Chuck Norris Jokes and Chuck Norris Stuff


Why Chuck Norris?

Who is this guy Chuck Norris and why do people even care? Well, he's an actor that has endured a long career and is still very popular because of his television show that he had and now even more so because of the funny internet jokes about how tough and cool he is. You can find a good Chuck Norris joke here to impress your friends or just have some fun killing some time and get a few laughs. Chuck Norris is a famous actor that for whatever reason seems to have developed a cult following with all kinds of crazy attention directed his way. I was watching the movie Dodgeball again on TV the other night and he was even one of the judges at one of the events on that movie. He's just a pop icon and seems like a really good guy. I hope that you will find this article helpful to you in finding the perfect Chuck Norris joke and that you also maybe learn a little bit about this intriguing gentleman.

Chuck Norris Reads Jokes about Himself of Sports Show

Below is a good video of the easy going Chuck Norris as he reads some Chuck Norris facts which are jokes about how tough he is. These guys and the audience all are having a goof time here with Chuck. The host notes that "Chuck Norris once challenged Lance Armstrong to a who has more testicles contest. Chuck Norris won by five." That's a pretty good one.


Who is Chuck Norris?

Chuck Norris is a former martial arts movie star and starred in some movies with Bruce Lee. He also had his own television series called Walker Texas Ranger the appeared on CBS for almost ten years. That television show is still in syndication to this day and is shown in many countries around the world and has certainly helped Chuck Norris to secure his place as an international star. It is quite a comeback for a man who was originally a star from the Bruce Lee era. That was like way back in the early 1970's. He is currently a writer for a conservative website called World Net Daily.Norris became and internet sensation after Chuck Norris Facts ( a website) hit it big with all sorts of crazy feats of awesomeness about Chuck Norris. Chuck Norris even appeared in the big budget movie The Expendables 2 with Stallone and a bunch of other aging action heroes. Life seems to be all good for the aging action star who really does seem to be a good guy and takes all the tough guy stuff all in stride.

Choose your favorite Chuck Norris Joke

Choose your favorite Chuck Norris joke from the list below.

  • Athletes get Chuck Norris foot.
  • Chuck Norris doesn't pull his weeds. He pushes them back down where they came from.
  • Chuck Norris won American Idol using only sign language.
  • Once the cop pulled over Chuck Norris...the cop was lucky to leave with a warning.
  • Chuck Norris has already been to Mars, that's why there are no signs of life there.
  • Chuck Norris doesn't dial the wrong number. You answered the wrong phone.
  • Sharks have a week dedicated to Chuck Norris.
  • Chuck Norris doesn't play "hide-and-seek." He plays "hide-and-pray-I-don't-find-you."
  • When Chuck Norris was in middle school, his English teacher assigned an essay: "What is courage?" He received an A+ for turning in a blank page with only his name at the top.
  • Chuck Norris can slam a revolving door.
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10 More Chuck Norris Jokes

Choose your favorite of these Chuck Norris Jokes.

  • Chuck Norris can strangle you with a cordless phone.
  • Chuck Norris once kicked a horse in the chin. Its decendants are known today as Giraffes.
  • Chuck Norris is what Willis was talking about.
  • Chuck Norris can punch a hurricane in the eye.
  • Mike Tyson chipped a tooth on Chuck Norris' ear.
  • Chuck Norris can do a wheelie on a unicycle.
  • Chuck Norris's daughter lost her virginity, he got it back.
  • Chuck Norris' cowboy boots are made of real cowboys.
  • Chuck Norris does not use spell check. If he happens to misspell a word, Oxford will simply change the actual spelling of it.
  • There is only one safe place to hide from Chuck Norris.. in a bodybag.
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Chuck Norris as Walker Texas Ranger


More Cool Things about Chuck Norris

Did you know that our man Chuck Norris has starred in 23 motion pictures such as Delta Force, Code of Silence and Missing in Action, just to name a few. “Walker, Texas Ranger” was a big hit and 203 episodes were made of this show. His TV is still seen in more than 80 countries today worldwide with an average of 1 billion viewers each day. That would seem to make Chuck Norris an international star. Wouldn't you agree?

More Jokes

Vote on your favorite of these jokes.

  • On a high school math test, Chuck Norris put down "Violence" as every one of the answers. He got an A+ on the test because Chuck Norris solves all his problems with Violence.
  • Chuck Norris doesn't age. He levels up.
  • Chuck Norris once roundhouse kicked Bruce Lee, breaking him in half. The result was Jet Li and Jackie Chan.
  • Chuck Norris can pee into the wind and not get wet.
  • Chuck Norris can unscramble an egg.
  • A Handicapped parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there.
  • Chuck Norris can go right and left at the same time.
  • Ghosts sit around campfire and tell Chuck Norris stories.
  • Chuck Norris is the issuing officer for the license to kill.
  • Chuck Norris bowled a 300 using his own balls.
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The Expendables 2

Chuck Norris gets on the aging action star bandwagon here with Stallone and bunch of other old dudes to make some money and make a movie and blow some stuff up and beat some people up and all the other good action movie stuff.

Chuck Norris Stars in The Expendables 2

Rap Video Below

This video below is very popular on Youtube with over 52 million views. A warning that some of the language in it is obscene and not suitable for kids or work.

Abe Lincoln vs Chuck Norris Rap Battle

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Submit Your Own Chuck Norris Jokes Below 1 comment

Esmy 3 years ago

Chuck Norris doesn't need to swallow when he eats.Chuck Norris doesn't sleep; he waits.Chuck Norris's tetlicses are so large his swimmers are sperm whales.When God flooded the planet Chuck Norris ate two of every animal. He swam through the storm with the animals resting in his belly. When he found dry land (he farted out a dove to find the olive branch) he pooped for eight days and set the animals free. A week later Noah arrived and Chuck Roundhouse kicked him for being late.Chuck Norris has no enemies. He has Dead People.Chuck Norris doesn't commit murder, he removes the sick and the weak so the herd can be free of their deadweight.Every person Chuck Norris kills wins a Darwin Award because they were stupid enough to offend Chuck Norris and Chuck always removes his victims from the gene pool.

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