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Your chance to be a stand up comic!

  1. robertzimmerman2 profile image83
    robertzimmerman2posted 2 years ago

    I'll go first, let's use the following format.


    "My hub traffic is low!"

    Hubbers - "HOW LOW IS IT?"

    "My hub traffic is so low an ant could NOT do the Limbo under the chart!"

    (Laugh track here)

    Ok, who's next?

    1. DrMark1961 profile image91
      DrMark1961posted 2 years ago in reply to this

      How about
      "My profile page has so many blue arrows that...."
      Come on, hubbers, think up something!

      1. Rochelle Frank profile image90
        Rochelle Frankposted 2 years ago in reply to this

        My account page has so many blue arrows  it looks like it has been attacked by a tribe of Na'vi."

      2. lisavollrath profile image89
        lisavollrathposted 2 years ago in reply to this

        My profile page has so many broken images, it looks like Geocities!

    2. kenneth avery profile image81
      kenneth averyposted 2 years ago in reply to this

      Hey,folks. Good to be here.

      BOOOOOO! Oh, typical crowd.

      My traffic is so low that not even Dr Phil could not cheer them up.

      Next . . .

      1. Suzanne Day profile image97
        Suzanne Dayposted 2 years ago in reply to this

        LOL

      2. lisavollrath profile image89
        lisavollrathposted 2 years ago in reply to this

        My traffic is lower than my redneck neighbor's IQ.

        1. Suzanne Day profile image97
          Suzanne Dayposted 2 years ago in reply to this

          Traffic is lower than the intestines of a day old roadkill? Or lower than the extract of a weed used to make dinner?

    3. TonyPayne profile image87
      TonyPayneposted 2 years ago in reply to this

      My dashboard has turned into a crime scene.
      There's been a lot of skullduggery going on.

      1. Suzanne Day profile image97
        Suzanne Dayposted 2 years ago in reply to this

        I feel some flash fiction coming on....

      2. Jodah profile image86
        Jodahposted 2 years ago in reply to this

        Sorry Tony. Didn't mean to hijack your thread..got a little carried away. You know rabbits.

        1. TonyPayne profile image87
          TonyPayneposted 2 years ago in reply to this

          No problem. Hey, at least the traffic to this thread is pretty good. Shame it's not a hub.

          1. Suzanne Day profile image97
            Suzanne Dayposted 2 years ago in reply to this

            People just want a bit of a laugh I think after all that Titanic business of the last week...

            1. TonyPayne profile image87
              TonyPayneposted 2 years ago in reply to this

              What are you sinking?

              1. Suzanne Day profile image97
                Suzanne Dayposted 2 years ago in reply to this

                It vos vrom Russia, with luv x

                No no sinking for me, just pondering and rabbits.

                1. TonyPayne profile image87
                  TonyPayneposted 2 years ago in reply to this

                  The Titanic sank in a very big pond...

                  1. Suzanne Day profile image97
                    Suzanne Dayposted 2 years ago in reply to this

                    The internet pond?

                2. Jodah profile image86
                  Jodahposted 2 years ago in reply to this

                  Can I sit and ponder rabbits with you.. In the pond?

                  1. Suzanne Day profile image97
                    Suzanne Dayposted 2 years ago in reply to this

                    Are you asking me or Tony?

          2. Jodah profile image86
            Jodahposted 2 years ago in reply to this

            Yes, wish I got this many comments on my hubs. Maybe you need to write a hub with the same title.

    4. TonyPayne profile image87
      TonyPayneposted 2 years ago in reply to this

      A week ago I looked at the graph of my traffic and I thought "Up Up and Away" as it went higher and higher with each day.

      Unfortunately now it's more a case of "Up Up and It Went Away" sad

      1. Suzanne Day profile image97
        Suzanne Dayposted 2 years ago in reply to this

        Sounds like how I feel about exercise.

      2. MarieLB profile image86
        MarieLBposted 2 years ago in reply to this

        Scores are just scores.  We get advised over and over not to worry about them.

        But here I was feeling rich and favoured with the big banner telling me that my "Earnings so far" were $0.03 - and it is in solid US dollare, mind you - and then Whoa!!  One morning it all blew away.  It is gone, all of it.  Gone in one woof.  I am back to $0.00!

        Oh me, oh my!!  hmm Bold text hmm

        1. robertzimmerman2 profile image83
          robertzimmerman2posted 2 years ago in reply to this

          your 3 cents is SOOO last Month!

    5. TonyPayne profile image87
      TonyPayneposted 2 years ago in reply to this

      I say I say I say... There isn't a single Amazon or eBay sale on any one of my hubs. I think they have Tom Jones syndrome.

      Tom Jones syndrome! Is that common?

      It's not unusual...

      {groan}

      1. robertzimmerman2 profile image83
        robertzimmerman2posted 2 years ago in reply to this

        DOUBLE Groan!

      2. Jodah profile image86
        Jodahposted 2 years ago in reply to this

        Funny

  2. Sed-me profile image83
    Sed-meposted 2 years ago

    "My hubber score just went down a point overnight?"

    "Wow, what happened?"

    "I've no idea."

    "That's not funny."

    "No, it's really not."

    1. DrMark1961 profile image91
      DrMark1961posted 2 years ago in reply to this

      I bet there is a 100% correlation between you commenting on one of your own threads and a decrease in hubber score.
      Hmmmmm. Think about it.

      1. Sed-me profile image83
        Sed-meposted 2 years ago in reply to this

        hahaha

    2. TonyPayne profile image87
      TonyPayneposted 2 years ago in reply to this

      So they really can go negative then?

  3. MsBizPro profile image91
    MsBizProposted 2 years ago

    The traffic around here is so low that the only traffic going up is on my article about emergency in-patient mental health treatment!

    That would be a joke, except that it's not.

  4. ologsinquito profile image94
    ologsinquitoposted 2 years ago

    That's cute! smile

  5. DzyMsLizzy profile image91
    DzyMsLizzyposted 2 years ago

    My hubber score goes up and down around so much, I think its mother was a yo-yo and its father was a Mexican jumping bean!

    1. Sed-me profile image83
      Sed-meposted 2 years ago in reply to this

      Why did the hubber score cross the road?
      Because the HPs employee (who changes hubber scores at their whimsey) looked bored.



      Knock, knock.
      Who's there?
      HP's employee.
      What do you want?
      To remove your self confidence and shame you in front of your peers.
      Why would I open the door?
      Just wanted to encourage you to keep submitting material.
      So you can tell me it's not good enough?
      Right.
      I'll have something by tomorrow.
      Thanks. Also, could I borrow a cup of sugar?
      No. Why don't you just go to the store?
      I have a bet with the others that I can strip you of all value and you'll just keep coming back for more.
      Is one cup enough?

  6. 59
    DJ Andersonposted 2 years ago

    Traffic?  You mean we are supposed to have traffic reading our hubs?
    Who knew??

    1. Rochelle Frank profile image90
      Rochelle Frankposted 2 years ago in reply to this

      The traffic on my hubs is heavier than the Los Angeles freeways at rush hour . . . after a major earthquake.

  7. robertzimmerman2 profile image83
    robertzimmerman2posted 2 years ago

    YIKES! TOUGH Crowd tonight! The audience is groaning!

    "That's my Hubber Score? I thought it was my IQ!"

    "Naw, that's just HP staff playing darts and using our accounts to keep score!"

    Keep 'em coming!

  8. Jodah profile image86
    Jodahposted 2 years ago

    Most of my hub scores used to be high enough to be getting a pension.
    Now most have dropped low enough for me to collect child support.

    1. Suzanne Day profile image97
      Suzanne Dayposted 2 years ago in reply to this

      Smart!!

      1. Suzanne Day profile image97
        Suzanne Dayposted 2 years ago in reply to this

        PS - you won't be getting no rabbit kids outta me to support!

  9. Cynthianne profile image93
    Cynthianneposted 2 years ago

    My hub traffic is so low Satan made a visit.

  10. Suzanne Day profile image97
    Suzanne Dayposted 2 years ago

    Not going to comment on traffic wink

    Here's my little snippet:

    "I'm imagining Amazon as a cute little white fluffy rabbit. We whisper sweet original content into it's ear, pat it and persuade it and it goes and makes lots of baby rabbies (ie commissions)."

    1. robertzimmerman2 profile image83
      robertzimmerman2posted 2 years ago in reply to this

      That makes a great "Blessing!"

      "May your Amazon sales multiply like Rabbits!"

      1. Suzanne Day profile image97
        Suzanne Dayposted 2 years ago in reply to this

        Love it!

    2. Jodah profile image86
      Jodahposted 2 years ago in reply to this

      Funny, no wonder I'm not making any money from Amazon. Rabbits are an illegal pest  here in Queensland.

      1. Suzanne Day profile image97
        Suzanne Dayposted 2 years ago in reply to this

        Hey Jodah, are you single? 'Cos the rabbit is in me at the moment!

        1. Jodah profile image86
          Jodahposted 2 years ago in reply to this

          Wow Suzanne...I wish. I'm sure you'd make a great "bunny'. Unfortunately my wife would kill me.

          1. Suzanne Day profile image97
            Suzanne Dayposted 2 years ago in reply to this

            haha! Guess I'll have to read your poem on Internet Dating again wink

            1. Jodah profile image86
              Jodahposted 2 years ago in reply to this

              Be my guest Suzanne,  just beware of guy's named "Doc" and his friends... smile

              1. DrMark1961 profile image91
                DrMark1961posted 2 years ago in reply to this

                Wait a minute, I have some friends down at the beach that resent that remark.
                Of course, no one around here is into internet dating. Our internet is so slow that....
                (fill in the blank. My connection is too slow to go on.)

                1. Jodah profile image86
                  Jodahposted 2 years ago in reply to this

                  I get the picture.. wink
                  I know slow..

                  1. Suzanne Day profile image97
                    Suzanne Dayposted 2 years ago in reply to this

                    This is why Jodah is such a good forum lover.

                  2. TonyPayne profile image87
                    TonyPayneposted 2 years ago in reply to this

                    No you don't! If it was that slow you wouldn't get the picture wink

          2. TonyPayne profile image87
            TonyPayneposted 2 years ago in reply to this

            Can't you two stop rabitting on wink

            1. Suzanne Day profile image97
              Suzanne Dayposted 2 years ago in reply to this

              No. We're forum f**kbuddies.

              1. Jodah profile image86
                Jodahposted 2 years ago in reply to this

                "Ah what's up Doc?" Your hutch or my burrow Suzanne?

                1. Suzanne Day profile image97
                  Suzanne Dayposted 2 years ago in reply to this

                  I hope there's no dynamite waiting in your burrow...

                  1. Jodah profile image86
                    Jodahposted 2 years ago in reply to this

                    Hmm...you never know what Fudd's been up to.

                2. TonyPayne profile image87
                  TonyPayneposted 2 years ago in reply to this

                  You want to burrow something?

                  1. Jodah profile image86
                    Jodahposted 2 years ago in reply to this

                    um...yeah. smile

                  2. Suzanne Day profile image97
                    Suzanne Dayposted 2 years ago in reply to this

                    You guys are funny.

        2. Sed-me profile image83
          Sed-meposted 2 years ago in reply to this

          What does this mean?

          1. Suzanne Day profile image97
            Suzanne Dayposted 2 years ago in reply to this

            It's a joke, the rabbits in Australia are a pest gone wild and they breed like crazy.

            So when I say "the rabbit is in me", I'm talking about an Aussie joke for err...breeding!

            1. Jodah profile image86
              Jodahposted 2 years ago in reply to this

              Haha Suzanne. I got it because I'm an Aussie, does that make it an (in) breeding joke...haha?

              1. Suzanne Day profile image97
                Suzanne Dayposted 2 years ago in reply to this

                Double dutch!

            2. Sed-me profile image83
              Sed-meposted 2 years ago in reply to this

              I am still pondering that one.

  11. Arachnea profile image85
    Arachneaposted 2 years ago

    Okay, okay .... okay.... I'm gonna try for two as I won't be on for a while....

    My account page has so many blue arrows  it looks like it got caught in a smurf uprising.

    My hub traffic is so low that whale dung has merit.

  12. Arachnea profile image85
    Arachneaposted 2 years ago

    You know, Lisa, I kinda miss Geocities. I had a great page there and it got dumped because I missed the message until it was too late.

    1. Suzanne Day profile image97
      Suzanne Dayposted 2 years ago in reply to this

      I used to LOVE geocities. I had an amazing website with a photo of my dog on it. Totally miss it.

      1. Cynthianne profile image93
        Cynthianneposted 2 years ago in reply to this

        I LOVED Geocities!! I also had an awesome website there. :-(

  13. jeffryv profile image80
    jeffryvposted 2 years ago

    I made a Hub
    It was a flub

    I made a lens
    It bought me a Benz

    Now I am just stirring the pot
    a lot

    1. Suzanne Day profile image97
      Suzanne Dayposted 2 years ago in reply to this

      I suspect most of the forum knows how you feel. Nice poem!

    2. MarieLB profile image86
      MarieLBposted 2 years ago in reply to this

      Hi #jeffryv, that a cute rhyme.  U could make money "riting [sic] rhymes'.

      Now, I no know nuthin 'bout rhymin. .. . so here's my stash

      HubPages Earnings Program: $0.03 so far this month

      U reckon we can have a bash down at the Tavern?  smile

  14. janshares profile image87
    jansharesposted 2 years ago

    My total earnings this weekend is so low . . .
    How low is it!
    My earnings are so low that if I told you the amount in this forum, HP Staff would give me a pass on breaking the TOS rule! big_smile big_smile big_smile

    My traffic was soooooo slow the last few days . . .
    How slow was it?
    My traffic was so slow that it wasn't even moving fast enough for the page views to be counted in my stats!! lol lol lol

    1. Jodah profile image86
      Jodahposted 2 years ago in reply to this

      Haha Jan.

    2. Suzanne Day profile image97
      Suzanne Dayposted 2 years ago in reply to this

      I hope your hubber score is x10 to make up for the traffic loss. I mean, best traffic hubs get low scores and quiet hubs get brilliant scores according to hubberscore.

  15. Suzanne Day profile image97
    Suzanne Dayposted 2 years ago

    We're on the Hubpages cruiseliner
    The seats are all taken
    Our tickets have been checked
    And we don't know where the f*ck we are
    All going yet

    (sorry for profanity, but I really like vulgar poetry)

  16. MarieLB profile image86
    MarieLBposted 2 years ago

    Your traffic is low.  Mine is all dead.  What's more I think it is going into debit, cause the rating seems to notch one DOWN every couple of hours or so. 
    If this goes on much longer, I shall have to get out and sign up again!! smile smile smile

  17. SAQIB6608 profile image39
    SAQIB6608posted 2 years ago

    Red Light does not ON. That much LOW Traffic

  18. madscientist12 profile image93
    madscientist12posted 2 years ago

    My hubber score was a participant on The Biggest Loser and won....

    Seriously though, I get tons of traffic so I'm confused why my hubber score dropped...

    1. Sed-me profile image83
      Sed-meposted 2 years ago in reply to this

      I guess you missed my knock knock joke. smile

  19. DrMark1961 profile image91
    DrMark1961posted 2 years ago

    Now I am curious as to what you think in Australia when you hear the phrase "the rabbit died". Low Amazon sales?

    1. Suzanne Day profile image97
      Suzanne Dayposted 2 years ago in reply to this

      And low libido too!

      1. DrMark1961 profile image91
        DrMark1961posted 2 years ago in reply to this

        I would rather give up the Amazon sales.

        1. Suzanne Day profile image97
          Suzanne Dayposted 2 years ago in reply to this

          Then you're prioritising like a man!!!

  20. Arachnea profile image85
    Arachneaposted 2 years ago

    There's no business like slow business
    like on HP as we know ....

    ~

    1) Knock Knock

    2) Who's there?

    1) Boo

    2) Boo Who

    1) There, there, why you cryin'?

    2) My stats have fallen and they can't get up!

    1. Suzanne Day profile image97
      Suzanne Dayposted 2 years ago in reply to this

      This is sure fire comedy!!! Clap clap

  21. janshares profile image87
    jansharesposted 2 years ago

    The HP stats are so frozen . . .
    (How frozen are they?)
    The HP stats are so frozen, even Google's henchmen had to leave: Said the Penguin to the Pandas and Polar Bears, " Yo, I'm out, yo. It's cold as ---- up in here." yikes yikes yikes

    1. Jodah profile image86
      Jodahposted 2 years ago in reply to this

      haha you win Jan.

      1. janshares profile image87
        jansharesposted 2 years ago in reply to this

        Ha ha ha ha, thanks, Jodah. I have to make myself and others laugh. What else can we do? smile

        1. Suzanne Day profile image97
          Suzanne Dayposted 2 years ago in reply to this

          I wonder what other Arctic animals Google can bring to the table - seals or whales maybe?

          1. Jodah profile image86
            Jodahposted 2 years ago in reply to this

            Maybe an Orca, the way things are going.

            1. Suzanne Day profile image97
              Suzanne Dayposted 2 years ago in reply to this

              I almost read that as Oreo, but I don't think Google would be so generous.

 
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