Funny House Quotes: The best quotes from House M.D.

Here are some funny quotes from my favorite show, House M.D. from all seasons. I hope you enjoy them :). There are a lot of funny and inspirational quotes and sentences in House, I only tried to choose some of the unforgettable ones to share them with you. So here we go:

• House: "Every minute that we refuse to love one another, another puppy cries another tear."
  Wilson: "You're just mad that he's closer to a Nobel Prize than you are."
  House: "And yet I've nailed more Swedish babes. Crazy, crazy world."

• House: "She needed to be hurt. I wanted to hurt her. Win-win."

I remember this one when House told his team that that have to steal Cuddy's thong... It was just brilliant:D

• House to Cuddy: You are not wearing any underwear?
  Cuddy: Of course I'm wea.....
  House: With a skirt that tight you have got no secrets, with a skirt that tight I can tell if you got an IUD.

• House: Can't take the case. I don't have a team.
  Cuddy: So hire a team.
  House:...What for? I don't have a case.

• Cuddy: I think we are supposed to kiss now!
  House:We already did that.
  House grabs her ****: Seems like the logical next step!
  
  
• House: Cuddy over-reacted to my over-reaction!
  
  
• House: "You gotta get over here. They got a satellite aimed directly into Cuddy's vagina. I told them the chances of invasion are slim to none, but..."
  
  
• House: Idiopathic, from the Latin meaning we're idiots cause we can't figure out what's causing it.
  
  
• House: A monkey's afraid to eat the red berries until he sees another monkey eat them. Monkey see, monkey do. That's all it was.
  
  
• House to his team: I need you to bring me th thong....of Lisa Cuddy!
  
  
  
• House: "Cancer plays the field. Metastasis is just a fancy word for 'screws around.'"

And with his great wisdom he can surprise you with somethings like:

• House: People hate people who have theories about people...
  
  
• House: Almost dying changes nothing. Dying changes everything. ( I really loved this episode).
  
  
• House to Cuddy: ..But your eyes tell us.....but your eyes tell us nothing because we are looking at your boobs!

• House:I love Cuddy....ummm, parts of her.
  
  
• Wilson: I love my wife.
  House: You certainly love saying it.
  
  
• An old man: "You´re Dr. House, aren´t you?"
  House: "Oh God, don´t tell we used to date.
  
  
• Actress: Are you really a doctor?
  House: GLIOBLASTOMA....need another proof?
  
  
• Cameron: Men should grow up.
  House: Yeah. And dogs should stop licking themselves. It's not gonna happen.
  (Actually, most of his conversations with Cameron are funny, just tried to select the best.)
  
  
• (This is one of my facorite scenes in the show:
  House: Where are u going?
  Wilson: Out to lunch.
  House: You never go out to lunch, which mean there is a reason you go out to lunch and I assume that reason is a human being?
  Wilson: Or a sandwitch.
  House: Sandwiches can come here!...
  Wilson: So as human beings!
  House: Yeah, but she is not here which I found interesting.
  Wilson: I'm leaving now.
  House: Small world!
  Wilson: Are you going to follow me into my car?
  (.....................The conversation ends by Wilson running away away through the door!.)
  
  
• House: Something is wrong with coma guy's cable.
  
  
• House: I know how to kill a man with my thumb.
  Cuddy: Who doesn't!
  
  
• Cuddy: A little part of me...
  House (interrupting): There is no little part of you!
  (One of the funniest moments :))
  
  
• Foreman: "You stash your drugs in a lupus textbook..."
  House: "It's never lupus."
  
  
• House: There's a bullet in his head.
  Cameron: He was shot?
  House: No ... somebody threw it at him.
  
  
• Wilson: Billionaires buy movie studios to get laid. They buy hospitals to get respect.
  House: And the reason you want respect...?
  Wilson: To...get laid.
  
  
• House: Amazing. A man with only two words at his disposal can still lie.
  
  
• House to Wilson: The cutest little tenis outfit, I think I was gonna have a heart attack.
  Cuddy: Who's your hooker doing?
  House: Funny story, she was going to be hospital administrator, but she hated to screw people like that.
  
  
  
• House: Now we're getting somewhere.
  Foreman: Where?
  House: I have no idea.