53, you're a cheap date" and we started cracking up! I said, well we haven't went to the mall yet. So anyway we had a few beers at the party, and sat out by a huge firepit and it was all fun. We talked and got to know more about each other, had drinks and were dressed casually since it was outside and it was a good date. Putting a time limit or all these "do / don't" rules I don't get, really. He opened my door for me, was a complete gentleman and made sure outside no embers landed on my hair (POOF)lol, so I dunno, I'm a earthy person and don't look for frills, although one guy I dated kept wanting to take me to this "super dress up" club, and 'eh it's just not me. I don't really want crickets unless I have to survive lol, but I guess to me, a first date is about getting to know each other and know if you even want date #2. To me kissing is over-rated and I had NO CLUE someone actually put a TIME on it LOL! If you can't be real with someone, what's the point anyway! A male friend of mine told me that's why I tend to attract men in real life, because I am -earthy! Whatever that means lol. Adam I think you should not stress on a first date! :P


barbergirl28 profile image

barbergirl28 5 years ago from Hemet, Ca

Hmmm... Betty says her favorite color is Red, but I think she is just trying to copy my favorite color. But that might make red hearts a little hard to see. She also said she likes purple.

As for the champagne... we all toasted after the hot air balloon ride. The hot air balloon operators said if they crashed people would frown down on them if they drank the champagne beforehand. Then they handed out those "in case you die" waivers. I could have used a beer!


Erik S. 5 years ago

Hey, I know those waiver forms. I usually hand those out to my first dates! I think I'll try Adam's advice next time though.


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Hey, Keith. I'm glad somebody found this useful. If I ever taught a class, it'd be on rambling incoherently. I doubt I'll ever be allowed to teach anyone, though, so maybe I'll just homeschool my kids, which would be a bad idea, since I don't know as much as I think I don't. I should have added "make sure to bring a first aid kit and heed your mother's words" at the end of this hub.


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Kathy, I think "earthy" means down to earth or something. I doubt he meant that you were bipolar and 70 percent water. It could have been a diss, but I doubt it. You seem special and I'd call you earthy, too. You should super dress up to Taco Bell. $1.53? That's reasonable. He didn't even have to leave a tip for the waitress. Nothing beats brewskeys around a fire pit. That'd be a good one for date #6. Did he walk on the coals to impress you? That would have been a good idea. I'm glad girls don't expect guys to walk on coals or on water, because most of us don't. But being with someone really special makes us want to. Guys just want to impress the ladies, what can I say. Sometimes it isn't as easy as opening a door or buying beans and rice, but it's nice when you can have that kind of date.


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Barbergirl, I'll get out my knitting needles and get started on that. ;) A red heart on a light purple background sound good? I did a sweater for Kenneth and he wanted pink. Not the color pink, but "pink" written on his sweater, instead of a heart. He's a little weird, but I humor him. He also wanted a Booty Pop, but I told him that was just stupid. I doubt they even make those for ducks. I'm doing his nails later tonight. I'm starting to wonder about Kenneth...


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Hi, Erik. I was going to say the exact same thing, jerk face. I had the comment all planned in reply to Barbergirl. "I make all my dates sign in case you die waivers! lolz." And then you went and ruined everything. But I'll give it to you, since it's actually true in your case. Ha-ha-ha.

Hey, remember way back, when I called you jerk face? I didn't mean that.


AngRose profile image

AngRose 5 years ago

Adam, Didn't we have a talk about that name calling stuff? It's not nice, don't do it again.

I've purchased the new tiles, paint, garage door, siding for the house, hammers nails and various other "sundries" needed for home repair, and rented the wallpaper steamer to get off the old paper. You and Erik need to hurry up and get busy on my house!

I have some girls in mind to set you both up with. Just a few questions first. Do you mind sharing? Do you care how smart she is? Does she have to be able to cook? I am sure I will have more.


barbergirl28 profile image

barbergirl28 5 years ago from Hemet, Ca

I just laughed out loud and your response comment... I got several weird looks as you can imagine! LOL It was well worth it. As for the sweater... that would do nicely. As for Kenneths sweater... maybe he just likes the artist Pink. Although if he continue to pester you about the Booty Pop send him to my article. Maybe that should convince him that it really isn't worth it. Unless of course you are wearing a tight black dress. If that is the case... you better paint his nails red! It looks hotter that way.

By the way... this article is just too funny... I am going to share it on Facebook with some of my friends. They probably won't read it but who knows! Hope you don't mind!


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Ang, I apologized so it makes it ok. :) And I'm not sure you and I had that talk. I think it was you and Erik. Stop getting us mixed up. lol. Everybody says we look alike, already.

Wait a sec, that sounds like a lot of work. Your house needs siding? So we have to build sides, too? What's keeping your ceiling up if your house doesn't have any sides? lol. I'm dumb. I hope you purchased a first aid kit, because we're going to need it.

As far as these girls go... I have to share a girl with Erik? That's great, because together we make the perfect man. Make sure she isn't too smart, or she won't go out with us. But definately make sure she can cook, because we can't. Also make sure she can wash dishes, because we seem to have forgotten how. That's all I can think of at this time.


Jaymeyaroch profile image

Jaymeyaroch 5 years ago from Somewhere between today and yesterday.

If all a girl had to do was be able to cook and do dishes, dating would be SO much easier.

I think I would be terribly excited if someone showed up at my door riding He-man's tiger, but I'd also be afraid the hero would come looking for it. Though that would be ballsy, jacking He-man's ride.


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Barbergirl, Kenneth only likes Lady Gaga right now. He wanted a sweater made out of meat, but I thought that'd be a little too much. Animals shouldn't wear other animals, I told him. He used to like Pink, and he's just now getting back to liking Britney, because he heard her new hit single "Hold it against me" or whatever and now he keeps singing it and it's driving me crazy. I'll make sure he reads your article so he'll stop pestering me for a Booty Pop. I thought it was just some kind of soda, but Kenneth set me straight. I think I need to set HIM straight, if you know what I mean. Red is the only color of nail polish I have. It's the best. ;)


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Jay, that would be ballsy. He-man would show up, beat up your date, and then you and He-man could go out. So it'd be a win-win situation, except for your date, who would definately need hospitalization.

Lol. Sorry, I'm just picturing all this in my head. I see He-man shouting by the power of Grayskull before he beats up your date. Why is it that I can't dye my hair blonde, just because I have black eyebrows, and He-man can have blonde hair with black eyebrows? I'd like someone to explain that. Maybe I'm just not man enough to pull it off.


Jaymeyaroch profile image

Jaymeyaroch 5 years ago from Somewhere between today and yesterday.

You could always dye your eyebrows blond too.

What's wrong with black hair? Why do all dark-haired guys want blond hair? Blonds are BORING.

And I'd kick He-man's ass for laying a finger on my date. I wouldn't go out with He-man, because She-ra, Princess of Power, would come after me for trollin' her man.


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

I mentioned that I could dye my eyebrows, too, but then someone pointed out I still have black eye lashes. Whatever... I guess I'll stick with black. Don't want to be boring. :) I also don't want to resort to dyeing all of my body hair just so nothing clashes. I forgot about She-ra. Maybe all of you could just go out on a double date or something.


Keith Worth profile image

Keith Worth 5 years ago

I tried most of these, though I got confused and substituted ferrets for iguanas for the fifth date. Long story short, she's kept the kittens from date one and things got a bit furry.

You didn't mention anything about a restraining order in your hub, are we not supposed to get one? Because I thought it was just her playing hard to get, you know, like changing the locks so it makes getting in more fun or saying "Stop calling me" when really she means "call me every second of every day".

I'm right....right?


Vcize profile image

Vcize 5 years ago from United States

I think you've got it nailed down Keith. If it's not working for you then she must just be the wrong girl.


AngRose profile image

AngRose 5 years ago

You're right, I did confuse you with Erik, it's him I yelled at for calling names. I'll try not to confuse you EVER again. :)

And did I ever SAY I had a roof?? I might have forgotten to mention I need some work done on that too. You know how when you were kids you used to put a sheet over your furniture and made a fort? (You and Erik probably still do this would be my guess.) That's sort of what it's like here. So you need to get a move on! I spent all day making phone calls and trying to find just the right woman for you guys. Makes it much easier now that I only have to find one. Unless you can't share...I get a bit of the "greedy" vibe from you...let me know.


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Keith, you're absolutely right. If a girl says something, it's usually a test. My favorite is when a guy says, Do you want me to? And she says, I want you to want to. What does that even mean? Does that mean that she wants to? And when she tells you not to get her anything for her birthday or whatever, don't take her seriously. Guys are constantly being tested and graded. And if she gets a restraining order, I think she just wants to see how dedicated you are in your relationship. What you have to worry about is when she says she needs some space, not when she gets a restraining order. It's all a test. You should have gone with iguanas, though. Ferrets look too much like rats and tend to spook some girls.


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Vcize, that's a great way to look at it. If it's not working out, she's not the one. I don't think that's a form of denial or anything. Guys are obviously perfect and just have to keep searching until they can find someone that levels out their perfection. Thanks for dropping by.


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Ang, it's scary how you know that we still do that fort thing. Did Erik tell you? I'm not embarrassed. We get out the flashlights and tell stories until we fall asleep. It's like an endless sleepover. The bachelor life is so awesome. It's also scary that you get a greedy vibe from me. Is Erik telling you all this? I am a little greedy, I guess. I prefer to use my own toothbush. My own bath water. I kind of would like my own girl, but I don't want to put any extra stress on you. I feel bad that you're living without a roof. We'll get over there as soon as we can so you won't have to do that, anymore. We'll put a roof over your head, don't you worry. I'm working out a little on my biceps so that I'll be able to lift a hammer. You might want to invest in a level or something, so that we don't build your walls crooked.


Katharella profile image

Katharella 5 years ago from Lost in America

lol my first good read with my new eye! No, I'm not a cyclops, I only had a cataract fixed this morning. Oh, Adam, yes you have to get your own girl. Picking out clothes and nail polish, well, it's just too much pressure. ;> And Cringer turning into Battle Cat, I bet He-Man & his twin, She-Ra could gather the gang and let you all stay in Eternia at Castle Grey Skull, and safe from Skeletor and the evils of Snake Mountain, which could have iguana's creeping about. Although it could make a non cooking dumb girl run, not a worry for a restraining order not a problem. But I wonder now (after all these years) if She-Ra had a Booty Pop in her costume. In either event, everyone would be safe, have a roof, a mean battle cat to ward off girls who can't cook and woah, just think, what girl wouldn't be impressed by all the super sonic men running around Grey Skull! I think you'll all be fine :)


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Kathy, you just made LOL and PMP (pee my pants). Great stuff. Sorry this was the first thing your new eye saw. I wouldn't want it to get scarred too early. I'd absolutely love to live in castle Greyskull and be roommates with He-man. Love the whole thing about She-Ra and Booty Pop. I think you might have something there. He-Man might have a little padding going on, as well. I wish I had my own Battle Cat. I have a chihuahua, but every time I shout "By the power of Greyskull" he doesn't trasnform or anything. Of course, he's evil and really dangerous just the way he is. He certainly doesn't let anyone in the house who can't cook and has strict guidelines for who I date. I call my apartment castle Greyskull, btw, but I'm not sure how well it'd withhold an attack by dragons. But I have renter's insurence for that. If a dragon burns down my castle, they've got me covered.


Keith Worth profile image

Keith Worth 5 years ago

No wonder the guy at the Petsmart here looked at me funny when I told him why I wanted the ferrets, good to know. He said they didn't carry ferrets in this state (Tn), but offered chinchillas.

I think he may have been making a Jay Leno joke, or maybe he was offering to buy me lunch.

If that's the case, any tips for avoiding dates?


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Keith- I think chinchilla is a cross between a rabbit and a rat. I got them mixed up with chimichanga once, and it was actually quite delicious. But as far as avoiding this date, I'd either recommend staying clear of that particular Petsmart or going back and telling him you're not interested. But going back for the sole purpose of speaking to him would suggest that you actually are interested, so go back and buy a chinchilla, maybe a little leash to put it on, but purchase something so that he knows you aren't there for him. Pay for it and get out, and make sure to have your money already in your hand, so you won't have to reach into your pants when he's standing there. Maybe if you'd told him you wanted the ferrets for eating purposes, it would have been a turn off to counter the turn on of your pleasing personality. I hope everything works out. (Great comment, btw.)


Randy Behavior profile image

Randy Behavior 5 years ago from Near the Ocean

Whatever happened to the simple old fashioned date? You know, like when the guy would pick you up in a limo, drive you to the water slides for quick adrenaline rush followed by dinner on a sailboat with fresh crab plucked from the ocean. If a girl isn't happy with a simple date such as this, you may want to rethink your selection.

p.s. what is it with you and cats!


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Randy Behavior, I think that's a very good date idea, possibly the best, but girls cringe when I make that suggestion. I don't know if they just don't like water, or if it's the thought of getting crabs on the date. I like crabs, but I can't find anyone else who shares that interest. A date without crabs is not a date worth having. I need to find a girl who actually likes crabs. Is it crabs or just crab? Is crab plural for crabs? Like moose, geese, and sheep? I can't remember.

If there's anything with me and cats, it's a baseball bat, because I don't like them. (Only kidding. I find some cats adorable. I had a cat named Frankie that was just plain awesome, but he died in a car wreck. :( I think he was drinking and driving.) I'm more of a dog person. :)


Randy Behavior profile image

Randy Behavior 5 years ago from Near the Ocean

Depends where you get your crab... from the sea the plural is still crab, from a prostitute it is crabs.


Katharella profile image

Katharella 5 years ago from Lost in America

Good to know Adam, cos dogs get flea's and cats tend to like sea-food. Um, if you date those kind of girls that get crabS then maybe you might want to just take her to the Zoo so the Monkey's can pick them off. I think I saw that on a National Geographic Monkey special. You could even put your lil' doggie in one of those purses to carry it around and enjoy the critters too. Just don't let it get too close to any animals that might think he's a warm snack, cos that wouldn't be good. Especially on a first date. Maybe you could bring Cringer, so if he takes a nip (since your cats tend to be drinkers) at your dates bummy then you'll know if she's wearing a booty pop or not.

Keith can avoid dates by eating a lot of garlic, and claiming he has a fear of Vampires, and carry a silver cane and randomly poke it into the air cos he has a fear of werewolves.

As a girl, it's much easier to avoid a date. We can say we have crabS and ask if they'd like some too.


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Crap. See, I was getting them mixed up. I like crab, not crabs. I need to change my interests on my Facebook page, drop the S and make it just crab. No wonder I don't have a plethora of friends on there. And the ones I do have are actually prostitutes. Thanks for sorting all that out for me.


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Kathy- I don't care if I go out with someone that's wearing a booty pop, because I wear one, too. Don't tell anyone I said that, though. They're actually quite comfortable. And I already carry my dog around in a purse. I started doing that after I saw Legally Blonde. Garlic is definately a good way to avoid dates. Crabs, too. Although, I do like garlic on my crabs. I mean crab. I'm still getting the two mixed up, but I'll catch on.


Katharella profile image

Katharella 5 years ago from Lost in America

::Whew:: Well, you should make sure the women know that you definitely admire Elle Woods taste in dog carriers, because that will score you a lot of points in the dog department, but if you date one of the prostitutes from your facebook I won't tell them about your booty pop, because they might want to borrow yours for their next.. date. (then you won't want it back) If you want to break up with one of them though, you might mention you like garlic on your crabs. Come to think of it, it might not be a good idea to date prostitutes from facebook. Not all women are classy like Elle, some are like Vivian or worse yet, Chutney. Maybe you should forget the crab and crabs and just practice your bend and snap.


barbergirl28 profile image

barbergirl28 5 years ago from Hemet, Ca

@WhatisQ - I didn't know that you also wore a booty pop... I find the extra cushioning very nice... especially if you are going to a sporting event. LOL

BTW - I think you should get an award for the hub that is getting more comments than the actual lenght of the hub. My phone keeps ringing off the hook! ;) I guess that just means I have to come back and read it more often ;)


speedbird profile image

speedbird 5 years ago from Nairobi, Kenya

Very nice hub on how to improve the game when dating. I have bookmarked your hub for future reference. Voted UP and rated AWESOME


Katharella profile image

Katharella 5 years ago from Lost in America

@BBG Your Booty Pop hub was brilliant! And sporting events lol you should be their spokes person! "and a conversational piece for dating".. the list goes on. lol My phone blings with this and other sites too lol. But at FB it at least gives some words so I know if I want to reply or not. ha.. Yes, he needs another accolade for comments longer than the hub, good thinkin' :)

Adam O there is your comment accolade lol :)


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Kathy, there is nothing wrong with my bend and snap. I'm really good at it and I carry a pencil in my pocket, just so I can drop it whenever I see someone cute. The banana in my pocket is strictly for monkeys, though, and I only take out my banana when I see one of them I think is cute. Besides the bend and snap, I've mastered the hair flip and I sometimes combine the two. You should see it.

Thanks for the comment accolade. An O. I like it. Or is it a 0? One is an O, the other is a zero. No matter. That's the best accolade I've ever gotten. :)


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Barbergirl, I told Kathy that in confidence. I didn't want everyone knowing I wear a booty pop, but I guess the cat's out of the bag, now. I've never worn it to a sporting event, but now that you mention it, most of those players on the football field look like they might be wearing a booty pop, as well. I'd like to be a fly on the wall in the locker room, see how much equipment they actually take off. They all might be skinnier than me, who knows with all that padding. I thought shoulder pads were just for women.


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Speedbird, you're going to make some girl out there a very lucky lady.


Katharella profile image

Katharella 5 years ago from Lost in America

Adam, the cats outta the bag on more than the Booty Pop! Now we also know about your chick flick addiction, because Elle's twin niece's are the ones with the hair flip! Ah HA! And I'm sorry if I made you feel as if I thought your bend and snap wasn't perfect. I need to work on mine, cos my snap is all over the place.

Yeah, I'd like to be a fly on the wall in the locker room myself. I think they allow that now days if you're a journalist. And I did take journalism and plan on more classes as well. It could happen. I'll get pictures, please send me mail in prison. Oh, and no, I don't think the shoulder pads are just for women, but at least we don't have to carry banana's in our pockets, cos some nice gentleman might offer his!

No, your "comment accolade" is a O! Don't be silly, 0 is a number, and it's never counted! Unless it's on a check or a bill. Although checks can be bills. Like at a restaurant. Oh and guess what, barbergirl has a really cute nickname, and 3 eyes! You should check out her latest hub! :)


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Kathy- I've been lucky so far not to bend and snap and hit someone's face with my head when I come back up. Or injure their eyes with the soft tendrils of my hair. I'll send you mail in prison as long as you send me those pictures. But it's best that you go to prison and not me, since there'd be plenty of nice gentlemen there who'd get too forceful with their banana offerings. I don't know why they make bars of soap so slippery. It makes it hard to hold on to. That's an instance where my bend and snap would attract the wrong kind of attention. And I did check out Barbergirl's latest hub and left a comment, but thanks for the notification. I'm kind of jealous that she has more eyes than me. And a cuter nickname. :(


Katharella profile image

Katharella 5 years ago from Lost in America

Oh, the pictures are why I'll be in prison, so you'll have them. But I'm sure they won't make me go to a male prison! :( Maybe I should make a hub about how to survive in prison. I mean, with all the nice gentlemen. If you go, say, for any reason, I'll send you sandpaper to hold onto your soap. Or don't shower, then they won't like you. It would work out to your advantage. Yes, if you don't do the bend and snap there without a shiv on your elbow.

I'm kinda jealous of the extra eye too, I commented after you. Maybe nicknames are overrated, mine is pretty plain.


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Don't shower? I can't go a day without my relaxing bath and all my moisturizers and my various face scrubs and two cucumber slices for my eyes. I wonder if they have soap on a rope. That seems like it'd be a good idea, to attach it to your wrist so you won't drop it. No nice gentleman had better offer me a banana, though. I'll bend and snap it off. I'm very territorial when it comes to my body.


Katharella profile image

Katharella 5 years ago from Lost in America

Yes obviously, like I said, better tape a shiv to each elbow, I mean one whiff of those relaxing baths and nice smelling moisturizers, you might need to de-banana some inmates. I better get to work on this how to survive in prison hub. You're just full of thought provoking information on the subject. Um huh.. yep! :P


barbergirl28 profile image

barbergirl28 5 years ago from Hemet, Ca

LOL - that is all I really got on that one... although I would definately say avoid the soap and just go for a jar of body wash. I would think they would let you have that... after all, a body of body wash shouldn't be interperated as a weapon or anything... however soap on a rope might be... lol Although, I don't think you have anything to worry about, cause Kathy is the one going after the pictures. I want to be a fly on the wall just seeing all of this go down.

@Kathy - technically your nickname is Katherella... at least in the hubworld! I like that name. Although maybe that isn't really a nickname... it is our Superhero names :-D


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Kathy- Make sure to include instructions for a shiv in your hub. I need to know these things. Maybe I can bribe the guards into protecting me. But what if they'd want the exact same thing the inmates want? Gee. I'd be stuck between a rock and a hard place. Someone else's hard place at that. Cigarettes are a currecny in prison, so I guess I'd just have to do what I have to do to make some money, huh. But I'm definately not taping up those pictures from the locker room on my cell wall. I'll keep those under the mattress. Along with my cigarettes, shiv, and dignity.


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Barbergirl- Soap on a rope sounds like a bad way to die. But they probably don't allow ropes in prison, so I'd hope to find at least some Axe bodywash. I don't know why I'd want to smell good for the inmates, anyway, so maybe giving up showers was the best idea. And I'm super jealous of yours and Kathy's superhero names. It's times like these that I start to wonder why I picked the one I did. It just doesn't strike fear in the hearts of criminals.


Katharella profile image

Katharella 5 years ago from Lost in America

HAHA!!! HAAhehehe... too much! I needed the 1am laugh. Oh.. soap whether it be bar or liquid is a weapon. It helps you win in fights if it's in the other's eyes. and thanks Barbergirl, on the Superhero name, cos it's actually magical. See, if I don't want someone to find me I can just a capitol I (with a different font obviously) rather than and L. 1 l (wow a one and l look kinda the same in this font.. humm food for thought) And the various arella or erella's. In fact they're in a few places. lol! I've used them for years. hahaaa!

Adam.. Oh my, you better be a good boy and never go to prison or you will certainly want to be between two rocks. Cigarettes are no longer currency, it's contraband and gets you on LOP. NEVER keep your shiv anywhere around your mattress. I'll put that in the hub. I'll make sure the media gets the pictures anyway so I'll take the fall, but definitely send you copies but not if you go to prison. See, now that I have a Superhero name like Barbergirl I'll be able to survive much better. Besides ::spoken in my best Mae West voice:: I will swagger like I own the joint ya see!


barbergirl28 profile image

barbergirl28 5 years ago from Hemet, Ca

I like Axe bodywash... however, I REALLY love the original body wash from American Crew. I swear it has those pheremones in it or something (And I don't know if I spelled that right and I am not going to check either - I am such a rebel!) I got it for my husband and he worked with a bunch of girls... he said they kept walking by and sniffing him all day long! Ha ha - maybe I shouldn't have gotten him that after all!

As for the superhero name - you have a good one... it is almost like the Riddler on Batman... oh wait... that is a villian... how about the Green Hornet guy. Man - I can't think of all my superheros. I must refresh my superhero knowledge and get back to you on what superhero your name is like. ;) Or maybe --- you can just refer to yourself as Q - that is your superhero name! LOL


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Kathy- Cigarettes are contraband? Prison is sounding worse and worse. Never mind the sausage fest and all this talk about losing the backdoor virginity. Can't go through all that without a ciggy. They calm me down. Everyone would stay cleer of me, because I can get a little cranky with a cig. Might start throwing punches for no particular reason. I just need something between my lips. And I'm still talking about cigs. No cigarettes in prison, what an idea. What's the world coming to? I'm genuinely upset about this.


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Barbergirl- I think I'll check out that American Crew bodywash. Sounds like it's a hit.

Q is a good superhero name, maybe. My emblem could be a Q. I could wear it on my chest, and if people ask what it stands for, I'll just say it stands for Q. Maybe I can think of a Q word. Quailman. Nah, that's dumb. The Q stands for justice. That's what I'll tell people.

Kathy- btw, the name of your hub could be Your First 5 Dates, Prison Edition. Ha-ha.


Katharella profile image

Katharella 5 years ago from Lost in America

LOL I already started it.. I'll have to finish tomorrow, getting sleepy. But yeah, they cut them out a few years ago. No cig's in prison! Yes, the world is getting bad! I hear they do sell candy, you could.. put between your lips. lol Do not throw random punches. A random punch got me a 2 night stay. I didn't know it was a policeman. I really didn't! LOL... So I pretend I pride myself of "Oh I have an A&B on a cop man" attitude so people think I'm cool n' tough!" LOL!!! (oh yeah and DO NOT CRY lol)


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Kathy- Assault on a police officer. OMG. That's totally badass. I'd definately want to show up at prison with that on my record, or something that'd completely terrify everyone in the joint. And I wouldn't cry. I'd take it like a man.


Katharella profile image

Katharella 5 years ago from Lost in America

lol.. assault & battery. lol.. It's funny cos I said I'd have everything expunged from my record except that, I don't want that off. Cos, well like you said it makes me badass LOL! But Detroit.. it's just evil. I like it here on the coast. Where it's nice and I'm in the country but by Atlantic Beach. And people are generally nice.


crystolite profile image

crystolite 5 years ago from Houston TX

this is great. good to know this


LetItBeKnown profile image

LetItBeKnown 5 years ago from Small and Sheltered, VT

This was pretty funny...4 out of 4 stars ;~)


Katharella profile image

Katharella 5 years ago from Lost in America

LetitBeKnown, you prompted me to go back and read some of this, and I didn't realize I'd not answered one of Adam's questions.

No, my date didn't walk on hot coals for me. Although, he did in time develop a horrendous crush and got WAY too over protective and possessive of me. So I wished I had of pushed him into the fire, (kidding-kinda) but it got so bad he would call at 3am to see if I was home. I ended up disconnecting the phone, and moving out of the state, and then I heard from someone that he died a few years back. So he's no longer a threat to my sanity. Maybe he made me bipolar or something I'm not sure. But in either event, I don't have to worry about him finding me, and if he does I'll admit myself to the nearest asylum. lol. I'll mumble in my padded cell "Detroit made me crazy, Detroit made me crazy." "Give the Monkey a shiv" "No, give the date of the Monkey a shiv" "Friends don't let friends shiv" Ok I give, I saw that on My Name is Earl when he did time for Joy. It was a sign on the wall. Randy was funny. I wondered if Randy Behavior's name related to that,or if she licks everything like he does. I doubt it and hope she has a good since of humor. I miss that show.


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Kathy- Yeah, the A&B is a definite keeper. You've inspired me to go and beat up a cop. Nah, just kidding. I don't want to beat a cop. I actually want to be a memeber of law enforcement (if you can't beat them, join them). But I'd want to be FBI or CIA or an assassin for hire. Something like that. F+B+I is 6+2+9 which = 17, which is a good enough reason for me to join. ;) For a sec, I thought this date of yours was going to turn out to be your stalker, that would have been a twist, but I guess that's not the case now that he's dead. And may he rest in peace and not continue his infatuation with you now that he's a ghost. I never watch My Name Is Earl. Sorry. :) The only thing I watch on TV is He-Man and the Masters of the Universe whenever it comes on.

Is Atlantic Beach near Jax Beach? That's where my picture was taken...


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Crystolite- I hope my suggestions gave you some ideas. You might want to forget the whole iguana thing, since I just recently found out that girls don't like iguanas. Just try kittens, instead. They're cute and capable of wearing sweaters, and girls don't hesitate to chase them.


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

LetItBeKnown- Thanks for the rating. I would have been happy with 1 out of 4 stars, but I'll take what I can get. And I haven't even gotten a star since I was in kindergarten, so this is a pretty big deal for me. :)


Katharella profile image

Katharella 5 years ago from Lost in America

Ooooh.. and FBI (yeah definitely 17) so you could be a FBI hired assassin! Just make sure you have that big Q on the front of your padded shirt.

I don't know where Jax Beach is. Atlantic Beach is at the bottom area of the Outer Banks on NC's East Coast. I looked at google earth but didn't see Jax.

If you get time look up Kittens in Bowls on youtube. It's a Japanese game show, any girl would fall for it, it was the cutest thing. I guess unless you get youtube on your cell phone it might not do much good if you meet a girl in public, you could upgrade to iPhone 4, it has everything. I love mine! So much I'm going to go snuggle with it right now. (although it'll be off) Aw, and here's another star, so you don't feel bad since not getting any since Kindergarten. * :)


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Kathy- Jax Beach (or known to most as Jacksonville Beach) is in Florida. I don't know how close it is to Atlantic, but I thought it was pretty close. Maybe I'm thinking about something else. I usually am thinking about something else whenever I say something. Right now I'm thinking about the chocolate shake I just had from McDonalds and the big debate with a friend I had before on whether Wendy's or Arby's had better shakes than McDonalds. I think Arby's has better shakes, but that's just me.

Kittens in bowls? I've got time. lol. Thanks for the extra star. Now I have five. I'm going to stick them all under my mattress.


Katharella profile image

Katharella 5 years ago from Lost in America

OH I forgot to mention I'm working on my "survival guide to prison" just in case any one of this wonderfully colorful circle of posters ever have to deal with the perils of dun-da-dunn-dunnnn PRISON! ::;SHIVER::: (As opposed to shiving) heh. :)


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Kathy- Can't wait to read it. I'm not sure who's more likely to wind up in prison from the people I've met on here, but I have some ideas. I'd probably just plead insanity and get sent to a mental institute. I'd hide a shiv in my straight jacket. (People who shiv are called shivers. I think.) But I'm glad you're working on your survival guide.


Jasmine JellyBaby 5 years ago

I would definitely shoot his ass if he came banging on my door at 4am in the morning!!!

I very much doubt any bloke who follows these tips will actually get a second date!!

But good hub, needed the laugh!


Katharella profile image

Katharella 5 years ago from Lost in America

lol oh yeah, well I know I'm not going so it won't be me! I think I could be a jailaphobic so I couldn't handle it. If you go, I'll write.. either place. Oh, btw, just a lil' fyi, they don't use straight jackets anymore, cos they provoke more anxiety to the nutcase, or so I heard. Well, thanks for the Shivering info, cos it makes me shiver.. or shivers. Yes, the survival guide is on it's way, but I'm working on more than one, so it'll be a few days. Besides, I have a bunch of stuff to get organized now that I have my eyesight back! YaY! Although I'm having a hard time staying off of that fb game city of wonder LOL.. especially now that I can see it! There's just not enough time in a day. (Plus that sleeping thing kinda gets in the way) :P


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Jasmine- I understand, but sometimes you have to take risks in your relationships. And hey, I thought this was sound advice. :P I guess it wouldn't work on everyone. I hope I don't get anyone shot.

Guys- Don't knock on Jasmine's door at 4 in the morning. Ok?


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Kathy- First they take the cigarettes out of prison and now they take the straight jackets out of the asylum?! What the hell. And I was practicing how to dislocate my shoulders so I could be able to escape one of those straight jackets. What a waste of time. How do you know these things? lol. You're a gem.

Get off FB and get that hub done. :P And forget sleeping. It's overrated.


dallaswriter profile image

dallaswriter 5 years ago from North Carolina

Loved this article and all these comments. Sounds like you have quite a following. I am sure you are making some girl happy :)


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Thanks, Dallas. There's a lot of good information to found in all these comments. The hub itself isn't that great, but the comments are. I'm actually single (that might shock you or it might not come as a surprise, seeing what my ideas on dates are). I make a lot of girls happy just staying where I am. :)


Katharella profile image

Katharella 5 years ago from Lost in America

lol Well I know these things because I've known crazy incarcerated people! I'm pretty sure they are not the voices in my head. (although I love my tshirt that says they are) :P

Now you should know, WHILE I totally agree sleeping is overrated, I have in the past 6 months, had a tata biopsy/lumpectomy (benign):) a wisdom tooth sawed out of my top jaw, and cataract surgery, in which was just last Friday, so I'm almost out of drops and almost done with healing! So, I did take photographs for those not just for hubs but other sites I actually make money on. lol.

While people read stories, I need the escape of a game at times or I will need a straight jacket, possibly start smoking (not really yuk, cigs anyway) -I tend to watch documentaries (besides my chick flick and horror/psychological thrillers fixations) I actually saw Steven Tyler's vocal chord surgery last night! lol. Very interesting "I saw Steven Tyler's vocal chords/voicebox na na" LOL so who can really say that!!? :D

Now you must know that saying dislocating shoulders makes me cringe! Horribly. I have "double shoulder impingement's and arthritis in my spine. So I have quite a lot of painful days. I spend more than average time at Dr. visits. Getting groceries is painful. Imagine shopping for fun. ugh... my bday was the 1st, and I just got around to getting my gifts from Belks & JCPenny last night! I have all my photographs and my hubs in draft mode waiting! Oh, also set up a video blog at my blogger site last night (why am I explaining my life here...?) lol.. Ok ok ok.. I'm working on getting my hubs done! I am, really. but other sites ad to my adsense! I am buying my own house, so I have to do all the yard/house work and now spring is here and oh, my dog had her toe amputated the day before my eye surgery. The bottom number on my blood pressure was 153. lol It took enough drugs to put a horse down to get it to at least 100, and my pulse down to 98. (normal is about 72-ish.) I'm probably going to sleep as soon as I finish this post. My eyeballs are tired! oh and my friend grandpa died last night so I have to make her card and get it in the mail tomorrow. Luckily I have already taken the photograph and have an Angel holding the sunlight, I must admit it's a pretty cool sympathy card, but will mean a lot to her because I made it. She needs love right now more than I need sleeeeeepppzpzzzz.

@dallaswriter: While I'm sure you're right, she'll have to be able to put up with his questioning, and never being sure if it's a question or statement or an out loud thought. Oh, and not sleeping. Like little doggies, and chain smoke. As well as subjects that flow from one topic to the next with ease. Even though Adam (Q) and Stacy and I are Superhero's we still appear very human. What are you holding? And is that photo taken through a screen?


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Kathy- I am dislocating my shoulder right now, just to make you cringe. Is it working? Ha. My boss showed me something today that made me cringe. He rubbed a patch of his skin off his palm working a chisel or something, and he kept showing it to me, because he knew it disgusted me. He'd trick me, tell me something off the wall, and when I'd look over, he'd have that yucky palm in my face. I might have nightmares tonight. I can't stand to see skin missing or someone cutting themselves. It makes me squirm. Which is odd, because I can watch a movie with decapitations and not even flinch. Hey, my shoulder just popped. I'm dislocating it again. I just did a 360 with my arm, how cool is that?

Sorry to hear about all your troubles. :( If it makes you feel any better, I had Subway today and it was delicious. I know it made me feel better, because I was starving. Hey, feel free to look me up on FB. I don't get on there much, though. You know my name, just look for a picture beside it of 4 people hugging. One of those people is me, the other 3 aren't. :)


Katharella profile image

Katharella 5 years ago from Lost in America

lol! I believe I am too tired right now to cringe. I have to pull both my shoulders with isometric to make them pop back into place or they don't like me. So they won't move. Funny you mention your scraped friend, my friend Kelly is rather... well, she's young, and always swimming the English channel or oh no, that wasn't her.. she was um, doing the Detroit run I don't know how many miles, and runs for charities etc. but she's got an all girl band too and sent me a pic "just for me".. where she'd played the drums so long and hard, her palm blistered! I'm like Thanks Kelly, watch me slit my wrist. lol! j/k. I guess this will make you cringe.

Good to know ya like gore flicks, I'm in a classics horror group, and stranger yet, I feel ill at the site of my own blood (Sometimes lol) but I think caring for dad desensitized me to it. People are using it to paint with, seriously. So I just thumb printed mine. I have to go to sleep or I'll sleep all day tomorrow and my lawn is starting to.. get scary.

Oh how mean to talk about that sandwich too you are so mean! I forgot to eat today. I think.. no I had some of those little fish things, but my doggie ate most of them. Sub-Way was invented by heart doctors, so you had a healthy meal. Goody! :) Ok, I'll send an invite tomorrow when I'm more coherent. That way I'll be sure to send the invite to the right person hugging. And not all of you's. (you's heh) Nitz


Erik S. 5 years ago

Adam, you liar! I'm the only girl you make happy where you are. Lol

We're the gayest pair of bros ever.


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Kathy- Thanks for making me cringe again. I'm actually quite comfortable around blood, be it mine or someone else's. And I cut meat for a living, so I see more blood in one day than most will see in their entire life. It's not human blood, I don't think, but still blood. And I can't stand to hear someone say anything about cutting themselves. That makes me cringe.

Did you know there's more Subways in the world than McDonalds? Yay. Look forward to getting your invite. :)


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Erika- You complete me. And had me at hello. Thanks, buddy.


Jeannieinabottle profile image

Jeannieinabottle 5 years ago from Baltimore, MD

These are really great suggestions. If a dude showed up at my door riding a unicorn, I would have to marry him. Of course, that would be a challenge considering I live in a high rise apartment building and he would have to get the unicorn past security and into an elevator. Maybe he should just tell me to meet him at 7-11 or something. The unicorn would probably enjoy a Slurpee anyway.


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Jeannie- Love the comment and the picture in my head of a unicorn drinking a Slurpee. Thanks for that. Hey, my parents met at a 7-11. There weren't any unicorns involved to my knowledge, but a unicorn certainly can't hurt a guy's chances. Maybe if the guy had a pegasus, he could just fly up to your window. That'd be awesome.


Katharella profile image

Katharella 5 years ago from Lost in America

OH Gosh I was just going to tell you more wrist slitting things and make you cringe then I saw Jeannieinabottle and thought "omg she's going to suffocate ::gasp gasp::" that makes me cringe, and you stole my idea! I was going to suggest that she get a Pegasus to fly the Unicorn up to her apartment. A Jeanieinabottle is a great combo for 3 Superhero's, just think she could give us more powers! AND a Unicorn AND a Pegasus! Endless possibilities!

OH.. the invite.. I've had a long day, and had to write a hub ok! Finally! You can exhale now. ;P I'll go find you and I'll warn my other gay friends.

Wait.. back to this blood n' guts thing. Ok, so you work at the slaughter house. Um, ew. Maybe you could piece together something new. We could hook it up to one of those things like Frankenstein's monster and maybe get it to work. Make a Unicorn or Pegasus, those are my best bets, although i'm sure chicken wings would be the wrong size.

That is cool your parents really met at a 7-11! :) Mine met on a blind date. And liked each others dates, so switched, then ended up with me. Lucky them huh lol.


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Kathy- You're too cute. I don't cut up horses where I work, just cows and little piggies. But now you've given me a great idea. I'm going to take some pieces home with me and put together a flying creature, make my own pegasus. I might have to resort to giving it machine wings. My pegasus is going to look badass. But the ladies might be hesitant to climb aboard such a thing. :( Wish I could get a real pegasus. (I named my car Pegasus, actually. Thought about getting a vanity plate, but haven't gotten around to that.) Funny how little chance encounters in life led to our own personal existences. Thank heaven for 7-11 and blind dates, huh. :)


Katharella profile image

Katharella 5 years ago from Lost in America

Aw, tanks! Well, I don't know if you knew this or even thought about this, but piggies :( they're way smarter than cowies! See, pigs have deductive reasoning, which means they could possibly know that when they're being herded onto a truck, things are not good. They sense danger at the slaughter house, and have fear. Much as if a dog would. Cow's don't have that, nor fear of why they're being herded to a truck or place. If you take a look at my Mimosa hub (yes I finally got one up) then you'll see under my chicken there is one package of bacon, and since I learned that about Pigs, I can't bring myself to cook it. (Although my doggie loves bacon, and it is easy to cut when frozen into little bacon bits, rather than the fake ones) to top that versatile potato with cheese & bacon topping.

Anyway I think making a mechanical Pegasus would be really cool, and girls would love that, because you could make their wings an array of colors. And even put one of those headbands on it with one of those golden twisty Christmas tree toppers so it'd be a Uni-sus or Pega-corn! Um, two animals in one. Make sure you buy fake hair for a long tail and mane, because a cow or pig tail wouldn't look right on a horse creature. And the PETA people won't throw paint on you. You really need to see The Wizard of Oz so you can get idea's on the Horse of a different color. (that happens in the city of Oz.)

Oh and btw, I couldn't find you on fb! But I'll stalk again in a bit because I am still working on that other hub.

P.S. I like how you worded that last sentence, it's just like what Rosco Lee Brown says to Jane (Anna Faris) in the movie Smiley Face. She's stuck on a Farris Wheel ride in Venice California (and there's a piggy part in there that's pretty funny, and she goes off on them, "Have you ever, did you even" type rant, but totally makes sense to her) but it said the same thing about life encounters led to our parents meeting at a special place and time that made us - almost word verbatim, makes me think you might of already seen Smiley Face.

P.S.P.S. Vanity plate? Would it be Q 17 or "BadassPegasus"? I just have a vanity, the kind a girl sets at to put make up on. Although it doesn't look much like one cos it's always cluttered with my make up stuff and I don't let anyone touch it. I think girls with organized make up and accessories are weird. :P


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Kathy- If pigs had deductive reasoning, you'd think they wouldn't eat their own crap. Pigs eat anything. They probably eat bacon. I think pigs are dumb, but I've seen pictures of pigs dressed up in pink dresses, and that's kind of cute. After the picture was taken, the pig ate its dress, I think. I did see the movie Smiley Face, but like I did with The Man With Two Brains, I don't remember a single thing about it. But maybe that quote was in the back of my head and it just snuck out disguised as an original thought. My vanity plate on my car would be PEGASUS, since I think you can only have 7 letters. And I'm not going to bedazzle or accessorize my mechanical pegasus. That's not badass. Not really. And I organize my make up and accessories... are you saying I'm weird?


funmontrealgirl profile image

funmontrealgirl 5 years ago from Montreal

Can't laugh hard enough with this hub.


cheerfulnuts profile image

cheerfulnuts 5 years ago from Manila, Philippines

you're funny! :)


Katharella profile image

Katharella 5 years ago from Lost in America

Well, my doggie has deductive reasoning and she grabs nuggets out of the cat litter box... that was before they went byebye off to kitty heaven.

Arnold the pig from Green Acres is one proof of deductive reasoning. Have you ever.. do you even.. :P

Oh, sorry about suggesting you have your Pegasus dazzling colors, I just know girls like colorful things, unless they're just not into color. Hey I was just trying to make the horse of a different color more appealing to a girl, not for you, you have to wear your superhero costume!!! Sheesh silly! I said that because when one gets their eyesight back they tend to value color again. It was only a suggestion! :P Don't be a boogar! And that WOULD be badass! Ok, "I" think it would be. All the knights in shining armor in stories I loved had plain ol' white horses! BLAH! :P

AND I said "girls" who organize their make up are weird. (except for the brushes, they have to be separate, they cost too much to have the brush part bent and not dried properly. Guys can have organized make up all they want, but I bet they care for their brushes they cost far too much to let them have harm! I even made a blog about freaking out when I couldn't find my beloved brushes. (I'd gotten a new set at Christmas with glitter handles) Of course they didn't match my blue and clear brushes, but even at their cost, they must ALL have proper washings and storage. I'm sure you know! Well, FYI I really figured you'd have your accessories in an order, guys who wear make up are like that, but I wouldn't suggest it when wearing your superhero costume and flying on the Pegasus, because when you swoop up the girl of your dreams, and you both realize it's real love, you both might cry with happiness, then a girl might know if you use good make up or cheap drug store make up. :P


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

funmontrealgirl- Sorry I wasn't able to make you laugh hard enough. I'll try harder next time.


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

cheerfulnuts- Thanks for making your name cheerfulnuts. I like typing that out.


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Kathy- What's Green Acres? Sounds like a retirement home. Is a retirement home for pigs?

I agree. A plain white horse is totally old news. Modern knights bedazzle theirs. Maybe because women are like, ooh, does it come in pink??? So the knight makes his horse pink. And all the other knights laugh at him because his horse is pink and he has stickers on his shield. So that knights slays those other knights with his sword that's dipped in glitter. And then he rides off into sunset and goes shopping for shoes. (I have no idea what all that means.)

I'd be sure to wear a mascara that doesn't run if I were to swoop down and take a lucky lady on a date on my steed. She'd be impressed with how tight my superhero costume is, even if she is freaked out by the mechanical pegasus. Which would run on Red Bull, btw. That's what gives my creation wings.

I think I get the award for dumbest comment ever.


Katharella profile image

Katharella 5 years ago from Lost in America

SHOES? All I got out of that was shoes. I just got new shoes. Actually strappy sandals, they're kinda like shoes only "sexy sandals" and are black.

No, I don't think the horse should be pink, but maybe when your horse of a different color lands to pick up the girl of your dreams, you could say "Hey, how about some new shoes and a hot pink frilly dress?" Then I bet she'd hop right on the horse not giving it a second thought to anything, (even runny mascara, which can be found in drug stores, but is hard to remove and is flaky, I don't wear mascara myself, a good eyeliner does the trick for me, not that I'm tricking anyone, it's just the illusion cos of my fair complexion) shoes and clothes tend to blind a girl.. sometimes.

OH I have a red bull. It's a beanie baby red bull. But red none the less.

O *an o not zero* here is your second accolade for your dumbest comments ever!

Oh, and as a avid chick flick viewer *hehe* you might want to check out "Confessions of a Shopaholic" Super funny and it has MAGIC cards, where you don't even need money to shop! Girls LOVE magic cards!


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Kathy- I could say, "Hey, how about some new shoes and a hot pink frilly dress?" but she's not going on a date with me just so I can buy myself those things. That's something I'd do on my own free time. Unless she wanted to get shoes and a dress, too, then that'd be cool, if we had the same interests and all. I saw the Shopaholic movie. They based it on my life.

Thanks for the new accolade! It looks exactly like the other one I got. But once I rewrite my profile, I'm going to show everyone my O accolades and they'll be jealous.


Katharella profile image

Katharella 5 years ago from Lost in America

Oh, I meant, since she's NOT expecting you to show up, you offer to take HER to get new shoes and a hot pink dress! Lots of girls would forget about the Pegasus, color or there lack of if you whisk her off to the store! (Don't tell the other girls I'm giving you girl secrets)

I think we're having our first online argument. They based the Shopaholic movie ON MY life! I can prove it! I went with a friend to get my new strappy sandals, cos that's the latest. As I put last years sandals in the box, and scurried over to the Jewelry counter, I noticed a little girl, much like the one in the movie watch my feet as I walked past her.. I could have been stark naked and she was watching my shoes! So, yeah, when I got to my friend who was already waiting at the checkout counter (clothing section) I said, "omgosh, that cute little girl was watching my shoes just like in the Shopaholic movie!! She didn't take her eyes off them! Then I the cashier lady says, oooh, those are cute, as I handed her the necklace and top I was getting. LUCKILY my limit is pretty high on that card so I didn't have to pull out bunches to pay for the items, because that particular store (JCPenny) sent me two $15.00 gift cards for March for my birthday. So my card is very magical! Now it's different at Belk's cos, then I have to do that 'many cards' thing to get my stuff. I only was able to get the small size of moisture surge, from Clinique because my card is starting not to be so magical and I couldn't get the big size. But the shoes cheered me up and I was happy again.

You're welcome for the extra accolades, but I didn't think we could put special characters in here. Sorry.


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Kathy- YOU'RE a special character. I like talking shop. I don't own many shoes, but I do like shoes. I think I own 3 pairs. I'm sure you own more, but who's counting. I have boots, work boots, and Converse, just 3 pairs of shoes to match the 3 things that guys do. Work, hard work, and casual. Oh, and I have high heels stored away, just in case I want to get a little frisky. I'm not even sure what frisky means. Isn't that a brand of cat food? I think I'm about to win another award for dumbest comment, so I'll stop there.

I'll let you have the Shopaholic thing, since I don't even own a credit card.


Katharella profile image

Katharella 5 years ago from Lost in America

Well, don't get me completely wrong. I also have steel toed work boots, and "girl" boots. In fact, that last guy I was with he said that was the thing he liked about me, is that I didn't dress to impress anybody, I was just me. I think I actually answered that in the questions category. "why women like shoes" nobody got it! I think you got your heels from trading on date #3 then running off with her heels! lol. Yes, lil' frisky's come in some shapes huh. Oh no, does this mean you're fishing for another O accolade? How about this, since we're coming to a medium here, then I get the Shopaholic thing (cos I "so like totally am")lol and use one to pay another to get to my goal like the shopaholic lol, then you can get a small accolade for the dumbest comment? Deal? -o lol


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Kathy- Continue to be just you. I used to dress to impress, but now I just wear jeans and a t-shirt everywhere, and my boots. And now I stare into my closet and look at my $90 shirts and shake my head in disappointment. Yes, each one cost $90 and I have 5 of them. They're by Roar, I don't know if you're familiar with them or not. And I never wear them. I wish I could transform them into cigarettes. Or into gasoline. What a waste of money. But luckily my high heels didn't cost me anything, since I stole them from one of my dates, like you so accurately guessed. I'll take that small o and present you with a U accolade for just being yourself.


Katharella profile image

Katharella 5 years ago from Lost in America

Adam, have you learned nothing from chick flicks? Remember when she has to sell off her stuff to get her bills paid? I have a few very expensive things, but look, I got a very cool "gothic" type top and slacks to match for UNDER $10. at belks. Because I got them off the clearance rack. Had they been full price, I wouldn't of bought them at all. 2 other ladies seen it and rushed off to look for another, but I'd gotten the last one! (only make up full price unless you have a coupon, you know) Put those shirts up on an auction site and get some of your money back! Even if it's not a lot, it'll be good money! I'm totally a jeans & tshirt person, and the shirt I got that day was regular $40. and I got it for $5.00! I had the poor sales girl wanting to go shopping! When she saw all I had got, and what little I paid, I told her GET A CARD, ONLY USE IT WITH THE COUPONS, she said they wouldn't approve her! I don't know why they approved me other than they started me out low and it went from $300, to $2,600.! But I pay them on time, and buy at least one thing a month so it keeps my credit in good standing. btw, I HATE when I see men over dressed, it says nothing but "I'm snooty" to me, to some girls it says "If you don't have on the best, you're not worthy" so it's always best to be yourself. :)

Thanks for the U accolade!

btw, I wrote a hub just for you, so I hope you learn from it, and it will save you a LOT of grief. At your age, I hate to see you waste your youth on someone who won't appreciate you for you! I understand it's lonely without someone 100% by your side, been there, done that you know! Think of what all it did for Elle Woods when she realized all she'd gone through to find the right guy for her :) ok! I'm going to publish it in a minute.


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Kathy- Why do you think I'm selling my organs? To make up what I lost on those shirts. I can't just sell the shirts, I like looking at them, even if I don't like wearing them, anymore. I'm hopping over to check our your hub...


Katharella profile image

Katharella 5 years ago from Lost in America

LOL ok, this totally explains why you understand the chick flicks! It's kinda the same reason I have a purse for everything. I'll never use most of them.. but part with them omg.. :::gasp::: never!! LOL!

No I thought you were selling your organs to help us with broken parts.. cos you're generous like that.. right? ;)


barbergirl28 profile image

barbergirl28 5 years ago from Hemet, Ca

Flying pigs, pigs eating bacon... pigs in tutus, pegasus, cheerfulnuts... bedazzled, high heel shoes... wow - I really missed alot.

It however did intrigue me to think of some great random pictures that are now floating in my head right before I head off to bed... Pegasus selling your organs so you can keep your $90 shirts! Ha ha!


Katharella profile image

Katharella 5 years ago from Lost in America

lol, have a really crazy dream and write a hub about it. ;)


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Kathy- OMG, you just reminded me of a purse I saw somewhere and I really wanted it, but it had the name Kathy written on the front. I'm not making this up. It was like the coolest purse I'd ever seen. Made me wish my name was Kathy. Yeah, I'm getting rid of my organs to help people who need them. And my large intestine has your name on it. Not literally, not like that purse, but you understand. Gosh, that purse was awesome. You should get it and carry around my large intestine in it.


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Barbergirl- You did miss a lot. It's like sneaking off to the bathroom in the middle of the movie and you come back and everyone's dead. Everyone in the movie, not everyone in the theater. But now you're caught up. ;)


Katharella profile image

Katharella 5 years ago from Lost in America

Darn it Adam! No fair making me know there's yet another cool purse out there with my name on it and FOR REAL! It makes me regret the ones I passed up. I saw a cool, hot pink one with a sequin peace sign on it, but I couldn't see paying $75. for a purse I knew I'd never use! THEN I got home and was in the dollar store of all places, and some girl HAD ONE! I told her, I saw it at the real Bob Evans 1st restaurant in Ohio, but didn't get it, and she said "oh they have bunches but are fake leather at the Goldsboro Mall".. hummph, well I don't want the fake one anyway! (cos poor cowie is already munched up)

You should of got the purse in case you find the girl of your dreams and her name is Kathy too! There's not many cool Kathy's I know of, well, other than me. I wouldn't put my new intestine in it because I'll need to use it for real. Don't catch anything although I'll probly kack before you. I don't normally carry body parts in my purse anyway, just my frog wallet and make up, mirror and cell phone.

LOL@the comment about the people dying at the theatre! That's funny because I don't usually go to the theatre but I did to see Titanic and about 15 minutes into the movie, it stopped! People got up and started roaming around the place like Dawn of the Dead or something. We left and got our money back and came when no school kids would be there (the late show on a weeknight) Oh, but there is a movie about people getting killed at the theatre, I think it's called Popcorn. (really)


barbergirl28 profile image

barbergirl28 5 years ago from Hemet, Ca

I went to the theatre and saw Titanic... I don't know what was more memorable... the date or the movie. My boyfriend took me out to eat and we were sitting in the theater and he puked all over the floor. Wow - now that is a great date!!! No kiss goodnight for that one! LOL Not even for a short 4.23 seconds! LOL


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Kathy- All this talk about shoes and purses is going to make me explode. Take what you will from that statement. I think seeing a movie in theater about people getting killed at a theater is just too scary. I'd wait for the DVD. I'll check out Popcorn as soon as I get Netflicks.


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Barbergirl- That's disgusting. Thanks for sharing. lol. I guess Titanic just makes some people sick. Maybe it was all that water? Maybe he was sea sick. I'm sure it wasn't the company. If you loved him, you would have kissed him, anyway. That's what love it is. lol. I think. Nah, that's pushing it.


barbergirl28 profile image

barbergirl28 5 years ago from Hemet, Ca

Nope - I may be a mom but I dont deal well with puke... he is darn lucky I held it in myself or he would have had one bad date... lol .. but I am glad that you thought it was disgusting. Shhhh... I haven't told anyone else that story. I did however get him to buy me a pair of Lucky jeans... must have been because he felt bad for puking on our date! LOL I probably could have gotten a purse and shoes out of the deal as well... lol


Katharella profile image

Katharella 5 years ago from Lost in America

LOL! Gross. I was just out with friends and a guy came running down the isle (it was a club) holding his hand over his mouth, right when he got to me.. it came up! So I jumped up and followed him to his car LOL (by then he was done puking) and I said "I just got these jeans and shirt for Mothers Day and you puked on me" ... LOL I'm yelling a the poor sick guy and he got his wallet out and gave me $5. LOL! He said "that's to get your clothes cleaned sorry" I just walked away, had to leave! Looking back I should demanded more lol j/k he was awful sick. But yeah.. new shirt/jeans/shoes/purse! lol

Adam I'll check if it's even on Netflix, but it's a pretty freaky movie. Haunted Theatre! I like scaries too!


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Stacy- Maybe if you'd made yourself throw up, too, it would have made him feel less awkward or embarrassed about it. And then ya'll could have kissed and it wouldn't have even mattered. See? But I do feel sorry for whoever had to clean the theater after the two of you left. I would have liked to see their reaction.


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Kathy- Taking advantage of drunk people? lol. I've thrown up on myself, but never on other people. That's just rude. I'm sure he did it by accident and wasn't just holding it in until he found someone he wanted to throw up on. So it wasn't a premeditated run by vomiting. I'm not too crazy about scary movies, but I do like the ones that are just cheesy. So I'm going to check out your suggestion as soon as I can.


Katharella profile image

Katharella 5 years ago from Lost in America

I didn't take advantage of him or I would of said I want a whole new ensemble! He offered the money! Of course I took it lol. No, I think he was trying to make it outside, and I was in the path of destruction! ::sigh::

YUK@Stacy puking and kissing, reading that is probably going to make her sick lol.


barbergirl28 profile image

barbergirl28 5 years ago from Hemet, Ca

I think I just puked a little just thinking about that... now who is going to write the hub "Drive by puking!" LOL... any takers!?


Mark Ewbie profile image

Mark Ewbie 5 years ago from Euroland

Sigh. This is really good stuff. You remind me of myself a little, or rather how I'd like to be. It's witty, sharp, clever and damn it, it's funny too. Have you thought of writing on other sites? Maybe instead of this one. Good stuff.

I gave you a 'funny' as well. That hurt.


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Kathy- I only threw up at a club once (well, it was several times, but just one single occurrance). That's what 20 Jager bombs will do to you. I think I bounced around too much. But I saved my throw up for the asphalt. I believe I had a slight case of alchohol poisoning. Yes, fun times. Jager tastes like fruit juice after a while.


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Stacy- I think that hub has you written all over it. ;) Might give you another excuse to drop the F bomb. lol. Maybe you and Kathy could collaborate and she can tell her own personal drive by puking experience. People need to know these things.


What Is Q profile image

What Is Q 5 years ago from Tennessee Author

Mark- Thanks, buddy. It's not that funny. Most of the time I was being serious. But I'm glad you approved. I've never thought of writing on other sites, but it's an idea, I guess. I barely have time for this one, though. But I definately shouldn't quit my day job. Thanks again for the high praise and right back at ya.

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