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Hollywood Squares:Old timers knew humor!

  1. Stacie L profile image88
    Stacie Lposted 6 years ago

    a Blast  from the past.

            THOSE OF US WHO REMEMBER .............
            Hollywood Squares:

            These great questions and answers are from the days when ' Hollywood Squares' game show responses were spontaneous, not scripted, as they are now. Peter Marshall was the host asking the questions, of course..

            Q.. Paul, what is a good reason for pounding meat?
            A. Paul Lynde: Loneliness!
            (The audience laughed so long and so hard it took up almost 15 minutes of the show!)

            Q. Do female frogs croak?
            A. Paul Lynde: If you hold their little heads under water long enough.

            Q. If you're going to make a parachute jump, at least how high should you be
            A. Charley Weaver: Three days of steady drinking should do it.

            Q. True or False, a pea can last as long as 5,000 years.
            A. George Gobel: Boy, it sure seems that way sometimes.

            Q. You've been having trouble going to sleep. Are you probably a man or a woman?
            A. Don Knotts: That's what's been keeping me awake.

            Q. According to Cosmopolitan, if you meet a stranger at a party and you think that he is attractive, is it okay to come out and ask him if he's married?
            A.. Rose Marie: No wait until morning.

            Q. Which of your five senses tends to diminish as you get older?
            A. Charley Weaver: My sense of decency..

            Q. In Hawaiian, does it take more than three words to say 'I Love You'?
            A. Vincent Price: No, you can say it with a pineapple and a twenty..

            Q. What are 'Do It,' 'I Can Help,' and 'I Can't Get Enough'?
            A. George Gobel: I don't know, but it's coming from the next apartment.

            Q. As you grow older, do you tend to gesture more or less with your hands while talking?
            A. Rose Marie: You ask me one more growing old question Peter, and I'll give you a gesture you'll never forget.

            Q. Paul, why do Hell's Angels wear leather?
            A. Paul Lynde: Because chiffon wrinkles too easily.

            Q. Charley, you've just decided to grow strawberries. Are you going to get any during the first year?
            A. Charley Weaver: Of course not, I'm too busy growing strawberries.

            Q. In bowling, what's a perfect score?
            A. Rose Marie: Ralph, the pin boy.

            Q. It is considered in bad taste to discuss two subjects at nudist camps. One is politics, what is the other?
            A. Paul Lynde: Tape measures.

            Q. During a tornado, are you safer in the bedroom or in the closet?
            A. Rose Marie: Unfortunately Peter, I'm always safe in the bedroom.

            Q. Can boys join the Camp Fire Girls?
            A. Marty Allen: Only after lights out.

            Q. When you pat a dog on its head he will wag his tail. What will a goose do?
            A. Paul Lynde: Make him bark?

            Q. If you were pregnant for two years, what would you give birth to?
            A.. Paul Lynde: Whatever it is, it would never be afraid of the dark.

            Q. According to Ann Landers, is there anything wrong with getting into the habit of kissing a lot of people?
            A. Charley Weaver: It got me out of the army.

            Q. It is the most abused and neglected part of your body, what is it?
            A. Paul Lynde: Mine may be abused, but it certainly isn't neglected.

            Q. Back in the old days, when Great Grandpa put horseradish on his head, what was he trying to do?
            A. George Gobel: Get it in his mouth.

            Q. Who stays pregnant for a longer period of time, your wife or your elephant?
            A. Paul Lynde: Who told you about my elephant?

            Q. When a couple have a baby, who is responsible for its sex?
            A. Charley Weaver: I'll lend him the car, the rest is up to him

            Q.  Jackie Gleason recently revealed that he firmly believes in them and has actually seen them on at least two occasions. What are they?
            A. Charley Weaver: His feet.

            Q. According to Ann Landers, what are two things you should never do in bed?
            A. Paul Lynde: Point and laugh
    Cheesy Cheesy

    1. dutchman1951 profile image60
      dutchman1951posted 6 years ago in reply to this

      lmao...to much, brought back some memories here...lolol

      I believe The "art" of Comedy has died, it is lost
      Turned into  to smart A.. stuff, and insults- warped satire

      I think we have lost the touch, Its a shame.

  2. Mighty Mom profile image92
    Mighty Momposted 6 years ago

    Ha -- I have great memories of The Hollywood Squares! Those answers are classic!!!
    Paul Lynde, George Gobel, Rose Marie --they just don't make them like that anymore!!
    I imagine most of the innuendos went right over my head back then, as I was a wee, innocent lass.

    Thanks for the smiles today, Stacie!

  3. lorlie6 profile image86
    lorlie6posted 6 years ago

    I can just see the guests now!  Wow, I guess these went over my head as well. smilesmile

  4. Mighty Mom profile image92
    Mighty Momposted 6 years ago

    Hey, Lorlie!
    Great to see you!
    When are you heading out to your uncle's funeral?
    I sure will miss meeting you at the HP training on Wed. sad

    1. lorlie6 profile image86
      lorlie6posted 6 years ago in reply to this

      I'm leaving Bishop on Wednesday, the funeral's on Saturday down in L.A.  Thanks for thinking of me-I'll miss the seminar soooo much!  sad

  5. DevLin profile image60
    DevLinposted 6 years ago

    That took awhile to get through. I remember all those answers. I loved watching that. Got hooked on Paul Lynd on Bewitched.

    1. Stacie L profile image88
      Stacie Lposted 6 years ago in reply to this

      oh yes, Paul Lynd was one of my favorites...
      those shows have a different appeal to me now..now that I understand the jokes!

  6. wilderness profile image96
    wildernessposted 6 years ago

    This thread is disgusting! 

    Am I the only one...um...mature...enough to have understood and laughed at them back then? big_smile

  7. lambservant profile image94
    lambservantposted 6 years ago

    No Wilderness. I was ols enough to appreciate them. Boy did they make me howl. I recently watched some old Hollywood Squares episodes on YouTube. Thanks for the memories.

  8. Stacie L profile image88
    Stacie Lposted 6 years ago

    some of Hollywood Squares best moments..