Your Toilet Paper Can Say A Lot About You
The Psychology of Toilet Paper
If you invite me over to your home, I will probably try to determine a lot about you based on what I see. Don't get me wrong... I don't care if your kitchen curtains don't match your kitchen towels. Who cares if there is a little dust in the livingroom? I certainly can't tell if you paid a lot of money for your kitchen table. None of that matters to me. Instead, I am a toilet paper expert. Oh yes, I said it. I am judging you based on your toilet paper.
At some point during the visit, I will have to use your bathroom. I can't help it. I just have to go a lot! Don't blame me... blame my bladder. At any rate, no matter what you try to hide from guests, you can't hide the toilet paper. If you do, I guess I am not coming to visit you anymore. That is just a really disgusting move on your part. I am not the type of gal to look in your medicine cabinet or raid your shower gels. I am going to use your toilet paper, which is what any normal bathroom user would do. I am also going to take some time to determine how much consideration you put into something so important. After all, this is something that is visiting a delicate area of the body. You should care about your toilet paper!
Due to my many visits to bathrooms in many homes, I've come to realize some toilet paper stereotypes. Different types of people use different types of toilet paper. Honestly, you really can learn just about all you need to know about a person just by visiting the bathroom and by inspecting the toilet paper.
Crispy Toilet Paper
Crispy toilet paper is the worst! You could also refer to it as hard, uncomfortable, scratchy, or usually just plain cheap toilet paper. What were you thinking when you bought this toilet paper? I understand the economy is in the crapper, but while you are on the crapper, don't you deserve just one luxury in life?
When I see crispy toilet paper in someone's bathroom, I know I am either dealing with a real cheapskate or someone that is barely ever home. If you never have to experience the torture of using your own toilet paper, you may not realize just how bad it is. Listen, I hate to be mean about this, but you need to change your toilet paper. If not, just don't have over houseguests. People are talking about you!
Overly Soft Toilet Paper
Oh, what a sensitive butt you must have! That overly soft toilet paper is just ever so nice. However, it doesn't always get the job done, does it? In an overly soft toilet paper situation, often too much toilet paper must be used.
When I am in a bathroom full of overly soft toilet paper, I know I am in someone's house that cares about the rear end. We all have our priorities, and your priority is to have a comfortable time with your toilet paper. In many cases, you will find a female has purchased the soft toilet paper... or a male with hemorrhoids. Sorry, dude. I've got you figured out.
Strong, Yet Soft Toilet Paper
The strong, yet soft toilet paper is like the Goldilocks of toilet paper. It is not too hard, yet not too soft. It is often just right. Typically, you will find this kind of wonderful combination with 2-ply toilet paper.
When I use toilet paper at someone's home that is strong, yet soft, I know I am dealing with a good person. You spend just enough money to get a quality item, but you are not going overboard. You probably tip servers at restaurants pretty well and you are kind to animals. Thanks, pal! I am happy to visit you and your bathroom anytime.
3-Ply Toilet Paper
Some people are all about having the biggest, most absorbent, and softest rolls of toilet paper around. These are the people that buy the 3-ply toilet paper. 3-ply toilet paper is the king of all toilet paper. It is thick, soft, strong, and rocks the bathroom out with its awesomeness. It is also so huge it sometimes needs a special holder just to fit in the allotted toilet paper spot in the bathroom.
People that use 3-ply toilet paper are living like kings and queens in their homes. Why, I'll bet they even have real Bounty paper towels in the kitchen and Tide detergent in the laundry room! We are not dealing with the type of person that will skimp on something as crucial as toilet paper. People who use 3-ply toilet paper know how to impress a bathroom visitor. Is that Bath & Body Works soap on the sink? Wow, thanks again!
The Over vs. Under Argument
Many people will argue that a person's true personality is evident by whether the toilet paper rolls over or under the roll. I do believe this has some bearing on personality as well. Most people tend to have the toilet paper rolling forward on the roll. If you find you are in the home of someone who lets the toilet paper roll the opposite direction, you are now in the home of a rebel. Don't be surprised if you don't also find some crazy patterns on the toilet paper. Or maybe even one of the toilet paper holders that talk to you when you use the toilet paper. What a rebel!
Buy Some Toilet Paper While On The Toilet!
No Toilet Paper At All
I realize not every culture uses toilet paper. If you live in one of those cultures and don't have toilet paper, then you're cool. If you have a bidet, well that seems interesting. I've never used one before, but I am open to trying it. So thanks for a cool new cultural experience.
However, if you are living in a place where toilet paper is expected, such as the U.S. and you don't have a bidet, you need to supply toilet paper. If the only thing provided is an empty cardboard roll or some paper towels on the back of the toilet, you have some explaining to do. This better be a one-time only incident. If it happens more than once, we can't even be friends anymore. A lack of toilet paper is just that serious! My behind deserves better than paper towels and so does your sewer system!
I hope you've learned how important toilet paper is in the bathroom. Don't go cheap on this one. I like a bargain as much as the next person, but we've all got to have priorities in life. If I come over and your toilet paper is not acceptable, I might just determine our friendship is over. It's pretty serious. Treat your behind kind and get some good toilet paper!
Copyright ©2012 Jeannieinabottle
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