If you've got or had kids you know you can never be sure what's gonna come out of those little mouths. My older brother and I, due to the closeness of our ages, were in several classes together in school. He could never keep his mouth shut. I remember the teacher finally losing all patience and saying 'Can't you ever learn to be quiet?' My brother said, 'Well, obviously not!'
Don't know if it's a true story or not but the best one I've heard was about a group of elementary school children who had just had their class photo take and the teacher was trying to each one to get their parents to buy a copy.
'Just think how nice it will be to look at it when you're all grownup and say,'Theres Jennifer, she's a lawyer,' or 'That's Michael, he's a doctor...'
A small voice in the back of the classroom called out, 'and that's Miss Russell, our teacher. She's dead!'
If you've got a good one, share it. I only have one boy (14 years old) left at home now. The other four boys are grown. I could use the laugh!
When my son was about three or four, I took him to a working farm. He pointed to a cow and said 'what's that?' I said it's a cow of course, he said no, I mean that thing that's hanging down from it's belly. I replied it's an udder, to which he replied 'udder what?'
When he was around the same age I was trying to teach him to learn to count. Using one hand I lifted each finger 1,2,3,4. I held my four fingers up and said ' do you know what comes next?' To which he replied 'Yes, all of them'
About one in the afternoon, I asked my daughter to take a nap. She was furious she told me that I didn't respect her she wanted to play the whole afternoon. But I was able to convince her that she'd be more beautiful if she would sleep for about two hours, then she could play again. She is now seven years old.
some little kids (4-6 years old) in the neighborhood came over to play with my son, who was 4, for the first time. He came running in and said "Mom, I'm gonna need 4 more juice pops - there's 3 kids and a GIRL!"
This reminds me of my girl cousin when she was small. The little boys next door used to annoy and torment her. She didn't like boys.
When her mommy went to the hospital to have a baby she hoped for a little sister. She was alarmed when they told her "It's a boy!"
When my aunt came home with the infant, she looked at him and said (with great relief) "It's not a boy... It's a baby."
I was pulled over a few weeks ago for speeding (40 in a 30)... My kids were both in the back seat, My son is 4 and my daughter is 3. As the police officer stood at my window, explaining my ticket, the kids asked about his gun, what his name is (which was Tim) and what he was doing today... my daughter then looks at me and says, "Ohhhh, Mommy- you are in trouble, you should of followed the rules."
In response to my daughters comment, my son looks at the road, looks at Tim and says, "You shoulda run- we coulda gotten away easy."
The officer stopped and looked at me as he was handing back my license-my jaw dropped (and held back laughter) and said, "Where did you hear that...we never run from the police."
His response, "It is only wrong if you get caught Mommy, and Tim is on a bike-he would have gotten tired too quick, right Mommy?" It took everything I had not to laugh as I said, "No baby, wrong is wrong-doesnt matter if you get caught or not, you shouldnt do it".
As the cop returned to his motorcycle I had a flash forward of my daughter, wearing her seat belt, using her turn signal, singing 'Sugar Sugar' and driving under the speed limit just to be safe...
I then saw myself watching the evening news 15years down the road when the anchor woman says, 'Now for developing local news.." and the television turns to a video of my son leading a statewide, high speed, chase, yelling; YOU'LL NEVER CATCH ME!
I had a kindergarten student who proposed marriage to me. I told him I was too old for him and by the time he'd be an adult I would be old and ugly. He said... "You won't be old at all. I'm eating a lot so I can grow fast. I will catch up with you. Just wait for me. Okay?"
Life in a socialist country. Shortages and long queues for everything - bread, eggs, soap. I have to stand in a queue if I want to eat, and my little child is at my side. He is tired,he is 2 years old, but he knows there is no use to complain. Mother is carrying a lot of shopping bags and is tired too. He makes a preposition,"Mommy, will you, please, carry me, and I will carry all your heavy bags!"
My three-year-old recently asked his dad and me if there were real tigers in "the Tiger Woods." Hahahaha. Yes, honey. Yes, there are.
I was in France, and there was a demonstration (peaceful, not a riot or strike or anything) on the street, which was slowing down sidewalk traffic. A man was riding his bicycle on the sidewalk very slowly, and in a carrier on the back was a girl about three years old. She looked at her father and asked with very wide eyes, "Papa, nous faisons la greve, nous aussi?" ("Papa, are we going on strike too?")
Dring martial arts class once, we had some first-graders attending with thir parents for the first tikme. During free sparring, two of the men were in a grappling hold on the floor...
One of the young boys jumped up from his spectator's position, ran forward pointing and laughing, and called out, "They're having sex!" The whole class erupted into laughter.
When our two oldest kids were about 5 and 6, we were stripping old wallpaper from the walls of their room, and they were "helping"...
When Leia, our six year old, and Dustin, our five year old, came to a window, they found staples in the wall, all around the window frame--evidently from someone before us(we had just moved in).
Dustin looked at all the staples and said "So THAT'S how they put the wallpaper on!"
Leia looked at him in the way that only big sisters can, and said:
"Well, what did you think they did...GLUED it on?"...then marched away, rolling her eyes...
She's 28 years old now, and we still tell that story on her...
Kids really do say the darndest things. I wrote about one very embarassing time when my shoe squeeked at the store and my son asked (very loudly) if I had farted. Check out the whole story here: http://ournote2self.wordpress.com/2011/ … -you-fart/
The other day the neighbor kid whos only 5 sees a police car driving by. He says oh no theres a police car, I didnt do anything wrong....
My son is six. He asked me to take him to McDonalds so he could get a Star Wars "Yoga" toy.
by Mizzery Chick6 years ago
One of my favorite things in the world is hearing stories about things children say and do that's hilarious. I have dedicated a hub to it named "Kids say and do the craziest sh*t" and really would love to do a...
by Mizzery Chick7 years ago
My favorite story to tell is how my 5 year old poured an entire bottle of dish detergent in the back of our toilet "just because" and when he flushed a few times it spilled foam all over our carpet. It was...
by J. McCoy6 years ago
It can be FUNNY, CUTE, or that EMBARRASSING comment in the grocery store line. Please give the age of the child for reference. I love it when my 2yr old says "tank you, daddy" when I give her milk or something...
by Ahmad Usman5 years ago
"Jehoram was thirty-two years old when he became king, and he reigned in Jerusalem eight years. He passed away, to no one's regret, and was buried in the City of David, but not in the tombs of the kings. (2...
by Roberta McIlroy4 years ago
My 12 year old recently went on a camping trip with some of his dads friends. While on this 'camping' trip the following happened. The old ladys grand-daughter was 'upset' so the woman gave her car keys to...
by lonesomepolecat7 years ago
I invite friends from his old neighborhood over!
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