What Are Some Of Your Funniest Tweets?

  1. Rick Bailey profile image61
    Rick Baileyposted 13 years ago

    One of the few cool things about Twitter is that, as a comedy writer, it forces you to be very concise. With that is mind, here's a few of my favorites. What are some of yours?

    Why do I write? Because my dream of being a dancer was crushed when I couldn't master the Hokey Pokey

    Can a nearsighted man accused of anal rape get the evidence thrown out because it's tainted?

    What's worse, having your identity stolen, or thieves giving it back, along with a number to a credit repair service?

    How guys think: It's okay to be model thin, as long as you're also model stupid.

    Wanted to set off a stink bomb for the July 4th, but couldn't afford it. Instead held my dog's ass up to a window fan.

  2. tobey100 profile image60
    tobey100posted 13 years ago

    Do these pants make my Obama look big?

  3. Pearldiver profile image69
    Pearldiverposted 13 years ago

    Dude You Couldn't Tell a Joke if your life depended on it!

    After 4 days there still hasn't been a laugh or gasp for your sad, sad, really sad effort!  sad
    Looks like you should remain seated for your entire career as a stand up comic! hmm

    Is that your real hairstyle or have you just grown through the nose hair? hmm

 
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