Your Teenage Daughter's First Car
Dads: A teenager should drive a car, right? Sure, they should - in a car with dual controls manned by a state trooper. Well, that's not true. Not all teenagers are like I was as a teenager. I totalled two cars and had several other accidents before concluding I needed a "time out" from driving. I wasn't emotionally ready to drive until I was around 22 years old. But many teenagers, particularly today's teenagers, and especially those of the female persuasion, are mature enough to drive.
So the dilemma is constructed: what car should you get for your teenage daughter, that source of delight and vexation, pest and prodigy, star performer and slob? You're not stupid. Well, let's just say you're not THAT stupid. You know those wonderful conversations you have with her are just the persona she puts on for Daddy and that she's just another devil in the company of her friends, right? So now you're going to make her 'hell on wheels.' Okay, so let's go.
A Safe Vehicle
If you actually want to go through with this, don't read any statistics on teenage driving because if you do, you will be your daughter's chauffeur FOREVER. Still, you know the dangers of driving and you want to keep your girl safe. Above everything, of course, you want to offer your precious princess positive protection in the event of a collision. You want a vehicle with some meat on it that will absorb the impact. You want a vehicle that will stand its ground and won't be bullied by your average sedan. And you want all the interior safety options so that if your baby is in an accident, she will be like an egg suspended in gelatin and Styrofoam, safe from harm. You want front airbags, side airbags, safety curtain, back airbags, top airbags, and bottom airbags. You want a car that IS an airbag. Be careful you don't become and airbag while you're talking about it.
Also brakes are good. Make sure the car has brakes. Oh, and don't forget lights. Every car needs lights. You know, this is pretty complicated. Are you sure you want to do this?
Additional Safety Features
In addition to standard safety equipment, it might be nice to add some additional safety features to help keep your kid safe. Say your daughter is out on a date with Manny, voted by his class as the guy with the greatest resemblance to the giant pepper mill often proffered by your waiter at a fine restaurant, and Manny is behaving himself as any boy might whose life is ruled by his... pepper mill. It would be nice if your daughter could just press a button and eject his ass right out of the car, hopefully at highway speed, wouldn't it?
Here in Massachusetts, if you lose your license due to driving under the influence of alcohol, provided you didn't kill anyone, after you attend class for several years and pay all the other dues you must to amend for your crime, and if Massachusetts deems you fit to go behind the wheel again, Massachusetts may arrange for you to have a vehicle equipped with an ignition system connected to a breath-a-lizer - a device which tests your breath for signs of alcohol. You see where I'm going with this. Good idea for teenagers, don't you think? No? Maybe you SHOULD read the statistics.
Anti-collision automatic pilot that takes control of the vehicle when a collision is about to take place. Not sure how it would work, but it sounds like a good idea.
This is an article written in fun. Why? Because people's fears are excellent material for humor. However, you have good reason to be afraid. So when choosing a vehicle for that most precious being, your daughter, do your homework and purchase wisely. Happy motoring!
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