Some people love them.
Some hate them.
Here's a chance to unleash your favourite puns.
One of my favourites is:
Mahatma Gandhi, as you know, walked barefoot most of the time, which produced an impressive set of calluses on his feet. He also ate very little, which made him rather frail and with his odd diet, he suffered from bad breath. This made him: (Oh, this is so bad). A super callused fragile mystic hexed by halitosis.
Over to you:
Ok, loved your fragile mystic.
Here's one the UK folk might get--
Posh romantic dinner, going well, until there is only one frog's leg left on the platter (Oh! Sorry Frog!). Anyway, the one frog's leg looks very appetizing, but neither wants to be a glutton; finally, he decides that if she isn't going to eat it, he will. . . leans forward to snag it--and quick as a streak of something that's streaky and quick, she lances it with her fork and glowers at him, "the frog on the tine is all mine, all mine; the frog on the tine is all mine!"
Ok Eric sorry for the double post but I can't resist this;
A yellow toad goes in to see the Magician and says; "Mr Magician, I'm tired of being yellow, I want to be green like all the other toads. Can you help me?"
"Certainly, Mr Toad," said the Magician "Abracadabra" and the little toad turned green, Except for his dangly bit. (Well I don't want to get banned do I?) So the Toad said;
"Thank you Mr Magician but my dangly bit is still yellow can't you help me with that?"
The Magician replied "I'm sorry, that's beyond my power, you'll have to see the Wizard of Oz" So the Toad hopped off to see the Wizard. Just then a pink elephant walked in. He said;
"Mr. Magician, I'm tired of being pink, can you make me grey like all the other elephants?"
"Certainly" said the Magician "Abracadabra" and the elephant turned grey, except for his dangly bit. So the elephant said;
"Thank you Mr Magician, for making me grey but my dabgly bit is still pink. Can't you do something about that?"
"I'm sorry" replied the Magician "That's beyond my power, you'll have to see the Wizard of Oz"
"But how do I get to the Wizard of Oz?" asked the elephant.
And the magician replied;
"You follow the yellow prick toad."
If you were a booger I'd pick you first Eric....
Aghhhhhhhh hold on that is a pick up line not a pun.
Mmmmm will return.
A blind Norwegian won the lottery and decided two things:
I'm going on holiday and I'm going to have the house of my dreams made."
So before he set off on his trip of a lifetime, he had plans made up for this amazing house, telling the building company that if her was happy with the results, he would give every man a ten thousand krone bonus.
On the day before the man was due back, the site foreman was performing a final check to ensure everything was just so and he noticed in the downstairs cloakroom that there was a wash-hand basin missing.
"Where is it?" the foreman demanded.
"Don't know," came the reply.
"Well we need to put something in there or we're going to lose out on that bonus."
"What about this?" asked one of the builders, looking at one of those things the labourer uses to carry the bricks in.
"Don't be--" said the foreman and then his eyes went wide. "Wait. With some tiles and taps, that might just work. See to it at once."
The man returned from his holiday and made his inspection and everything was going smoothly until the final room--the downstairs cloakroom.
Everyone held their breath as the man felt his way round the small room, his fingers gliding over the taps.
Eventually, out he came.
"I'm absolutely delighted," he said happily. "It's perfect."
Which just goes to prove, a hod's as good as a sink to a blind Norse.
I'm so sorry...
Did you hear about the guy whose whole left side was cut off? He's all right now.
Did you hear about the guy who ran right through a screen door?
He strained himself......
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I love scary movies such as The Ring, REC. but my favourite has to be The Grudge. It's a master piece of horror. What's your favourite?
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A family member of mine has hit rock bottom after a long path of self destruction and addiction. I don't want to give details beyond that because I'm using my real name on this site, but they need healing badly right...
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Mine's is 'Live and Let Die' despite the fact that I think Sean Connery was the best ever Bond
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